Partner not supporting return to school

Molly - posted on 05/25/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Im 23 with a 9 month old girl. For the past 6 months my partner has done nothing but make me feel bad about my job, our relationship (the amount of sex), spoiling out daughter, and anything else he comes up with. Im want to go back to school desperately! I spoke to him about it and he told at first how was I (being me) going to watch her, go to work, and school. He refuses to offer help in watching her. After a few weeks I spoke of it again and it turned into I'm being selfish and never think of anyone else. Im pushing to go soon b/c my Mother teaches at a private college and the offer free schooling for their children until they turn 25. This school is a lil over an hour away and I would like to move closer to save gas and have both his support and my moms for school. However, he is stuck on he went to school on his own time then I should too (pre-baby). Im now thinking of moving in with my Mother to take this chance to go to school to better my life for my daughter. I just would like some feed back on what you would do

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Ashley - posted on 05/25/2011

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Go to school he will ether become supportive or not and you dont need the not.

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Molly - posted on 06/01/2011

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Thanks for all the support ladies!! Im going to school without his help. Im still going to work on our relationship for our daughters sake.

Alisha - posted on 06/01/2011

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GO TO SCHOOL! I am a married mother of 2. We had our 2 children before we got married. I have been in school for 3 years and I will continue to go until I'm done. In the long run, it's about YOU and YOUR CHILD. Definitely if it's for free. F**k him and do what you have to do b/c obviously he's not doing what he needs to do and he's not helping you at all.

Erica - posted on 05/29/2011

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Don't let yourself be held back. I'd say do it girl! Free.., it can't get much better than that. Having a college degree will open so many opportunities for you. Then all you need is eachother and if he wants to grow up and be a part of a family with you and your daughter than great.

Best of luck!

Kat - posted on 05/29/2011

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If you want my brutally honest opinion, move in with mom. Partners are supposed to support each other and help each other be the best they can be, not pull each other down. This is an amazing, and extremely rare opportunity for you and you should absolutely take it. I wouldn't even think twice about it. My other recommendation: take online classes only if you can be fully dedicated to them. I'd worry if I were you that your partner would be critical of you for spending time studying for some "stupid online class" (which they're not...I took most of mine online) rather than trying to have sex with him. Online classes take the same amount of dedication and effort, and if he's just going to be bothering you when you're trying to work then you're better off taking classes face-to-face. If he's not supportive of you now, will he support your daughter's education in the future? I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's a crappy situation, but please do not put your future aside because your partner is acting like a jerk. Get an education. Jump on this opportunity.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/27/2011

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GO FOR IT omg do you know how expensive it is?! He needs to grow up, quit partying and work on your relationship if he wants to stay in it.

How long have you two been together?

Deborah - posted on 05/27/2011

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i would suggest that you take the advice of these ladies and go to school. It's harder to do the logner you stay away from school. There may be various reasons why he isn't supporting you as the ladies mentioned but don't let that deter you from the bottom line. A better education will get you a better job that will only be beneficial after your sacrifies.

Crystal - posted on 05/26/2011

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It sounds like he is the one being very selfish! Anyone who continues to down you has serious issues. Worse is that it's the father of your baby. I have been through a similar situation, and things got ugly. I stood up for myself and my dreams, but most of all my son, and got away from a bad relationship. It is worth it!!! Your child will grow to respect you for standing up for yourself and following your dream. It will mean a better life for her too!!! The most important thing is your child's safety and well-being. The guy doesn't sound like he'd be a good role model. Go to school! Take that wonderful opportunity while you can!!! Good luck.

Carissa - posted on 05/26/2011

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If it's this early on and he is not being supportive then you need to drop him! I'm sorry, it may not be the easiest thing in the world, but staying with him and letting him bring you down is going to be the biggest mistake of your life. Our children look up to us and once your daughter is older you want to set a good example for her and be able to guide her in the right direction. I have a 3 year old and a baby due in August and I go to school part-time, and work full-time. My husband is supportive of my decision and understands that in order to provide for our family, education is key. Do it while your young! Good Luck!

Pumza - posted on 05/26/2011

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I would definately go back to school bcz he duznt sim like the reliable type.also the best u can do for ur kids is to follow ur dreams. Gud luck

Jane - posted on 05/26/2011

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Since he is now a father, he needs to cut back on the partying. If he can't do that or refuses to see that, then he is very immature. maybe too immature to be in a relationship where a child is involved. Your going to school can only help the entire family out by increasing family options for income. but again he sounds too immature to see that.

I suspect I would indeed move back home, telling him where you will be and why, and leave it up to him to decide if he wants to be an adult or not, by joining you or by staying with his partying friends.

I don't quite understand what he means by "he went to school on his own time." Are you saying that he thinks only single people should go to school? Or only people without children? If so, he is nuts.

Good luck however it works out. It will never get easier to go back to school, so if you have the opportunity now, go for it. I especially think the free tuition option is a major consideration.

Ashley - posted on 05/26/2011

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You dont need all the negativity when all you are trying to ensure your daughter has a good future!! I think you need to do whats best for, even if hes not on board with your plans..You never know he may come around to the idea!!

Molly - posted on 05/26/2011

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I have thought of doing internet classes but this school offers drop in day care, which is super exciting for me not to worry bout who will watch her. Im thinking he doesnt want to move b/c he is a big partier and I would be taking him away from that. A few of my friends beleive he doesnt want me to go to school b/c Im doing on my own and wouldnt be relying on him as much as before. I and pretty sure that I will just move in with my mom for awhile while he figures out if he wants to be with us.

Jane - posted on 05/25/2011

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Do they offer any of the classes online? That way you could start without having to move yet or worry about who is watching your daughter. All you would need is a computer and an internet connection.

If you do move, I suspect before you know it one of you will be telling the other they want a divorce. It sounds as if something is wrong already. Although he isn't telling you there is he is certainly acting as if there is some problem in his head that he blames you for. I suggest that the next time he is in a decent mood, when you can talk to him without accusing him or getting angry, that you discuss with him why he is behaving as he is as well as why you feel a need to go to school. Sometimes guys are so insecure that if their wife tries to improve herself they get angry, thinking she is getting ready to leave him or that it is her way of saying he can't support his family.

Malinda - posted on 05/25/2011

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i would deff do what you can to better your future for your daughter. in the long run she will appreaciate it and you will feel better about doing it to, i started school after i had my daughter and didnt have a supportive guy and he would throw a fit when i studdied or anything so i ended up failing to many classes and regret with everything that i didnt get it done. so i think its great you get the chance to do it. i am now stuck with major school loans for something i couldnt finish. so for you and your daughter i would go for it.

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