peoples problem with young mothers

Kimberly - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 170 moms have responded )

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i just had someone at the store tell me "oh teenagers having baby's these days...such a shame" um oookay lady the last time i checked 25 wasn't a teenager and i am married..not that that matters at all, single mothers do just fine...what is it with strangers bashing young mothers, i get it almost everywhere i go, i am so sick of it...a young mom can love her baby just as well as an older mom

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Leah - posted on 03/01/2010

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People just look at you before even getting to know you. I understand what you mean, peole are giving me the eyes when I'm going out, but I don't let them get to me because they don't know me. I'm probably a better mom then they are. I think sometimes younger mothers can be better. Not say that oldder woman are not good mothers, but younger woman sometimes have the now how better.

Bellamie - posted on 02/28/2010

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Our bodies are designed to have babies as young adults. Just because popular culture says a woman should have an established career and therefore be in her 30's before she even considers having children does not make it right. A pregnancy at 35 is considered high risk no matter how healthy the woman is. It's insane to expect a woman to wait that long to have a baby. We young mothers are so normal! Why can't society see that right now?

Amber - posted on 02/28/2010

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With shows like 16 and pregnant on MTV it is a little nerve racking for me to sit and watch young girls say that this job was going to be easy...some of these girl on the show seem to now know their self worth, how a man should treat them, and why they shouldnt leave their baby at home all week while they go out,....so how could they possibly raise a baby??

So I can see how our reputation as young mothers has gotten tarnished....because not everyone who has a baby is ready. To all of those with "problems with young mothers" please look at the young mothers like I and many others on this page who are doing a great job being parents...young or not.

Age is not always what matters.

Janae' - posted on 02/26/2010

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true but also, there are ALOT of young mothers i know tht seem like they're PURPOSELY getting preggo...nd sometimes its girls tht wouldnt even know wht to do with a baby if they had one. for example, my friend is used to having EVERYTHING to herself, nd partying ....nd she still thinks shes gonna do tht after she has her baby....i could go on for days but yu get the pic. i hate when ppl bash younger mothers too. but im pretty openminded so i dnt let it slide!!!! =)

Kayla - posted on 02/24/2010

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Since when do people need to wait to be 30 before having children, good grief, honestly I hope I would be just about done "having kids" and able to just enjoy spending time with and raising my kids by the time I'm 30. Who the heck wants to be 60 before there last kid graduates from high school, really.

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Jennifer - posted on 03/01/2010

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I TOTALLY AGREE!!! One of my friends was 16 when she had her first child, Even though she dropped out of school and got her G.E.D. She is now 24 with a great family and another kid but still shes more productive than a woman whos older and has kids. I get it all the time to Kimberly. Ppl think im 16 even though im 24. I may look it, but alteast when we are older we will look younger. Thats what my mom tell me..to be glad i look younger LOL but when ppl ask me now how old I am I always ask them how old do I look and ove gotten ages from 14 to 16 never any older than that. ugh oh well. I guess ppl just hate that your a young mom who has a great family and they are just freakin jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) dont let ppl bother you that easily

Shealyn - posted on 03/01/2010

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You said it. It seems hypicritical in some aspects expect back then it was expected and woman didnt have many rights. Now its been a decrease then an increase that when there is an increase its not put out there as a good thing when in reality it should be. Any woman how know how to get pregant what they are doing realize that its a big responcibility but to have it happen knowing the consequences most be mature and ready enough because otherwise they would have traking some other route and decision ( adoption .)

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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I so agree i get cranky when people say "all this young girls throwing there lives away"how is it throwing your life away, your bringing a beautiful new life into this world young mums do just as good of a job as anyone and i dont see why people have a problem with it i was 20 and married when i had my son and i am 21 and about to have another. I want to be able to be young when my kids are older. I think alot of people knock us because they are jealous they left it so late to have children.... Young mums rock!!!!!!!!!

Beth - posted on 02/28/2010

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i get that all the time its annoying as hell i just wanna wear a sign that says im not a teenage slut that got knocked up. not that all teenage moms became moms that way thats just the vibe i get from the stares. its worse when im out with my friend who happens to be a single dad. people look at us like were insane thinkin we have a set of twins and a newborn. im 24 and people think im 16/17. i like to take my teenage cousin out wif me and let her get all the stares it doesnt bother her we just make fun of everyone we catch staring at us

Jamiee - posted on 02/28/2010

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i understand u....i feel like ppl think that young girls who are stay at home moms..that thats it for them that they cant do anything better with thier lifes. They think we dnt kno much.I know of alot of women who r "stay at home moms" thier older,white and its ok for them to be "stay at home moms" I get these looks...but just like them iam as involved in my kids life as they are.Im the youngest at my sons school PTA.I hate those looks!!

Jesika - posted on 02/28/2010

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I'm 20 yrs old and get that from people. Especially my dad. I don't see anything wrong with it. I'm out of HS I graduated from College, I work an amazing job(on maternity leave now). My boyfriend is in the Air Force so, I would say we're doing fine. So, I would just do the sensible thing and tell them to F*** off. We're doing just fine if not better than they are.

Amanda - posted on 02/28/2010

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What doesnt make sense to me is that the people that look down on us are of the generation that had thier kids at very young ages.

Amanda - posted on 02/28/2010

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I AGREE... i was 20 wen i had my first wit my fiance. he passed and im a single mom now but older people look at me like i was to young or not ready.. i think that they are use to older ladies having babies like back in their day rather than young women. i think we are just as capable as being a great parent then anyone twice our age except we have more energy and patience. my son is my miracle baby and if i could go back in time i wouldnt change a thing about my decision on keeping my son. i am more of a mother than any woman who criticizes young moms.

Jennifer - posted on 02/28/2010

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I agree! I'm 22 and I get weird looks when people stare at my tummy. I feel very uncomfortable because I look like a high student.

Shealyn - posted on 02/28/2010

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I hear u woman. Im lucky i dont get that respond and u are right. People just dont realize what they are saying sometimes and in that case there better of keeping there mouth closed. I can see by your pic that u are a beautiful young lady and your age does not show in your face at all. If u had not posted ur age i would have said ur 18 19. Not to say that woman cant be moms at that age cuz legally ur an adult old enough to move out of ur parents house. I think in ur case ur beauty is whats causing that. I mean look at urself u have awsome blond hair, smile and skin. Who wouldnt think ur younger then what u really are. Next time i would speak up tell them that there wrong but be nice about take it as a complaiment. Cuz u know what when i was a teen i did alot of stupid things that aged me and well know i dont feel the same about myself.

Shealyn - posted on 02/28/2010

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I hear u woman. Im lucky i dont get that respond and u are right. People just dont realize what they are saying sometimes and in that case there better of keeping there mouth closed. I can see by your pic that u are a beautiful young lady and your age does not show in your face at all. If u had not posted ur age i would have said ur 18 19. Not to say that woman cant be moms at that age cuz legally ur an adult old enough to move out of ur parents house. I think in ur case ur beauty is whats causing that. I mean look at urself u have awsome blond hair, smile and skin. Who wouldnt think ur younger then what u really are. Next time i would speak up tell them that there wrong but be nice about take it as a complaiment. Cuz u know what when i was a teen i did alot of stupid things that aged me and well know i dont feel the same about myself.

Sarah - posted on 02/28/2010

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yes, im 23 i have a two yr old and a 3mnth old. i wokr at a job that i take my kids with me to. not only do i get "arent u to young to have kids, but also arent u to young to run this place' i find it very offensive.

As a 23yr old mum i am more motivated to care n provide more my children then half the mothers of the 30yr age bracket.

Ashley - posted on 02/28/2010

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People are too judgemental towards others and they simply don't consider the fact that no matter your age, you can still be a good parent. My husband and I are 20 with a son and 1 on the way, we get alot of looks when we're out. But I try to make it a point not to do the same to others, whether they are young or old. Its all about giving everyone the same respect that you yourself would want. :) By the way, great job moms of all ages!!!

Yvette - posted on 02/28/2010

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I've found some communities are better about young mums than others. I was 18 when i had my daughter and around my community most people wouldn't give me a 2nd look but my then fiance and i went and stayed with friends in a semi country town and i had all sorts of comments and stares from people.

As far as i'm concerned you can be a fantastic mum whether you're 16 or 36 or a crap mum at 16 or 36 it depends on the individual.

Remember everyone its their problem and their closed mindedness not yours.

Romie Marie - posted on 02/28/2010

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it happens to me most of the time, i'm a single mom and i had my son at 20. i dont think that it was right for people to judge moms at that young age. werent they have their own mom to judge others?

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I think it's jealousy on the offending persons part. Just because we look young for our age and they obviously don't. The first step to taking care of your child is to take care of yourself. My mother looks nowhere near her age either and she used to hear the same thing when I was a baby and she was in her early 30's.

Shantel - posted on 02/28/2010

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Tell me about it i copt it everywher i went who do they think they are? Its just as bad as being racist there is good and bad in everyrace just like there are good and bad mothers n fathers of every age...People should stop judging if they dont know anything about us!!!!!

[deleted account]

I have never really experienced that. I think as long as you are not in highschool its just fine to have a baby. It is the kind of person you are not your age that makes you a good mom. Of course a highschooler didnt plan her pregnancy but at some point they have to live up to the responsibility. Some do, some dont. But I think that happens at any age. I know good moms and bad moms of all ages. Plus, Once your 30 you start to run into infertility problems so I dont know when anyone expects you to have a kid. I think older women tend to think they were the best mom so they can make any comments they want and do not think about what they are saying. I had one woman ask me when my baby was 1 month old where her binky was. If I had a binky she wouldnt cry so much...etc.



As for stares... I get those but its usually from people without kids who are scared of sitting next to us at a restaurant, a plane, a train, etc. I dont stress about it too much. If she cries we get seated faster anyway!

Stella - posted on 02/28/2010

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when i was 21, i was shopping in somerfields with my now husband. we were at the checkout and the lady serving us who was probably in her 40s/50s was giving me strange looks and asked how far gone i was. i asked her what she meant and she asked when the baby was due. i told her i wasn't pregnant. she didn't say anything else to me. it really upset me at the time as i was having trouble conceiving. it turned out i had pco's. i wasn't fat either. i had a little bit of a belly, but not alot. i am 24 now, married and happy to say i have a beautiful 10 and a half month old daughter all thanks to some fertility tablets off the gp.

Hayley - posted on 02/28/2010

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im almost 24 and have 3 young young children, in the small town i live in its not odd to see a 15 year with a big pregnant belly when i recently had my 3rd child there was a 14 year in my ante natel clinic, and what shocked me more was seeing her mother sitting wit her and a younger sister maybe 12 talking about having a baby herself, i wonder if maybe its more a parent influence if they had children at the avg age of maybe 16 then no doubt that child will follow the same path, what upsets me is that this is so the normal now that mothers like us that are in no way teenagers are coping it just because we look young, not the mention my 25 year cousin who is pregnant with her 1st child coped the comment 'another teenage pregancy' she is 25 not 15 and i very much look down at the woman the dump there children in day from the age of 6 weeks to go back to work most og whitch have husbands that make more then enough money maybe try working part time for ad least the 1st year because thats the most important part of your childs life,

Louise - posted on 02/28/2010

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I agree sooo much! I'm 22 and my son is 23 1/2 weeks, and me and my husband have just celebrated out first wedding anniversary... I was 3 weeks pregnant when I married, but we had been planning the wedding for a while!

I can see people looking at me and thinking "there goes another young single mother..." Well guess what, I am young, but I aint single (look at the ring finger people) and I'm not going to apologise for it!

My son wasn't planned, but he was definately wanted. We had planned to wait until we'd been married a year or two, so I would still have been a young mum either way. He just didn't want us to wait that long!

Denise - posted on 02/28/2010

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I was 20 years-old when I had my first child. Everyone on my mother's side of the family would look down at me being a single mother. But, I am not single. Me and my boyfriend just prefer to not get married. They do not like my boyfriend and just believe that we are not together. And now I am 24 years-old and I am 15 weeks pregnant. How do I tell my mother's family, who already did not except me having one child?

Yareli - posted on 02/28/2010

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i know i feel the same way,every time i go anywere there always staring at me like if i was the only young mother in the world. is so annoying because i love my baby so much, and i have to try extra hard to raice my baby because otherwise they critizise you or in some kind of way they tell u that ur a bad mom. i know that i had my baby young(17) but that doesnt mean anything. i know i wasnt ready but i try my hardest to b a good mom.

Lisa - posted on 02/28/2010

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as long as they have support one wayor another young mums will do fantastic by thier children.

to be honest its the last generation that have given our generation a bad name.

i have 3 young children 8yr 6yr 6 month old and i have tried my best cos that is all u can do really.

Where all you hear about on the news about unfortunate children dieing because of negligence from their parents i dont remember 1 being under the age of 30yr.

so ignore all negative concentrate on ur familly and all willl be good x

Julia - posted on 02/28/2010

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i know what you mean.... i get funny looks from people who look their nose up at me and think they're better but i bet you they're the lonely ones!!! im only 21 but i know im happy with everything and that's all that matters... at the end of the day i've bought a life into this world and there's no better feeling then looking at your child and knowing that you have bought such a gorgeous baby into the world, no matter what ANYBODY says or thinks!!!

Ambrosia - posted on 02/28/2010

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yea im 21 and have two kids and i get it alot too..im doing it all by myself and no body but me can do wats best for mine ya know..back when our grandparents n greats were having kids when they was young...i look at them ppl and i say dont hate cuz i can do it...

Valerie - posted on 02/28/2010

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AGE AINT NOTHING BUT A NUMBER!!! I use to get it all of the time and I'm 26 with 3 kids. I had my first son when I was 19!! I hate when people judge you because of their own life's failures!! So what we're young...we are still DANG good mothers...and when our kids are out of the house heading to college and real life we will only be in our 40's! I don't know about you ladies but I don't want to be 60 yrs. old with a 10 year old!!!! I want to live life when my kids are grown!! Even though we are young mothers we are still STRONG, INDEPENDANT, INTELLIGENT, and GREAT MOM's....so back off people!!!! :0)

Jessica - posted on 02/28/2010

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i hate judgemetal people.... a just because you young it dosent mean u cant be a good mom!......very anoyying.....

Christina - posted on 02/28/2010

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i know how you feel. not only am I a young mom but i'm also single and people just don't take me seriously. one time i was at the emergency room because my son was very sick. he had diarrhea for 2 months. i told the doctor that i thought he was allergic to his formula and he told me that it was normal for kids to get diarrhea and that since i'm young (i was 22 at the time) i wouldn't know that this is normal. I was so mad. he made me feel stupid. like i didn't know anything about my son, and that i was over reacting. turns out he was not only lactose intolerant but he was also allergic to milk protein and that was causing his eczema to flare up so bad, but what do i know i'm just a young mom

Denise - posted on 02/28/2010

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i got funny looks and when i went to post natal classes with my daughter i was the youngest one there i was 18 nearly 19. i still got funny looks when my son was born 2 days before my 21st. i felt like i was treated like a child and that i didn't know what i was doing x

Marla - posted on 02/28/2010

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So many of my friends have children now, in our early 20's. I wasn't the youngest person I know to have kids either and the ones I kept in touch with are doing very well. As for the rude comments and judgmental behavior, I put a little blame on talk shows like Maury or who ever else--not bc they are bad shows but bc they have those episode headlines like "I'm 14 and I want to get pregnant, so f*** you mom!" and the ever popular over sensationalized "Check out all these lazy fools I slept with, which of the 5 is the daddy?"...I liked when the talk shows were there to help people understand, not solely for ratings and getting the homebodies something to talk to their friends about. Of course there are a lot of teens getting pregnant and having their moms take care of them (like one comment above said their friend was a party girl)--If you're in Kroger and you see a young-looking woman walking around with kids, she could be a babysitter, an aunt, or a mom. Whichever way, they are taking care of the child and not slumped over in a gutter so why stick your nose up? Personally I was on WIC and medicaid bc my job didn't provide crap for insurance and WIC program not only provides the little food tickets, it helps guide your choices so you know now and later what is better/healthier for your children. Plus access to support groups, medical advice, shot clinics, and a lot more. Sorry, bit of a rant there. I love my children and talk to them, play with them everywhere no matter what other people might say. Some scoff and point, some say how cute a family we are and how smart and lovely they are. A well-mannered child and a confident mommy are the best comeback I've ever given. :)

Meagan - posted on 02/28/2010

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I'm 25 and was a 24 year old GRAD student when I was pregnant. While on tour with my COLLEGE band, a mother in the audience asked some friends of mine if I was scared being so young and having a baby. They're response "trust me! She is of legal age to have a baby!" No worries. People are stupid.

Fawn - posted on 02/28/2010

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This one bugs the poop outta me too! I was 20 when I had my son, and he was a planned child as well. My mother, my sister and I would take my son out and even when I was holding him people would ask my sister (who is older than me) how old her son was, then give me looks of pity or disgust when I would answer that he's mine.

And Amber I know just how you feel! I breastfed my son, and one day he started crying, he cried for 3 days straight, no exaggeration. I called his doctor, I called the ER, I called everyone I knew who had kids. Everyone said "babies cry". One ER nurse even told me that I could bring him out and they would "figure something out" in a very condescending voice. Finally my mother brought over some bottled milk. He drank it down like he was starving and stopped crying. Basically, he was starving to death and no one believed me that something was wrong! Turned out my breast-milk just wasn't giving him what he needed. Drives me nuts that just because you're young people think you don't know what you're talking about.

Stephanie - posted on 02/28/2010

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lol i had some old lady say to me on the bus oh wow your so young, i was like not really im 21 and i was feeding my daughter her bottle on the bus and the same old lady was like i think she is done, I said NO, and i just ignored her...that crap makes me made as well im 23 now and i do look like im 17 but these people have alot of guts to say that me people o_0

Nikki - posted on 02/28/2010

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The funny thing is 30 years ago women usually had their babies at 22-24, in my grandmothers era she had her first baby at 19, she was married but that was the norm back then, it's funny how people forget that; realistically in todays society women are having babies much older, 30 years ago it would have been strange for a 35 year old to be having their first baby.

Stephanie - posted on 02/28/2010

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lol i had some old lady say to me on the bus oh wow your so young, i was like not really im 21 and i was feeding my daughter her bottle on the bus and the same old lady was like i think she is done, I said NO, and i just ignored her...that crap makes me made as well im 23 now and i do look like im 17 but these people have alot of guts to say that me people o_0

Christi - posted on 02/28/2010

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i am suprised people think 25 is young! i wanted to have a child by 24 and even though mine came a little early (20) i don't see myself anywhere near being a teenager. i am married, but i still get looks.

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I completely agree with you!! I am a mother of four and I am only 23 and I always catch people looking at me weird! I hate it but just ignore them! They do not realize that no matter the age we are still capable of loving and raising our children!

Amanda - posted on 02/27/2010

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I totally am with you on this. when i was preg with my daughter i found out i had conceived 3 or 4 days right before i turned 21. then 8 months after i had her i conceived my son. I'm now 24 and still to most look like i'm only maybe 18 so i get that "she can't be a mom of 2 kids that young" or the "she has to be the babysitter or nanny" it gets annoying but then you get over it and realize it doesn't matter what others think because you are doing the best you can and doing what is right for you and your child... so just keep your chin up and shrug it off hun...

Candi - posted on 02/27/2010

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GO SINGLE MOMS!!!! You can do anything you want to. ppl talk crap all the time they always will. No matter what you do there will always be that 1 person who does not approve. Keep ur heads up and do what you have to.

La'Tee's - posted on 02/27/2010

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Pfft Honey!! BRUSH OFF THE STUPID NEGATIVITY!! I get alot of static too, one for being 22 and the other for being a single mom. The fact of the natter is, YOU'RE THE ONE DOING IT, loving ur babe and doing wat you have to do. Blessings to u and keep pressing on :)

Emmalene - posted on 02/27/2010

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I was young when I had my daughter. I was 18...and I didn't look 18. I am 22 now and I am told that I could pass for 16. I am married, done high school and even got a scholarship for college AFTER Alice was born. Heck, the other week I took Alice to get her hair cut and the lady said "does her mother know you are here getting her hair cut?" followed by the "you're too young" talk.



My opinion is the same with all stereotypes. It's the 10% who are bad eggs that ruin it for the 90% of the awesome people.

Kendra - posted on 02/27/2010

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i agree! i get treated like a child just because I'm 20 yrs old and married with a baby. as if I'm not capable of being a good mom just as a 30 something yr old. It makes me angry for the stereo types I get (especially the fact that I am a woman of color) they automatically believe that my "baby daddy" left me and I got to hunt him down for child support while my mom is raising my child while I'm on well fare. I was told I look like I'm 16 and even my ob/gyn dogged me but she knew nothing about me, my husband, or my AGE for the matter. she stereo typed me to a 9 yr old girl from the projects (her other patient). not only did my mom fuss her out but so did my father in law, mother in law and husband. we called and reported her for being unprofessional since she had a grudge against young mothers. I'm sorry I dissapoint the Statistics ! lol

Kendra - posted on 02/27/2010

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i agree! i get treated like a child just because I'm 20 yrs old and married with a baby. as if I'm not capable of being a good mom just as a 30 something yr old. It makes me angry for the stereo types I get (especially the fact that I am a woman of color) they automatically believe that my "baby daddy" left me and I got to hunt him down for child support while my mom is raising my child while I'm on well fare. I was told I look like I'm 16 and even my ob/gyn dogged me but she knew nothing about me, my husband, or my AGE for the matter. she stereo typed me to a 9 yr old girl from the projects (her other patient). not only did my mom fuss her out but so did my father in law, mother in law and husband. we called and reported her for being unprofessional since she had a grudge against young mothers. I'm sorry I dissapoint the Statistics ! lol

Katie - posted on 02/27/2010

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I was 17 when I had my first child...and the looks and comments get old really quick! I was 25 when I had my second child...I was ready for all the looks and comments this time( Not only bc I am young but also bc she is mixed) and they don't bother me one bit! I stopped caring what people thought a long time ago & i am better off for it!

Anita - posted on 02/27/2010

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Most of them forget that they were 17 or 18 when they got married and had their kids at 17-20! When I run into I make sure to reassure them that I'm capable, not living off of the gov't, married, and have my diploma and am working on my college degree. If they still run their mouth....I kindly tell them I don't need their opinions, because my child(ren) are advanced for their age group, healthy, and well behaved.

Kristi - posted on 02/27/2010

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I was 19 when I had my oldest. I got the looks, the comments, and the being put down because I wasnt married to my son's father either. Now I am 26 and my 2nd child is 7 months old now. I still get the looks and comments of "Teenagers these days....ect ect" I honestly got very annoyed at one lady for her comments and said "What teenager are you talking about? Im 25! (at the time) Want to see my military ID for proof?" Needless to say she shut up real quick. (I love my pregnancy hormones at times) Now we are expecting again in Sept. So I can just imagine what will be said this time....carrying one on my hip and one in the tummy.

Bo Lynn - posted on 02/27/2010

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I am right there with you! I had my son Caleb at age 20 and I was married a year and a half before I had him! Some people in my own family won't believe I was 18 AND not pregnant when we married! But I got documents to prove it! :D

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2010

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I cannot stand when people make rude comments to me about how I'm too young to have a child, I turned 22, 2 hrs after my son was born and now am almost 24. Or the other thing that really gets me is when people see me with my son and husband or even without my husband and they look for my wedding ring... or when I am out shopping or something with my mother who is only 45 and they think that hes her child because I MUST be too young for him to be mine! I LOVE BEING A YOUNG MOM AND WOULDNT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD!!!

Lyndsey - posted on 02/27/2010

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AND she will be able to keep up with her toddler(s) a lot more easily! Moms are great no matter their age. My mom was 31 when she had me, married, stable, financially secure. I turned 19 the day before my twins were born, and my husband took off when they were tiny infants. We struggled in a lot of ways, many of which had to do with feeling like I needed to live up to the standards of other people. I was SO concerned that people would think I was an 'unmarried teen mom' (as if that is something of which to be ashamed) that I kept wearing my wedding ring and using my married name for years, until we were technically divorced. I raised my girls by myself for six years, finishing a bachelors', masters', and beginning a PhD before I remarried. Still, this was because I felt pressured to "provide" a father for my girls and earn the respect of my family by finding a husband. The pressures put on me by my family were WRONG, and with what I know now, I could have continued to do it all by myself if only I had been proud of who I was as a mother. I just had this legacy of my own mother hanging over my head, and you know what? I've far out-matured her. But we are both mothers, and for that we are both to be commended and respected, as are all moms who are dedicated to providing a good life for their kids, whatever that "good" life means to them! This includes the mothers who have given their babies to other families who are more equipped to raise children. Young, old, single, married, widowed, divorced, gay, straight, biological and adopted, all moms are amazing!

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