please dont judge me im just looking for a few helpful tips

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 157 moms have responded )

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so im 20 and have a 9 month old baby girl. shes a gem a real good baby and is hardly fussy at all. i count myself lucky for this but beacuse she has always been so good aka sleepin thru the night from 9 weeks,only crys when shes hungry type thing, now shes started gettin teeth and completly changed. wingy and clingy, wont sleep in her own bed. waking up all thru the night i give regular panadol and bonjela but the tooth i thought was comin has gone back up aand shes still being like this her father has just started working away and im wondering if his absence could be contributing but due to her change ive become so stressed all the time snappy and have no patience for her. i know its not her fault but i cant seem to keep myself calm, wen she wont sleep i get rough with her like swinging rapidly beacause its the only way to get her to sleep. im so scared ill hurt her. i try to put her down and come back wen im calm but she screams so hard i cant bear to leave her. i feel awful and scared that if i cant keep my cool ill do something i regret. now ive asked questions on here before and had a range of responses some that just made the situation worse and really hurt me, if ur gonna say i shouldnt have had a kid or throw the "young" thing in my face plz dont comment, all im askin is some tips to keep ur head and how to adapt to change also if any mummies can brave it tell me ur story where you might have lost it cos its so taboo u feel like the only one that cant keep it together sometimes. please help!!! i wanna be the best mummy i can to my daughter!

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Jess - posted on 02/25/2010

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Im not sure what country you are from... but you may be able to get an emergency placement in a daycare centre. I know this will probably upset people, but if your worried you may hurt your baby than a day of respite might be just what you need ! Here in Australia you can get priority placement in a daycare centre in these situations, you just need to contact Centrelink.



It really upsets me that you have been brave enough to put your hand up and ask for help and other mothers have critisized you.... isn't that what COM is here for. Support and help ???

Elysia - posted on 02/28/2010

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i comend u 4 havin the courage to post this when uve already coped slack thats not fair. i feel for u im 22 have an 11month old son and am 21weeks pregnant with my 2nd. and i had the exact same problem with teething and then his dad started a new job and was workin nites 6 till 6 and he was just feral. It was really hard as i was already physically tired because of the pregnancy and then gettin very broken sleep and havin to be out through da days so my partner could sleep was very hard. And trust me i never understood parents that could hurt their children and i still dont but i do understand how they get to that point just dont know how it ever gets crossed. I know leavin ur baby to cry is so very hard but sometimes its the best thing for both of u. If u cant handle hearing her go outside for 5 or 10 mins take a deep breath have a drink wat ever u need then go back in. they r smart little people and they tend to feed on ur stress. i was never able to walk away but 1 nite springs to mind where i had no choice i was so cranky cause id just get him to sleep then he would scream as soon as i put him down and it would take like half an hr to resettle and then we did it all over again. I ended up puttin him in his porta cot downstairs and sat up in my room with the door closed and within an hour of just grumblin and whingin he put himself back to sleep. I hope u get some relief soon.

btw if ur worried bout using bonjela and panadol to often and old wives tale that i found worked a treat was vegemite, just apply like bonjela.

good luck

Nivea - posted on 02/28/2010

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First of all I give you props for posting this, I am a single mom and sometimes didn't know what to do when my little girl cried and I couldn't calm her down. I finally realized that crying doesn't hurt her so I layed her down in her crib and went to another room to calm down however I could. One way was screaming into a pillow, and another was crying anywhere but around her it seemed that when I cried with her in my arms she fed off that and cried harder. As for at night if you have any good friends to help you out sometimes they are God sends!!
Good Luck

Emily - posted on 02/28/2010

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I want to first tell you.. Good Job for recognizing the fact that you have these feelings and looking for advice before its too late. I too have had may days/nights like this and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. So... I did. I was given a piece of advice that to this day consider by far the best advice. "A baby has never been hurt from crying." most likely - baby will cry herself to sleep. Yes it is very hard the first couple of times you let her lay there and scream. Its breaks your heart. But for ur sanity and for her safety.. put her in her crib, shut the door behind you, cry your eyes out, call a friend to talk and vent, take a shower or whatever you do to calm down, then when you've pulled yourself together go back in and get her.
Don't be afraid to talk to ur doctor about the baby blues. Some people dont experience it right away and by what i understood from your post it sounds like u may have a case of it. I didnt start feeling the blues until a little over a year after my daughter was born. I started to lose my patients with her and was so afraid that I might do something that would hurt her.
Daddy being away more could be a factor in her change of behavior. She, like everyone else, can sense when something has changed and she may miss daddy being around. Try showing her pictures and talking about daddy and remind her everyday that just because daddy isnt there doesnt mean he doesnt love her.
I hope i've helped cause I know what your going through. This will pass and after thoes teeth start breaking through life will get easier.

[deleted account]

My Eleanor is wonderful.. even if she wasnt the perfect baby. She was all off schedule sleeping during the day and awake at night. We did eventually get her on schedule, sleeping through the night etc. Her Daddy is an airline pilot is gone for 4 days and home for 2 or 3. When she was old enough to realize this we went trhough a similar behavior problem. She stopped sleepinig through the night, would be extra fussy and sometimes inconsolable. One trick we had was to call her daddy and let her listen on the phone. That would calm her down sometimes. We eventually had to "train" her to sleep through the night by putting her in her crib saying I love you and letting her cry. We would come back ever 10 minutes or so until she learned we werent going to stay with her. The first 2 weeks were Heart breaking and so stressful. She cried, I cried, her daddy got mad. Then all of a sudden one night, I sang her song, laid her down, told her I love her, and she rolled over and went to sleep without a peep. We did the same thing with her nap time. There were times when I would think I couldnt take it anymore but as long as you can give yourself some time to yourself it helps I think. i would put her in her crib if she upset me too much and come back when I was calm. I would take her to her grandparents house so I could have a break. Sometimes Moms need a day off.

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Nina - posted on 03/02/2010

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If you are that stressed and you are home and what not, just put her in her crib/play pin and step out side( take you baby monitor with you) and take 2 or 3 minute too cool down, If thats what you need. And once you feel that you are cooled down, then go and she what will help her calm down, like maybe rocking her, reading her fav book, or put in her fav movie, if she has one. I have been in your shoe's it hard when you are alone and they're dad is at work, but remember to breathe in your nose and out your mouth that always help me. Good luck and I hope you find something that helps you!

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My son is the same way he was perfect when we first brought him home and hes only 4 months old now and im positive hes teething hes constantly drooling and CONSTANTLY crying sometimes its too much to handle do u have anybody else you could lean on family friends .. i find that even if i get a couple of hours away it helps and taking baby outside seems to really calm him too if you take your little one for a walk even a quick one in the stroller it might help and whn you get home just park the stroller beside your bed (if hes asleep) then you dont have to wake him if baby is cranky during the day try 15 of crying at a time that what i do with my son if he cries longer than that .

Katherine - posted on 03/02/2010

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it is so stressfull but wen u feel like that the best thing to do is close ur eyes count to ten deep breaths then calmly try and take her mind off it ie reading to her playin if that doent wrk take her for a walk or give her cuddles and sing to her try and distract her from the pain even at nite time my son was like that if she will only calm down in your bed then let her she sounds quite young so once she stoped teethin then u can introduce her bk into her own bed or just let her sleep in ur bed then take her bk to her bed good luck i promise u it does get easier and dnt worry wot people think coz it will only stress u out more if she sees u calm then eventrully she will calm down.

Maranda - posted on 03/02/2010

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First off every baby is different! No your not a bad mother nor am I going to say you shouldn't of had the baby. When I had my son which was 8 years ago he was calm slept all the time but he would not sleep in the crib. As I realized this I would put him in the car seat and just swing him or if you know that she is fine and there is nothing wrong with her let her cry for about 10 minutes and if she is still continuing to cry pick her up and cuddle. She should be cutting teeth be now so that is one reason you are getting the troubles. As far as the father not being around yes it truly has something to do with it. See your daughter is getting to used to being with only you for a long period of time. If you work or just need a time set aside for just you set up day care. Even if it's for only 2 hours at least your head is in the clear. Sorry as far as the teeth go goto the store and buy afew teething rings that go in the freezer.And as you were mentioning about swinging her rapidly to get her to sleep I was actually thinking great to know that I wasn't the only one. My son didn't want anyone else to hold him and the only way I could get him to sleep because he'd cry alot was to do the same thing. Not to mention some people would pat their little bottom as the same time well I actually had to use closed fist and actually pound on his butt. Not to the point where I'd hurt him but believe it or not he'd fall asleep in a matter of minutes.Do you have family or friends that would take her for a little while so you can just get away for a few hours?

Ashli - posted on 03/02/2010

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i know i have been there, my little girl is 8 months and also a very good baby. and i im also telling people that it does make the hard days feel extremely difficult. i have also been a little rough with her when i'm extremely 'over it' but the extreme guilt always kicks in and that always calms me down.If it doesn't you are much better walking away( leaving baby somewhere safe like a cot) to somewhere where you cant hear baby screaming and just give yourself a chance to calm down. I used everything for teething ( rusks, cold teething rings/toys, panadole, bonjella), just use the works and know the hell won't last for too much longer ( until the next tooth comes through).:(

Rebecca - posted on 03/02/2010

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Have you tried camillia or Orajel? - If not, try one of those. Don't use orajel often as it does numb their gums, but if it's going to help at night...it may get you some sleep then make you more calm??? I know sleep deprivation can make us all crazy sometimes.



My little girl slept through the night since she was 3 weeks and just started this I'm going to wake up a couple nights to feed. (first it was play!) I got so extremely frustrated because I wasn't used to it. But once figuring out it's because it's close to me feeding her solids and she's just hungry, made me more patient. I know I just have to get up feed her and then she'll go back down. (Hopefullly once shés on full solids throughout the day shell sleep through the night again!)

Jess - posted on 03/02/2010

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i would like to say, that even though i have not yet had my lil one, (shes due any time now)

that i totaly understand, i am a only child to my parents, but my mother remarrioed and i have 2 much younger half brothers, i watched my mother go through this, and i remmeber myself etting so anoyed at such a little baby when i was in my early teens.

and i would like to say that it must have taken a lot of courage to express how you were felling, and im so proud of that.

good luck with you littel one, and i hope it all goes well.



and i would also like to add that im proud to finaly see someone say something like this and not get criticised by those around, becaus e there are many convos that get the "young mum" descrimination and im so glad hat this didnt.

all the best

xx

Jaz - posted on 03/02/2010

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hi Jess, my name is Jaz. I'm almost 19 n my baby girl is 14 months old. I lost my temper once at four in the morning when my daughter was up all night, sleeping at 10-30 minutes intervals with 20-40 mins crying in between. I wrapped her all up & put her in her moses basket thingy, took her into the garage & dropped her basket there. I wasnt thinking clearly & was strung out to the max that night, worrying about her father getting no sleep in the face of work the next day & things that needed doing, etc. on top of the crippling fatigue that i couldnt sleep off with her screaming. It was only a couple of centimetres off the ground but it was concrete & she screamed harder & I've never felt worse than that night so I rang my mother & she took her for a couple of days to let me catch up on everything & chill a bit. That was my lowest point so far & I hope never to ever feel that kind of hopelessness again. It was such a shock because she was just passed her first birthday & she had always slept through the night from about 6 weeks. We had never had to deal with it before so I was a basket case. I dont have any special tips, there is no magic relaxation technique I use, all I can say is that I imagined once what my life would be like if I hurt my baby & somehow that thought makes it's way back when I really need reminding. Like that night. I just thought you would appreciate knowing that you most certainly are NOT the only one who loses it. I know how important it is to feel that you will pull through as others have, especially because we're young. And for those who think I should be shot or have my beautiful baby taken from me because i am monstrous for dropping my one year old (about 10cm off the ground) on the concrete floor of my garage fully swaddled in blankets AND a basket, your day will come, you will never forget it when it does, you wont know how you made it through & you will never judge another mum again. I am a great mum to my precious girl, she is my world & I will always have whatever she needs, wrapped up in gold in the palm of my hand. Nobody will ever be better for my child than I am, even at rock bottom. I love you Faith.

Louise - posted on 03/02/2010

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hi i have a two year old and a four month old i no what your going through my partner also works away i see him for 3 night every fortnight. It does affect the kids but its something you have to get used to. with regards to her teath have you tried medised its sort of a sleeping med for kids you can get it over the counter at boots. My two year old still wont sleep in his own room so i have his bed in my room sometimes he wont even want to sleep in his own bed when daddy isnt here. i let him sometimes fall asleep in my bed then carry him to his own bed or even lie next to him in his bed till he falls asleep.

No one can tell you what to do to make it all better. being a mum is all trile and error.

If you feel that your not getting enough sleep due to it you can always go to your gp as the last resort and they can help after all thats what there there for.

Christi - posted on 03/02/2010

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i know what that frustration is like hun. i was 20 when my son was born and my husband had two jobs and he was never helpful when he was around. i found myself becoming short with our son, even though it was not his fault. he was acting out more because his missed his daddy and because he could sense that i was upset. one night, i broke down and put him in his crib and left him until he cried himself to sleep because i could not stand it anymore. i felt so horrible i sat next to his crib and rocked him and cried and told him i was sorry, that i loved him. then next morning i called my neice in law, who loves babies, and she came over after school. it sounds strange, but just having her there for even a couple of hours helped me immensly. she was able to play with him and entertain him while i took a shower or caught a nap. is there anyone you can reach out to for just a couple of hours to nap, or even thiry minutes to take a shower, it will help more than you ever think it could.

Liz - posted on 03/02/2010

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Take care of Number 1 first, which is yourself, seek advice from your GP or Plunket Nurse explaining Stress and Tension . . . These things do lead to Post Natal Depression/ The Blues if your not careful and the fact that you do have an infant shows that you do care for her safety

April - posted on 03/02/2010

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I had my first son when I was 19 and while I was a good mom I am a better mom this time around with my 11 month old and I am now 29 and have a ton more patience!...lol...I can remember being very ill with my first, not really sure why my age made me less patient, maybe I just had to grow and learn from my first child. No mother is perfect so don't feel guilty. You seem to want what's best for your child and that's what makes you a great mom! These ladies have given you some great advice so I want repeat what's already been said. Just keep working towards being the best mom you can be and things will turn out just fine! :)

Shanda - posted on 03/02/2010

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pray to God that he gives you strengh and brings you relaxation and helps you through the tuff times and helps you to be calm when you feel like exploding i dont know if you believe in God but he will do wonders for you and he is always there so when you feel the anger coming just take a deep breath and just ask God to help you out....i will pray for you to cause once you get through the hard times its all worth it to see your baby's smile and to know that your baby loves you just remember relax take a breath and think how you can help your baby relax...i hope this helps a bunch and i wish you and your baby well and always know that God is there with you and will listen to you so always rely on him and you will see that everything will get better

Anna - posted on 03/02/2010

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I hear you hun. I'm almost 21 n my daughters 17mos now!! theres nothing wrong with being a mom at our age! :) If you have a relative close by that you trust ask them to come stay over once a week... I happen to live with my husbands family and they were a big help to me when mine was that age and I had those days... maybe some one could take her for a few hours to give you some breathing time even if its just cleaning something to get your frustrations out on. that way when baby girl gets back youve both haad time to cool off sorta speak

Anna - posted on 03/01/2010

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I hear you hun. I'm almost 21 n my daughters 17mos now!! theres nothing wrong with being a mom at our age! :) If you have a relative close by that you trust ask them to come stay over once a week... I happen to live with my husbands family and they were a big help to me when mine was that age and I had those days... maybe some one could take her for a few hours to give you some breathing time even if its just cleaning something to get your frustrations out on. that way when baby girl gets back youve both haad time to cool off sorta speak

Amanda - posted on 03/01/2010

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hey jessica i have a 9 week old shes such a good bubba like yours it cant be easy not having ur partner there to help. i remember when i first had my baby i was breastfeeding and i use to get so upset because she wouldnt settle for more then an a hour because she was demand feeding i must admit i was not as patient with her as i would have liked also dont beat urself up about it its not because ur young its cause its hard . if your like me and your family lives away i spoke to my mum in abosulte tears one day an she just said go let her cry its okey to let them cry dont be afraid of that and other mums shouldnt judge you talk to a close freind or family member that u can trust and ask for a hand with bubs just if its for like an hour while you can have a bath and relax youll feel better good like and just think of the happy times they soon will make a return :)

Lacey - posted on 03/01/2010

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you need to take a few hours for yourself. I know how that is. I am a single mother (24/7) I spend all day everyday and when those teeth start coming in you get so exausted that you become cloudy and it is harder to see what is really going on. You are not alone in this. You do need some help when it comes to baby. Take some breathing time to yourself, write yourself notes because when you get stressed- you don't see things as clearly as you normally would and you might be stressing baby too.

Cassy - posted on 03/01/2010

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I am 21 years old with a 10 month old boy. I completely feel your pain. My son is teething right now as well. Perfect baby and all, couldnt ask for a better little boy. Try some baby Tylenol. Your baby should be big enough for a full dose. That should help the pain. If your boyfriend/husband/babys father is away from home all the time, and used to be home all the time, that could contribute as well. If he travels alot, at night call him, and have him talk to your little girl. That will be good for both her and him. As for how you are reacting, it is because you are young. And you could also be going through post partum as well. Remember it can happen anywhere from birth to like a year later. If you have good friends around, or a babysitter, or even your mom, have them take your little one for the night. Yes, for the night. Go out. With friends, or the father. It will do you good, and it will do the baby good. Trust me, The longer you wait, the harder its going to be. Go out, and be yourself. Go to the movies, get your nails done, go shopping by yourself. Anything. Even for a few hours alone will do you good. Hoep this helped! Sorry its so long!

Kryss - posted on 03/01/2010

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I was 20 when i had my son (who now is ten) I remember the first day i was home and everyone had left and all he would do was cry ..so i did too... 6 mths later i was diagnosed with ppd, you may need to talk to your doctor bc if there is a underlying prob you need to seek attention for that..we as mothers naturally love our children and when we are young sometimes we do need that guidance..if you are trully worried you would hurt you child i would def explain this to my husb or my mom and i would get the help i needed i was lucky i had family who helped when all i could do was cry...please seek out a physician....it sonds like you may need to see a doctor and tell them your thoughts...

Amy - posted on 03/01/2010

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It doesn't matter where you live, or how old or young you are, all mothers will go through this at some time or another, mostly single mothers... I know that you said that you are married but him being away for long periods of time leaving you alone with your daughter has made life just that much harder for you, and it doesn't help that your daughter is teething and cranky... The best thing to do when you get to the point of exhaustion, is to place your child in a safe place (i.e. a crib or playpen) somewhere where she cannot hurt herself, and just walk outside for a few mins, I'm not saying for long periods of time or to walk very far, but just enough to let you clear your head and have fresh thoughts.. And don't worry, although many people may frown upon it, letting your child "cry it out" is not hurting her as much as you may think... in fact if she hasnt already cried herself to sleep, she may even calm down faster just knowing that you came back and you weren't gone forever!!!

Celest - posted on 03/01/2010

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i get the same way my husband is in iraq so all the stress is on me. first it was the teeth then her screaming when i leave the room now i cant even change her diaper she wont stay still i literally have to pin her down to dress her and change her. babies are constanly changing from week to week they might be fine with someting one week and hate it the next, sometimes i get a little rough to because im so tired and stressed because she never sleeps through the night and she wakes up screaming. its hard being a young mom and then have to do it all on your own. when she starts having a fit i just lay her down and walk away let her cry it is good for there lungs she usually falls asleep after 20 mins. if ur daughter crys for longer than that there might be something else wrong. when there teeth come in the ears can hurt so see if she is pulling or rubbing her ears or she might have colic make sure u burp her real good every ounce if she drinks from a bottle. i hope things get better for u and dont worry we all get stressed and all u can do is walk away and dont feel bad if she crys its what babies do!

Nikki - posted on 03/01/2010

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Thank you so much for being so brave and posting this!!!!!we all get that way! i get that way just last like my little one woke up at 2am and was up for 2 hours!!!gave her tylenol and orajel and a bottle!! i was so frustraed with being woke up! but i feel her pain i too and dealing with tooth pain! you are getting alot of great advise i would deffinatly take her to the dr to rule out an ear infection....the cry it out method is great...it is heartbreaking at first but it really pays off it took my daughter about 3 days to get it down, but now she gets her oatmel and bottle, bath, then to bed and she is happy to go. she gets her blankie and bink and within 5 mins or so she is sound asleep! try to find someone who can help you i really do think you need some alone time it really does help!!! and by the way you are a great mom for asking for help it shows that you really love your baby and want to do whats best for her!!!!!good luck...keep us posted on how things are going!!!take care!

Ashley - posted on 03/01/2010

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What I have found with my two kids is that when it comes to teething that baby orajel it a god send!! And there is a special night time formula that helps right before bed! Also if you are having a hard time coping with her crying and it makes you feel that bad then the best thing is to get a cd player/mp3/ipod or whatever with headphones and just listen to your favorite song. It gets easier as they get older bc they can tell you what hurts but until then the only thing that you can do is be sure that she isnt hungry, wet, give her the orajel and then leave her in a place that she cant hurt herself and go listen to the music. Also for the teething I have found that there are teething tablets that disolve almost immediatly and are natural and so they are better then drugging your child if you arent into all the tyelnol and things like that.

Candice - posted on 03/01/2010

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hunny, i've had the "young" thing thrown in my face so much i don't kno where to turn, and as to thoughts of worring about hurting the lil one, i've been there, i had bad ppd after my lil guy was born due to alot of stuff. and there were times i wondered where i'd b without him. dont worry. most of us have been there. your NOT too young!!!! rember that. back in the day 13yr olds were having kids and guess what, no one judged them at that time. i've been so down i was so adament on getting a will so i could have my lil guy taken care of and walk infront of traffic 'cuz i found it hard and like you my lil one was awsome. slept thru the night at 2mnths barely fussed even with teething and always found a way with diff cries to let me kno what he wanted by just under 2mnths old. we all feel that way, keep up the good work. i still have a hard time keepin my cool...i put him in the playpen or crib where he's safe, put in toys grab the monitor on very low so i can barley hear it walk out side and have a smoke. i live in a basement apartment so the monitor reaches fine to the front door 'cz i'm right beside it. i just turn the volume up every few mins to check. and he's fine. dont worry things will get harder but at the same time alot easier it's hard to keep calm when they keep cryin non stop. my lil guy has started terrible 2's and wow..i find it hard to not loose control. i used to feel so guilty when i'd leave my lil one for me to calm down...it took me a while to do it. but it has paid off, he's soo patient when he wants to be. i remeber one night he was only 6 months i had to walk away 'cuz if i didn't i would have shaken him. i was soo frustrated. i picked him up told him mama b right back i scared myself

i had to put him down b4 i did hurt him. and u'll have days like that and that's normal!!!!!! every parent gets that!!!! and for those who say "oohhh i was never like that" talk to your fam or friends who saw u get frusted when the lil one wtv the age made u so frustrated. it does happen and we dont realize it..hang in there and i'm sure u'll be fine. take a min or 2 to urself you need it...it's better to walk away when they are safe for a few mins than to be frustrated. they feed off how u are, if your frustrated they will be it's hard to do, trust me!! it's easier said than done yes but even if you got a neighbour to watch the lil one for 10mins it does help alot and makes the child better suited for dealin with stress and other things as they get older they will learn to rationalize better. they c your mad and then u come back calm and happy when they get older they'll get mad at you go to thier room slam thier door and come back when they calmer. it does pay off.

hang in there, just for talking about it on here you are a good mother.

Amy - posted on 03/01/2010

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hi dont let peoples bad commets get to you . yes her mood change can be because the daddy is gone all you can do is just hold her and give her all the lovein you can i dont c how u can think you can hurt your daughter i know its stresful thats a part of bein a mother you just have to breath look at your child and say i luv you i lose my cool to im a mother of 2 boys 4 and 18 months my hubby is in the army so is gone we stay at my father in laws sleep in one room with one kid who hates to sleep and one who wants a bottel or moans in his sleep all night i just wanna scream ill even look at him and say please bu guite and hell at my oldest but then i just look at them give them a nice big hug and say i luv u and find myself calming down im under alot of stress lost my dad 6 months ago and my oldest sister a month ago so i find myself losin my cool but before it gets even the lil bit bad i just think how much i luv my kids and where i would be without them and i find my self bein able to deal alot better i dont know if this will help you any but i hope it does

Jackie - posted on 03/01/2010

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I know how you feel.....lack of sleep is not a good thing. I have put a few hole in the walls and broken a few of the kids toys because I would just get so frusterated. But whats worse....hurting your baby or a hole in the wall? My hubby has been working out of town off and on for the last 2 months. I have a 4 year old and a 11 1/2 month old who is cutting his mollers. Sometimes when the baby wont sleep and I'm feeling really frusterated I will put him in his crib and turn his music player( the kind that lights up) on and close the door on my way out. I walk out side or go to the other side of the house to compose my self, anywhere where I cant hear him for a few minutes. Its so hard.....know that you are not alone. I think that there are many moms that feel this way.

Kristy - posted on 03/01/2010

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I know what you mean i had a very easy going son and the first 9 months was easy for me sleeping through the night and barely cried only when wanted something. But when ya get use to that it does get hard when they start changing, and i think no one should call you a bad mum because your stressed, you are NOT a bad mum. They are the bad mum for saying that to someone who is trying to do the right thing by your child, being honest i think every mother out there feels like this at least a few time with a little child even the best mums out ther can feel like this. Have you tried a teething rings, you can always put it in the freezer and let her chew on it that might keep her calm for a bit, hope that helps.

Ashley - posted on 03/01/2010

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oooh and another think my mom taught me, she thinks the reason my son was sooo calm was because we had a happy family then mom dad and baby all happy together, by the time my daughter was born all we did was scream and argue til we finally split, and my mom told me kids can feel the stress in the air worse than we do, like when we are mad, upset w.e. they know it and they feel scared thats y they do it, like now that me n my man are split everytime i yell at my kid, he cries telling me he is scared and i feel soo bad i dont want my kids to be scared of me i love them and would never ever want ne thing to happen to them ... its just sometimes i get soo angry and i take it out the wrong way ... but i am telling you the lunch thing helped me alot ... and i read what everyone else said and its true too ... sometimes when they are cuttin up i start running the sweeper and it really calms them down, and music, i will put my daughter in her pack n play n tell my son to lay with her and i put the music on pretty loud too, he lays there listening, and she will still scream but i put it up just loud enough to cover her screams up a lil and go outside for like 5 - 10 mins and when i cum back they are passed out or just getting there .. and once they are out i turn the music down and go do something i enjoy -- which usually consists of pedicure and soaking in the tub, while listening to low music and talking on the phone with one of my friends ... bcuz honestly my mom stresses me out too yelling at me all the time, because of the things i say and do to my kids --- now i dont hurt them physically ( like bruise them or ne thing) but i always said i was never gonna spank my kids hineys but sometimes i catch myself doing it when i get angry or yelling at my daughter cuz she is screaming --- beleive me tho ur not the only one who feels this way or does this thing --- ALL of my friends have kids and MOST of us admit to each other that we have done things like this

Lauren - posted on 03/01/2010

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You you poor dear! I know its hard. I have felt the very same way. We as mothers are still only human. And society puts unfair amounts of pressure on us. If you can, find a way to get breaks, hire a babysitter, if only for an hour, or even just somebody to come and help out a time or two a week. And if all else fails, just allow yourself a 10 minute break if you can't keep your cool. You could even try listening to head phones for a few minutes of some great music, but still in the room so you can see she is safe. For me sometimes its hearing the crying that gets my nerves raw.



You could also try finding other women with babies around you for a support group.



Don't feel guilty. I bet you most mothers go through this in some way, but they do not want to admit it! And I bet a lot of them are the ones that throw stones, because they are letting their own guilt project onto other mothers brave enough to express how they feel.



This will pass, and you will be stronger. I hope you get some break time really soon!

Ashley - posted on 03/01/2010

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beleive me i know exactly how you feel, my son was such a blessing when he was born , great child barely cried, like you said and i actually never had any problems with him till recently .. i had my second child a girl when he was like 17 months .. and all she did was scream i mean she didnt cry she screamed all day long for no reason , she just turned one and he is 2 and half... all he does is tear things apart and he dont shut up for two mins. , he thinks he and do whatever he wants never listens to me hits me ... and my daughter still screams all day long .. i go insane everyday .. i am a single mother and lose my cool everyday, like rite now its 11 30 my daughter finally fell asleep but every 5 mins. my son cums down he needs this he needs that .. i dont even get to bed till like 2 in the morn , bcuz of him n my daughter starts screaming at about 730 in the morning and this is an everyday process ... now im not one to help you on how to do with the situation too much, but i know exactly how you feel, what helps me the most is i get my mom or someone i know good to come over everyday ... so i can go to lunch with my friends - we all have kids the same age.. but this hour away everyday really helps me calm down alot a better, we all just vent about our problems its like our lil counseling group, and i let my doctor know whats going on how i deal with everything, i am not taking ne meds or ne thing , yet, but i let him know because if i ever feel that i just cant take it ne more .. he knows whats going on already ... so if i decide to he can prescribe to an anti-anxiety med, thats what a few of my friends had gone on and they all say they feel sooo much happy, less stressed .. and i am honestly thinking about getting some too!!! i hope this makes you feel much better and gives you some good ideas of what you can do to help releive some of the stress of motherhood, and i hear it all the time about being a young mom i just turned 23 and have 2 kids, ppl look and say things about me , how i ruined my life and ya they make it worse, but who the hell are they to say ne thing, they probly had kids at young age, or maybe their kids will!!!

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actually your not alone. my cousin was that way she had to actually just walk outside to get away from the screaming. she wanted to go insane. i am the same way. i am like literally going crazy with her screaming all the time. it's not as bad now but she had colic and reflux on top of teething and it was aweful. the dr said he really wants us to look into daycare for her to get us a break since we are so stressed. but when she screams try a sweeper. my cousin said when she left the sweeper on outside his door he went to sleep and calmed down. ours loves the hair dryer. so sometimes i will lay her down and turn it on for a bit and when shes asleep i will turn it off. or my husbands aunt said a fan. she will turn on a fan and it helps them sleep and relax. also don't be afraid to take you time and leave her with a family member for a bit and go take some you time. it's good to have a break. taking a break won't make you a bad parent. if your afraid of hurting her swinging her my husband found putting her in a carseat and swinging the car seat faster and a little hard will put her right to sleep. to help with teething try a cold washcloth or something like a teething ring to chew on.

Amanda - posted on 03/01/2010

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Your post made me want to cry, because I can totally relate! Ive been really blessed with a amazingly good baby, its like God knew I dont have the patience for some things. I always think Im a horrible mommy when I dont have the patience, and I yell at him or be a little rougher than I really should(I would never hurt my baby, let me make that clear to people!) I try leaving him alone in his crib, and he'll cry louder, and sometimes it will make me more mad. Something I try to do is sing to myself, put on headphones, look at his smiling pictures on the wall and think of the moments he made me laugh, or maybe write down on a piece of paper (when your mind is clear) about why she's crying, they don't cry to make us made but because something is wrong(ie in pain or uncomfortable) maybe write down things she may say to you if she could speak like "Mommy please don't get angry, I love you mommy, I just need you to hold me or sing to me mommy" and trust me I know its sooo hard to think some of these things when your patience has run out you could punch a wall. Remember they can sense when we're stressed/angry. Thanks again so much for having the courage to write this, you've really made me feel like I'm not the only one suffering with this guilt, we can do this!

Jessica - posted on 03/01/2010

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Its sounds like most babies go from being the best baby youve ever met to a teething lil monster. My son is a year next week and have spent many nights awake screaming baby. I dont live with my sons father and have to do deal all alone. to relieve some of his pain i use tylonal, cold bottle of water, and teething toys. one night he scream so hard his body shook i took off any tight clothes changed his diaper wrapped him in a blanket held him tight and rocked as we sat on the bed it seemed put him back to bed (with the help of a lil tylonal). another tip, if you have any family or a friend you can trust ask for an hour they can babysit so you can have a moment to yourself to relax and think things clearly.

Maxine - posted on 03/01/2010

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I had the same problem with my son. I started putting him back in his bed and then sitting next to his bed holding his hand until he fell asleep. Then, I quit holding his hand and just sat there. After a while, I moved farther from his bed until I was able to leave him in his room alone to fall asleep. He sleeps better now that he's 2 yrs than he did when he was younger. I think he has learned some coping (he knows his bed is safe and mommy is in her room too).



I wish you all the best, and may you all get some good rest. Hope this helps.





Maxine

Yolanda - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think you definately need to ask for help. if your worried about hurting your baby you need a little time to yourself to calm down. Talk to your doctor or your babys father about ways to help you and your baby. Good Luck! Babies are tough-hang in there.

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2010

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I know how you feel...I have a pretty wonderful son as well but the first few weeks stressed me out...my mom told me that there will come a time that you literally want to scream in their face you are just so tired...I have not done that but I've walked outside for a few minutes and taken a few breaths. Your not a bad mom you just have a lot of stress going on with her father not there and it's just you...my son just started teething on the 26th on Feb...IT"S STRESSFUL ha-ha you will get through it and she will be an angel again. Just remember this she won't be that little and precious forever so try to take a deep breath, take 5 minute break and just start all over again. Good Luck :)

Jessy - posted on 03/01/2010

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I dunno where your from Jessica but i know from canada there is a product call Camilia Teething from Boiron Labratories , its actually made in Quebec My friend used it on her little boy and he ended up with 6th teeth and she didn't even know it!!! It is all natural and doesn't numb the babies throat and tongue like orajel or ambasol does. It softens the gums so the teeth break through with less force.My daughter is 4 months and i know it will come soon!!

Julie - posted on 03/01/2010

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To add one more hand to the group I also have been in your position. My daughter is almost 8 months now and earlier on I would worry about harming her. She would cry sometimes nonstop and for no apparent reason. I always thought oh my God i am a bad mother because it shocked me the first thing i wanted to do was shake her. I never have and never will but it was always just under the surface. People think that it is uncommon to have those sort of thoughts but early on after birth emotions are high horomones are chaning and it is a very volitile situation for both mother and baby. I realized alot of my little ones crying came from my being stressed. They can sense it and I was very stressed. Once I learned to comtrol my emotions and fears around her she became the most wonderful baby anyone could have. It just takes practice and patience and sometimes like others have said...just walking away. I would always feed baby check diaper and if she still cried i checked her temperature. If all was well and if i was feeling stressed i would walk away. Crying never hurt a baby. Also some times at different ages they will test limits to see what they can get away with. She does that sometimes now. She is sleep trained to stay in her own bed all night but at times she will cry wanting me to get her at 3am. i always pick her up change her diaper if its wet and put her back down. sometimes she will cry for 30 minutes or more but she has learned to self sooth and she eventually goes back to sleep. It take time my dear one but you will make it. I think at times all mothers go through exactly what you are now. Just hold on it really gets better in time.

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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We all feel like we're gonna lose it sometimes. My son just turned one 2 wks ago and he has always been such an easy going baby; no tantrum, sleeps through the night, over all easy goin. Lately he's started to through tantrums when things don't go his way (like throwing his goldfish crackers when mommys not making dinner quick enough.) Really sometimes the only way I can deal is by walking away. Mommy time helps too. Sometimes we just need a time out from bein mommy to recharge. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 03/01/2010

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Okay, I'm probably going to get criticized for saying this but I think you need to let your baby cry it out at night. You can hurt your baby by becoming frustrated and shaking her but no baby has died from crying. I'm sure your baby is smart and knows how to get you to come soothe her. Make sure your baby is well fed, burped, and has a dry diaper. Read a book and rock her for a bit and then lay her in her crib. Let her cry herself to sleep. Go in another room. If she cries for longer than you're comfortable with go back in and lay your hand on her and try to calm her without lifting her from her crib. If you must lift her and soothe her, lay her back down awake. It make take several times of laying down awake and it may take several days but once she learns how to soothe herself, you can get your sanity back. Good luck!

[deleted account]

doenst matter how old you are lol.. this is frustrating for any mom, any age.. anyways.. my younger son who is almost a year and a half now has always been more clingy, needy than my first.. esp with teething!! my older could have cared less, it was like he woke up one day and had a mouthful.. the younger not so much.. ughh..lol.. if u feel like ur going to lose your cool theres nothing wrong with putting her in her crib and walking away for a few.. i've done it.. crying a lil wont hurt her and it will give you a chance to cool down.. also she may be getting a lil bored now and needs more entertainment as shes bein more outgoing and vocal? try to play with her more when she is calm.. rocking can sooth both of you.. give her a bath even if its out of routine time.. going outside helps.. i found that change of scenery is very helpful to little ones.. just remember not to feel guilty bc youre gettin angry and such, its normal.. also i pray when i get frustrated too.. i have two boys who are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 so i get it lol.. good luck and dont be so hard on yourself

Shaina - posted on 03/01/2010

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I had my daughter when I was 20 also. She is 3 now and I am pregnant with baby #2. Since my daughter has turned 3 she has become very sassy and hard to discipline. I am normally not a very patient person but being pregnant on top of it has made me very snappy, and unfortunately I have lost my cool a few times. I have never hurt her, but I have yelled at her when I should have handled the situation differently. I know how hard it can be feeling alone, like no one else feels like pulling there hair out, I just want you to know that I have felt the way you do and know how guilty it can make you feel. The thing that has helped me the best is to shut my self in a room for 5 minutes or so, and breathe. Sometimes I have had to turn music on loud or the tv to drown out some of the screaming, but I try not to go back until I have calmed down. Kids can be very frustrating at times and just because you feel like losing it doesn't mean you don't care. I also agree that if you can get out away from your daughter for a few hours, it might just do the trick. I know on the few occasions when I get to pamper myself, I come back recharged to be mommy again.

Laura - posted on 03/01/2010

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Sorry just read you are from australia (i think), anyway I'm sure you have similar things there. Good luck, you'll be fine.

Laura - posted on 03/01/2010

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You know what I think straight away and maybe this is an obvious comment but you need to ask for help. What support do you have? Any friends or relatives who can give you a breather for a few hours? There's nothing wrong with you for getting stressed, your snappy because your sleep deprived, not because your mad at your daughter. Your doing the right thing by leaving the room and taking a deep breath. I think teething is stressful, nevermind if your partner is working away alot. I presume by the term 'mummy' you might be from the uk? Well there are a number of things you can try; If your partner is working then you will be eligible for tax credits, part of child tax credits is that they will contribute towards childcare if it helps to put her in a nursery for a few hours a day; you could also call 'homestart', they are an organisation for mums who don't have the support network of family living close by, someone can come to your home for a few hours, a couple of times a week and they'll spend time with your kids while you get stuff done, they have a website if you wanna check it out; you could also see what's on at your local surestart, they have lots of different playgroups and mum groups that meet just to chat, it might help to get out there and spend time talking to other mums.



Can I just say I think your really brave for speaking out, well done for saying you need some help.

Take care

Kimberly - posted on 03/01/2010

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well i believe the teething and the recent absence of ddad is probably causding it all...our babies sense alot more then u think...emotional wise...you might wanna talk to a doctor about how you feel...bc about a year after my daughter was born i was put on axniety meds bc of feeling sorta the same way only it was toward my husband...and the meds i take have no side effects i am my normal self and everything....it is a lot of stress being mom...and anyone that doesnt think so is not being honest with themselves...also i had to put my daughter in her crib and just let her cry bc she was spoiled the doctor even told me if she wasnt hungry, had a clean diaper, and i didnt physically hurt her to let her cry up to 3 hours...i did let her cry if never lasted 3 hours...and she became if u will unspoiled...she is turning 3 at the end of the month and she is the best, the only time she crys is if she is hurt, or really doesnt feel good...i hope i helped good luck....

Amber - posted on 03/01/2010

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my 7 month old just got 2 teeth in.. he started teething at a month old when me and his father split for a while. i got really depressed and my patients grew really thin. when me and his father got back together my son started acting out more. he wanted attention from his dad more then me.. so twice a month i have my best friend take him for a night so that way i have a night to myself to calm down and get my head right. its hard being a young mom. i'm 20. i'll be 21 in november and i even have problems at times

Maria - posted on 03/01/2010

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im sorry for what you are going through. i remember going through a very similar period of frustration and anger when my son was teething from 7 - 11 months. i was just so tired and cranky because he'd always been really good sleeper and suddenly he was up 3-4 times a night and i was exhausted. i started hitting my breaking point about 3 months of this later, and which point i started just leaving his dad, my husband to deal with in during the nights he could. and if not.... i just left him in his crib, screaming and all, went back in my room, and just took a few minutes to calm down. even at 3 am. sometimes leaving him there killed me, but i need sanity too, and after a few times of leaving him alone, for about 30 minutes he started to learn to fall asleep on his own again. even with the teething, consider going in to make sure she doesnt have a fever or something and then just leaving her in there. you need sleep too. you are doing the best you can. if thats not ok with you, i just wish you the best and know other mommies are going through it too :/

Andrea - posted on 03/01/2010

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i haven't read all of the posts- sounds like you are struggling which is NORMAL. every mother gets streesed and upset at times. but it can be serious- talk to your doctor about your feelings. you are doing a great job- its hard when your support person is not always available

Alicia - posted on 03/01/2010

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Hi Jessica,

My name is Alicia my son is now 18 months old and i know excatly what you are talking about, he was excatly the same and honestly i found my self at my whits end just like you, this is my worst mummy moment but my best that i am about to share with you to make you see that you are not the only 1 having a hard time......

When Landyn was around 7 months old i had the same problem he was not sleeping always wanting to be held and cuddeled and i could not get a minute to my self, i found my self crying and yelling and not being able to settel him at all and i had no idea what to do my parents were out of the country on a holiday i was home alone and had no one there to help me much like your self, things got that bad that i didnt know what to do i could not settle my son i could not settel my self so what i did was i strapped him in his rocker in the middle of the room and made sure nothing could fall on him and nothing could hurt him, then i went out side and i called my best friend she came right over and setteled him down for me....... Now the only reason i could not settel him was due to the fact that i ws so worked up and stressed out and he was feeling that which was stressing him out.......

Now withyour daughter not sleeping and you not being able to stand hearing her cry because it breaks your heart i know that feeling, it is going to be 1 of the hardest things you are ever going to have to do as a mum but of a night my darling you are going to have to put her in her bed and let her cry her self to sleep i know it sounds so horrible but i had to do that with my son and the first night i did it i found my self sitting out side his door crying my self, it was the hardest thing i did and it lasted roughly a week and now he slleps in his own bed, i hope what i have said helps you some

Alicia

Sarah - posted on 03/01/2010

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I've gone threw similar frusteration with my baby. I'm a single mom and sometimes it's gets difficult. Put baby safely in her crib and walk without ear shot of the baby. Move to a differnt level of the house, go into the bathroom and put the shower on, or sit right outside your front door. If you can hear your baby cry you are going to want to pick her up. As long as she is in her crib the crying won't hurt her.

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