please help

Terresa - posted on 07/24/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am having alot of problems with my three year old after returning from her fathers, she is extremely moody, stressy and insecure, i found out that her grandmother has been telling her about "black mary will take you away of you go outside after dark, mr potter will take you away if he sees you out of bed and that bad man will take you away if you dont eat all your dinner. She's never been a fussy eater with anything other than pumpkin. My daughter is going through an extremely hard time and i really dont know how to take it any more, she's so scared now and i am at a loss as to what to do, if I speak to her father about it he denies everything and then tells me I am a bad mum for believing her. does any one know a way to deal with her and how to settle her?

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Renee - posted on 07/24/2010

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I agree with Emma. Just keep reassuring her that nothing bad is going to happen and that grandma is just being silly. Maybe take her outside after dark and show her that nothing happens. I can see where the grandma is telling the stories trying to keep her "safe" from leaving the house after dark without permission and to get her to stay in bed at night. BUT that is not the right way to go about it. My MIL told me it was my fault that I had 2 miscarriages because I was working, that I was going to give my son Down's if I got him immunized, and that he was going to get cancer from drinking out of plastic bottles instead of glass ones. When I was little my uncle told me that if I walked over storm drains that alligators would eat me. It scared me so bad as a kid, and even though I know that this would never happen, to this day I still have a fear of walking over sewer gates or any kind of grated ground.
Talk with your daughter's father and tell him that 3 year old don't come up with stories like that on a consistent basis. They can learn to make up stories at that age, but they are rarely consistent in their telling of it. If he isn't going to believe you or take you seriously, maybe go straight to grandma and talk to her about it.
A lot of kids have behavioral issues though when going back and forth between parent's homes for a few days afterwords. Different rules, homes/environment, expectations of them, etc. Good luck!

Emma - posted on 07/24/2010

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i would keep reassuring her that nothing bad will happen to her because ur there to protect her. I can understand ur frustration about the father i think his attitude needs to change for his daughters sake i can have attitude rom my two daughters when they come back from their dads so i know how u feel. What i have said to my two if they say anything about meal times and eating their food up is how daddy does things at his house but at mummys house if u dont clear ur plate then its no afters. That has seemed to work for me by explaining to them that daddy has got different rules at his house on some things to what i have got. My two are aged 7 and 4 so a little older than ur daughter but hopefully im able to help u in someway with what i have said

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