Please I need Advise, Suggestions, and Opinions!!!!

Lakyia - posted on 10/18/2009

WOW!!! Huge shock esp. if youre saying nothing happened prior to that phone called. Im young but I have an opinion. I do agree maybe he has done something stupid and fears youll leave him first so he says he wants a divorce but if so I think he should have talked to you about it and suggested separation for awhile rather than the huge decision of divorce bringing in the "papers". BOO for him.. If you think about maybe he wasnt the man for you after all but you are being a strong mother continue to be for the children they need that esp. if they know not whats going on and he''s not there so they are already feeling distant as a family...understand? I hope I gave some effort of reassurance and you will go insane not with the help of your kids by your side and us "the moms" here just keep posting maybe weekly on the situation and how you feel so we know you are okay although you're all the way in japan and Im in the us (in new jersey to be exact) im here 4 you Kalena.

Diana - posted on 10/18/2009

I am sooo sorry you're dealing with this. But I just have to echo what BethAnn is saying-see if he will at least try to go to counseling for a few months before ending it for good. It really can-and does-help. Good luck!

BethAnn - posted on 10/18/2009

you are not going insane!!!!!!

I am an Air Force wife too and my hubby has done this to "us" about 3 times and we have only been married for 2 years! I cant do much but tell you my own story ...first time he was deployed...second time was 5 months later and I was pregnant with our second...third was 6months into our pregnancy....I noticed a pattern.

When my DH was stressed out bc of something out of his control (such as deployments and "surprise" pregnancy) we would fight and argue and he would withdraw and get stressed to the point of wanting to end our relationship.

I contacted military one source finally and we see an off base counselor once a month now to work on communication, trust, stress management, financial planning, parenting and even sex...yes we talk about our sex life with a complete stranger...but you know what? our marriage has never been stronger.

When he told me this the last time I told him " fine you can have a divorce but I want something first...6 months of counseling, if after that you still think we are irreconcilable then we will split legally. I told him he can even move out and live separately while we are going to this therapy. But I felt after 2 kids and a house that I keep for him he owes me that much...Now i can tell you honestly that it gets worse before it gets better bc you have to lay it all out first, all the hurtful things, everything you dont like about the other and you learn things that you may wish you remained ignorant about. but in the long run it's worth it bc even if you DONT work out ( and you have to know that may be an outcome) you both know you gave it all you had.



Im sorry you are going through this and I empathize with you but you have to be strong for your kids and now is not the time to pacify your husband just to make him change his mind. you have needs and wants and rights too! You want a marriage that sets a good example for your kids to see their whole lives. I wish you the best of luck