Poor Parenting

Samantha - posted on 10/15/2010

why dont people use condoms. This chick should get an IUD or get her tubes tied when she gives birth. I know to many people who use abortions as birth control, and as much as I am pro choice, I am so fed up with the neglect. Arent we supposed to treat our bodies as temples? This is the only body you will get and the only chance to make your mark. I hope your "friend" changes her ways and sees how beautiful life is and how she can make it all worth it.

Genna - posted on 10/15/2010

yupperz theres so many people out there that dont use it and thats what they end up as always doing the wrong thing

Melissa - posted on 10/15/2010

Yes you are right Genna BiRtH ConTroL!!

Genna - posted on 10/15/2010

I would say she needs some help and some birth control ya would think she would go on birth control if ya keep getting knocked up and the guy your with doesnt want it like geez its called sense like duh anyways i would def call child services on her cause she clearly shouldnt have kids if she chooses the guy over them

Melissa - posted on 10/15/2010

OMG!! Unbelievable!! I completely understand what you are going through!! It,s hard to watch someone do that way w/ their own children... But remember she didnt want them in the first place! And whats funny is this sounds like you are taking about the mother of MY StepSon!! LoL

Stephanie - posted on 10/15/2010

I agree with your decision about her and her kids staying away. I would also hope she gives her baby up for an adoption as well. She doesn't sound like a stable parent at all. I feel terrible for her other children they deserve so much better. Also you can't help someone who can't help their selves. They have to want to change and want to help their selves. I learned that the hard way. The best thing is just to cut off communication. You need to put your family first.

Amy - posted on 10/15/2010

I'm glad you called DHS! What a horrible person, how can you so carelessly kill your own children without a second thought, that really says something a bout a person's character. If you got pregnant once you should really know how NOT to get pregnant again. And how could you EVER put a man in front of your children?!? When I was a single mom (before I met myhusband) I would never have given the time of day to a man who didn't want to be around my son and love children in general as much as me. Some people's priorities are SO messed up. You should really have to take some kind of test to be able to be a parent.

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2010

as my mother always says "you can not help those who do not want to be helped" she sounds like she does not want to be helped therefore i would just leave the friendship

Samantha Jane - posted on 10/15/2010

blimey i think u are a terrible friend this girl has made bad decisions clearly but we all do. you should be helping and supporting her u are just the same as her boyfriends bailing when the going gets tough.

Ashley - posted on 10/15/2010

I would agree with Amber as well.. Cut her out.. I just had to do the SAME thing with a friend of mine. She has been pregnant 4 times byt 3 different guys and has had 1 child. She is now going thru a divorce and she is engaged already eventhough her divorce won't be final til next month. And she wants everyone to be happy for her, yet she can't be happy for anyone else and resents the attention I am getting now since I had my baby girl back in Feb. I just realized its not worth the stress and aggervation of having someone like that in my life. I know she is going to end up pregnant her shortly because that is just what happens with her and I really can't stand people that use abortion as a form of birth control after the fact. I understand stuff happens, but that is a bit extreme! So I say to you, she isn't worth the stress and aggervation when she can't help herself!

Sarah - posted on 10/15/2010

If she can't see beyond herself and look at her children, she needs a drastic wake-up call. Call child services. She'll then have to prove that she can be a good mother, and that her kids are not just appendages.

J - posted on 10/15/2010

Shoots!!!! Doesn't she know anything about birth control or protection? Man, my sympathies to you and prayers to your friend. I know how hard it is to have kids, but hey they are no one else's responsibilities but us. I applaud you for trying to help, but from personal experience, you can only help those who really want it. If it still bothers your thoughts, the only other logical thing to do is to call child protective services because that situation is an endangerment to the children. I hope everything turns out well. God Bless!!

Amber - posted on 10/15/2010

WOW...people like that should be punished.

Candice - posted on 10/14/2010

Hey I am sorry that you have to go threw this and you have your own life to live. I can tell you this much. My husband and I have been trying now for almost four years to have another child. I have something called PCOS and I am not able to get pregnant like other women. I want a another child so bad and this women is just getting pregnant after one another and aborting all these prenancy's it just pisses me off. People like me and my husband who would if we could afford it adopt a child so that we could provide them with the life that we provide for our 7 year old. It makes me really angry. She needs to give that baby to someone who will love him/her and be there. It makes me sad that she does this and you are so right in what you are saying. I really do hope that it works out for the better. Best wishes

Melody - posted on 10/14/2010

This woman sounds like my SIL and unfortunately, you can't help them until they want to help themselves. I don't allow my SIL in my home and do my best to be civil at family gatherings, but hate to have her kids around mine bc I am afraid my 4 yo will pick up their bad habits. You are not being a bad friend, you are being a good mother. As for giving up the child for adoption, I have a cousin who was adopted into my family and she had a great life with my aunt and uncle, and now also has a fabulous relationship with her birth mother. Ask her if she can "live with" making all of their lives more difficult by adding another mouth to her already difficult situation. She has to think of what is best for the kids she has as well as the child that's coming, and if she can't do that then I would look at trying to tactfully suggest she contact social services herself. If she is actively looking for help they are less likely o remove the kids from her care, but if the kids are in danger (the drugs) then the kids need to be protected.

Tarina - posted on 10/14/2010

to those saying Leslie should take responsibility for "forcing" this other woman to have her children...grow up. She had a conversation about morals and talked her out of killing a baby. She could just have easily walked away from the conversation and done it anyway. Your body, your choice, remember? Unless Leslie held her hostage for 9 months, she is not responsible for this woman giving birth. Whether you are pro or anti abortion is irrelevant. From the very little any of us know from what was said, she has stood by and tried to guide this woman down the right path, and help her turn around her life after each of the bad choices. She has tried to help with her children until she felt it became a risk to her own. Sometimes people just need to hit rock bottom before they really take a good footing to raise themselves back up. It seems this friend has reached this point. Those saying a true friend wouldnt post about it on the internet, youre wrong... a true friend looks for guidance and support and ideas in any place she can find them. Thats what these boards are for. She did not name any names, and even those close to her in her own town i am sure know about this situation already, and she has obviously already spoken to the woman involved, so its not gossiping. Its a cry of frustration hoping for a miracle to help her friend and/or alittle bit of ease on her conscience knowing others agree she has done what she can. The standard "sit her down and talk to her mom to mom" has obviously failed, and for those condemning calling child protective services... thats what they are there for. When nothing else is getting through and the situation is in immediate need of serious help for the safety of the children. Obviously none of us know the entire story, but from what HAS been said, it seems the family needs that help. Leslie, i take my hat off to you for asking for advice and for sticking with your friend through her terrible times. Be sure to be there when she hits bottom though, even if you are the only one in the world by her side, you just might really save her life.

Laura - posted on 10/14/2010

Stupid is as stupid does if she doesn't have a handle on real life cut her loose. You cannot help those who will not help themselves. I think you're right except maybe that you've been nice too long. allign yourself with the decent and upstanding members of society and toss the trash on the curb. However pehaps child protective service should become involved concerning the neglect both physical and emotional that her poor children are suffering with. call child service sever all ties and move on with your life knowing that you did what you could to save the innocent children :)

Lisa - posted on 10/14/2010

I am the last person to judge anyone after being raised to believe you should never judge anyone till you have walked in their shoes, but my goodness this woman needs intervention! I know if I was a single mother of 2 and a half and was living on a pension I would NOT get a boob job!. Life deals you curve balls all the time and it is up to you to work them out not depend on any poor sucker too nice to stand up to you. I have bilateral blocked fallopian tubes and have to do IVF with every child. It really upsets me to hear these stories. The women that can fall pregnant so easily take it for granted so badly, if they could live the life of an infertile woman for a day I wonder if they would neglect their children so badly or treat an abortion like a papsmear? You are too good for this friend, maybe if she cleaned her act up and started to be t he mother these children deserve then consider contacting her again!

Maggie - posted on 10/14/2010

Sad, so very sad. I feel awful for those children having to live with a mother who makes such poor decisions. The children ALWAYS need to come first over a boyfriend. Offer her what guidance you can, encourage her to go to church and get some counseling. Call social services if it's warranted. You would hate to do that to your friend, but think of the children. Just do what you can to help her, and do not invest beyond that. You may even have to make a decision as to whether or not you can continue to be her friend when is causing you so much stress and setting a bad example for your children.

Stacy - posted on 10/14/2010

I would say she needs to be reported to Social Services and have her under evaluation whether she keeps her kids or NOT. I would definitely vote TAKE THEM AWAY.. she in my books is a BAD mother and does NOT deserve the children. God blesses us with children and people take them for granted and some definitely do NOT deserve them, I know I am related to 2 who do NOT deserve them.

I would also do the same as you and stop her from being around my kids as well. I do NOT allow bad influences (extreme) to be around my son he is 21 1/2 months old and is well behaved and I would like to KEEP it that way.

Congrats on your GOD GIVEN BLESSINGS

Jesica - posted on 10/14/2010

Hell I would nip that in the butt and call DSS on her Abusive behavior!!! Those babies can't defend themselves and their mother sure isn't. cut your losses and get those kids the help they deserve.

Christi - posted on 10/14/2010

Umm, first of all I would call CPS and ask them to do a well check visit. What a horrible person, I'm sorry, I know she is your friend and all, but she has no value of life. I am against abortion with every bone in my body and it shakes me to the core that she has had so many and seems to think that she can go around and get knocked up without any consequences. If she were my friend, one she wouldn't ever be around my children and two, I would tell her to keep her legs closed or get a better form of birth control. I really would never ever have a friend like that so I really can't tell you too much.

Alexis - posted on 10/14/2010

Sounds like she has some personal issues she needs to work out with a professional. Some states can help with free or cheap counseling if she needs it. If she does it maybe supporting her through it would help, otherwise i dont blame you for dropping her. i feel sorry for her kids but dont let her destoy your life too.

Bethani - posted on 10/14/2010

number 1- does she know what the word "birth control pills and condoms" are. just reading that i want to call CPS and have these kids placed in a home that they deserve so they can have a life they deserve. i wouldnt let these people near me. ur a good friend to her, but it also sounds like shes using u, but thats just my opinion.

Louise - posted on 10/14/2010

hun theres not alot more u can do u tried ur best it sounds like she is looking for sumthing thats missing in her life and she thinks she can just get knocked up and get rid when it suit her thats all wrong how can she do it ur not a bad freind she put u in a situation u shouldnt be in if that was me i would if walked away xx

Sheena - posted on 10/13/2010

It may sound harsh, but in the best interest of the children involved I would call child services. Your friend obviously needs a wake up call and I am a firm believer that no child should have to be exposed to drugs and other abuse just because the parents do not want to fix themselves. A individual who is so incompetent does not need to be a parent and should by law sterilized in my opinion.

Brittany - posted on 10/13/2010

I agree that you and your kids are better off without this person around, but I do think that somebody needs to help this woman's children. Of course it is not your job to do that, but what you should do is call child services. If her children are being neglected, e.g. no clean diaper for three days, and exposed to illegal substances, e.g., drugs in the home, then her children can and should be taken from her. She also needs to be taught some sex ed or something. There are places you can go to get free contraceptives. Anyway, those are just a few of my thoughts. Good luck.

Gina - posted on 10/13/2010

I'm still amazed at how everyone wants her to call DSS to take away the children that she forced the woman into keeping. She got involved she should take full responsibility for her actions.

Jacqualine - posted on 10/13/2010

Abortions are not a form of birthcontrol. They are there for emergencys... I mean, there is the pill, and many other forms of BC that work just fine.

Grr. Yeah i think you should call social services if she isnt providing, and they can contact her and set her up with the support she needs to try and handle this situation. and cut off you contact with her because im sure you have other things to stress about then someone elses issues that you cant possibley fix anyways.

Lindsay - posted on 10/13/2010

Report her to DSS!!! She disgusts me! Her children are better WITHOUT her!

Carol - posted on 10/13/2010

As a friend, if you cannot help her by personally extending your hand because of issues or things that just are not working for you anymore, I think the best thing you can do is try to get help for her by asking assistance from professionals or institutions who can best care for her kids if she is incapable of doing so and for her as well so she can better understand the situation she is in right now.

Suzie - posted on 10/13/2010

If this were my friends I would call child services and have her kids remove. this women doesn't seem like she cares for her kids at all. they would help her out if she really wants her kids back and that would make her clean up her act. think of her innocent children who are behaving badly cuz their mother doesn't care to make a better life for them expect to fine the next man to knock her up again and then to abort the baby. CHILD SERVICES!!!!!

H.J - posted on 10/13/2010

I am a mandated notifier that means if I see abuse I am legally obliged to report it if I don't I can have legal ramifications. There are hefty fines if I don't so yeah if I see abuse I have to report it I have no choice. I do talk to the person first to give them the chance to fix the issues but if they are recurring then yes I do report it. It is the law here. DFC only acts if there is more than one report from more than one source unless it is life threatening

Irina - posted on 10/12/2010

Um... are there any child services you can call or social service or something like that? Now you should try to help her through some professional help and not on your own. If she does not really need the kids, there are thousands of people who pray to have or adopt children. YOu are totally right she is so unresponsible, I almost cried reading your message, how could you stand her so long? ...

Kelly - posted on 10/12/2010

I'd cut all contact, and report the situation to Child services. They can either help her (while supervising her situation, and guiding her in the right direction) or if it is bad enough, they can pull the kids and put them somewhere safe until she sorts herself out.

Whitney - posted on 10/12/2010

This is beyond "poor choices." She should have learned from the first unplanned pregnancy. She should get no sympathy but definitely get help...mostly for her kids' sake!!

Bernica - posted on 10/12/2010

So, if everyone had that problem, would you call CPS on everyone, or would you try and have her seek counseling? Or do you think CPS is the ONLY option that can help people?

H.J - posted on 10/12/2010

Some people jump to the conclusion that CPS is just to take the kids from their parents and put them in a home. I have worked very closely with DFC in my proffession to support families who are at risk (CPS in other countries) DFC Doesn't just take the kids away from families they monitor them too which is what out come I think everybody here would want. This mother needs support which is what DFC or CPS is able to give.

Lisa - posted on 10/12/2010

call child services then walk out of her life. it sounds like you have tried to help as much as possible but you cant help someone who doesnt help themselves.

Bernica - posted on 10/12/2010

It's really sad and sickening to see how young moms this generation are quickly to call CPS on other ones family to tear them apart from their young ones? Do YOU ever think if someone called CPS on you for just watching you give ur child a little smack on the hand and had YOUR child taken away from you? CPS should've been a last resort if it wouldv'e gotten seriously worse, like the boyfriends beaten on the kids for no aparent reason! If you were a real friend to her, you wouldn't of put her business out on the internet like that and call CPS on her, instead, you should of had her seek counseling or try and talk to her parents and see what's really going on with her life. How would you really feel if someone took your kids away? Bout 8 times out of 10, brothers and sisters that do get taken away are more than likely to get separated from each other and be in different homes, maybe not even see each other for the rest of their lives. I had a friend of a friend that went thru that and is still trying to find their sister.

Karen - posted on 10/12/2010

You are going to have enough on your hands with 2 kids so close together in age, you don't need her stress in your life too, sounds like she needs to learn to stand on her own 2 feet and a bit of tough love might help that happen. It sounds like you have done all you can do to help her and it will be hard to let go (more for the children that she has and not her) but sometimes it can be the best thing. There is only so much you can do without putting yours and your children's health and well being at "risk" so maybe now is the time to cut ties. Good luck!

Brandee - posted on 10/12/2010

Let the Office of Family Services help her.. Maybe she should have her tubes tied so that any future abortions isn't an issue.

Gina - posted on 10/12/2010

It wasn't your place to talk her into having the kid in the first place. Now you feel bad for the children that you forced her to keep... Good job. Even though I don't like the idea of abortion and would never choose it for myself I do think some people are just better off... If she's not going to tie her tubes and shes a shitty parent the kid doesn't need to be brought into this world that way. You don't want to have someone who's dealing drugs and whatnot having kids. Its just bad news. You should have let her just not have the kids rather than them having to now suffer for the rest of their lives.

Brandi - posted on 10/12/2010

I can see where you are coming from as a parent... You woldn't want to put your kids through all of that so it is hard for you to see someone else put their kids through that. I have a relative who is the same way. It kills me everyday to see how she put different me and drugs over her three sons. At this point in time she has lost all legal right to one of them and is fighting with the father of the other two over custody.....Either way I feel for those kids. Neither one have the right to be called parents. I see your frusteration in all of this. I have tried time after time to incourage this person to get back in the right and do what she has to do for her kids. She has to have a man in her life or she can't deal. I think it is one of those insecurities they don't want to tell you about...The fear of being alone. I don't see what is wrong with an adoption. If you know it is going to give your child a better life that what you can. Go for it. I am thinking all in all she just may need a few close friends to sit down with her and be straight forward. Let her know what she is doing to upset you and let her know that adoption is not a bad thing. Reassure her that she does not need a man in her life to be happy and that she can be a single parent even though it is hard.

Tina - posted on 10/12/2010

@Doris Nau! Leslie was coming to us to ask for help as she feels that these children are in danger! she never said that her parenting is perfect or that she couldnt improve on something herself! she simply was looking for some advice and guidance! you said Leslie is being judgemental well you are too sweetie! you said open a bible maybe you should open yours! god says that we should never pass judgment upon others! in the end God will judge us all!

Lydia - posted on 10/12/2010

Disengage - if not for your kids or your husband then for you. Why do you want to help someone who doesnt genuinely want your help? Without cutting het out of your life you are just as guilty of self-sabotage as she is (sorry if that sounds harsh). Take care of yourself first so that you can take care of others - that includes cutting yourself off from those who are voluntarily sinking and trying to take you down with them. It is hard to do but makes life much more enjoyable in the long run :)

Katie - posted on 10/12/2010

You should bail. There are a million other idiots like her out there and it's not your job to take care of them. Join a playgroup and make some new friends :)

Jamarri - posted on 10/12/2010

I would not be her friend anymore. To be honest she sounds 'hood' and ghetto. I am very picky with who my daughter can be around. Her kids probably have bad habits u dont want urs to have. If ur husband also doesnt want her in the house, then i would take that as a sign. Stop talking to this crazy chick. U dont need drama like that in ur life. Having a 18mo old is drama enough. LOL. Trust me i know. I have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old.

Holland - posted on 10/12/2010

your husband is right to not want her or her kids around yours. Your kids will pick up on that attitude. She obviously doesn't care about any one but herself. She needs to learn how to take birth control and look into adoption for her kids. With the mulltiple abortions and neglecting of her kids she should tink she's better off anyways,though shell lose the child support money so no more boobs... On your part I would keep your kids away from surrounding but alone keep in touch and try and help her think of what's best for the kids. If you bale you never know how shell react and it could be against the kids, everyone else has already left her due to them. When she mentions being a bad friend you can tell her your not there for her to continue being a bad mother butto help her change her ways...

Amanda - posted on 10/12/2010

It is really a tough situation you are in... I have a "friend" who is in a rough situation (that she put herself in by bad choices). She had been addicted to heroin and while high rolled over on top of and smothered her newborn son. Her mother died a month afterward of a drug overdose. DCS took her other son because of the environment she exposed him to and the fact that at 4 years old he wasn't talking and was still in diapers... We were good friends in high school and after high school she just went down the wrong path. It is hard because on one hand you want to be there for someone and want to "do your duty" as a friend and be a compassionate human being, after all - look at all the people who have left her. But on the other hand its difficult to put up with all of the negativity and stress that she brings to your life. In my experience with my "friend" I have just had to let go of the sense of responsibility I felt to help her, and just be her friend and show her love. I do not condone any of her behavior and I talk to her when she needs it, however I do not call her (I talk to her when she calls me or emails me) I do not hang out with her. I would recommend 1) do not call her, let her call you 2)do not use any pity words when talking to her (like: awww, that sucks; you just can't get a break; wow you always get the losers; the right guy will come to you... etc) Use words/phrases that are stern and encouraging (like: Well you just need to pick yourself up and get on with the day, who cares about so-and-so, you have to do this for you and the kids; so how is work (or have you found a job yet); What did your kids do in school today (or at home)...etc) Just make sure you are being a strong person and loving toward her as well. You can be there for someone without feeling so responsible or obligated. Remember your children and marriage and life are your priorities, and she is not one of them. Just show love and strength. That's what I can say... Hope this helps...