Brandi - posted on 01/21/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )
My daughter is almost 2 months old. I was depressed through out my pregnancy. If I had known then, what I know now, I would of said something to my OB/GYN about it. I didn't know that if you are depressed during your pregnancy, you have a higher chance of having PPD after delivery. Not to mention, I've suffered from depression basically my WHOLE life. That's what I *thought* my depression through my pregnancy was. Just plain o'l regular depression. Looking back now, I can see the differences between what I felt and depression I've had before I got pregnant.
I have a great boyfriend who does everything he can to help out when he isn't working. I have some friends that I can talk to that have been through this before. However, I still feel alone. The one person I wish I could talk to about it the most is my mother but I can't. She doesn't get it. She has texted me hurtful things (not intentionally to hurt me). Such as, telling me to "get a grip", "snap out of it" and "not let it control my life." I don't know how to break it to her that I can't just "snap" out of it. She never went through it and I feel like explaining to her what it is like... Would be like trying to get a man to understand what labor and delivery feels like. I know she was just trying to help but she really doesn't realize some of the things she says are hurtful.
I tore when I had her. So, in the hospital, my wonderful boyfriend did more for her than I did. I was in so much pain. Getting out of bed was a nightmare. When we came home, things just went farther down hill. I was hurting so bad, again, he had to do most everything for her because it hurt to even carry her. She got to bond with him first. I felt like she didn't know who I was. I convinced myself that she hated me for about two weeks straight. I was terrified when he had to go back to work. I felt like I was incapable of taking care of her. I cried and cried and I didn't know why. I was never upset or anything at her. It was all at myself. I wanted him to have me committed and get full custody of her and go find another woman to raise her with. It was HORRIBLE! During his weekends, I wanted to pass her off to him and run away. Now, I resent him sometimes. He works 4 nights a week, 40 hours a week. I resent the fact he get's to leave the house. He get's 40 hour breaks every week. I don't. In some stupid way, I feel jipped and it's soo stupid! I know deep down, I really don't feel the way I do but I can't stop these feelings.
I was just wondering if any of you have suffered or are suffering from PPD. I'd love to hear stories about how you felt and what you went through. In some ways, I think it would help me feel a little less alone. Also, I'd like to know what you did/are doing to help you. I have my 6 week check up next week and I plan on talking to him about anti-depressants. I don't want to be on them but she's not getting 100% of me. I, also, feel bad for being such a basket case sometimes. I know it has to be hard on my boyfriend sometimes. Especially, when he says just some random, every day thing to me and I burst into tears like he just told my best friend died. It's horrible!!
Thank you, ladies! :)