Pregnant and Already don't feel I can trust anyone with Daughter

Rebekah - posted on 06/07/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

10

19

0

Hello,
My name is Rebekah. And I'm 36 weeks, and 5 days pregnant. I have been thinking about a million things lately. But the one thing that keeps sticking is, I feel like I don't trust ANYONE except my b.f to hold, or handle our daughter. Does anyone else, or has anyone else felt this way before? Is this normal? Did is subside? Any advice? Also I'm so afraid that certain people are going to try to tell me what to do when it comes to our daughter. Like people I don't want help from. I just am getting frustraded @ the thought of someone trying to tell me what to do, and point out what I'm doing wrong. Or say do it this way, not that way! I'm so fearful of people doing that, cause I do appreciate advice, but doesn't mean I want people telling me how to raise her! I do have to learn something's myself yanno. And just because someone has had children already, does not mean they know better than you. Especially when you look @ how their kids have turned out. Just please someone help lol

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Everyone will try to give you advice. It just comes with the territory. You seem willing to listen and learn from others, but want to make the final decision. That's how it should be, because this is YOUR child afterall. When someone gives you advice just say, "Thanks" as nicely as you can. Then do what feels right to you!

Nikki - posted on 06/07/2010

1,524

23

151

I was like that for the first few months I was so possesive over my son. I still am but I do love the help, hes almost one and hes a handful he runs around allllllll day long , I get tired pretty quickly.

Unfortunately EVERYONE will have an opinion and tell you how you should do things.......... you need to stand up for yourself and explain to them you are her mom and unless they gave birth to her you will make the decisions. Believe in yourself that you are an amazing mom and ignore stupid things everyone else says, youll do whats best for her and thats all that matters!!!!

Tarina - posted on 06/15/2010

192

50

13

just take a look at WHY you dont trust these people. If its valid, trust your instincts. If its just that you dont want anyone else having influence over her (or you) that is just hormones. Is this your first? Remember, people may not know the best way to say something to give you suggestions or advice, but they do mean well (usually). Just put up your boundaries, accept advice and be glad they care enough to want to help you, but remember all the final decisions are yours and be sure they understand that. EVERYONE has an opinion, its the way we are as humans, and we want our advice to help those who are less knowledgeable than us wether its solicited or not. You just need to wade thru the advice, take what you find helpful and graceful discard the rest. We did the same thing growing up with all the advice our parents gave us, took what we wanted, left the rest behind. Just remember they arent out to get you, they want to help and if you want them to be there with advice or a helping hand later, use manners and tact when telling them to mind their own business or those bridges may burn before you realize you need/want them after all :) You'll figure it out!!

Lauren - posted on 06/11/2010

56

19

5

Get ready for it, because you are going to get loads of "advice" from everyone around you. It can be frustrating at times, especially when it is put in a way hinting that you are doing something incorrect. Just take it as it comes, and try not to get too upset over it. Some of the advice may actually be extremely helpful, but other things you can just smile about as they are received and throw them out the window later.

Catherine - posted on 06/10/2010

5

50

0

I always listen to people's advice and say thankyou then don't do it if I think the advice is not for me =]
It will subside, I felt like you I also didn't like strangers touching my bump, got me really over protective xx

This conversation has been closed to further comments

100 Comments

View replies by

Erin - posted on 06/21/2010

84

5

5

People ARE going to give advice and speak their opinions, wanted or not, ALL the time! But so will most of us! There's no reason to be rude to someone because of it, though. I think some of the comments- telling people to mind their own business, think about their own kids and not yours, is absolutely ridiculous. It sounds like a bunch of over-privileged high school kids! Ridiculous! 9 times out of ten when someone says something their intentions aren't to be mean or rude and if they are, grow up and get over it. You would think as adults you would have already learned that two wrongs don't make a right, but apparently not. You don't have to follow anyone's advice if you disagree with it, but that doesn't mean you have to be nasty about it! And just because someone gave you advice that might actually be a good idea but you didn't want to hear it doesn't mean you can't go on with it. As for being protective, it's normal and natural. However it might be a good idea to get to know your partner and his family before deciding to reproduce! Also unless you have a good reason to not trust one of these family members that you don't want anywhere near your child, keep in mind that they will remember how you treated them when you're in a jam and need a babysitter or help or something.
I understand to an extent how you feel and how many of you feel as I was one worried mama when my daughter was a new-born, but I also had the sanity to realize the reality of situations. I also wasn't rude to people as I want to be a good person and a good role-model for my daughter, no matter how old she is. Shame on some of you for being so ignorant and immature.

Mariana - posted on 06/20/2010

20

5

2

Well Im not offering any advice cause Im a first time mum and not that experienced but I let bubs be held by other people the moment he was born. If anything I wanted him to be held by alot of people just so he can experience new faces and not be a baby that cried everytime mum wasn't holding him. He's met around 20 of my friends so far all of them have held him and he loves it. He is only 15 weeks old so Im hoping he doesn't suddenly change because I am with him 24/7 (apart from when one of his nans babysit him). Luckily I haven't had anyone telling me what I should or shouldn't do but me being a bit feisty would tell them where to stick it. I find myself asking both nannas on advice all the time and they never try to force anything down my throat they just give me their experiences. its been a great although trying journey so far :)

Liz - posted on 06/20/2010

19

2

0

i didn't really have time to think it over, my dad came and took my son for 2 hours when he was 8 days old. i had no trust issues with my dad at all, it was just alittle too soon i think, i cried on and off for the 2 hours he was gone.
he's 3 and a half months now and he has no problem with being with other people, my dad takes him almost every sat for 2 hours or so, he been watched by every grandparent except his dads dad. i don't know why but he makes me nervous dont really know how to deal with that one yet.
but i wouldn't worry about what other people will tell u, everyones got their own advice to give, but it's just that. advice. u don't have to do anything with it if u don't want to

Stephanie - posted on 06/20/2010

6

19

0

Yes everyone will have an opinion and try to tell you that they know the best way to do things. But I have found it very useful to listen to what everyone has to say and decide for myself what to do in the end. Just because you listen to what they say doesnt mean that your promising your gonna use their advice.

Valerie - posted on 06/20/2010

1

8

0

Yes, it is very common, it will take time, but you will learn who and when to trust. The biggest thing is to trust your daughter. if she isn't comfortable with someone, they dont need to be holding her. As far as unwanted advice, the FIRST time these people offer it, let them know "I want you to be part of my daughters life, but I cannot accept you telling me what to do. if you want to be around us, please, respect me and my choices. If I need help, I will ask."

Amanda - posted on 06/20/2010

3

24

0

I felt the same way except I felt that no one ( no even the husband) could take care of my baby except me. That subsides... especially when you need a break. People mean well with their advice, but honestly it all comes naturally with your own baby. And things work different for each mom and each child too. Don't stress too much and good luck!

K. - posted on 06/19/2010

188

18

9

This doesn't sound like over-protection, it sounds like paranoia. You're daughter is not ever out yet and you're already making mental lists of who can and can't hold her. Relax. And the advice thing, if it comes just let it go in one ear and out the other. But listen to what you're saying. You're worried about the possibility that in the future you may get unsolicited advice from people regarding your child who isn't born yet. Take a deep breath and calm down. Enjoy your last month of your pregnancy. Stop stressing. You'll feel better.

Mélanie - posted on 06/19/2010

9

24

0

Lol...yep, you're normal. I felt the same way about the advice. You get over it...'cause it NEVER stops my gosh!!!! And when you are pregnant EVERYBODY and the dog knows best and you have hormones flying and people are telling you horrible births stories...yeah...I don't know when it became a sport to torture pregnant woman with advice and never ending belly pat...but, man was that tough!!!!!

About the baby handling...My child is 21 months and I don't trust my ex-husband longer than a couple of hours with her...and the list does not end there. You will feel overwhelmed though...but, I am sure you can come to trust some people with your little bundle of joy...just let the dust settle after having her.

Good luck!!!!

Janessa - posted on 06/19/2010

289

10

0

I just did what worked best for us. I didn't let anyone's advice effect me negatively. I know most of the time it is well meaning, but truthfully what worked for them might not work for you. Just do what comes natural, you can patiently listen to what they say, and then just do what you feel is best. You'll be so much less stressed if you don't let everyone's advice get to you.

Theresa - posted on 06/19/2010

90

29

2

I can understand how you feel. I am very protective of my 2 girls and sometimes I think I was a bit ooverprotective with my first daughter. I defend myself by saying that I'd rather worry too much than not enough : ) In time you will get used to people giving you advice (whether you want it or not). I smile and thank them, but only you can decide whether to use that advice or not. It's yours and your boyfriends daughter, no one else's therefore it's your choices how to raise her.

Courtney - posted on 06/19/2010

16

9

0

i was like that too. i didn't hire a sitter until last september and even then i was a lil over protective. i ended up having to have my sister call the sitter to make sure everything was ok. as for the fear of people telling you what to do. i went through and still am going through that. just take what they're saying to you as a suggestion and remind them that ur child is different from their child or children. i had to do that with my mom. she was trying to take over and i finally saqid to her look i am his mother not u. i love u mom but u need to back off and let me be the parent. she understood where i was coming from and has since backed off.

Terri - posted on 06/19/2010

11

24

0

my parnters family tried to tell me i was doin things wrong and that i wasnt feeding my baby enough (i was breastfeeding) but i showed them all wrong ... and you will 2 xx
im very possive over my children health workers have told me im over possive but who cares if you love your children/child and look after to them give them every thing they need then who cares how protective you are towards them xxx you will be fine xxxx

Erica - posted on 06/19/2010

9

21

1

yeah, it made me really anxious too. it almost ticked me off to a point. i remember i almost even ended up hitting my grandma because i got so frustrated. i felt so bad :( but its normal. you've just got to learn to step back and breathe. good luck!

Natasha - posted on 06/19/2010

42

47

13

This is 100 % normal! When your pregnant and you suddenly realize you have someone else to protect not just you anymore you start thinking pretty hard. I call it mental overload lol. anyways I was totaly the same way! After my first was born I wouldnt let anyone hold her. Not even my parents. I would reach out for her with the drs and nurses would take her. This lasted for about a month. Then suddenly one day she wouldnt stop crying and I was sooo tired (babies can sense when you are stressed) I finally said "mom will you please take her for a little while so I can take a nap" My mom was totaly surprised she reached out for her and took her and no crying no fussing my daughter went right to sleep. I stared for a few minutes then went to my room and passed out. Afterwards I realized I needed to calm down some. relax people you know and trust yourself are more than likely ok to help you with your baby and hold them and love and snuggle them. :) Trust me the baby will let you know if they dont want to be with them. Babies since things that even we dont since as moms (Mothers instinct). Most of the time your mother's instinct kicks right in. if every feeling and gut and nerve in your body says NO NO NO NO more than likely you might need to listen to it. If your not sure if its just your mind cuz your paranoid then test it out. Let them touch the baby rub their head or something. If that baby does not want that person holding them it will let you know. Trust me from experience :) As for the advice at first let it roll off your shoulders and continue to do it your way. They still dont get the point and keep trying look at them and politely say " Not that I dont appreciate your advice and your oppionion but every child is different and so is every parent. I would like to do this my way and learn on my own" If they take it offensively it will more than likely brush off in a few days they will have some time to think about when they were like that. Most people dont even realize it until you do say something then they most of the time apologize for it. its also ok to take some advice from some people like parents and stuff. I found it very helpful in some situations. Both my kids have GERD (gastro esophical reflux disease) basically its baby reflux and the fussing you deal with is the same as a baby with a really bad case of colic, except with gerd you get to deal with more puking and things like that. both my mother and my mother in law had experiece with this with me and my husband as babies. It was great to get some helpful advice and tips as to how to handle things and make things alittle easier. I hope this helped. Congratulations on the new little one to come. Hope all goes well!

Veronica - posted on 06/19/2010

1

10

0

I don't feel like you are wrong for feeling protective of ur baby if you don't protect her who will.so people will have to just understand ur feelings on everything.u will more than likely get use to other people holding her but while she is young you have to be that way because her little body can't fight off sickness as ours can.so whatever makes you comfortable with ur baby do it !!i wish you luck with ur new family and may you all be blessed.

Rhea - posted on 06/19/2010

16

40

0

I know what you're going through
at the end of the day it's your decision what you take from persons advice
raise your daughter the way you want to because at the end of the day what you put in will come out. my husband and i raise our son and he's growing great, went camping when he was 2 weeks old. only time he's "sick" is if his allergies act up

there is no right and wrong parenting
you're a mother you know your child, you'll never do anything to hurt her, just trust your heart

Amanda - posted on 06/19/2010

83

29

2

i was like that and i still am like that with my two year old and my baby thats on her way i listen to them and i look at how there kids turned out if there kid turned out ok then i consider the advice if there kid turned out not so good then i dont listen to what they say to me you cant stop them from talking unless you stay away from everyone but you can listen to them and you dont even have to do it there way this is your child so its your way or no way all the time thats the best part of being the mommy

Nichole - posted on 06/18/2010

6

15

2

Rebekah it's ok to feel that way this is the first time your becoming a mommy! When your precious little bundle comes along everything is gonna pan out as far as your feelings and people holding your baby. Believe it or not as new as she'll be she'll let you know who she wants to hold her and your gonna know her feelings, and wants, it'll come to the both of you naturally. As far as receiving advice from other people everybody's child is different so what may have worked for one may not work for you. Trust me it'll all pan out, go with your instinct and always LISTEN to your child(ren). You'll know what I mean when she gets here and you'll be able to distinguish which cry means what and continue from there as far as listening to her. I'm a mother of 4 I've been a mother for 12 yrs and the best advice I can give is to always listen and stay in tune with what your child is trying to tell you and there's no such thing as spoiling your child too much. I mean there is but as far as holding, talking and cuddling with your child there's never a such thing as too much love. And by the way I commend you for already caring for your baby before she even got here that lets me know your gonna be a great mom. Oh and one more thing babies feed off of your emotions! So try to stay positive as much as you can so that way she can grow up to be a happy lil camper when she gets into the toddler yrs. Trust me that's a whole other story. Good Luck and try to remain positive and remember it doesn't matter what others say or think that's YOUR baby and you do the best you can for and by her.

Parisa - posted on 06/18/2010

1

5

0

Don't you love it when everyone becomes an expert on Your life? The fact is, your mommy instincts kicks in and you will decide at the given time what is right for you and baby. Most people's intentions are wanting to give you helpful advice and make your life easier. Right now, it feels (or it did in my case) that it was just one more detail that was being jammed into the mix and was more thing to worry about if I screwed up.
The possessive (the crazy psycho kind) went away quickly for most people when I saw how extremely careful everyone was. The people that are questionable in your mind (the family that you can't just say no without ruining Christmas), have them sit and you situate them in their arms. That way you can fidget until YOU get comfortable. It was a little thing that worked well and it wasn't so blatantly rude.

Elisabeth - posted on 06/18/2010

32

0

0

I am usually a pretty trusting person but I found myself being cautious at first with my son. That didn't last long, though. I think it is healthier for kids to be held by a lot of different people because it helps them not become too attached to or dependent on their moms. My son is 7 1/2 months, and he will go to anyone. I have let almost total strangers hold him, and he loves everyone. Children need to learn to trust people because after they get a little older, if they don't know how to trust people and you tell them not to trust strangers, they won't ever be able to trust easily.

[deleted account]

Hi Rebekah,

Ok, so first off about the advice people will give. There will be a lot!! Be knowledgable yourself. That was the best thing I could have done. Everyone gives advice whether you want it or not. Just thank them and if you don't agree tell them why. When you have educated answers, people don't often take it the wrong way. I always kept what people said in the back of my head - but looked up stuff I didn't know about or understand. I really wanted to establish healthy patterns in my son at an early age. Books and the internet provide lots of helpful hints (but also lots of crap too), but by watching other friends who were moms, I was able to see what people were doing "wrong" and what people were doing "right". Everything affects the child. Things like germs - yes are a concern when they are only weeks to a couple months old - but they need to be exposed to them or they can't develop an immune system!! Every mom ultimately wants to do what's best for their child, but that can sometimes be overshadowed by what we as their mom want. This takes me right to the next point... the advice you asked for.

About your fear of trusting people with your daughter. You have to try and remember that the more people who handle her and are involved in her life, the more social and happy she will be. I can understand it's hard when they are so small, but when my son was born, I told myself how good it was for him to be held by others. You will get to hold her ALL the time!! I was in the hospital for 3 days (c-section), and probably had 25 vistors over those 3 days. Every single one of them held him. One of the old school nurses was unhappy I was doing it, but every other nurse there commented on how good that was. That really helped me. What I have seen in friends it that when people are too overprotective of their infants, those children turn out to be clingy and whiny, constantly only wanting their mom's. They never want to socialize with other children, and can be very difficult to leave with sitters once they are older - almost like seperation anxiety. As I saw with one friend, it can make it VERY difficult once another baby is born. The older one will hold serious resentment towards the newborn for taking away mommy's time. As hard as it is, try to remind yourself to develop healthy patterns in your daughter's life. Not being around other people will make them fearful as you are. Trust me when I say you will want to have your child act like they do around you (giggling, laughing, talking, playing, rolling, etc...) when they are around other people too. It's like showing off what your child can do. I know if sounds funny, but your life becomes all about how cute your kid is and wanting to show other people how adorable they are...but if they clam up everytime someone is around, it's hard to show them off!! ;)

Good luck and I hope everything works out wonderfully for you!
Leslie

Nicole - posted on 06/18/2010

410

8

12

Its is hard to not feel this way when your family proves themselves not capable. I finally decided to give my significant others parents a chance to watch our daughter...i will say never again till she can speak maybe longer then that till they will listen to her. she has special needs with her condition and they ignored every single one of them. His mother decided to use an adult dinner teaspoon to measure baby formula from our Avent formula dispensing cup that was already measured for a 6 oz bottle....and she did not even pay attention to the water lines on the bottle for how many oz of water she just filled it half way and only used one small teaspoon... needless to say we had a screaming baby for the rest of the night after we picked her up.

The worst part is they are really the only ones that do not work and could have been liable baby sitters so i could go back to work or school. but i refuse to leave her with them after that incident. i can not deal with a cranky screaming baby at night and then do school work and go to work with no help from her father at night cause he refuses to help with anything baby related after 10 pm till he gets off work the following day.

our child is normally content and rarely screams ...except after picking her up from her grandparents...i knew something was wrong when we went to get her=/ my child never screams non stop for hours. so if he will actually step up to responsibility of a baby on weekends that would be my only way of finding employment. it will be very sad if i have to be forced to drive 40 miles one way and back again to take her to my moms for a reliable and responsible sitter.

Louise - posted on 06/18/2010

260

16

15

Also my dad takes my boys for me even overnight sometimes. I always still put in a list of what to eat and when. If you can't leave her with anyone else you will burn yourself out but put rules in place. Say this is what she needs while you have her and if you don't do what I ask I won't ask you to mind her again!

Yvonne - posted on 06/18/2010

1

13

0

Hi Rebekah,

It seems like the post natal derpression has it you! Dont worry I had it bad as well, I don't want to scare you but once my boy was born it just got worse!

You just need to remember, that baby is yours and no matter what other people tell you, you are your own person and you are the babies mother and there is no one that can take that away from you!

Us mothers aren't strong woman for nothing! we keep to our words and dare anyone get in the way of our way!
This is something that took me a while to realise but it will come to you just be patient. all good things come in time!

Yvonne

Louise - posted on 06/18/2010

260

16

15

I had a philosophy which was listen to all the advice. Be polite and say thank you for the advice but ultimately it is your decision.
But I would listen to the advice as it can sometimes be something you didn't know that could help.
For example I was told a bigger size nappy at night means less likely to wake up wet in middle of night. I have since passed this on to several people who have said that it was something that they would never have thought to do.

To keep the peace you should listen but whether you do or not is up to you!

Dionne - posted on 06/17/2010

10

4

1

I agree with the person who posted, focus on the things you do want for yourself and your child. These feelings are normal. I would also say find a way to not alienate people from your life (those with the unsolicited advice, or those with ideas that you don't like or agree with). You are the MOM, you don't have to agree, but if these are the same people you will go to for help or a break when you need, it's prudent to probably just nod and smile and keep on doing what you're doing with your baby love. When I leave my daughter with grandparents they have a very specific to do and not to do list. I never argue. If i catch them doing it, then they understand that their privileges are limited to supervised visits only. hope this helps.

Lisa - posted on 06/17/2010

3

52

0

oh gurl, you make me laugh...lol i totally agree with the comment about how other peoples kids turn out...lol you'll be just fine. :)

Christina - posted on 06/17/2010

196

17

41

Rebekah, it is OK to feel like that.
When I was pregnant w my daughter, I wasn't sure if I wanted other people handling her either, including my hubby. (he was my bf at the time) I was pretty sure my maternal instinct would kick in as soon as I saw her, and I was right.
Even tho you don't want to, at least try to listen to what others have to say. It's definitely going to be information overload. If people are constantly telling you something and you're tired of listening, tell them to write their information and advice down. You can always look at it later. Better yet, get a book just for advice. Keep a pen with it and when people start dishing out advice, tell them to write it down so you can look at it later. If they ask, tell them you're so busy adoring your daughter that it's hard to take in more information. I'm sure they'll understand.
Best of luck to you! And remember, this feeling will pass.......eventually.

Natasha - posted on 06/17/2010

2

16

0

i felt like that an to b honest i still do an my wee girl is 10 months,, i trust no one 2 hold he but myself,,its hard trying to trust people an to b honest im paying 4 it now as lexi doesnt want to go to any1 but myself an when she is in some1 elses arms she cries to get to me...i cant understand 100% were u r coming from but it doesnt help yourself in the long run,,hope this helps x x

Julie - posted on 06/17/2010

11

10

3

LOL. I am SO with you on that! I have 3 kids, the oldest is 7, second is 5 1/2 and my youngest is 2. I sometimes worry even about leaving them with Daddy! He works 2 jobs, so he is tired, and I'm always afraid that he'll fall asleep when I leave. I have left my kids with my mom, (but only the 2 oldest) my aunt (when I only had 1) a friend (when they were all sleeping) and my husband (when it's necessary!) I am a stay home mom, have been since I was 24 weeks with my first (because of complications I was unable to work). It is a hard thing to get over, and I fully understand your point about how everyone else's kids are! That's my big thing, too. But find a few people you really trust and have grown children or children who behave like small humans instead of wild animals, and use them for taking care of your daughter when you need time away, for whatever reason. You will start to feel more comfortable with other people, but if you feel adamantly against leaving her with someone, then just don't do it! If you don't want to share her at first, that's okay. She's been all yours for 9 months, and people are usually quite understanding about the new mommy wanting some bonding time with the new baby. And if you feel uncomfortable telling people, just don't have people come to the hospital to see you and when they come to your house, tell them you're a germaphobe and they can look, but no touch! Our pediatrician said that. People take that seriously. And take all the advice you will undoubtedly get with a grain of salt! I once had an old lady tell me to "be sure you give that baby a cloth diaper dipped in butter, because it's really good for him". Write stuff down so you can remember everything the kooks tell you! And good luck!

Amanda - posted on 06/17/2010

20

46

1

that is all completely normal, i was the same with my little girl and i still am.

Nicole - posted on 06/17/2010

18

15

0

I think everyone goes through a possesive phase. I'm on baby #2 and only like to let certain people hold her, but I also have reasons for not wanting certain other people to hold her. It usually passes, unless you have strong gut feelings about certain people.......and it is usually best to go with your gut feelings.

As far as other opinions, there is no way to avoid that. Try to be as polite as possible (it can be hard sometimes). The last thing you want to do is hurt someone's feelings, but be upfront about the way you feel. You will generally know what is best for you and your child, but keep an open mind to other's thoughts. It doesn't mean you have to do what they say, especially if the advice comes from those you don't want advice from. I definately know how that goes! In that case, I do my best just to nod and say ok.....but do what I want to do and what I think is best.

Kandice - posted on 06/17/2010

30

36

1

Your motherly instincts are kickin in! YES Sweetheart its normal and as they get older you finally get over it, Not completely but it does somewhat go away. GOD BLESS U & YOUR FAMILY!

Angela - posted on 06/17/2010

19

23

1

I haven't read every post, but here's my advice: if there are people who you supect are going to give you unwanted advice, talk to them about it before your child is born. Tell them that while you appreciate advice, you have a certain way you are going to do things and that YOU will ask THEM if you want advice. I had that conversation with my mom, and things went better than I expected. She totally understood. I'm still waiting for my husband to have that talk with his mom, but that's another story. If people don't respect your wishes, you can limit the amount of time they are allowed to spend with you and your baby.

As far as your feelings go, I didn't feel that until after my son was born. He's 6 months old now, and it has gone away some, but I do still feel it sometimes. I think it's a mother instinct; we want to protect our children. But after awhile, you will get to a point where you feel better about other people being around your baby.

Tiffany - posted on 06/16/2010

31

34

3

It's very normal and it will go away with time. Once your baby starts doing new things on his/her own you'll feel way better about it.

Gemma - posted on 06/16/2010

11

28

2

I felt the same when I was pregnant with my little girl. As soon as she was born I let my family and close friends have cuddles with her only if I was there. I still am careful as to who she is with but not as careful as I was. My little girl is now 10 weeks old and I had my 1st night out last weekend and left her with a neighbour. My partner is in the Army and is away 99% of the time, he's only seen her 4 times since she was born (due to work commitments). If he was home more I thonk I'd have been different and only have left her with him but as I have no choice and I needed some me time I just had to do it (and now I've done it I'd do it again). Regarding people telling you how to do things and telling you the way you do things is wrong. Stand your ground and tell people you will bring your baby up the way you want and tell people you will ask for their help or their opinions if and when you need it. I had to do this or my parents would have taken over and brought her up their way. I'm not saying my parents did a bad job bringing me and my brother up but I will not be bringing my daughter up the way they did me. I had to explain things have changed since I was little and if I needed advice then I'd make sure they were asked. Good luck with your little one and trust your instincts. I thought I'd never cope on my own with my daughter 10 weeks later I can say I'm loving being a mummy and I am proud of what I have achieved on my own and have on several times gone with my instincts and luckily they have been right. Stay strong!!! xxx

Kimberly - posted on 06/14/2010

75

45

2

My daughter is 8 months & 1 week and I don't trust anyone other than her father. It's normal. I am the exact same way!! I can't stand my mother in law because she thinks she knows how to raise my daughter better than me. and she is no longer involved at all in my daughter's life because she cannot keep her opinions to herself, and thinks that because she has children who are now in their 30's she knows everything about raising children. Anyway just try your best to ignore those who bring you down. Don't let anyone tell you how to raise your child. you and the father know your baby best and know the best ways to raise her! It's perfectly normal to feel this way & I am sure tons of people go through it! ♥ good luck!

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2010

8

37

0

It was normal for me too. I didn't want anyone to touch my twins. But then they were in the NICU for awhile since they were two months premie. The best advice I can give is trust your gut instinct. If you feel that you can't trust certain people with your child then don't. Even though many people mean well and give advice on how to raise your child, doesn't mean that it is the things to do with your child. Every child is different.

Betty - posted on 06/14/2010

1,061

7

90

If you don't feel comfortable with somone helping you with your baby just say no thank you. Smile and nodd at anthing someone tells you and than do what you know to be right. Even doctors will give some stupid advice. Just do your own research. Every once in a while somone's advice will be a huge help but most of the time you will be able to fugure out what is best or needs to be done.

Abby - posted on 06/14/2010

13

3

0

I just had my first baby 4 months ago and I'm a long time nanny (Since I was 12 and now I'm 22)...you never want to give your child for someone else to watch, but it's MUCH needed sometimes, and trust me once you find a great nanny you'll totally trust you!!! at first don't leave your baby gone for a long time with that person maybe 45minutes or hang out there with them to get to the person...don't worry you'll find someone!

Gemma - posted on 06/14/2010

38

30

1

i am the same my lil girl is 5 months old and i still dont like people holding her or stayin at nannies house but i no its the right thing and she wont be so dependent on me or her dad.

I hate the way ppl tell me to do this or tell me wat the matter is with her and they dont even see her that much to actually no wats wrong, this topic is so close to my heart as im going thru it all now and its doin my head in..... i dont wanna upset ne1 but i have spoken up as it my baby and im her mother so i no wats best even if they have bin there and done it before...... keep ur chin up and try and ignore it all hun.xxx

Angela - posted on 06/14/2010

2

22

0

I felt the same way except I didnt really trust my boyfriend or even my own mother with him either but those feelings will subside you'll start to relax once you realize everything will really be ok...but the only advice I can give you is trust your feelings and do what makes you feel comfortable, not what others say to you cause in the end that is your child!!

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

7

59

0

When I was pregnant (12 yrs ago), i wondered some of these same things. Was I doing right by a parent code or what WIC and our DR, wanted,even was i too preventative as far as food and preparing her for the weather outside. Trust your instincts,you are going to recognize your baby's needs and wants better than anyone,even your DR or family and friends. Its that bond between mom and baby,even dad's can't compare.As for who you can trust to take good care of your children,again trust your instincts,get other opinions and some times you're lucky you have family and friends you can count on.when interviewing people: ask questions,see how they act with their own kids or others they may be responsible for,check their behavior with others,make sure they interact well with kids,not just park them in front of the tv and call that their entertainment. I liked reading,watching arts& craft shows,anything that had singing or animals or most music. whatever your children seem to have interest in.Every child is different and every pregnancy can be different too. Best of Luck and hope this was helpful!~Heather

Abby - posted on 06/14/2010

28

11

1

I felt the same way when I was pregnant. And when it came to parenting advice my future father-in-law (who has 5 kids and abandoned 3 of them and is a terrible dad to the other 2) kept telling me advice and I looked at him and said "thanks for the advice, but God wouldn't give me a baby if he didn't think I could raise it well" and it shut him up. And my own mom tried showing my fiancee and myself how to most effectively dress a baby and I actually had to yell at her "Mom we need to learn this on our own!" and she backed off surprisingly well. But I definitely had the same concerns and just wanted to let you know you really will know what you're doing (even if you think you don't) and if you really dont then you can ask those overly-advising people for "help". lol

Tiffany - posted on 06/14/2010

47

5

1

Yes when I was pregnant I did feel that way too and from my eqperience it does not get any better after you have them! I let my daughter go to my parents and his parents and his sister but I wont let anyone else take her over night! or anytime for that matter! Yeah and we live with a 7 year old girl that gets mad at us for not letting her play baby dolls with our daughter! we dont even let her carry her around. my little cousin is 10 and she carried her around and I fliped out the first time I was that! So its something that I guess we have to get over some time. My daughter is 7 months and well I guess that I am this way because our daughter was two months early, with what we had to go through with her being in the hospital for the first month of her life!

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2010

6

1

0

AS A MOTHER OF 3KIDS...11 N 4 N 11MONTHS OLD...TILL THIS DAY I STILL DON'T TRUST ANYBODY WITH MY KIDS...BUT THATS JUST A NATURAL FEELING...THAT WE GO THREW AS MOTHERS WITH OUR CHILDREN...ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE BABIES...AT 1ST U WILL FEEL LIKE THAT VERY OVER PROTECTIVE & UNTRUSTWORTHY BUT AFTER A WHILE WHEN U START GETTING COMPHY WITH UR BABY N OTHERS BEING AROUND HIM OR HER YOU WILL BE ABLE 2 LET GO JUST A LIL BIT...

Kori - posted on 06/13/2010

5

10

0

I had the same thought when I was pregnant. I didn't want certain people to hold my daughter, I didn't want to leave her with people b/c they wouldn't do what I told them since I'm a new mommy and they knew better. Trust me though it may change, I did for the most part there are still some people I don't want to hold my child. It's mainly been close family and some of my friends, I do keep a close on them how ever :) but both her grandparents and some aunts watch her but I still get nervous about it, and only her grandma that we live with watches her over night right now. You will need a break to have some "me" time so you may change your mind lol.



I agree with everyone about the advice it will never stop. I got a bunch when I was pregnant and I get a bunch now and my daughter is 2 months old. If you need to be bitchy with someone who doesn't listen when you ask them to stop then go ahead. It's your child, just tell them you appreciate the help but you can handle it unless you ask for it. The worst maybe from both of your child's grandmas. Since they have been through it they know all. I deal with it but I ignore it I let them say what they need to but don't listen. Just don't get frustrated about it, everything will work out and be ok

Nneka - posted on 06/13/2010

9

27

0

Hey Rebekah,
My name is Nneka, I'm a new mom too, well my son is a year old now but YES! I went through what you are going through now. I constantly was overprotective of my son, and STILL am. My b/f still tells everyone who holds him "drop him and I'll kill you" not literally but just to make a point that he was overprotective too. I didn't have anyone tell me I did something wrong but I had several moms I knew giving me plenty of advice and tips, even now! What is also good is reading baby books and magazines then you can check to see if you are unsure of something you could also look it up or even ask a Pediatrician. Hope this helps!

Carol - posted on 06/13/2010

325

14

15

I sorta know how you fell only I didn't trust my husband with our son. I still dont . its really hard to leave them alone because people don't treat them the way I do

Lin - posted on 06/13/2010

565

46

22

It is very normal; my second child is 4 and half months old and I STILL get advice about baby care as if I have no clue from everyone (I even had a 10 year old stranger tell me that I should put hot sauce on my baby's fingers to keep them out of his mouth - that one I surely laughed off and advised her to talk to her doc about that as she was being called to see him/her). I usually thank someone for their concern, and if they're really in your face about it, I remind them that there's no one right way to parent and my way is working quite nicely.

The not trusting thing is normal, and it will be less intense as people earn your trust, and in general most people will earn that trust. (However, if someone has earned a spot in your "Never Again" list, DO NOT feel guilty about hurting their feelings or the feelings of others about it - your child's safety is top priority. My grandmother's on mine, and even though my mother gets upset about it, the "chicken bone incident" did my trust for her in.)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms