Pregnant with a daughter that I don

Jess - posted on 05/30/2010

I will happily take that precious baby off your hands if she is such an inconvenience to you ! Look no further, one very loving and kind mother right here ! Here is a lesson I would teach your daughter, a mothers love is UNCONDITIONAL, it starts from their first heart beat and NEVER ends, and a mother who doesn't want more children uses effective birth control !

I think you need to see a doctor and get some help, because this is an awful thing to be saying about an innocent baby, who by the way already knows your voice, is comforted by your heart beat and trust's you to take good care of her ! I know plenty of women who would swap their bodies and life with you to have that baby. I'm going to go hug my daughter right now because reading this just makes me love the gift I have sooo much more !

Rebecca - posted on 05/30/2010

Nicolette i would suggest you go back to your original post and edit where it says baby girl and just write second child. It might help break up some of this "gender" bashing and help get some real help instead of criticism.
Rebecca
Circle of Moms Coach

Nicole - posted on 05/30/2010

@ Rebecca Thorne: That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard! I am so sorry! Wow!!!

Sheila - posted on 05/30/2010

Um. Jade. Read her second post. It isn't the gender, it's other factors.

Jade - posted on 05/30/2010

I totally agree with below. This is absolutely terrible. You're discriminating against your own child because of her gender?? Disgusting. I hope your partner sticks up for that beautiful little girl and takes her and your son on. Alone.

Imagine how your daughter would feel reading this post.

Nikki - posted on 05/30/2010

You need to seek some help, fast; you could be suffering with pre natal depression and your judgement could be clouded by all of the pregnancy hormones. Having a baby is expensive yes, but people always manage. Seek some help so that you don't turn around in years to come and regret your decision.

Rebecca - posted on 05/30/2010

Ok i'm going to speak from experience here. I have a sister who is 2 years older then me. When i was born, my father didn't want another daughter so he sexually abused me at the age of 2 months. I kid you not. He pretty much wanted to kill me.

The damage was so sever i was told i would never have a child.

I never saw my father my whole life and it's the way i wanted it. My sister was a run away, a drug addict and now has 3 kids which she doesn't have custody of because she is so screwed up with what happened with our parents seperating.

You need to sit with your husband and really discuss this out. You also HAVE to talk to your Dr and make sure you say everything you are feeling. You daughter needs to be with someone who wants her, just like you said. And you know what i see happening...once you bring this up, your husband will file for divorce and want rights to both your kids. I'm not trying to say this to scare you in to doing something you don't want and to keep a kid you don't want but it's the reality of it. If you decide to place the child up for adoption, you also have to think if you want an open or closed adoption and you have to stick to it. You have to realize you might never see the child you carried for so long.

I also have to ask, if you didn't want one sex or the other why did you have another child. Having a child is not a gamble and it's not a pick and choose market. I think for giving a child up for the gender is horrible but i also don't want this child to suffer like i did at such a young age.

Do what you BOTH feel is right. If you decide to keep the baby make sure you have tons of support and always ask for help.

I'm curious how you know it's a girl already if you still have 8 months or so to go?

If you do have 8 or so month left is abortion in the cards for you. It personally isn't for me but my God if we can keep one more child out of adoption then so be it.

Remember it is ultimatly up to you and your husband and you both have to feel comfortable with your decision.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2010

I can understand everyone getting upset. Most people here are loving parents who only want whats best for their children.

I can understand the financial worries but Im afraid I agree with some of the other ladies in that you really should have been more careful with your birth control thats IF you were on any at all. You need counseling, your thinking seems to have gone far beyond just worry, you seem to have developed a real hatred for this child and this needs to be looked into before this child arrives. If you are unable to resolve your feeling for this baby then you NEED to put her in a safe place, with family members etc, someone who will take care of her.

GET HELP.

Sheila - posted on 05/30/2010

Uh, ladies. If anyone cares about whether or not the baby in question comes through this ok, stop making it clear you don't like mum. You can say "well she posted on a public forum..." all you like, the whole point of "Circle of Moms" seemed to me to be... SUPPORT. If you can't be supportive, don't say anything. From everything I've read, most of you have made this about yourselves, started arguing amongst yourselves, and for all we know, maybe stressed out Nicolette enough that she's no longer willing to try to deal with something she was having trouble dealing with in the first place. Way to look out for the infant, everyone. Frankly, I've had people say snide things to me at exactly the wrong time when I was a new mum. It's cruel, at best. Are Liz and Christina the only people on here who are trying to see this from Nicolette's point of view?

Felicia - posted on 05/30/2010

i should add maybe this is not about wanting another one maybe its ur hormoins trust me i know how that feels i have really bad post pardum and it helped me to go see some one who can help me first i did not know there were ppl with the sam problemes like i had but there are millions of wemen that is going throught the same thing as i am so never never feel alone u might wanna go get help first and u never know once u see that little girl in ur arms ull change ur mind about her and if u worried about the money there are government help dont be scared to get help from thats what its for u just need to smart about things i hope things work out for u

Monika - posted on 05/30/2010

First, you are very honest, and since this is a group of mom's supporting each other, I will do my best to try to encourage you somewhat! I thought I wanted a boy from the beginning when i found out I was pregnant! We didn't find out the gender of our baby, who is now 14 months old. I had depression quite badly after she was born, but now I wouldn't trade her for 10,000 boys! If you truely feel like you would do harm to your daughter, then I do suggest you talk to a therapist, or an adoption agent, because I would not recommend staying together for the sake of a child! Hopefully after your daughter is born, you will find love in your heart for her.

Chatty - posted on 05/30/2010

Liz....my apologies! I HATE it when someone calls you out and then deletes there comments or leaves the group! It's frustrating!

Felicia - posted on 05/30/2010

u asked for help give her up that is the most selfesh thing i herd if u dont want a daughter then i would start using birth control if ur going to be that stupid and irresponsable about it ppl like u make me sick to know that u can have kids and get away with it


pS.... WHAT HAS THAT LITTLE GIRL DONE TO U TO DESERVE TO FEEL NOT WANTED GET ON BIRTH CONTROL PLEASE FOR ARE SAKE

Lyndsay - posted on 05/30/2010

I agree with all of those people who say give the baby up for adoption. If you don't want the child, you shouldn't have it. Not only for your sake, but for the poor kid... eventually she will be able to tell that her mom doesn't want her, and that will have a hugely negative psychological impact on her for the rest of her life. I see that some people have said that you wanting to give up your baby because she's not a boy is selfish... which is true. But, its also better for the baby. Let her grow up in a loving and nurturing environment with parents who actually want her.

Sheila - posted on 05/30/2010

I would like to add also that I have 3 little ones and that between #1 and #2, it was terrifying -- sometimes more, sometimes less. I had never been financially stable with my ex (father of all 3) who I was with over 9 years. "How am I going to do this?? What did I get myself into? What now?" My eldest was just starting to sleep through the night, and now I was looking at another newborn? We did get through it, tho, and they're just great. Give yourself a chance to get through this, and talk with your husband. Research community resources in your area. If you've had the strength to rear one child already, you can do this. Two isn't actually more work than one, believe it or not. Once you get over that hump and realize it's ok, you kind of surprise yourself. Good luck, hon.

Jessi - posted on 05/30/2010

how was it nasty? i was souly making a point as many of the woman on here are. she never stated until later why she didn't want the baby. her original post doesn't match to what she said later. she origanally said she didn't want a daughter........then later stated due to financial reasons she can't afford another child nor did she want another child. i understand not all bc works...i am 1 who became pregnant while on the pill however if she didn't want another child she should have gotten her tubes tied. & if anyone on here is being rude or degrating it is you liz. i "copied/pasted" that comment that i deleted because you said she didn't say she didn't want a girl that she just didn't want to go through with it again...i was souly proving a point to show that you obviously didn't read her statement clearly. i chose to delete it to avoid exactly this.

Christina - posted on 05/30/2010

Ok, I think we all know that everyone makes mistakes. I think this is the most heated discussion I have ever seen in writing. Let me pose this question: how many of us have said something not knowing exactly how to word it until a few hateful remarks later? My hubby abd I had this problem a few days ago. She wasn't sure how to word her question, big deal. Maybe she worded it like that cuz her hubby is ecstatic to be having a girl. Finances may not have made an appearance because she had a brain fart. I know all about those, I have several each day. Maybe she wasn't comfortable stating that finances were a factor cuz, first of all, a mothers first thought isn't typically 'how much is this baby going to cost me'. secondly, she may not have thought her questin would be perceived the way it was. Everyone ran with the 'insane, gender-biased, bitch' remarks, some of you without even reading all the posts to start with.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think we, as women, are far beyond mom-bashing. I was so upset by the reamrks and insults posted as a response I sent this woman a message, apologizing for her having to go thru this.

What if I was to put on here the following:

"My hubby and I are both broke, have way too many bills we can't pay, live with my inlaws, are both unemployed and having a hard time finding a job where we could actually make money, and......oh my god, I just found out I'm preggers. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO CUZ I DON'T WANT ANOTHER KID?????"

What would you say to that? It's similar to what we now understand is Nicolettes problem, but simply because it's worded differently I bet every one of you would have much nicer things to say to me than what you've said to her.

It doesn't matter what you said, the problem we all have is that you jumped on the negative. I've read every one of these posts and the majority of you kicked her in the ass and called her insane, careless, incompetant, and even a bitch. Very few people actually asked anything, or even suggested a way for her to deal with this unwanted pregnancy. That is the problem we have. It's not that you posted, it's that you weren't even trying to be helpful and went so far as to insult her. Now you're trying to justify your hate and contempt by saying 'well she said what she said' and 'just because she didn't explain it doesn't mean we were in the wrong'.

Well, news flash, you were in the wrong. If the first thing you do when responding to someones problem is to insult them, you really don't need to fire up your keyboard. And, to give a little of you gave her, you really need to think about what your jump-the-gun reaction is teaching your kids.

Before you begin typing, try to gain a little unsight into the situation. If you are unable to, ask questions rather than jumping the gun. It's a much nicer way to deal with something like this.

Sheila - posted on 05/30/2010

uhhm... There's a lot of judgment on here, and I don't think that will help Mummy or Baby very much. The point is to help, right? It doesn't make anyone a better parent to have others snarling at you about personal problems they've never had to deal with...
Anyhow. I would agree with those who have said give it time, give yourself a chance to bond with her; if that just doesn't work, at the very least let her father keep her. Just my 2 cents. I hope both you and your little girl can come through this safe and sane.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

No Policing, just reminding everyone of the rules of this forum. No Name Calling, or Derogatory Comments. Which there have been alot of on this post.



Plus when I personally am called out (which you cant see because she deleted her post) im allowed to anwser back. There is no mean spiritedness behind my comments, i just feel bad for Nicolette.

Chatty - posted on 05/30/2010

Liz...don't worry about everyone elses comments. Just like they shouldn't have judged her, you shouldn't be judging them. She posted on a public forum and they have the right to express themselves any way they see fit! Just saying....



I agree that people should read the entire thread prior to posting and be respectful when commenting but really, it's not your job to police everyone.

Ashley=) - posted on 05/30/2010

Nicolette hope you find some advice here heplful, if not i hope you get some counseling and hope that helps you to understand & find the solutions to this situation.What ever you deside i hope you feel it was for the best and wishing you again the very best.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

Yeah jessica I can copy and paste too -



Heres your comment -



if you never wanted her why did you get pregnant again? do you think he will ever be able to forgive you if you give your daughter up b/c she's not a boy...that is selfish. you are only thinking of yourself when you say you have to sacrafice your body & life & that you'll divorce him if he forces you to live in a household with a child you never wanted. if you didn't want her you should've used protection.







Your comment was one of the reasons i posted, protection doesnt guarentee anything. While you didnt call names, it was still nasty.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

But she never said she didnt want to baby because it was a girl. She said if she had to go through it all for 9 months that she wanted a choice. She said her husband was happy that she was pregnant and that it was a girl.



Now she didnt write it out very well, but people jumped on that opinion and ran with it. So everyone assumed that was the reasoning.



And Ashie your post was fine, you were supportive even with the misconception. My post wasnt directed to you, it was the other women who chose to call names, and to be over the top rude.

Jaime - posted on 05/30/2010

So really you have three options. Keep the baby, give the baby up for adoption or get an abortion. If abortion is out and your husband wants to keep the baby which he has every legal right to do, then you're looking at divorce and separation of your family. If you force him to adopt out his own child, I'm thinking you'll likely lose that battle before it even begins. Either way get yourself some counseling...seeking the advice of moms on this forum won't help you in the least...you need counseling and quickly.

Schyla - posted on 05/30/2010

Ok after reading your second post it makes more since finances are always going to be a worry I don't think you should give up hope not everyone is ready for another baby when it happens but they make due! I think you might be suffering from some depression talk to your OBGYN talk to your husband find someone that will listen to you and not judge you if you don't want this baby there are lots of people who do but let me tell you something I know a women who got pregnant at 17 15 months after that child was born she had a second and 19 months after that had twins! they didn't have a place to live and she and her husband were working two jobs just to make ends meet! She didn't want those twins but the second she laid eyes on them she fell in love. it's 24 years later and every single day with those four little ones was a struggle but My mother doesn't regret keeping us, but she started out feeling just like you, I'm not saying this will happen for you and what your feeling is very odd to me, Maybe next time you need to find another way to ask this question as I was upset about it at first until I read your second post. Every child is ment to be here when they come rather she is meant for you or meant for another family she is a miracle that deserves to be loved and if you don't feel you can do that then she needs to go somewhere where she will be. be it to your husband or to another family. God bless you and I really hope you figure your feelings out and that you can give this little girl what she deserves.

Erin - posted on 05/30/2010

I'm sorry but if you didn't want to get pregnant why didn't you protect yourself? or when you found out get an abortion??? If men could get pregnant and my husband aborted/put MY child up for adoption I'd leave him! Who cares what your financial situation is! You'll find some f*n way to make due...IDK? If I were your husband I'd leave you and take my children! WOW!!! I can't believe your post...

Emily - posted on 05/30/2010

your post and feelings make me want to cry. That poor baby girl, every child deserves to be loved. How can you only love boys ? That's horrific.



and about not being financially stable - lots of people make it work on little to no income. it's not ideal- but generaly, it's only temporary. I strongly suggest you seek counselling...for everyone's sake. whether it be emotional, financial, marriage, parenting...you need [and you husband needs] counselling.



Sorry, no support over here.

Ashley=) - posted on 05/30/2010

I dont feel stupid at all Liz IMHO,she said in black and white i never wanted a daughter.How else can we take that and then just a few comments down from this said i would feel the same if it were a boy,so all the other comments to then are correct in thinking its because of the sex.I feel sorry as an unborn child isnt wanted.I think the feelings she has run very deep.I felt with my unexpected first pregancy feelings of how will i do this and can i do this but you get over it.I dont think name calling is very mature but as honest as nicolette was the comments reflect the same honesty back.

Nicole - posted on 05/30/2010

Okay Nicolette, that makes perfect sense! I think your wording is going to rub people the wrong way-like you are opposed because you are having a girl and not because you are pregnant in general.



In this case, I think you are just going through a lot of stress and this is transferring over into your thoughts about your pregnancy (rightfully so).



When I became pregnant with my fourth child (who is now 7 months), I was REALLY depressed! I didn't want to go through morning sickness AGAIN, go through having my body stretched to oblivion AGAIN, go through labor and delivery (including my history of postpartum hemorrhage) AGAIN, and so on AGAIN!!! Not to mention that we were trying to NOT get pregnant and we were fine with the size of our family the way it was. Nor could we afford the three children we had! But, I fell in love with him and the idea of having him! Once he was born, I fell in love with HIM! I adore him! He is such a blessing to our family and his brothers think he is the greatest baby brother ever. Not to mention that it has brought my husband and I closer together. (I am not advocating for couples to have children to strengthen their relationships, that would be asinine, just that watching my husband interact with this little boy who was such a surprise has reminded me why I love my husband! He is a good man who will unconditionally love even our "mistakes".) This baby has just blessed our lives more than I can express and I don't even remember life without him and even if I could, I wouldn't want to go back. My other boys are great! Always were, but now I feel our family really is complete!



Please try to keep an open mind towards this baby and seek some professional advice and counseling. Your whole family will benefit! Ignore those that are being rude and do what is best for ALL in your family, including your unborn baby girl!

Chatty - posted on 05/30/2010

Is this a joke?

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

Wow doesnt everyone feel really stupid right now for attacking this poor women, when shes in a situation that 90% of us have gone through.



Shame on all of you who called her names, and assumed she didnt want her baby because it was a girl. Shame.



Nicollete, maybe next time, explain a little better, your post was a little hard to understand.



My best idea for you is to talk to your local social workers office, they can help out with diapers, food, etc. Talk to your local church, they often have funds for people that need help. Talk to friends and family see if they can help out with a baby shower of sorts.

Best of Luck

Ashley=) - posted on 05/30/2010

First i admire you for your complete honesty.I feel for you,i hope you can find somewhere in your heart to love this innocent child.Life throws unexpected suprises at us to see if we have the courage to deal with them.I cant tell you what to do&i cant make you feel how i wish you to feel which is to accept it and be happy.



I wanted my daughters and i waited 40weeks on my second worrying sick for her health, as i knew something was wrong, in the end to have her life put at risk and i never in my life wished for anything as hard as i wished she would be born alive and i even wished if it came to death that i would give my life for her.

Life is a wonderful thing and sometimes until we are faced with something like a babys life at risk do we realise the importance of how precious a life is.

You have a healthy growing child and i hope you find in your heart to keep this precious child but if not your husband wont allow you to give her away,i know my partner wouldnt let me give away his own flesh and blood.I pray for a good outcome.Again it takes real courage to be so honest and i wish you the very best.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

People need to calm down!

Blaming your husband does nothing at this point, you both had sex, and now your pregnant. You need to get over that part.



BY THE WAY - For everyone that said its her own fault for getting pregnant - screw off. How many of us got pregnant AFTER using birth control? Get off your high horse, and dont respond if your going to be nasty and rude.



Nicollete - did you maybe just not want another baby? Is that it, maybe more then that fact that she is a girl? You never said you didnt want the baby because it was a girl, you just said you didnt want to go through it all again.



You might be having a hormone surge, in which case you need to talk to your doctor, feelings like this can harm you and the baby. You need to talk to your husband and your OB. If you need to talk, I'm here!

Nicolette - posted on 05/30/2010

If the baby was a boy I would be in the same position. We are financially struggling right now and cannot afford another child, neither did I want one. I was happy with it being just the three of us.

Leila - posted on 05/30/2010

I really can't understand, you don't give reasons why you don't want a girl, you may feel different when she's born,I have 2 boys and 4 girls,I'm happy with what I've got~ok I will admit with the last three I really wanted girls and they were,but if they had told me they were boys I wouldn't of cared but at the end of the day I wouldn't of minded what sex they were as long as they were healthy,you havn't had a girl so imajine when your little boys kicking a football round the park and your little girls picking flowers for you, it really is lovely to have a girl,you can get pretty dresses,do their hair etc etc, If you & your husband honestly love each other how can you not keep a child that is part of both of you? Is your love for your husband not important to you? I think you need to sort out some of these quetions and seriously think about this baby

Christina - posted on 05/30/2010

OK LADIES, first thing's first: how about before you get so damn irate about Nicolettes question, take some deep breaths. She asked for help, not criticism. Several opinions state that she is selfish, even going so far as to call her rude names. We are all entitled to our opinions. Her opinion is she doesn't want to have a baby girl. Deal with it.



Nicolette, I think you really need to talk with your husband. If you fear things will get out of control if it's just the two of you talking, get a mediator. If you attend church, have your pastor mediate. You can also go talk to a counselor, the two of you together and maybe even you by yourself if you would like to. Whether or not you do keep this baby, or stay married by the way it sounds, you should look into some form of permenant birth control if you don't to have anymore kids.

As I reread what you wrote, it's sounding like there is no real solution. I understand wanting to keep your family together for your sons sake, however it might not be the best thing to do. His welfare needs to be at the top of both you and your husbands' priority lists. If either way, one of you is going to leave the other one, maybe you should go ahead and call it quits and then talk about what to do with the baby. If he really wants a little girl, the two of you need to discuss how you will handle the situation as she gets older. What is he going to tell her about her mommy? Will you acknowledge her as your child or will the two of you create a story so you can avoid hurting her feelings? (if the answer to that last one is yes, you need to get one you can all stick to) All possibilities need to be thought out and talked about, and you need to try to make the hard decisions now.

Before either of you make a final decision, I recommend a little soul searching be done, on both your parts. The hard questions need to be answered. Is there absolutely no possibility of you bonding with a baby girl? Would you be willing to give it a chance, even for one month after she's born? Would you have had this same reaction with a boy? I ask that one because if the answer is yes, you should consider getting sterilized. It would be a permenant solution for having no more kids and you could still enjoy all the pleasures sex has to offer. Is there anything in your past that made you decide you never wanted a girl? If there is, or is even a possibility of anything having happened, you should definitely talk to someone, and not even about having the baby, just to help you deal with things you may have buried a long time ago.

I can understand how being pregnant can make you feel disgusted, especially if you have all the 'classic' symptoms: unannounced gas, getting the sweats, etc, etc. But are you feeling disgusted because you're pregnant? Or are you feeling disgusted because you're pregnant with a girl? I can definitely understand how stressed one can get over a difference of opinion, however this is a HUGE difference of opinion. It does seem a little selfish, maybe even (dare I say it?) a little Jillian Michaels-ish, to complain about "sacrificing your body and your life" to bring a child into the world when you never wanted said child to start with. (I make the comparison to Jillian Michaels because she is too proud of her body to go thru pregnancy. I do like her, just not that particular opinion) I must say, tho, that this sounds like a statement a rape victim would make, not a married woman who is the proud mother of a little boy.

It just sounds like you have a lot to deal with, a lot to work out, and some deep, deep conversations to have with a couple people: yourself and your husband. If it would help, tell your hubby you need a little time to think about things, soul-searching if you will, and would like to go somewhere by yourself for a coupe nights, maybe a local motel or a friend or relatives house. I have found that getting in touch with yourself works best when there aren't distractions, including your own family. so have yourself a little getaway, take a couple notebooks and pens with you, sit down somewhere, and just write about things. Start with writing what you wrote here, give a few reasons, then create a list of the possible outcomes. Think about your reasons for any decision you're leaning toward, and let the thoughts flow. I guarantee you'll have more insight to yourself, and why you are who you are and why you make the decisions you do. It helps, I've done it.

Start with the big question: why don't you want a baby girl?

I wish you luck with this matter, as it is a HUGE, life-changing situation. I mean, your decision will affect the lives of you, your husband, your son, your family, and your husbands family, your relationship with your friends, and the life of that little girl.



*For all you other ladies out there, I'm not advocating lying, however it may be the best thing for this family. Don't put this woman down or call her names because she is having a hard enough time with all she is going thru. Help her if you can. If not, DO NOT post hateful comments on this page. Move on to the next one. If everyones life was supposed to be easy, we wouldn't have to learn from other peoples experiences. Would we?*

Nicole - posted on 05/30/2010

Why are you so against having a daughter versus having a son? Do you have something against girls/women? Have you been harmed, wronged, etc. by a woman/girl in the past? Are you worried about being a mother to a daughter?

It is quite common for a parent/parents to become disappointed when they first find out the gender of their unborn child (I know all about it. I have four boys and really hoped for a girl each time I became pregnant.), but most of these parents (myself included) come to accept the gender and inevitably bond very well to that child. This may be what will happen with you.

Also, and I'm sure you know (or at least I HOPE you know), that the gender of an unborn child is not something you can predict before getting pregnant and you have to accept that you have a 50/50 chance of becoming pregnant with either gender. If you knew that you would not want/raise a daughter (and I am trying to say this without being rude), maybe you should have abstained from getting pregnant. Whatever ill feelings you have about having a little girl, was not your unborn child's fault (or your son's or husband's) and you should have thought about that before being in this position. But, what's done is done...

I would like to know, as well, why you don't feel it is important that your son be raised with his sister or that your husband have the opportunity to raise both of his children. You said you "desperately want to keep your family together for your son's sake", why doesn't this little girl get a voice?

I am just sad that another woman would discriminate against another female (her own daughter, nonetheless). I think you should talk this over with your physician, because this may have nothing to do with the fact that you are pregnant with a girl, you may be suffering from some psychological abnormalities (whether it be chemical or environmental - past trauma in your life) and if you got some help, you may realize that you can love this little girl just as much as you love your son.

Please talk this over with your physician. I think even you know that this is not very rational feelings. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked for advice. Coming from someone who has a family history of mental illness, please know that there is nothing wrong with admitting irrational thoughts to your doctor. They will be able to help!

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2010

OK, so everyone has been pretty rude, but I think that you were courageous to say how you feel. LOTS of women are unhappy when they're pregnant and LOTS of children are unwanted. It is unfortunate that you are too far along in your pregnancy for termination to be an option for you. Also, you can't give the child up for adoption without both parent's agreeing. And no court is going to allow you to divorce and only have parental rights to one child.

So..... there is no good answer for you. I wonder what is going on (or has gone on) in your life and marriage that makes you so upset about being pregnant again, and particularly to be pregnant with a girl?? Maybe you should look into getting counseling either for you or as a couple- there are lots of places that will give counseling for free.

Brittany - posted on 05/30/2010

WOW! How can you be like that..just because its a girl...i hope i get a girl i already have a boy but still yet if i get another boy who cares i will still love him as much as i would if he was a girl! i just dont understand it...but i guess everyone is differnt...but if your not going to love her please give her to your husband or to a family that will love her! dont make her life bad just because you dont want her!

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

There really is no way to keep a family together in the situation that you are in, if you do it will make things worse on your son when you and your husband wouldn't obviously getting along. It's not a good environment for your son to grow up in.

Second of all what is the problem with a little girl? I understand personal preference, but this extreme just seems selfish to me. Because what happens if next time you get pregnant you have another little girl? Would you do the same to that one just because it's once again a little girl? There is a 50/50 chance of a boy AND a girl, be happy with what you have.

If you're that against it though I agree with what the other ladies said here, get a divorce and let your husband keep the little girl. She'll be adored and be with people that love her. Is that so wrong to allow?

Jessi - posted on 05/30/2010

this just absolutely disgusts me primarily b/c this is the exact reason why my adopted cousin was given up. her parents were farmers in romania & felt a girl was no use to them so they put her in an orfanage. my aunt & uncle adopted her when she was 3. now at the age of 17 she suffers from severe depression & is bipolar. she has been in & out of the pshyc ward multiple times for attempted suicide all because she was unwanted. my aunt is trying everything in her power to keep her little girl alive. your husband wants her so get a divorce & give him custody...OF BOTH KIDS.

ALEXIA - posted on 05/30/2010

my friend has a 7y/o boy..her next was an accident and was another boy and she was sad because she wanted a girl.her 3rd was another boy and he was born just last week..she will take your girl. she sits ther and is the only girl in her family of 5 and she adores her boys..what is the problem with a girl? truthfully if i was your husband i would already divorce you for thinking it is a good idea to give BOTH OF YOURS baby up because its a girl.

Jessi - posted on 05/30/2010

if you never wanted her why did you get pregnant again? do you think he will ever be able to forgive you if you give your daughter up b/c she's not a boy...that is selfish. you are only thinking of yourself when you say you have to sacrafice your body & life & that you'll divorce him if he forces you to live in a household with a child you never wanted. if you didn't want her you should've used protection.

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2010

I would say give it time. You may bond with her. If you dont, you cant keep a baby you dont have a bond with. It could be dangerous to do especially if you suffer from Postpartum depression. Talk to your husband. Also, sometimes staying together just for the kid can do more harm than good.

Im just wondering what's your problem with having a lil girl?

Jessica - posted on 05/30/2010

Wow!! Do that precious baby a favor and give her up for adoption!! I can't believe a mom could ever feel like that about her baby. Especially because of gender of the baby.