Public reaction

Tyrae - posted on 07/20/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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I am 21 years old, engaged and 22 weeks pregnant. I noticed when I was walking through the grocery store a couple of days ago that a lot of people were giving me the dirtiest and rudest looks ever after glancing at my baby belly. I don't know if I just look young or if I am being paranoid, but why are people so rude to younger mothers? Has anyone noticed this also?

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Michelle - posted on 07/22/2010

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Im 26, have a steady job & a beautiful son thats well taken care of. My entire family thought I would be a bad mom because of how strict I am with kids (they shouldnt walk all over you & I am not one to tolerate that) I use "time outs" as a method of discipline & even taking away items. I know they're eating their words now that they see me with Ethan... However, hes not in the trouble stage yet :) I had problems with Ethans grandma. I can not stand that woman. I've had people ask if it was hard being pregnant.. which I SOOO loved it! And had people always touching my belly, loved that too honestly, cause I would rub theirs too :D Dont recall any rude looks though. I didnt notice, just be happy, and F the rest! :)

Candace - posted on 07/22/2010

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I also am 22, and have been in a stable loving relationship for 5 years, engaged for the last 3. My daughter was born 3 1/2 months ago, and when I was living in Sudbury, a bigger city when where I'm from, I would receive a lot of dirty looks. It's interesting isn't it, that in years past, by our age we would have 3 or 4 kids and have been married since we were teenagers? It's interesting what a few decades can do to public opinion. Try to let it roll off your back. (Have to admit, by the end I wanted to get a shirt done that said "Yes I'm young, But believe me, this was the right decision!"

Lacey - posted on 07/21/2010

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I found out I was pregnant when I was 21 also, it dint help that I worked in retail at the time. It doesnt matter what other people think as long as you and your hubby know that your ready. Dont pay attention to the people that judge you. You have nothing to prove, these people who want to judge have nothing better to do with there time then to make people feel bad.

I wanna tell you it gets easier but it wont. People stare at me all the time, Im 22 with a 9 month old, piercings in my face tattoos all over. But I dont care anymore. The way I look and how young I am doesnt change the love I have for my daughter or my hubby.

The people who stare, dont have a life so they have to judge others to get some entertainment.

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Edna - posted on 07/23/2010

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I was 21 when I had my first child and I used to get that all the time. couldn't decide if it was because I was young or not married yet! although now seven years later seem to get the same reaction for being married. unfortunately it happens no matter what your situation is you just have to try to ignore them, they have the problem not you, so long as your happy you shouldn't care what they think.

Donna Marie - posted on 07/23/2010

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gosh thats nothing, im 21 with 2 kids and no one says anything (maybe i look old lol), but i know in my area theres alot of 14 and 15 year old girls who get pregnant and sometimes some of the "older" generation look, 21's such a good age to have kids at, you can have them and enjoy them without being too tired to play with them all the time and when there in their teens you can still do all the things you want to without feeling too old, i wouldnt worry, if anyone did look at you in a bad way id be sorry for them, as they are the ones that are shallow, and need to get some realisation, cuz the age your at is a perfect time to be pregnant, you've probs done the partying and hopefully your friends are having kids too so.. i wouldnt be bothered. x

Kaitlyn - posted on 07/23/2010

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they are either jealous because they cant have kids, or they are judgmental horrible nasty people. its not the age that defines a parent, it's how they treat their kids, look after them & nurture them..etc... just ignore them, thats what i had to do. i was 17 when i was pregnant & if people stared i would just make it look like i never saw their rude looks

Riana - posted on 07/23/2010

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when i was pregnant my wedding band would just not fit so i stopped wearing it. I cannot count how many nasty looks i got. 1 old lady even stopped my in the supermarket to give a lecture about unmarried mothers and how my baby was going straight to hell cause i'm such a huge sinner. fortunately my husband thought the whole thing was hilarious but i did stop shopping on my own for a while! Forget about the dirty looks, they are just small minded and most probably jealous because you look amazingly happy and glowing.

Emma - posted on 07/23/2010

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I think people just like staring, i agree with the comment that some people do like looking at a baby belly, but people look at you sometimes for you age, your clothes and who you are with, i have a 3 and 6 year old and when they play up they do look at you so, dont worry, i had my first at 24 and im 30 now. hope this helps

Kaelah - posted on 07/23/2010

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I had my first daughter when i was 18. And she was the best thing that happened to me. I was engaged also. But i just tell people to kiss my butt if they dont like what they see your life is your life and no one elses you make the decisions not them. Just ignore the glances if possible!

Tara - posted on 07/23/2010

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maybe u look good? theyre jealous? who knows people can be rude without even trying... prove them wrong, youll be a great mom

Yanira - posted on 07/22/2010

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That happened a lot to me but when my son was born not when I was pregnant, I was 25 when I got pregnant but looked a few years younger also not married so people would look at me then my son and then my left hand, I usually ignore them but one time at the airport this old man stared at me and then told his wife that he couldn't believe how young girls were so stupid these days and how he hated the way we were having babies without being married. So I got mad and told him that it was my problem and that I didn't understand how ignorant old people like him could be ( I felt so much better after that). Don't worry people will always look for something to talk about. The only thing that counts is you, your baby and your family, the rest is extra.

Samantha - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was at the Dr. the other day and there was an older lady who kept looking at me and my husband funny. My husband walked outside for a minute and while he was gone, she blurted out you two look awful young to have a baby. I just smiled and shook my head. She blurted it out again as if I hadn't heard her so finally I just said, "Well, my husband just turned 24 and I will be 21 in August so we really aren't to young to have a kid." After that she just got up and moved. I didn't think I was being rude but she must have. lol.

Samantha - posted on 07/22/2010

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Baaaaa! Hate that! Screw them. I'm also preggers, and my left hand is EMPTY. It was for my first child, too. I've never been married, I am older than you, but I look very young.

Mariah - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was 26 when I got pregnant and look like I'm a bit younger than that. I dealt with similar looks and comments because I didn't have a ring on my finger. I still don't have a ring and the looks still happen when it's just me & my daughter out. The looks range from pity, assuming I'm doing it alone, to the look that says "wow you must be a slut". No kidding I watched a woman look at my hand not see a ring and start to tell me her sob story of having to do it all alone and how hard it is, etc. I politely informed her that my fiancé and I were very much in love and didn't feel the need to spend money on a status symbol. The truth is he's saving everything he can to buy me the ring he thinks I deserve.

At first I would get upset and let it get to me, hormones are a B! But after a while and a lot of support & encouragement from my SO I learned to just let it roll off my back like water off a duck. Ever notice how dry they look after coming up from fishing?

Kenyetta - posted on 07/22/2010

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Some pregnant ppl look young like I did when I was pregnant and some ppl think we can't do it.

Alisha - posted on 07/22/2010

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I'm 23 and I have a 4 year old, a lady asked me if I had my daughter when I was 13! I just am very polite and pretend they just don't know any better! Don't be expecting it and paranoid though because you can't live your life like that! If you're happy who cares.

Jessica - posted on 07/22/2010

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Don't worry about what others think about you. Someone will always have something negative to say. Just live you life the best way you know how. As long as you are happy your baby will be happy and that is really all that matters.

Jamie - posted on 07/22/2010

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I think it happens to most people. I got married at 21, and I had my first child at 23. I actually had a woman walk up to me at the mall, and she told me that I was a disgrace, and should give the child up. I told her I was a college graduate, a married woman, and had planned this child. She didn't even apologize! She acted like she was superior. My husband and I wanted to have kids young... when we have the most energy to raise them. Just keep your head up!

Sarah - posted on 07/22/2010

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that what happened to me to one lady said to me your starting so young and she wasnot nice about it at all she was so rude. i had my dauther when i was 19 and and she is 2 and im about to trun 22 and i still get the look like im so young but im not and im a great mother.people these days arent that nic any more.

Kristy - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was 21 when i was pregnant, i only noticed 1 person giving me a weird look just after i had my son, she was trying to look for a ring on my finger, which i didn't because i had to take it of when pregnant because my finger got that swollen that it hurt too much to wear, but after that i dont look at other people when in the shop except for the people that say "omg how cute" and they have a chat with my son. He is 2 and 1/2 now. I beleive that it doesn't matter what other people think, except that you will grow into a fantastic mother. My son is the happiest child around, sometimes young mum can do just as a good job then older mums can. It doesn't matter how old you are, except how your child turns out, i am a real proud mum of my child and that is all that matter, just try not to notice and you will start noticing the people that are excited for you.

Samantha - posted on 07/22/2010

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Im 20 years old and when I was pregnant with my son the I got the stares as well, now my son is 16 months old and when we go out and I get the stares comments and unsolicited advice. It truly is unfair because they dont know how great of a mother I am but they still judge and it just shows how ignorant and foolish they are.Dont let it get you down take pride in your growing baby.
Congratualtions too!

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2010

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It won't make the stares go away but think of it this way. Less than 100 years ago; you would have been peggers by the tim you were 15. Don't worry bout it. Some of the stares may also be mothers who didn't or couldn't have children or wished they had children early on. I was 27 when we adopted our first child and I tend to look younger than my age. It sure didn't help that we adopted a different race child. Good luck and congratulations.

Shontelle - posted on 07/22/2010

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I had the same thing im nearly 21 and my daughter is nearly 4months. I got told i should learn how 2 use condoms so i wouldnt have kids so early (i was on the pill when i got pregnant) it was even worse when my partner and i looked after my 18month old nephew when i was heavly pregnant coz my nephew is maori and both me and my partner are white i got really dirty looks and they didnt believe me when i said he was my nephew. I did have a few nice people who would come up 2 me and say congrats and asked when i was due and what i was having.

Jac - posted on 07/22/2010

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I have noticed this myself when I was pregnant. I had ALOT of fluid and had to take my wedding rings off & put them on my necklace. (I was 23 so looked young, but Im married). I was on an escalator and some old lady behind me said to her friend 'Oh look another young pregnant one! Bet she isnt married!' and I was so furious I turned around and pointed at my rings on my necklace and said 'Havnt you ever heard of FLUID lady!! Keep your comments to yourself' !! And stormed away! I was already upset that I couldnt wear my rings anymore and so what if i wasnt married how is that her business? And i never wanted to be an old Mum so :P

Kendra - posted on 07/22/2010

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im a 22 year old single mother to a one year old the looks turn into comments, i now go about it as i do more then them and they wouldnt be able to hand it

Sarah - posted on 07/22/2010

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I had the same thing happen to me when I was pregnant! And it didn't seem to matter that I had a ring on my finger. I just started rubbing my belly and staring at them with a huge smile on my face or staring at *their* belly and looking disgusted, they stopped after that lol.

Krys - posted on 07/22/2010

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Young? Wow i was 20 yrs old when i was in labor with my son so at 19 i was walking around with the prego tummy..i do think some ppl are too judgemental and you need to not wrry abt all that really you are blessed to have such a blessing on its way.. :)

Niki - posted on 07/22/2010

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This happens to me all the time and it really irritates me. Im 27 but look much younger. I had my first daughter at almost 25 and my second at almost 27. They are almost exactly two years apart. When i was pregnant with my first I would tell my husband all the time that people were always looking to see if i was wearing a wedding ring. He always thought that i was being sensitive until one day we were out together and a lady looked at us and looked at his finger! Ive also noticed that other moms at the pediatricians office judge me. We all make choices. I chose to have my children while im still young, and many other women are choosing to wait into their thirties to start families. To each their own....

Kelsie - posted on 07/22/2010

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i am 21 as well and engaged i have a son who will be 2 in november so i dont let it bother you i use to get weird looks to but now all i get is your son is so very cute and so happy!!! i know what you are going through i look very young as well so dont let it bother you it could also be a bit of paranoia it happens when you are pregnant!!! just remember you are a mother to be and that is a beautiful thing!!!

Bridget - posted on 07/22/2010

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When I was 6mos pregnant with my daughter, I was still not married and started a job at a nursing home. I was surrounded every day by people who had no problem letting me know that in their day they didn't even have sex until they were married.
I wanted so badly to point out that in their day most women were being beaten and cheated on by their husbands and were expected to act as though there was no problem. I also wanted to point out that most women of their day were dropping out of school to raise families that were now to busy to care for them, but I maintained my cool and simply replied "Funny how things change as time moves on, huh?".

Ashlie - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was 19 when i found out i was pregnant and definatly got dirty look and stares, but i just blew it off. I even had an old lady approach me and tell me i was going to hell for pro creating before marriage. i just walked away because it doesnt matter what anyone thinks. i am now 22 and still with my sons father, we just have not had the money to get married, i am stay at home mom also raising his two kids from a previous marriage. people think that age is everything. well i believe that we make choices. i am 22 raising three kids and i never go out or anything. i think that if those people who gave me dirty looks could see my life they would have smiled at me instead:)

Carrie - posted on 07/22/2010

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i was 21 when i was pregnany with twins and i got the same looks and even more when i was with my best friend who was 19 and heavily pregnant and we hated it the worst thing was wheni was at work the looks i got were horrid buti was just to excited that i was having twins x x x x

Stacey - posted on 07/22/2010

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i had the same problem i was 17 when i got pregnant and got such dirty looks from people mainly older people and i would get talked about as i walked by. it annoyed me cuz when older people where younger they was propley the same age as what i was when they had babies only differnt things is they got married but times change

Erica - posted on 07/22/2010

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yep 25 and have two kids. And when my first was born i was 23 a man ( he was a member of the church where my cousin was getting her confirmation!) actually said to my aunt that cant be her baby! she looks 16! So much for no pass of judgement, right! :-)

Alexis - posted on 07/22/2010

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Hi Hun


I had my first baby at 24 and got the looks too, I got married during my first trimester, and ppl would still continue staring. So I don't think it makes a difference if you have the ring or you don't ...I'm 27 and just had our 2nd baby, and now it's even worse. When I go out into public alone with the kids I feel like they are burning holes in my back with the staring, like I'm some deadbeat mom who gets knocked up by a different daddy each time i'm pregnant...that couldn't be farther from the truth. I am happily married and always wanted to be a young mom! Don't let those ppl bother you, I know its easier said than done. As long as you are happy, that's all that should matter :) Good LUCK!!!!

Amber - posted on 07/22/2010

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people might also be looking to try and figure out if your pregnant or just heavy....

Lisa - posted on 07/22/2010

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I got alot of dirty looks when I was first pregnant, I was 23 and had been married for 2 yrs. I did find that they did stop or maybe I stopped noticing but I did notice it alot when I was first showing and it really bothered me. I found I stopped going to the mall for awhile to avoid the looks, but realized it was my life and there was nothing wrong with being a young mom. Dont let them get to you, I know its not easy. Its not a relfection of you, its a reflection of them.

Kortney - posted on 07/22/2010

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yes. i got pregnant at 19 and had my baby at 20. everywhere i went people gave me the dirtiest look..then again i look young for my age... im married and living my life. i dont care what people are thinking... they use to give me looks and i just smiled at them. it was my decision to keep her and im so glad i did. its just the fact that you are young probably.

Amber - posted on 07/22/2010

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i was 21 and married when i had my son, and i would still get looks, even with my husband with me, people forget that even most of our grandmothers were young when they got married, my mom was 23 when she had me, my grandmother was 16 or 17 and married when she had her first of 7 kids. i think if people dont see you with a man they think that your a single mother and i think that if they see that you are young than they automatically judge, even though 21 is not that young, at least you werent still in high school. i would ignore the looks and if someone is really bothering you just ask them what their problem is, chances are that they will turn and walk away but if not than its a chance to tell them that your 21, getting married and ready for a child and if they dont like it than they can shove it...

Amanda - posted on 07/22/2010

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i am not even 21 yet (soon to be aug.26th) and i am married w/ two babies. I got preggo with my first 2 months before my 18th bday and i look very young for my age as well. i get looks as well, but i dont let it bother me. if anything it gives me more motivation to just do my personal best to be a great "young mommy" starangers dont know you and people are very quick to judge. dont let it get to you!! besides, your probably taking it harder bc of the pregnancy hormores and just wait... after the babys born 1. you wont care and 2. those same strangers giving you dirty looks will stop you just to look at the baby and tell you how cute he or she is! i wish u the best of luck!

Aislinn - posted on 07/22/2010

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i had my son when i was 19 yrs old hes now 3.. i got the exact sae thing even tho me and my sons dad have been together for years and are still together!! i wouldnt let it bother you huni let people stare after all they dont know your personal situation!! a favourite saying of mine is ''people who live in glass houses should not throw stones'' keep your head held high sweetie and best of luck to you and your new family xx

Brandi - posted on 07/22/2010

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I'm pregnant with my first child atm. I'll be 23 on the 21st of next month. The rude comments and stares I get are from my OWN FAMILY! When I told my great aunt that I was pregnant, her first response was, "Oh...*long pause* I hope you weren't planning it." I was like. WTF!? In the end, I've realized to let their comments go. My fiance and I are happy and are excited to be having a baby and to be first time parents. People that judge and give you rude comments have no lives and have nothing better to do.

Natasha - posted on 07/22/2010

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He he, you just wait till you have your second one!!! I am 25, and I have a 5 year old, and a 10 month old...I look younger, when I was preggo I got looks all the time, but once you have a baby it kinda stops!! At least now a days it's a lot more accepted in society than it used to be!! Now when we are out people will look usually once...see how much cooler us young moms are ;) and seem to just smile instead! Never worry about what the people think, always just do whats best, to keep you and your family happy!!!

Marie-eve - posted on 07/22/2010

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One day, when my daughter was about a year old an old lady did actually asked me "Aren't you too young too have a child?" No to be mean but I started laughing and told her that no, I didn't think 28 years old was too young! I don't think she will ever comment again. The age you look like doesn't matter, what counts is how ready you are to get a child in your life.

Ashley - posted on 07/22/2010

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I think alot of people do judge younger moms. Some people belive that you should be a certain age before you have babys and dosent like to see younger people having babys. I was a young mother, but i look younger than I really am. I got alot of dirty looks too but I just try to ignore it and think Its none of their business.

Monique - posted on 07/22/2010

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i had that problem but i was 18 my daughter was 14 months and i did daycare for an 3 month old i got the dirtiest looks people would ask if they had the same dad cause my daughter and the little boy i watched did not look anything alike. but now that i am 22 with my own 2 kids it doesnt happen any more i think it is how you handle your kids that makes the difference not how old you are

Jamie - posted on 07/22/2010

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I was 19 when I was pregnant with my first and found out 2 weeks after I got married that I was 6 weeks pregnant and I looked so much younger then of course then I do now. People looked at me all the time like I was a 12 year old who was pregnant or something. Sometimes I still have people giving me the stink eye and I'm 25 with 2 kids.

Brittny - posted on 07/22/2010

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OMG i go through the same thing, but when i see the looks i say would u like to help me raise her lol i kno i dont look 21 so is prob because you look like a teen, and its usully the most older women who do it so dont even worry :)

EMMA - posted on 07/22/2010

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dont take any notice i had my first baby at 16 ive got 3 kids and im 26 so dont be ashamed ur not to young hun tell them to take a picture it'll last longer lol hahaha i got judged when i was 16 but i didnt care its up2 u when u wants to have children!

Charlotte - posted on 07/22/2010

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I had my first 2 kids (twins) when I was 21 and yes I got dirty looks too and treated with a lot less respect than the older mums-to-be at the hospital too. At first it really bugged me but now I don't care! Personally I am all for having kids earlier rather than later. Let them look! It's only human to have an opinion and to express it one way or another. I sometimes give dirty looks to pregnant women over 40! But that's my problem, not theirs and a look is just a look after all.

Rebecca - posted on 07/22/2010

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My husband is military is was gone a lot during both pregnancies and while pregnant i wasn't able to wear my rings...they didn't fit:( I felt as though people judged me because i didn't have a ring and it made me uncomfortable. I hated going out to the stores for this reason. Even now, and my youngest is 1yr, i am still not able to wear my rings and i still feel judged.
I think it's because in the :older" days, people stayed with the other or had kids after being married so it has put a mask i guess over the later generations who don't see it necessary to stay with the other one just because of a child. And i'm not saying that's why i'm with my husband, i love him to death, but i'm just saying i feel the older generation was almost forced to stay with the other because that's how they were raised.
Either way, try to ignore it. I know it's hard but when i do go out i don't pay attention anymore and even though i can still sense they are looking to see if i have a ring on my finger with 2 young kids, i don't let it get to me as much as i did. It will get easier:)
Congrats!!

Am - posted on 07/22/2010

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I know exactly how you feel, I was 19 when i got married, 21 when I had our first son, and now 25 with 3 boys 3 and under. Boy do I get stared at. My husband and I both look really young. I hate the stares but realized it doesn't matter what anybody thinks. We wanted to have our kids young, that is how it used to be done in the old days anyway. Let them judge it is easier on you when you are young still to take care of them. Congratulations on the pregnancy and upcoming wedding, don't worry about what people think and enjoy this time it is a blessing!

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