question for young moms????

Tah - posted on 09/11/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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Why is everyone in such a rush to have babies? this is a serious question. I see moms all throughout COM with babies that are still feeling the slap on their behinds from the doctor and mom is pregnant again or trying to get pregnant again?....I am not talking about people who are having reproductive issues. I mean the moms who are young, married and not married or have no plans to be married, some are in one forum saying there guy is a piece of crap and on another saying they want to have another baby, aren't working aren't in school to further their educations to provide a better life for these children, so i was really wondering what the rush is? is it so bad to have a little time between the children? I am not trying to be mean, but almost every post i read is saying, im pregnant..again, i have 3, 2, 1 and im pregnant again..or something to that degree but im 21...



Now before you all start the is it so bad to be a young mom thing...let me give you some history..i am 29..i have a 13 year old in 8th grade..yes you did the math correctly..i had him when i one month past 16..i got pregnant the first time i ever had sex..condom broke...then i have a 8 soon to be 9 year old..in a month actually..had her at 20...and a 3 year old..i am married to my 3 year olds father..we put the horse first this time...so i know what it's like to be a single mom(even if you are living with or engaged to, i was with him and engaged to my daughters father for 7 years and he wanted another one but not until i got married, so thats why we only had her, you are still single) It is hard, it has it's rewards also, but is there anything wrong with waiting, letting your body heal, building your career, and your savings, giving one baby all you have before getting pregnant again...



This is real talk so be honest...what is the rush??...is there anything else you want to do? what are you doing to get there??....who advocates rushing into baby after baby and who thinks there's nothing wrong with waiting?...be honest...as you can see i am...

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Jessica - posted on 09/11/2010

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I personally dont feel your question is helping any young moms or women who want to be young moms. It is not our business what other women do with there bodies. If a baby is being born to a loving family thats great! Babies are wonderful gifts from God and they shouldnt have there mommies talked about.

Brianna - posted on 09/11/2010

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Tah sorry but I feel like you posted this question cuz you were looking for a fight... im deffinantly feeling a whole lot of negitivity from you...just saying... like really on your second post you said you just wanted a "reason for it" but why do you need to know the reason? since everyone has a different reason anyways and you wrote a bunch of reasons why you think people do it soo... why ask the question when you already seem to think you have all the answers?

Im a young mom I got pregnant when i was 20 had my daughter at 21 and got married at 22. I am a stay at home mom because I CHOOSE TO BE AND LOVE IT and I plan on having 3 or 4 kids and having them all be 2 years apart. I dont feel im rushing at all I feel that im going a the perfect speed FOR ME and thats all that matters.

Also you say your not judging people yet you clearly are.

Stephanie - posted on 09/14/2010

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I am 23. I have a 22 month old and a 9 month old. I found out I was pregnant 2 days before Christmas in 2005 and miscarried soon after. I just turned 19. Ever since then I had a hard time dealing with the pain of losing her. We hadn't planned on having our boys so close together but he was a welcomed suprise. (he was also 6 1/2 weeks early). When I went to the OB for a follow up we scheduled an appointment to have the Essure procedure done. I am no longer releasing eggs- no more kids... this has been a hard decision to live with but medically speaking, it had to be done. I am a SAHM and wouldn't change anything for the world! Yes, some days are harder than others but it is so worth it- I enjoy watching my boys grow and discover different things. I am a semester away from a college degree but with the health problems our youngest has, school is not an option yet- but hopefully it will be in a few months. I want to finish and start my career to show my boys it is important to go to school and get a job. My husband was recently used as a scapegoat at work so he either could be fired or take a huge pay cut and demotion (with two boys/babies taking the pay cut was an easy choice to make because we need the insurance). He has since found another job and has to wait until the orientation starts in October. Even with careful planning, the unthinkable happens- like it did in our case.

Jodi - posted on 09/11/2010

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I don't really advocate either I guess, I advocate doing what's best for you and your family. I have an 18 month old, my next baby is due on her 2nd birthday. We had been trying to get pregnant again from the time she was 6 months old. I am turning 25 this month and I feel like time is already ticking by, if it were up to me, I would have had 2 or 3 kids by now! I am married to my now husband for 4 years, we've been together for 8 years. I am a SAHM, as I had always planned since I was young. He has a degree and a career. I want to be a mom and I have always wanted loads of kids. Preferably 10 or so, I love big families. I can see waiting between kids and definately waiting until you're set in life to have children in the first place (that's why my husband and I waited to even start trying). BUT, for some people, the desire to be a mother and have children is waht drives them.
A bonus to having kids close together: getting the young stuff done with all at once instead of spreading the infant/toddler years out for a decade or more.
In the future, I look forward to lending a helping hand with, what I hope will be, oodles of grandchildren. Being a mother is all I've ever dreamed of being, writing a career paper in highschool, I wrote about the financial worth of a SAHM, the many roles one plays in being a mom and things of that sort. I was given an original F on the paper as being a SAHM isn't a "career", after a meeting with the teacher AND the principle I ended up with an A. I still have that paper and I do have a career. Being a full time mommy IS a career for me. After this baby is born, I might wait a year to try again, but maybe not, we'll see! GREAT topic!!!!

Stifler's - posted on 09/14/2010

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i have a 6 month old and I want to get pregnant again so they can be close and then they can go to school and I can go back to uni and work. I always wanted to have kids young but by young I meant in my 20's, not when I was supposed to be in school. It irritates me that school kids want to have babies it's like a massive step backwards to the era where all there was to do in life for women is breed. What's with the people attacking Tah for asking this anyway? I often wonder the same thing about these kids having kid, it's all sounding a bit defensive.

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Alecia - posted on 09/15/2010

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i dont think there is anything wrong with waiting at all. it just depends on how u want ur family and life to progress. i have my 2 yr degree and a CNA license. i got pregnant with my daughter and i always knew i wanted to be a SAHM so I am. my daughter is about 1 yr old and im ready to concieve my next. i want to take the 6 classes it will take for me to become and RN and have a career so i can give my kids the best. since i will not compromise on being a SAHM with my kids until they go to preschool, i want them close in age so i dont have to be out of the work force so long, and im hoping they will be closer than my brother and i were (5 yrs apart). thats y im ready to have 2 kids at 23-24 yrs old. :)

Tah - posted on 09/15/2010

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okay liane...



@Heather..you bring up a good point, getting to know who you are, i said this time and time again on Military spouses with children..mingo can tell you..lol...sometimes when you are married at a young age and begin to have children you don't realize the that the person you are at 18 or 19 is far from the person you will be at 26, 0r 30. Most people anyway, if you haven't grown or learned anything than you are not developing. I mainly gave this view to young girls 18 or 19 who were married out of high school to spouses who joined the military and now he is changing, she is bored and lonely because she is home with the kids and she doesn't realize what is going on..but it can apply to this also, getting to know you, i think everyone needs to do that..i was with my daughters father from 18-24 and trust me i was someone completely different at the end of that and i wanted different things in life and so was he...good point...



@Samantha...firstly forget him..you deserve better and never let him know you will do anything for him because he will use that...now..good job on getting your GED and starting college..it's hard i won't lie, but you can do it and your children will be inspired that mommy worked so hard for them..all you have to do is love you and know you and you will find someone who will come along and love you and your children eventually...blessings..

Liane - posted on 09/15/2010

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All thats important is that my family and i live happy, forfiled, good lifes. We are all to quick to judge people off our own standards which is wrong, just because I personally would or would not do something does not make it right or wrong. I do not take conversations here personally as regaurdless of whats said nobody knows me or my life and any judgements made are blind ones, just as I do not know you or your life. I do not feel I need to have my come back by telling you what goes on in my life because it is unnecassary as I am not seeking approval or feel the need to defend my choices. I have not individualised any person but made general statements that I feel are very valid. We should all try worry about our own lifes and our own business' more and less about others as our comments will always offend or in someway victimise people based on choices they've made. I hope you have not taken offense in anything I have written, I am just trying to express that decisions are personal and who are we to judge others? As long as our children are happy and we've done our best to make them all that they can be we're on the right track. There are many different paths in life and everyone is on different ones at different stages, we try make the most of the one we are on at that time. Some people are lucky, they work hard and get were they want to go, some people try very hard and don't get very far. Things happen in this world for a reason, such as unplanned pregnacies, breavements, illness and such like, my only advice is to take each day as it comes and do your best with the cards you've been dealt, relish happy times they get you through the bad ones, and rememeber success comes in all forms!

Sophie - posted on 09/15/2010

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im only 22 i had my son at 21 but i am in no rush to have another as i want to enjoy my 1 year old as it is and start working again.
i agree it is good to have a proper gap between children

Tia - posted on 09/15/2010

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I can see what you are saying. There are a lot of young moms out there who are not giving themselves or their babies time to grow up before adding another to the mix. The reason I want another one so soon after having my last is because my husband feels he is getting too old and wants to be able to do things with his kids. We just got married a year and a half ago and have a 7 month old. He is 42 and I am 29. I would like at least one more baby with him to complete our family and want it to be in a time frame that is comfortable for him...

Yadira - posted on 09/14/2010

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I'm 22 soon to be 23. I have a 9 month baby boy. I am married, we do want more kids. But for now we want to work on our marriage before anything and give the time and and love to our little one first. I also want to work on my education before I got married I was only a few units from receiving my A.A in the Science of Human Development but I stopped due to my husband being stationed out in North Carolina and me originally being from California. I moved out there was pregnant and due to so many little things I wasn't able to finish. Now I want to finish my education but not on what I had started I want to maybe get into pharmacy tech.
Now my husband is out of the military and we are doing ok financially but want to do better. And we have had little argument bout expanding our family but we rather work on us first before anything.
Honestly I don't know what it is for young mom's and their rush. I think everything should be done with time and everything is where you want it to be.

Heather - posted on 09/14/2010

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I agree.. I don't see a rush in having multiple kids. They are expensive and time consuming. And I honestly don't believe in getting pregnant outside of marriage. Your body needs time to heal, you need time to figure out who you are. Because now you are a mom, not just the person you were before with a kid. I know that pregnancy and now being a mom has changed me 110%! It's not a bad thing, it's just different and you need time to adjust. I am also considering staying with my son as my only child. I want to be able to give him everything and every opportunity possible. I don't want him to ever feel like he has to fight for my attention because of a sibiling. Not to mention, I stretched way too far, and once I get my body back into shape, I think I would prefer to keep it that way. Don't get me wrong, I loved being pregnant it is beautiful, and I love being a mommy... But aren't I allowed to love myself the way that I want to as well? I am going to school so that I can get a career instead of just a job. Also I am working 2 part time jobs, plus my husband litterally works 2 full time jobs. We are saving any and all money possible so that we can afford to do things with and for our son when he is old enough.

Samantha - posted on 09/14/2010

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ok im a 21 year old sigle mom of two. my daughter is 2 1/2 years old my son is almost 8 moths old. i never planned on either of my kids but i would change them for the world.when i was 15 i wanted to marry my first love (ok i got that out of order and it fell apart), graduate high school (didnt do), go to and graduate college get a career then start a family. ok here is what happened... my dad died my senior year i dropped out of school. i had been living with the guy i had been dating for 4 years.i found out i was pregnant got married to him had my daughter seprated moved to my family got pregnant again had my son then just recently i got 2 jobs my ged and started college fulltime. i get no help from the kids' fathers. cody wont even come see our little girl and i love him i would do anything for him but since he had a boy with a cow he wants nothing to do with my lil girl.

Alicia - posted on 09/14/2010

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I wasn't really ready for our second but my husband had just gotten home from Iraq and really wanted another one. I really thought it would take longer to get pregnant than it did. He is talking about another one already but we've decided we aren't going to until these two are a bit older. Both my boys have the same father my husband although we weren't married when we had our first. Also we knew my husband had a steady job and everything so it made it easier to make the decision of "trying" to get pregnant with our second. I am definitely ready for a break though and being as he's deployed again we won't be having another one anytime soon.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/14/2010

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I have had 4 kids and I am only 26. I had my first one at 19 the next at 20 the next at 21 and the last at 25. Before you ask none of them were planned, My first on was not expected and like you the protection broke, the second one i didnt wait the 6 weeks after having the first and was pregnant when i went in, the third one was a patch baby, and this last one happened when i was switching betweent the shot and the pill, still had 3 weeks to go on the shot. Now I am not saying that it was a good idea getting pregnant that soon took a toll on my body and could have contrubited to the loss of my son. I still want one more baby cause all u have right now are girls and really want a boy. Before you ask, no I am not married to the father of either of my children, I was in a very commited relationship with the father of my first 3 kids but the abuse just got worse and now i am in a very stable relationship with the father of my newest child. I dont think that people should get married right away because of a baby. I believe that if you happen to get pregnant and you have not been together long enough you should wait. Another plus to having kids before marriage is that you can see if you and your significant other can live together not only alone but as a family. That is just my thoughts, Thanks for reading have a nice day.

Tah - posted on 09/14/2010

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@Liane..thatis why my focus is on both. We take trips to museums and science centers as well as fun places with our children, help with homework at the kitchen counter while making dinner, cookies what have you, going to the park on walks, i do karate WITH my children and we practice at home together, i teach them things they haven't gotten to yet so they are prepared, my husband does boxing WITH my son and when my 3 year old turns 4 he will be starting karate with as well, we watch movies together and read together etc..everything sahm do with their children, maybe more in some cases and i work, so i know for us, we are very involved with our children's present and what shapes them and are preparing for their futures as well..failure isn't an option no matter what they want to do in life, we will love them and encourage them We do all this and i work, and attend school, so am i busy yes....but it is very fulfilling to me. So i don't think that if you work as a mom you are not focused on what shapes them at all. Yes we all want what is best for our families and yes that does differ for everyone...



@Heather, it happens for many different reason, birth controls fail sure..but i read in some forums how some moms think you can't get pregnant while breastfeeding, or you can't get pregnant right after birth, or it's planned, so there are many reasons it can happen before the last is off the boob as you put it..

Dani - posted on 09/14/2010

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what do you consider a young mum? i was in no rush i'm 23 but accidents happen... i have a beautiful little angel now! but at 23 i still get looked down upon! and alot is said for having babies close together as they are company a play mate also you can get your life back on track sooner! i agree that sometime it all seems rushed but each to their own!

Kayle - posted on 09/14/2010

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My story is I was with my now soon to be husband for a year when I found out I was pregnant. I ended up having a miscarriage. That made me want a baby even more. So I left it up to God. We didn't use birth control but we used the pull out method. After a year I got pregnant. I now have a beautiful baby boy 8 months old. I am now 20 years old and I am in no hurry to have any more children at the time. I have my hands very full with my boy right now. He's partially blind along with a bunch of other medical problems.

I think a lot of it has to to with the moms who were raised on welfare so there medical is up at 18 unless they have a baby.

Heather - posted on 09/14/2010

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I haven't read all the posts here, but I think this is a great topic! I did read a post that said we put too much pressure on young people...and I have to dissagree. In today's age of readily available birth control and education I feel like young people need to be held accountable for their actions. We have shows on TV now "idolizing" teen moms and on more than one occassion I've heard a 15 or 16 year old girl talk about how much they LOVE that show. It glamorizes unwed, teen pregnancy and makes it ok.
I get that kids are going to have sex eventually(hopefully once they're responsible enough to accept the consequences), and birth control fails. I personally think if you're truly being responsible you always use backup bc, but I'm sympathetic to the accidental pregnancy. I just have to question how it happens again...before the first child is even off the boob.
Some women here planned it that way and have the ability to take care of the children, but it really does frustrate me to hear about teen moms who are pregnant with 2 or 3 within 4 years, no boy friend or husband to be found and no job or way to take care of the kids. This is neglegence imo.
Sorry for the rant...the point? I think if you're responsible enough and able to provide for the children it's your choice. :)

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Our original plan was to wait a year after we got married and then start a family, but I got pregnant the week after we got married, then misscarried; because of that we decided to try again and 6 months later I got pregnant with my daughter at 22. My husband was 25 and wanted a child before he turned 27, since research shows that children of fathers under 27 have a better connection with the father.

I want to have my family before I'm in my mid 30's it's just plain healthier for me and my children.

We do plan on trying for another here in about 3-4 months when my daughter is a year. I want my children to be close in age, my sister and I were 4 1/2 years apart and I was constantly being tormented by her. I don't want that for mine.

I don't think I'm missing out on anything. I love staying home with my daughter. I'll be getting my degree online starting in the winter since that's when they offer the classes I need.

Brittany - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think it depends on who you are. My sister and I are 20 months apart, and REALLY close. I want to give that closeness to my children. My son is 5 months, and we are going to start trying to conceive again when he is 9 months. After that, I would like to wait a little bit to have more children.
I have a degree, I have frequent job offers, and I don't feel like I'm missing anything. My job as a mother fulfills me. I am a stay-at-home mom and loving it. I truly believe that the most important job I could every have is raising my children.
I don't work because I can't, I don't work because I choose not to.
My sister, she wants to wait and have her career for a while. That works best for she and her husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. I really believe it just depends on who you are.
I respect the hard work single moms do to raise their kids. I have single mom friends, and I know how hard it is. And I really think that that also presents a different situation entirely, by the way. I don't think it's wise for single moms to try to have more children. (That has a lot to do with my believing that you should be married to have intercourse, too.)
In the end, it's all a personal choice. No one can make anyone else's decisions. What works for you in your life, and me in mine, are two very different things.

Kendra - posted on 09/14/2010

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I may sound like i complete hypocrite, but i do not understand the rush either! and honestly it mads me want to take these girls and just shake them til they wake up and get some sense.

Tah, as you know I am a mom of a now 13 month old and i am 4 months pregnant with my second child! this is all before i am even 21! Neither pregnancies were planned, my husband and i planned to take at least a 3 year break before having our next child but my birth control failed me.

Having a 1 year old, taking online classes, and now working all while being pregnant is NOT fun at all. dont get me wrong, i love my life and my growing family but this is something that i have to wake up everyday and tell myself to suck it up and get through the day.

I am "friends" with some high schoolers on facebook and i can not tell you how many times i see them saying "i want to be a mom!' "i want to get married when i am 18" and so on...it kills me because i feel like they see my pictures and other older womens pictures of our babies n they judge off of that. sure i have a husband, almost 2 babies, and my own place (base housing, but to a young girl it seems like a lot) but this does not mean that im living the high life.

it drives me crazy that having babies is becoming the new trend.

Wendy - posted on 09/14/2010

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I am 23 with two children under 2. Our son was an unexpected surprise, but a very welcome one - we had been talking about trying, but had not made a decision - I was on birth control and we did use condoms, it just happened. Shortly after we had our son we found out that I have placental abnormalties with which our doctors told us, the longer we wait to have more children the more likely it is the pregnancy(ies) would be very difficult and dangerous for the life of the baby (our son was born quite small, 5lbs 2ou). We were advised that we probably should not have anymore children, or if we really wanted to we should try as soon as possible for as safe a pregnancy as possible. Which is why we had our daughter when our son was 19months old. Our daughter was born at the same gestational age plus a day as our son(38wks +1d), yet she was over a pound smaller - we won't be having anymore children, it would be too much risk of life for any more potential babies. But we did what was best for our family and situation. Never judge before you know!

Kristen - posted on 09/14/2010

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well my fiance' and i want to have more children, i brought up the baby topic with him, but he sai he has other things to worry about first. like budgeting wise, but who really is finacially ready, who really has the money to go to school again to further thier education, i got prego at the age of 19, it wasn't planned even birth controll pill aren't alway 100% gaurentee or condoms, and i do want another one, which is my way of saying, i don't get much sex, so let's have sex. it hurts me when he changes the subject of that. but yea i say younger like my age, so the grandparents and great grand parents can enjoy the children too

Liane - posted on 09/14/2010

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Also just to add I think close in age can be good, but not so close that it can effect your's or the babies health. Our bodies need time to repair and replenish itself after the birth of a child.

Liane - posted on 09/14/2010

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This post was suppose to be about rushing into having children back to back, but it does have major advantages in circumstances. Although it can mean hard times while they are very young, you can have alot of time with them and then get back to furthering the financial welfare of your family once the youngest is in school, so when possible I think that should be an option very worthy of consideration. I'm not here to judge anybody because we all make choices that are personal and individual of our needs and our families needs. I just feel that while so much attention is directed towards the future benefits of our childrens' lives, that it's often forgotten that childhood experiences shape who they will be personally regardless of colleges or jobs or status they acheive, that's not to say that I believe any one lifestyle choice is right or wrong...it's whatever works best for THAT family. No matter how hard a parent works to be able to provide the best for their children it does not guarantee success. As long as people try their best does anything else really matter? Don't we all want pretty much the same thing for our children?

Christina - posted on 09/14/2010

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I was in no rush to be a mom again. (My children's ages are 10,7,6,5,and 3, and everyone is having a birthday between this month and January.) I'm 28yrs old, and I'm one of those unlucky individuals whom birth control did not work for. I got married (worst mistake of my life) at 19yrs old while pregnant with my second child and my marriage lasted for 7yrs until I was 26yrs old. I might of had them close, but I was a nurse before my 20th birthday, and also got my tubes tied after my 5yr old was born since I get pregnant on every birth control I'm on (which isn't a long list because I'm allergic to most forms of birth control.)

Tah - posted on 09/14/2010

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@Whitney..first let me say this, you and your family are in my prayers and it takes a strong mother to deal with what you are going through, i am a nurse and i know what it is like to work with people with dementia and that is a job in it self and when you add a child with cancer i could only imagine....now...i have never in my life until i joined COM heard of people saying things like this to people in supermarkets and parks and wherever the heck...People need to mind their business and i am glad you told her, as a matter of fact tell them all...i only wish i was there with you...smh..anywho..you never know what people go through, i have a friend that is also a nurse but her son is special needs and she can't work fulltime due it so she has to do agency work to work around his schedule and she gets SSI and food stamps..but she has to bring her stubs in every month and it depends on how much she has worked what she gets that next month, so i never see young moms in the store or anywhere and say or think anything negative about them..

I do however know chicks who have child after child...21 with 4 kids, 4 baby's fathers each one worse than the next, you get 989 dollars a month in food stamps..noone eats that much so you sell the rest for money so you can buy your beer, weed and go to the club while your children look dirty and homeless.....yeah...i know some like that and it didn't get any better as they got older, now they are a drain on the system...things happen....people lose their jobs, husbands lose their jobs, children get sick, people get sick, so unless i know the situation, i keep my mouth shut..or as you can see..i ask...

@Amanda...thank you...

Amanda - posted on 09/14/2010

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I like your honesty...I kind of agree with you and kind of don't. I agree their seem to be a lot of younger women married or not that want children right away, yes they should (doctor recommended) wait till their bodies heal, my doctor told me after having my son at 19 (I was already married to his father and we are still together but he was an accident) to wait two years. we didn't want to, I wanted to have my children close to together so that they could grow up with each other and play together, now due to medical problems it didn't work out that way and my son is now going on four and we are just about to have our second one. I am kind of glade it worked out this way, he is about to start school so I will be able to spend more time on the new baby while he is at school so they both had attention while they were young. but there are women out their or more like young girls that are getting pregnant by who ever one right after the other and they can't even take care of the one they got! that really bugs me, I do not want to go do anything else with my life, I decided at a young age that when I had kids I would be a stay at home mom and it has worked out fine for me but it does really bug me when I see young mothers out their with some many kids that they can't take care of. So honestly I don't see anything wrong with waiting but then their are the parents who have their kids close together like my mom had me and my sister really close and everything turned out fine, there are some cases where it was a great idea to have the kids close. So I think it depends on the parents, and other situations, for some people its just fine and for others its good to wait. I also believe that if they want to do something with their life then they should either not have kids till they are finished or if they already have one and they are trying to better themselves then yes, figure it out and strive to do so with just the one child, they can always have more after if that is the plan.

Whitney - posted on 09/14/2010

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I am 26 and I have a almost 28 month old daughter and I am pregnant with my second daughter. My situation is a bit unique as I was living at home when I became pregnant at age 23. However, I was working before becoming pregnant but had to quite my job to care for my grandfather who has Dementia. I quite my job in June of 2007 when my grandmother passed away. There was no one else to care for my grandfather at the time so I had no choice. I became pregnant in June of 2007. I was told by a doctor before this that I probably wouldn't be able to have children. Still though I got on an IUD after my daughter was born because I had after all got pregnant. Stayed on it for over a year but I bleed the whole time I was on it and my body ended up rejecting it when my daughter was 15 months old. I ended up pregnant agian in march of 10. I still live at home but now it is due to the fact that my 28 month old was diganosed with Leukemia and I can not work right now die to her special needs. I am however, in collage going on-line at the momemnt. I do get food stamps and my daughter gets ssi. But is is very much needed at this time to feed my daughter. And for all thouse moms that think a person can actually LIVE all welfare. He is some food for thought. I checked into getting welfare for the next year just to help me financially while my daughter is in the most intense part of her treatment and the state only gives you 360 dollars a month for two children AND they take all child support. I get 300 dollars a month in child support. So in reality I would actually be losing the 300 dollars a month in child support I get. My daughter's ssi which goes for her needs I might add. Is only 264 dollars in a month. So I am living off of 564 dollars a month. And I get 275 a month in food stamps. Which is not enough to feed both of us the whole month. So I have to buy food with cash for the last couple weeks of the month. Bring down the amount I have to survive off of even lower. I want to be able to find a job more then anything but I am stuck right now. My first daugther's father comes to see her when he can and helps out every now and agian but we are not together. And my second daughter's father left me when my oldest got cancer. Saying he did not want to be with someone who has no time for him. He doesn't even know what I am having and changed his phone number and moved. I was in a relationship with both my childrens fathers. I guess my point is, is that many people judge me when they have no idea of my situation. When I am grocery shopping all they see is a young women who has a child, is pregnant with a second and paying with a food stamp card and assume I am living off the government and having kids as a means to get welfare. I look younger then my age and some women even had the nerve to say "There goes another trashy teenager mother who lives off the government and has kids as a career to get more money". My daughter just recently lost her hair so before this no one could tell she had cancer. I was feeling hormonal that day and I turned around and told her in a very nice voice that I was 26 years old and NOT a teen mother. I was NOT on cash assistance only food stamps and that my daughter had CANCER which was why I was getting the help in the first place!" She looked stunned turned bright red and walked away. Why do people always assume that if you are a young mother you are on welfare and sleep around? I am not sure if I am considered a young mother at 26 but some other mother's that are in the young or mid thirty's seem to think so and are the ones' I find giving me dirty looks most of the time.

Tah - posted on 09/14/2010

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@Stephanie, that is why i advocate a plan b...but i am glad he found another job, it's a rough economy out there, best of luck on finishing school....

Corissa - posted on 09/14/2010

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I had my daughter at 19 I'm now 20 and I am in nooooo rush. I went to college when my daughter was 3 months old and I had no job for a long time and it has verrry hard as soon as I was able to I got the iud put in. I do want to have more children but I want to be much more prepared this time around. As for other people wanting to have kids one right after the other by all means if you can handle it and afford it go right ahead but I definitely could not. Just thinking about the possibility of being pregnant right now scares the crap out of me. I know some not saying alll but some girls my age that I know are on their 2nd child and probably shouldn't have had their first considering the lifestyle they are living it just depends on your state of mind and your ablility to make the right chioces for yourself.

Tracy - posted on 09/14/2010

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i am also a young mom i am 23 i was pregnant at 21 and had him a about 16 days after i turned 22....i love him with all my heart and would never give him back for teh world of me....he was planned but yet not and i am engaged to his father where not planning a wedding for a while we just want to wait for now i don't see the point in rushing marriage at this moment i just see all these marriages that are ending and i don't wanna go through that or my son....i would rather get a house first and have my second child...i ahve always wanted children since i could remember i wanted to get married and have kids and stay home with them and now i am 23 and i am a stay at home mom and i love it so much....if i had to go back to work for money reason i would but i am enjoying it as much as i can while its hear and yes i want number to i love being a young mom and having kids around its just who i am......but i def. see your point on yougn moms having babies left and right its like the show used to be on air 16 and pregnant i heard there where girls getting pregnant just to be on the show and i think that is nuts acidents are accidents but when you are trying not having a set home or money to support that baby my opinion is thats nuts...but that is just me everyone else might have a dif. idea and that is ok.

Tracy - posted on 09/14/2010

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i know someone who is married to a guy that has 4 boys of his own and they now have one together and one on the way and she has one from her ex and they pkan on having more.....only for the state help they don't care about those children they just like living for free and i am not lying one there kids were turning 5 which would take him off wic i believe and so they got pregnant to fill that spot just to keep the help coming.

Ashley - posted on 09/14/2010

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I have a 20 month old (had him when I was 22), I always said I wanted to try for another when he was 3, but that's only a little over a year away! I think I would feel too overwhelmed with another anytime soon! So now I've pushed it back to 4, if not 5! At least when he's at/about school aged and he's potty trained! I don't think I can afford 2 in diapers! (hahaha!) I wouldn't want to have one kid on top of another because I don't feel like any of them would get the full attention that they deserve/need. My son is a handful & he expects my FULL attention as it is now. My mom has five children (now 25, 24, 22, 20, & 19) and I just don't see how she did it! Lol! Just my thoughts!

Tah - posted on 09/14/2010

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What was okay for me?..if anything i am saying i went through being a single and young mom(by single meaning not married, but i had a SO) so i know what it is like. I am not saying it's okay for anybody, people are in different situations and i haven;t seen anybody on here that had children as yong as i did advocate it. I also said that you have some type of reproductive issues i get it, i would have had my own up front also. I wanted to know what the rush is..and i have gotten many different answers and i respect them all..the husband is older, you want to raise them all together, you want to be young enough to play with them....though i don't think if you have your children at 30 you will be to old to play with them or lacking energy to do so, but hey, i get that also. Some people have said they only ever wanted to be moms, i understand that as well.



I am the person that thinks what about this and that..what if the husband loses his job, this is a rough economy and it has happened in other forums, husband/partner/SO/ leaves, God forbids passes away, gets laid off and now mom has to go to work, and can barely make ends meet for the children. Or they had dreams to have a career but they were pushed to the side because they had children, SO i am not going ot lie and say that education and having a Plan B and C is not important to me, it's a must have, but that is whats important to me, other people are and think differently and i respect it and have learned from it. The other reason i told what i had been through was so that people could see i was not sitting there as someone who didn't get it and hadn't been there and who am i to ask for honesty if i am not willing to give it...but it wasn't in any way to say hey this worked for me so it should work for you...

Katie - posted on 09/14/2010

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I guess it seems like a fight becasue its like your saying it was okay for you becasue you did this and this. Well people all have different priorites in life. Yes a career and school are important, but its not to some people, or moms who know they want to be at home with their kids. I personally am in school now and will graduate in may as a legal secretary. I moved out at 16, got my own place, and graduated high school, even got scholarships for school. Been with the same man the whole time.

I also see that people bash those on welfare or getting aid, which is kinda crappy because that has nothing to do with age. I know lots of older mothers who had their kids after 30 who sit back and collect their foodstamps and welfare checks.

Sarah - posted on 09/14/2010

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I had my first when I was 25 after I got married, my husband and I had decided to have our children close together because I wanted to be a stay at home mum until they were in school. We had planned to buy a house, get married and then have our first and then we waited until she was around 7 months before trying again, I fell pregnant within a month. My girls are now 2 1/2 and 4 and I will stay home with them until they go to school then I will go back to work during school hours. I personally don't agree with people that just keep having baby after baby with no kind of plan as to how they will afford to support there children, My husband and I may have more children in the future but we will base our decision on what will be best for our family.

Tanya - posted on 09/14/2010

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I am kinda in a hurry mainly because I waited so long to get started. I was 26 when I have my first. I want 4 children all together, but I don't want anymore after 35 as you are more likely to run into problems the only you are. So now I have nine years to have three more children. I would like to go ahead and have the second one.

My parents are each from families with 4 children. They are close in age. They all stay in touch and are friends. My brother and I are 5 years apart and I would consider him my best friend. So I don't think that you have to have kids a certain time apart to make them close. I think that all depends on the family.

Anna - posted on 09/13/2010

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I think this is a great question. I just turned 30 and have a 2 1/2 year old child .I am married and a stay at home mom. My question is what age is to young to have children? When I was 16 I knew a girl who was 17 and on her 3rd pregnancy. I asked her why she wants to have 3 kids at her age and she told me that if I only have 2 children then I only get enough welfare money to pay most of my bills. If I have one or 2 more I will have more than enough money for my bills and still have money to go out. I have never forgot what she said to me. I am not saying every teen mom is this way and I do believe that there are many people that do need help from our welfare system. My sister woks in a O.B office her average pregnant patient is 16years old and most of them aren't having there first child they are on there 2cd and need proof of pregnancy to show the welfare office so they can get more food stamps and money. The one that really got me was a 16 year old that came in for her check up after having her 2 abortion and had another positive pregnancy test and all she could say was I guess i will need another abortion, like it was no big deal. Don"t get me wrong this is not all 16 year old's and I do believe that there are people that need some help, but if you have a choice why would you do that. People say let them make there own choice they are the one's that have to live with it ,but that's not true. The child can suffer and the taxpayers are the one's who have to pay the bill. I know there is more reason's young women have children but I cant believe how many times I have heard "the more children you have the more money you make."

Ashley - posted on 09/13/2010

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i think with some girls, they try to rush and have kids. i know many girls who are just irresponsible and do not use protection and end up with 2 or 3 kids. myself, i was 17 when i got pregnant with my first son. i didnt plan it and i was not ready for it, i was irresponsible. the father of my son and i got married after i had him. i finished highschool and went onto college. right before i started college my husband and i found out that we were pregnant again. we were using protection, it just failed. my second son was not planned or rushed. i still finished school before he came. now im getting divorced with two kids. i wish i would have waited. i was not ready. i wish that i would have used my head a little more and been more smart about the decisions i was making. for the young girls that feel that they need to rush and get pregnant because they are running out of time i feel sorry for. 16, 17 yrs old....your not running out of time. that young you dont have a chance to live life. they truly dont know what having a child means.

i wouldnt give up the life that i have now because i love my boys like no other. but i do wish i would have made better decisions when i was younger. i wish i would have waited.

Danielle - posted on 09/13/2010

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i guess its just in what everyone wants. me and my husband decided that it was time for us to start because our clocks were ticking and we didnt wantt o be old parents in a sense. but who knows now a days...

Shiralee - posted on 09/13/2010

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Hi, I met my partner when i was 16 and we had our first (PLANNED) baby 4 months before my 20th birthday. I am pregnant with #2 (also PLANNED) and due when our daughter will be 23months old. I have chosen to be a stay at home mum and would like at least one more baby. We will prob start trying again when bub is 1 as i want them all reasonably close in age. My brother and I are 12 months apart and have always been very close.

Jayme - posted on 09/13/2010

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I can see the positives to both sides. I always knew that I wanted to have my kids early in life just so I would have enough energy to keep up with them because any kids related to me are bound to be a handful. I always thought it would be a good idea to have the amount I want in one straight shot so they could go through all of the tough phases, like potty training, at one time and I could just be done with it once the youngest got the hang of it. Well now that I have a two year old I'm thinking that it is either going to be a one and done deal or there is going to be a big gap between her and the next one. I am no longer with my childs father but I am now with an amazing man who although loves Aly to death and treats her like his own is not thinking about having kids for another six years. When we first discussed this I thought that was going to cause a huge problem for us but it really has turned out to be a blessing. It has really caused us to enjoy our time with Alyssa and it is much easier to find one on one time for our relationship when there is one child to take care of. Although there are still times where I go through my baby fever phase I have really come to appreciate my decision to wait for more children.

Amber - posted on 09/13/2010

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I guess I can see both sides. Technically I guess I'm young mom, I'm 25, and married, and I have a three month old. Yes, I'm finishing up college, my husband has a good job and is able to support us. We were married for two years before having our son, and it felt right. Some of my family thought we were too young, but we knew what we wanted. We will however be waiting a while before our next child. I need time for my body to be mine! lol. On the other hand I have two sisters who were knocked up by the age of 16 and didn't finish high school. I don't approve.

Tah - posted on 09/13/2010

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@Katy..never said anything about the type of mother a young mother is...if you read from the beginning you will see i had my first at 16 and second at 21...i moved out at 18 and haven't had to move back with my parents or anyone else since...worked, finished school at 17 and continued my education while caring for my son so i would be the last one to say a young mother is a bad mother...it's only a fight if you want it to be...

Sara - posted on 09/13/2010

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I think it is irresponsible to have a child that you're unable to give your everything. It's irresponsible to have a child to try to make a bad relationship better; it wont. It's irresponsible to have a child before you're out of high school.

Just because you're young or don't have a career doesn't mean you shouldn't want children. I believe that every person is different; people need different things to make them happy. If you've thought about it and you're ready (financially and emotionally) then it's your body! Who is anyone to judge?! Children are a wonderful blessing.

Katie - posted on 09/13/2010

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I am 21 and have 2 children ages 2 and 9 months. The first one was not planned but I was on birth control. After that my doctor told me I would not have any children, so why worry about it? I did worry about it though, and after they told me that I was bound and determined to get pregnant, testing ovulation daily and even buying a gypsy spell on ebay to make me pregnant. Well, I proved that doctor wrong! And I became prego when my first was 1 1/2. I plan to marry my man and I have been with him for 6 years. If something happen and we split, it would be awful for my kids, but atleast i would have them. I dont really have a high priority of getting married but I never wanted a life without kids. Another reason I wanted my children while young is because I want a life after them. I will be 39 when my last turns 18. That gives me a good amount of time without kids to enjoy my time!



I would also like to ask. Would it be okay to have kids if you were older or married? Because that doesnt seem fair. Just because I am younger and dont have a ring on my finger doesnt have anything to do with the type of mother i am.



This is def a fight starter!

[deleted account]

I think it's definitely based on each individual situation. I personally don't agree with people who have babies and sleep around with whoever and are careless about it when they know they don't want or shouldn't have another baby yet. That said, I don't believe there's anything wrong with having babies close together if you're in the position to do so and I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting either. I know for me, ever since I was young I always wanted kids close together in age that's just how I pictured things (I always pictured myself married too so clearly some things don't go as planned lol). Now that I have my son who is six months old, I already want another baby and have for a few months already. For me though, want and have to have or don't care if it happens are two different things and it seems like some people don't have that. I want another baby but I know well enough to wait until me and my son are more stable and hopefully until I find a man that actually cares about us and is worth having another baby with. In the meantime, I enjoy the time I get to spend with my son one on one and I believe when the time is right to add to our family, it will happen :)

Krystle - posted on 09/13/2010

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I am a mom of 3 boys. We wanted our first child and were actually trying for him...which as really STUPID at the time b/c we were only 18 and 19 years old and while I did actually know what a baby would mean for the rest of my life, my bf (like most) was happy but had absolutely no clue how much his life would need to change to prepare. I wasn't in any hurry to have another but due to lack of contraception we of course conceived a little more than a year after having our oldest and then again with the third baby. My tubes are tied now. LOL, I did NOT want another repeat of the same old story! I love my children but if I could go back and redo anything it would just be to plan more accordingly before jumping in the deep end...

I think that most teen moms or teens in general who want a baby probably are trying to fill some sort of void in their life. I could be wrong, but I'm sure I'm not too far off....

Victoria - posted on 09/13/2010

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hi i am a mom of two, i just gave birth to my youngest almost two months ago. i get what your saying i got pregnant with my first at 16 years old never expected it or any thing and then it happened i kept it to my self till my mom found out on her own, i had hard times with my pregnancy and my daughters father he had just gotten married to someone else and denied my daughter. so a month she was born i put in child support papers, keep in mind he was never ever their for me never! the ass. and so as the pregnancy came along my mom started accepting the fact i got pregnant at a young age, my baby was born and she was in the nicu for 3 weeks it hurt me. so two months later i met a guy a little older than me and then i felt ready to move in with him and all that stuff. my mom found out how old he was and a whole lotta drama started i wasnt able to take my daughter from my moms house. so too make a long story short me and my man where in hard times we went to a chruch and prayed to the lord to give us a baby and 3 days later i felt pregnant. and i was so i was able to get my daughter back and gave birth to a healthy baby girl and now we are just a happy family. i just got my birth control for ten years and now im studying my ged book so i can mayybe join the airforce or pursue my dreams.. i dont know if u have noticed there is alot of young aged pregnancies and im not speaking bad about these kids getting pregnant but they honestly dont know what their getting their selves into...

being a mom is a hard job and theirs alot of good and bads that come with it, being young u think u want everything an adult has but really how i see it why rush ur life?? cause when ur on ur own and being an adult isnt fun u wish u can be young agian and correct ur actions and make em better for a second time. we only live once soo young girls who read this thing of ur self and what you want dont be dumb and stubborn.

well thats my life story as of right now

vic

Tah - posted on 09/13/2010

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i just want to say that i am seeing other sides to it. Being as though i had my son so young i gave up the option to say well let me raise them all until they are in school and then go to work..if i had i would have probably at least gone to school online or part-time on campus so that i would have a degree by time they were 5 and ready to go to school, but i can see the saving in daycare, trust me. I am blessed that i am able to make my own schedule around my children, i can work 11p=7a and they let me leave at 6-630 so that i can get my children up and ready for school as my husband is leaving for work in the morning, I just make sure all my patients are medicated etc and the other nurse takes my keys. i could stay home but trust me, it's not for everybody, and i balance work, school, and their activities well. ALso, my children have twin cousins...i mean my sister and I were literally in the same hospital with the bathroom seperating us when we had our 13 year olds on xmas day and my other sister has a 13 year old born in nov, so they are in threes and have each other, myself and the same sister had our 8 year olds 2 weeks apart, they spend the night here and there, they are in the same activites together, girl scouts, karate classes, etc. so i didn't have to worry about if they had someone to grow up with, they kinda always did, and it's like that for all of our children, 2 just went off to college both 18..cousins....2 are 22 working and have apts...etc...i guess cause our family is so big (7children, 14 grandchildren and don't get me started on our cousins..one aunt had 10 by herself..) there was always someone there. All of our children are spaced this way though...example i'll give it by siblings..



Tyrone 22-----Anthony 18

Laain 22------Akil-----15------Danier-------11

Antoine 21------Duan 13-----Michaela 4

Jermont 18-------Nashae 13----Ajanae----8

Tavier 13-----Sydney 8-----Rylan---3 (my babies)



and i have a younger brother and sister that haven't had any yet. Also if you don't want to be married thats also your choice of course, i guess that can be a product of your upbringing as well...my parents have been married for about 43 years, my husbands parents 41 years, my oldest sister 23 years..my second oldest sister, they have been together for 22 years and married about 10 years. I am sure my parents have argued, but i have never seen it...my husband and I have that to look up to so for us marriage and family were natural, i understand it's not the same for everyone. So i am actually having my question answered and seeing different points of view...see told ya..lol

Amy - posted on 09/13/2010

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i had my 1st son at 16 (not planned) and my second at 20(planned) im now almost 21 and my daughter is 5months...i would love another baby but my other half doesn't yet..... i dont see it as rushing into having children or more children... i never planned ot have children this young i wanted to have a career and be able to buy the best things i could for them but my 1st came along and i don't regret it for a second..im just doing it the other way round, i would rather have my children now and get on with my career once they are in full time school rather than goin back to it after my 1st was born and having to take time off to have another one and having to go back to work and leave my baby at a crech! but luckily for me i do have that choice as my partner brings in more than enough to support us all without me having to go work :) but then if we couldn't afford to do it now i think i would have waited

Amelia - posted on 09/13/2010

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I see where you're coming from. I got pregnant at 20( found out 3 days before my 21st birthday not happy!!) A total oops baby but I couldn't be happier with her. I have always dreamed of being a mommy with at least one child and a man that loves me and I got them. Just a few years earlier then planned. I wanted to be married and have achieved my GED before we had kids but it happened and I wouldn't change a thing. My little girl is now 4 weeks old and I don't even remember what it was like to not have a child, in a good way. And for all intents and purposes I am a single mom. Her daddy works all the time so we don't see all that much of him. I don't drive so I sit at home with the baby all the time and most days don't talk to anyone but her.

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