recently a single mum

Samantha - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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i am a recently single mum with a 3 year old daughter. Me and her father split a few months ago and i am just needing someone to talk to as i feel like i'm failing. I love my daughter more than anything but since the split she will not do anything i tell her. she has always been a daddy's girl and when she is with him she behaves but just plays up for me also i'm struggling with my ex as he does not pay towards his child he says because i get child tax and child benefit that he does not have to give me a penny towards her and that if he did it would affect my benefits but i get told differently from other but when i try to approach him about this he gets angry and nasty towards me i just don't know what to do .

I just feel so angry, stressed, frustrated and upset with the whole situation does anyone have any advice?

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Allana - posted on 09/08/2012

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i was a single mum for a short bit, my husband and i worked things out, but my daughter acted out like you wouldnt believe! One thing that seemed to work for me was take her out maybe ice cream or hot cocoa or something, so shes sitting down, and talk to her about how she feels, dont dispute what she has to say, and be careful not to give her answers beyond her years, more to let her know that you care how she feels and that shes not alone. one thing i learned from her counselling was that the children involved may know its not their fault, but they still feel like it is, and usually at 3 dont know what that feeling is. you would be amazed what a 3 year old understands!!! seek some counselling for her, and yourself! right now you need to be the strongest you can be for her. she knows when mommy is upset, which upsets her and thats not a good cycle.

a breathing exercize that i learned really helped me when i was feeling my worst, and its really easy : breathe in, counting to 5, breathe out counting to 7. it expells old air from the lungs, and somehow relieves a level of stress, or frustration, hope this helps!!

Gabrielle - posted on 08/30/2012

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YYou need to report the changes to your household to where ever your getting benefits (dhs) Once they find out y'all are no longer living together they will set up an appt with the attorney general for you both to go set up child support asap.. You can't continue receiving gov assistance if the father isn't even supporting his child. Its his responsibility! You'll probably still qualify for some assistance but they will make him pay u. And when they ask if he's paid anything since the split be honest because he'll have to pay retroactive support as well and its not going to look very good on his part when he hasn't given any money..

Marie - posted on 08/26/2012

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As far as him not supporting your daughter,if its dhs benefits youre talking about speak to a lawyer the specializes in dhs stuff. I can't help with the not listening thing my 4 yr old and I go rounds several times everyday.

Ashley - posted on 08/25/2012

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I'm in the same boat. I left my daughter's father a year ago. My daughter was a complete nightmare every time she came home from his house. I had to constantly correct her behavior and attitude. She saw me as the mean parent and he is fun cuz she gets to do whatever she wants. Things have gotten a little better with that finally. You just need to keep at her and remind her right from wrong but still showing her how much you love her. As far as the money goes, I still have yet to see a penny from my ex. I filed for child support 6 months ago and still have not gotten any. Its not easy going through this, but you will get through it. Keep your head up and enjoy your little girl :)

Angie - posted on 08/23/2012

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File for child support, let the state handle it if he doesn't want to provide for his own child. It's a shame that the state has to threaten dads to support their own kids. They should do it willingly. Does he at least spend any time with his daughter?

Tori - posted on 08/23/2012

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I'd take him to court fr child support. And as for your daughter you need to make her mind but at the same time help her deal with the fact that her dad isn't living with you two anymore. Parents splitting up is hard on kids but in time and with the help from you she will adjust. Hang in there it will take time and patience.

Mia - posted on 08/23/2012

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Let me first tell you that I know it’s a struggle. I'm a single mom as well. Two children. My son's father is as active as he can be in his child's life. But my daughter's father is very mean and nasty and wants nothing to do with her. I have asked him for any kind of support but he just doesn't want to do the right thing. So unfortunately I have to go to the courts. But it’s okay, because I know I love her (and my son) with all my heart and soul and will do anything to keep her happy. Despite her father. Don't get discouraged and keep your head up. It will be a difficult road ahead of you. But it gets easier with time and the reward is great. Don't give up. Your daughter is only going through a phase. My boy does the same thing to me sometimes. Keep a firm hand and stand your ground. She loves you as much as you love her. The two of you will be fine.

Chinelo - posted on 08/23/2012

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please dont b fustrated...but its so obvious that u have to do a lot of work on your daughter....u have to make her get used to u...its not good for a child to b so depressed..u cud take ha to her dads place once on a while...she really nids to b hapy...with time she will adjust to the situation on ground...its gonna be hard buh its a gradual process....

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