Relationship advice please??

Brianna - posted on 08/26/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

9

1

0

So me and my childs father have been together on and off for about 2 yrs. now. The relationship we have is completely confusing. We don't live together anymore due to some issues we were having. He comes around on his own terms only. And when he's around he's lovey dovey, he's kind and acts like a family man. When he's not around he's mean he accuses me of talking to other men (even though he talks to other females.) He makes me feel really insecure. He says he wants to make us work, but his actions speak different. I feel like a toy to him. But I want us to work due to our child. I love him but I hate him. What should I do? What would you do? I know I need to move on but it's hard. And I would feel guilty...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Morgan - posted on 08/26/2012

12

19

2

Speking from experance, never stay with a man "for the kids". From what you are saying it sounds like he wants to be in his childs life but not yours?? And maybe feels like if he calls it off with you, you may not let him see his child. That is a real fear for alot of men as alot of women use there kids as leverage. Don't be his sometimes. You deserve better and should want better for yourself! The age old saying is true "actions speak louder then words". If you feel like a toy, you probley are. Womens gut are usually right. I know it's hard to accept. And do not feel guilty! If your childs father is not around 100% of the time now, then nothing in your childs life will change. Eather way your child will be loved by both parents. And alot of the time parents do better apart. Good luck!

Liz - posted on 09/15/2012

3

0

0

I know it's hard. I had a love-hate relationship with my ex. We were together for over 2 years. He could not decide if he wanted to be nice and loving or jealous and hateful towards me. Just know that there is always someone better out there. And who knows, maybe your future husband is just around the corner. There are so many blended families these days and they work. There are a lot of men out there who are not self centered and love a child as their own and who will be better father's than any bio father. Don't waste your time on someone who doesnt treat you with respect. Even though you may think it is good for you to stay with him just because of your child, one day, your child will be able to see how he is treating you and it will hurt your child too.

Michelle - posted on 09/04/2012

28

24

0

If you know what you need to do then do it. If you stay in this situation you are only going to hurt yourself & whatever relationship you have with him. I guess you can say he's having his cake & eating it to because he has you & he is talking to other females. You deserve someone who is committed 110% to you & your child not someone who half a**es it.

Angie - posted on 09/03/2012

5

0

0

Hi Brianna i think your man is out there dating other females and that is why he accuses you of talking to other men. Men when they feel guilty about their actions they tend to blame or acuse women for it. so its best that you sit him down and explain to him that this kind of relationship your having with him is not working, if he doesn't improve on how he treats you , you need to move on and just have him see his child and not you. hope this helps..

This conversation has been closed to further comments

12 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

I understand it will be hard to leave due to the fact that you have a child but if he isnt willing to change and stop talking to other women then you really need to put your foot down and let him know that you will find someone else who treats you the way you should be treated. Children can tell when mommy and daddy arent happy, i'm not sure how they can but they just do and it creates a bad atmosphere for the child to grow up in. You deserve to be happy all the time, not just when he's around but even when he is not.

Erica - posted on 09/11/2012

1

0

0

Leave him to his own devices ..hes the quilty one ..jus tell him if hes wanting to make it work due to fear that if he doesnt say that ..that u wont allow him to see his child then he can take his self pity else where cuz it is not needed ..that u will be fine single an say it smiling. Let him know an see that u r confident within urself an donot need him ..so every time he comes around put on that game face!!! Smile, laugh with him. Joke. Let him see that if it aint hurting him it isnt hurting u!!!! But keep it at that dont let him treat u the way he wNts make him treat u hiw u shud be treated!!! He will regret wLkin away truztme ..turn the tables ...fake it till u make it ..i knw it hurts but soon.soon enough those fake smiles N laughs will turn into real ones!!!!! An u diffenetly wont need him then ...oh but he will want uuuu.

Ddd - posted on 09/09/2012

5

0

0

Get out... you are going to feel horrible years from now, its common psycology.

The man can have contact with the children, but you need to be happy to make your children happy. The children will know you are insecure, and unhappy , and this will affect the childs social skills and psych.



You will feel like you have to stay, but yoru only doing yourself and your CHILD harm in the end... And thats a pretty big thing to hold over your shoulders !!



get out

Brianna - posted on 09/07/2012

9

1

0

Thank you ladies so much for all of your thoughts and advice. I really took it all to heart! Although it was really hard for me and heartbreaking I did sit him down and have a very long talk with him. Long story short we are officially friends. And I plan on keeping it that way. Neither my daughter nor I need to be in that toxic relationship. She deserves to see me and her father happy, even if we are separate.

Holly - posted on 09/04/2012

19

8

1

I just want to say well said Danyelle ! If this was your child going through this what would you say to them? Most likely if you don't take a stand than you & your child will fall for anything.. Children mimic their parents.. I know you would hate for your child to do this to someone so set the example now & show not only your child but yourself just how strong you are! It just takes that one step but when you do its your future that your saying belongs to u not him..

Danyelle - posted on 09/04/2012

4

0

3

Honestly, I come from a family where my parents stayed together because of the kids and it was horrible. Seeing my parents fight all the time and my dad treat my mother like crap, knowing that they were both unhappy, it just set a really bad example for my sister and I when we were growing up. I would have much rather seen my mother and father break up and be happy with someone else than try and force an unhappy relationship. Once they broke up my sister and I both got to experience what a happy home felt like. My mother remarried and so did my father and although they were separate families, they were much more like a home than the way it was when my mother and father were together. I've always been a strong believer that the relationships that your children see between their parents, whether its between mom and dad or between mom and her boyfriend and dad and his girlfriend, set the stage for what a child believes is a healthy relationship and will forever try to base their future relationships after.

Tatiana - posted on 08/26/2012

2

18

0

Let it go!!! I know it's hard to leave after being with someone for a long period of time but u deserve better. He's doing him but he wants u to be committed to him. U should want better for yourself. It's ideal to want to make things work with your child's father but no one deserves to be mistreated. Let it go girl!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms