Relationship taking a backseat to parenting?

Jeremi - posted on 06/29/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I feel like now that my boyfriend and I have our daughter, our relationship is lacking. It doesn't help that we weren't really "dating" when I got pregnant, but over the course of my pregnancy, our relationship grew and developed into something very nice. But I sometimes think that because we didn't have the relationship before, it's going to be that much harder to repair things. We don't have time for us anymore after all the working and parenting and all the other daily responsibilities. Anyone else facing this problem?

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9 Comments

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Nikki - posted on 07/02/2010

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Ive been with my hubby for 8 years ( married for 3.5) When my son was born we fell harder in love, but quickly things changed and we got too busy with our son and his work hours , that we would constantly fight, something we said we would never ever do in front of our child. We sat down and realized we needed to do something, so we started having DATE NIGHT, we make sure we go out just the two of us at least once every two weeks and we focus on eachother, and then we each get a night we get to go out with our friends and relax while they other one stays in with our son, this arrangement has done wonders to our relationship and Im back to falling for him like I did when we first met

Samanatha - posted on 07/02/2010

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I know how you feel. My husband and I have a daughter who will be 2 in September and have had less than a handful of evenings to ourselves to show for it. We both love our child very much, but that adult, one-on-one time is important too. If you can, ask a family member or a friend to watch her for an hour at the least, and just spend time together doing something you both like to do. It will surprise you how much it will strengthen you both as a couple and as parents.

Brandee - posted on 06/29/2010

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We have the same issue and we have been married for 6 years and dated for 4 before that.. It is just typical when you are first getting started.. I told my hubby just the other day that Brandon is my top priority because he can't do for himself yet like my hubby can.. Our son will be 2 in a few weeks.. We have started having occassional date nights now that he is older and the grandparents know his routine.. It is easier to leave him with grandparents when we know that his routine will be the same even if we aren't the ones doing it.. But we didn't have a date night until he was about 18 months or so.. Once he started to sleep through the night we would take evening times to settle in and watch movies and share popcorn or talk about the days events.. You find the time and if you both love each other it can last.. We know that even though we don't get to spend tons of time together that we are there for each other no matter what forever!

Ashley - posted on 06/29/2010

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Being a parent is the most important part of are lives but its even more important to show are kids a healthy relationship because that will make them happy and feel secure it can be hard though but u need to make time for each other and do little things to surprise each other. In the long run your kids wont remember u gone for a few hours here and there but they will remember that u guys loved each other and have a wonderful relationship ship that your children will learn from.

Tanya - posted on 06/29/2010

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Well I have known my childrens father since I was 14 when we started our relationship if that is what it would be called we didn't really date when we were seeing eachother we kinda hooked up for a moment we didn't have any get to know eachother time or anything like that I got pregnant I was 19 and even through the pregnancy we weren't really a couple we saw eachother a few times. After baby came we really did want to try to have a real realationship there had to be a reason we were interested in eachother all that time and still were so we tried and it was hard. We had to get to know eachother we were like complete strangers that had a baby.. lol. We made sure we put money from the week aside and we planned date nights we needed to do dates 2 times a month we talked and got to know eachother we would stay up on weekends and rent movies when the baby went to sleep we played some board games and talked about our lives and family and everything and there was a reason we were still interested in eachother. When our oldest was 2 we got pregnant with a second the pregnancy was different he didn't know me pregnant really so it was like his first.. lol and then we had a 3 child less then 3 years after the second. We got married and we are happy so it is possible it will take work but every relationship takes work to continue to make it work so put in that work and you will be used to the hard work it takes now me and my husband it seems nothing can break us we worked hard to make it here and the work we do to stay together is nothing.. lol we built our realtionship on working at it so it comes easy to us now. I hope you both and find that and put aside that time and put in that work the relationship is possible if you both want it.. Good Luck..

Aria - posted on 06/29/2010

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I know how you feel. My boyfriend and I just broke up a month ago. I worked all day and he worked all night so we did'nt see each other. I have a 10 month old with him and a 5 yr old from a previous relationship, so when I do get home my time is given to my kids. By the time I feed them bath them and get them to bed, I was tired and not in the mood to do anything else. Not to mention the fact that I had to get up the next day for work! So as much as I wanted it to work, it was my choice to end it. For me my responsibilities to my kids come first, so right now a relationship is not for me. Not to say that somewhere down the line we won't get back together. But in many ways the both of us were just starting out, in a 3 yr span we were together, I had our son, I started a new job, I just moved and we were also students. It's hard to juggle all of that with kids plus a relationship. Not everyone can that.

Becky - posted on 06/29/2010

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i got prego with my duahgter when i was 18 and her father was 20 and we were not datin at all talkin about it but we jumped into marriage wheni was 5 mons prego with her and now i am gettin a devorce. our first yr was pretty good yeah we had little time together but go thru it. and all my friends that arte the same way are still together with the fathers of their babies. all i can say is make time when the baby is asleep cuddle and watch a movie. or set one night a week aside to have a sitter and go out and just talk. if i had time to talk with my daughters dad we may have worked
becky powers
workathomeunited.com/footballtracklover09

Yamilis - posted on 06/29/2010

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I understand where you are coming from. I was with my "bf" only 6 months before I got pregnant. While I was pregnant the relationship was more serious and it was realllyyyy niiceee!!!After we had our 1st daughter though our relationship took the back burner to all the daily responsibilites and of course being young parents. That was the biggest mistake. I know its hard but you have to make time for each other, sit and talk about your problems and get a sitter when you can. You have to keep the relationship alive! It's been 4 years and another daughter later and we continue to work on our relationship, have our date nights and even our "me" time. You can do it! I did!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/29/2010

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i was only with my bf for a month before i got pregnant...we had a good relationship, and were happy, but it was VERY early. now that our daughter is 7 months old, it seems like we have no time for each other. both of us put our daughter before we put each other, as it should be. it makes for some frustrating days, some lonely nights, and some negative thoughts. but in the end, even without the time and effort that we are eventually both gonna need, i wouldnt have it any other way. although im not exactly extatic about how things are right now, i know that when our daughter gets older and doesnt need as much attention, every thing will be fine.
so no, ur not alone, and i think most relationships face that problem after a baby. it makes for one hell of a test. if you can make it through this, you can probably make it through almost anything!

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