Second Child

Chelsie - posted on 11/07/2011 ( 38 moms have responded )

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My husband and I are talking about having a second child and we are not sure how far apart to have the second child any one got any suggestions? My brother and I were 4 years apart and we hated each other! I want my children to be good friends!!

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Firebird - posted on 11/07/2011

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My brother and I were 2 years apart and we hated each other. Age difference doesn't determine if kids will get along.

Brianna - posted on 11/07/2011

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2 to 3 years apart is easier on mom yet kids are close enough to play together

Tinker1987 - posted on 11/07/2011

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It really depends on the Kids...my friend has 2 boys 13 months apart and they are best friends. my brother and i are 7 years off and we hated each other as kids! personally im waiting until my son is about 2.5 before i try for number2. i want him a bit more independant,and i want too enjoy my time with him just as a only child a bit longer,sometimes you miss alot of the little things when your busy with More kids!

Bonnie - posted on 11/07/2011

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I agree with Joanna. Age difference has nothing to do with it other than the fact that the the closer in age they are, the more they will likely have in common because they will be going through the same stages at the same time.

My boys are 21 months apart. I really like this age difference. My first stopped using a number of things just in time for the second child, so everything was already out and waiting. I am pregnant with our third (and final) child right now. There will be a bigger difference with this one; 5.5 years between the first and the third and almost 4 years between the second and the third. Not too sure how that is going to go:-)

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Kim - posted on 01/03/2012

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i have 3 children all together the age gap between my first and second is 22 months which not bad as the play together the age gap between my second and my third is 15 months which can defenatly be hard at times so i would say 2 years.

Joy - posted on 12/29/2011

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I didn't necessarily go the way my mother did. My sister and I are only 2 1/2 years apart. My sons are 6 years apart. I think if you sit down and write what a child does at each age and then figure out an age that you might be able to deal with when a newborn is in the house, that might help. This is totally a judgement call on your part only because you know what you can handle. My situation with my sons is something I can handle. ON the one hand, my oldest is in the first grade in a single track school so he is gone all day and I am with the baby. He is potty trained and entertains himself. He is very helpful. But on the other hand, he got used to being the baby so he started wetting himself from time to time and not listening to get my attention after the baby came along. There will always be pros and cons. Find ones that you can deal with.

Rachael - posted on 12/21/2011

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my husband and i were planning on waiting till my daughter was 5 (she's 4 now) but as planning when to have kids doesn't work out for us we had our son right before our daughter turned 3. but so far she has been a great big sister and loves to help me take care of him and she plays with him as well.

Christina - posted on 12/19/2011

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I really think it just depends on when you're ready. Ours are about 19 months apart but our youngest is only a few months old so don't know how they'll be when they get older. He is very good with her though. I think it also depends on the personality of the children.

Heidi - posted on 12/12/2011

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My two are 2 years and 4 months apart. My son is only 3 months old but he has a certain light in his eye for his big sister and she loves him back. I only think it is that way because I really wanted my second child and I really want them to interact. At first I thought I bit off more then I could chew, but now we are falling into a new norm. If you're ready, then I say go for it!

Elissa - posted on 12/10/2011

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My sister and I are just over two years apart. I'm almost 21 and she's 23. We JUST recently started speaking to each other. We've hated each other most of our lives. I have a younger brother who is 7. He's my best friend. BUT if I was in your situation. I'd go ahead and have another, that way they're close in age. Just because I didn't get along with my sister doesn't mean yours wont get along. We were just too totally different people. Good luck!

Lindsey - posted on 12/07/2011

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I am pregnant with my second one and my son is three right now and my finance's daughter is 17 months and I feel like those are both good ages to introduce a second child. You just don't want to have a baby while your first one is still a baby. And if you want to wait longer that is fine too, me and my brother are 10 years apart and yes we were distant but we got closer when we got older. But if you want your kids to have a close sibling, that I would start planning to have one now.

Amber - posted on 12/07/2011

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my oldest is three and my youngest is 10 months....they love eachother.....my oldest loves helping out with her and playing with her....right now shes teaching the baby how to play patty cake

Christina - posted on 12/05/2011

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I did 3 years and I think it was perfect. My daughter is a little mommy and helps me whenever I need something.

Aniesha - posted on 12/05/2011

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Whatever works for you and keeps you sane I say:). My bro and I are 4 years apart and great friends now. We went through a period where we were at each other's throats in our teen years, but now we're cool:). There's going to be 3 years between my 2, and it's working well for me so far in being able to explain my pregnancy to my son and him having some understanding of why Mummy can't pick him up etc anymore.

Crystal - posted on 12/05/2011

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I am the youngest of three children my oldest sister is 12 years older and my middle sister is six years older. I never had a close relationship with the oldest sister probably due to that fact she was so much older. My middle sister and I are close now but only since I became an adult. I choose to have my children 3 years apart. My daughter was just shy of 3 when we had the twin boys. Now my daughter will have double the trouble to play with and my boys will hopefully be best friends for life. Aside from that all siblings fight that just the way it goes, they will play together, argue together, and share together. Isn't that what's having siblings is all about???

Melissa - posted on 12/03/2011

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My kids are 4 years apart.. Michelle is 11 and Monique is 7.. RIGHT now they hate each other and anything the other ones does bugs the other one. We have our days they are happy and everything But most of the time its not good. My brother and i are 6 years apart and we were always close growing up and are even closer now they we are adults....

Amanda - posted on 11/28/2011

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Well my kids are like 18 months apart, my girl is 2 y 4m, and my boy is 8mo, she is having a really hard time with not having all the attention, she acts out very badly and is always beating up her brother, I would say to wait a couple years that way you other child will be more willing to help you rather than be bad, good luck!

Ashley - posted on 11/25/2011

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Age is definitely not a factor in whether family likes each other... my sisters and I are super close, and there is a 12 year age gap between the oldes and youngest. I also don;t think sex of children matters either my brother is just as close to me as my sisters, just in a different way lol.
No time is the right or wrong time, as long as you are aware that there are risks and rewards with close in age or further apart in age. I am dreading have baby 3 while baby 2 is still in diapers but I also was not keen on the toilet training while BF soo it can be a pain either way lol.

Ume Ammara - posted on 11/25/2011

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I ve a 5 1/2 yrs old son and pregnant with my second due in june so its going to be age difference of 6 yrs and 2 months. my son is waiting for his bro/sis to come and to play with her. it depends on each child age difference has nothing to do.

Betty - posted on 11/21/2011

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My son is 2 1/2 years old and his sister is due in the next month. I am happy to have them that far, gave my son time to be the baby and us time to spend with him. Also he is potty training right now, already in underwear through the day and pull ups at night. It's going to be a lot easier on our wallet as far as diapers go!!!

Montana - posted on 11/21/2011

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My Daughter n son are 3 yrs apart. She is very loving and helpful with her little brother.

Crystal - posted on 11/21/2011

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I don't think that there is a perfect age difference for children, nor do I believe that there is a way to guarantee that children will be friends or not, but you do need them to get along, with living in the same home and all.

I was an only child and so the thought of having more than one child was scarry to me. My first child came around much sooner than I was really ready for, so it took some time for me to adjust. then my husband and I decided that we both wanted another. so it had to happen before I turned 30 was my only rule.

So my children are 7 years apart and they play great. My daughter is 10 yrs old and my son just turned 3. Sure they have thier differences, but thier siblings, I was told to expect that. For the most part they are great together. My daughter loves kids that are younger, loves to "teach" them she says. She is the biggest help right now, that daddy is away (Deployed-Army). She helps not only with her brother with with everything around the house, I prefer the helper over too many little ones that can't do anything...yet!

Terri - posted on 11/21/2011

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Hi. I always thought my first would at least be potty trained and in a big bed before number 2 came along. But number 2 decided not to wait and our gap ended up being 21 months.

The first 2 months were the hardest but that was only because my son had to adjust to not being the only baby getting his parents attention and I think that could have only gotten worse as he got older. Our youngest is now 10 months and we are really enjoying our little family of 4 with new systems in place and routines reworked. There will be different phases in both their lives and I am sure that the dynamics of their relationship will shift often, but we'll be there to guide them through it.

Basically, I don't think there is perfect age gap. Each child and family is so unique that an age gap which worked for one may not work for another. Good luck!

Miriam - posted on 11/20/2011

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I suggest from experience to wait until your first child is 2. I got pregnant with our second child when our first was about 16 months old so they are 25 months apart. Being pregnant with an 18 month old child is very exhausting because he still needed to be held and wasn't old enough to understand to be "gentle" with me. If I had to do it over again, I would have started trying when he turned 2 which I think is still a good time frame between kids.

Amanda - posted on 11/18/2011

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I definately think its down to the personalities of the kids. They are their own little people and have their own minds.

My 2 are 17 months apart and like chalk and cheese. They fight and get on each others nerves but ultimately they are the best of friends.
I never had close relationships with my sisters and I didn't want the same thing happening with my kids. I have always made a point of making sure my kids know they need to look after each other and try and be friends.
For the most part it works. They always tell each other how much they love the other one and will be the first to stand up fo the other.

Jenn - posted on 11/18/2011

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I went with Ashley's logic, which was three years apart so that the oldest is potty trained lol. I did not want to be changing twice as many diapers. Plus diapers are freakin' expensive!! I think three years apart is perfect. My sister and I were three years apart and we got along well and now my children are three years apart also. I like it because my son is old enough that he likes to "help" with his little sister and play with her, take care of her etc. It is really sweet, he is such a good big brother. Don't get me wrong though, some days they are at each others throats (He is five and she is two now). I don't think age is a determining factor in how well kids get along. It has more to do with their personalities and whether their personality types mesh well. I think three years is good because by then they are old enough to understand and be excited about a new baby and "help" out, but still young enough to be able to adjust to the change fairly well. Just wait until you feel truly ready. Two kids is a pretty big change from just one but nowhere as hard as I expected it to be. When you are ready and it is the right time, you will know:)

Janessa - posted on 11/17/2011

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I personally don't think it matters how far or close they are, there will be challenges either way. Mine are all quite close together and sometimes they are the best of friends, and sometimes they fight, but I have found teaching them proper ways to resolve conflict by example and words works the best, and making sure they all know they are equally loved. We have more peace this way. One thing they are all very loyal to each other, my older 2 stick up for their younger 2 when someone takes their things away from them or makes them sad. Conflict is a part of life, people won't always agree on things, learning to resolve that conflict peacefully is something that can be learned.

Aimee - posted on 11/16/2011

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all my babys have been 2half years apart and are really good friends boys and girls i find always fight its there diffrences of intrest that start fights hope this helps

Caithlin - posted on 11/15/2011

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Me and my brother were 2yrs apart we were close before I started school but since then and to this day we don't get along. But I'm alot closer to my younger brother. I think personalities have alot more to do with it! I would base having another child on when u and ur husband are ready to handle more than one!

Liberty - posted on 11/14/2011

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There's no hard and fast rules. My sister and I are 2.5 years apart and still have issues. My husband and his brother are 12.5 months apart (not a typo) and they mostly get along. Keep in mind that getting along isn't going to be a given because they're siblings. It's going to be dependent on their personalities and genders.

My kids are 22 months apart, and while they're still young (16 months and 3 years) they get along pretty well at this stage. Even being boy and girl. :)

Rachel - posted on 11/14/2011

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Mine are just shy of 3 years apart and they have terrible moments and amazing moments. Kids fight. It's normal. My sister and I are 9 years apart and we were never close. My brother and I are 11 MONTHS apart and we fought like crazy, but we were as close as twins. I am still more in tune with my brother than my sister.

Ashley - posted on 11/14/2011

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well my dad and one of his brothers are 18 mnths or something like that and they are super close STILL 40 some years later..me and my brother are 2 and we rarely talk. my mom and her sister are 5 yrs and they were good friends until recently. I think it has more to do with the sex of the children. brothers and sisters naturally dont get along period. no matter what the age difference. I had my son and daughter 4 yrs apart and so far they are pretty close but they are both still little. abby can get on her brothers nerves but thats just because he has adhd and shes one and dont know the word no yet lol..but also my cousins are brother and sister and 7 yrs apart and NOW they are super close. so does that make sence? i guess it dont really matter the age diff.

Ashley - posted on 11/08/2011

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I'd say until the first is potty trained (2.5-3 years apart.) That way you don't have to change twice the diapers.

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there is really nothing you can do to ensure your kids will be good friends. the highest probability of that hapenning is if you have them very close together, like a year or so apart, because then the older one won't remember life without the baby. you just have to think about when you are ready to handle another child

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Age doesn't make the difference. The kids do. ;)

If I had one kid the first time I wanted about 3 years between. Since I had twins... I wanted 4-5 years between them and number 3. God had other plans for us though and there is a 6.25 year difference between my girls and their little brother. All 3 of my kids get along very well MOST of the time, but there are the days it's like world war 3 in here too. ;)

Lynette - posted on 11/08/2011

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I just had my second child .. and my two are 22 months apart !!!! I think it is what you and your husband wants, there is no right or wrong amount of time !!!! I have to say though, my oldest will be two in January and she is at a hard age right now, b/c she is learning things and is into everything so it is a little harder having a new baby in the house but I am happy with the age gap =) but like I said ... it has to be right for you and your husband

Lacye - posted on 11/07/2011

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Age difference doesn't matter. My older sisters are 8 and 15 years older than me and we all get along wonderfully. It just depends on the personality types that the children have.

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