sex after baby

Rikki - posted on 12/21/2012

im having the same issue, my son is 6months old and threw out pregnancy and now after all this time, i just cant seem to get things back to the way they used to be.On top of that i just started a new job a little over two months ago and it seems like i never have time to even spend with my fiance' let alone, getting back to the way things were anyone have any ideas, im worried im loosing my fiance' and thats the last thing i want to do

Carol - posted on 01/28/2009

Work around your baby's schedule and days off from work. If baby is down for a nap at 10 am on Saturday morning, make a date and stick to it. That's what we did and at times still have to do. We have 2 children-8 and 2-and I go to college at night. So, on days I don't go to class and don't want to wait until 11 pm, we make sure to get the kids in bed earlier-even by 30 minutes-and have that time to ourself.

Danialle - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Danialle:

I am the same way. I have no interest in sex, especially if the baby is around. I am only 21 and feel like I am too young not to want sex. My husband is hurt by this. I try to do it anyway for him sometimes, but he knows I really don't want to. I try to explain it but he doesn't understand. Sex is also painful because I can't get aroused. I love my hubby dearly, but I just can't seem to get out of this rut!

I forgot to mention I am a SAHM and my hubby works nights. So he sleeps all day and by the time he gets up, I get dinner done and the baby down for bed, it is 9 or 10 o'clock and he has to go to work or I am so worn out from the day that I just want to sleep! Plus my son seems to wake up at our meer thought of sex! He is psychic I guess! lol

Julie - posted on 01/28/2009

Quoting Crystal:

Are ya'll getting enough sleep? Sometimes with a baby parents get wrapped up in being mommy and daddy . . . maybe a night to yourselves might be a good idea. Have someone you trust keep the baby for the night (a grandparent, family friend, etc.). Sometimes you may need to be romanced with a nice dinner and wine :). Have your husband cook supper and pamper you . . . also another idea is go spend the night away from the house where all the baby stuff is. Sometimes getting back to the wild and crazy female you are may be what you need. The baby stuff will be a reminder of where and the want to check in on your baby . . . I was the same way with all my kids and believe me getting a night away from the baby and baby stuff does help!!!

I agree with Crystal.  You really do have to make an effort.  As soon as we got the okay from my doctor, we left my son with my mom for an evening and spent time by ourselves.  Nothing actually happened except foreplay that night because I was too sore (I had a fourth degree tear), but it got us started on the right track.  When my son was 3 months, it was our 2 year anniversay, and we left him with my mom for the whole weekend.  Even though I'm tired and not really in the mood, I make the effort for my husband, because this kind of thing really can strain marriages.  If you are Christian, the Bible says that you should have sex with your spouse! (1 Corinthians 7:5).  Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is a great book to read if your interested.  Keep the communication going with your husband, and don't be afraid to tell him you need more foreplay to get you in the mood.

Jen - posted on 01/28/2009

I never really lost my sex drive, but it kind of hurts now afterwards. Somethimes it feels like I was stretched out too much or something and other times it feels like wear I had stitches  has come apart, but then the slight pain goes away. It's weird.

What you could try (I don't know if this will help) is to go away for the weekend without your husband (maybe without the baby, but that's hard) maybe to your parents house and when you get back you would have missed your husband and might want him more intimately. I know every time I go away for the weekend I always want my husband when I get back. I don't know if any of that will help. :)

Danialle - posted on 01/28/2009

I am the same way. I have no interest in sex, especially if the baby is around. I am only 21 and feel like I am too young not to want sex. My husband is hurt by this. I try to do it anyway for him sometimes, but he knows I really don't want to. I try to explain it but he doesn't understand. Sex is also painful because I can't get aroused. I love my hubby dearly, but I just can't seem to get out of this rut!

Becky - posted on 01/28/2009

I lost my sex drive during pregnancy which put a HUGE strain on my marriage. It started coming back, little by little, starting when my daughter was 8 or 9 weeks old. If you two get a chance to go out alone, maybe stop by an adult store and find something that attracts both of your attentions. Just being open with your partner about it helps too. My husband didn't understand my lack of drive at all! Are there specific reasons or just too tired?

Samantha - posted on 01/28/2009

my sex drive dwindled after having all 3 of mine and found that having sex as soon as u have stopped bleeding after giving birth helps. i stopped bleeding a week after birth on all mine and was having sex a lot after this and it brought my sex drive back up. do it when ur not so tired and at any time of the day or night when baby is sleeping, hope this helps

Cathie - posted on 01/27/2009

i think this happens to everyone.  i went though it with all of my children.  just try and relax about it,  it will come back in time!!  good luck!!

Crystal - posted on 01/27/2009

Are ya'll getting enough sleep? Sometimes with a baby parents get wrapped up in being mommy and daddy . . . maybe a night to yourselves might be a good idea. Have someone you trust keep the baby for the night (a grandparent, family friend, etc.). Sometimes you may need to be romanced with a nice dinner and wine :). Have your husband cook supper and pamper you . . . also another idea is go spend the night away from the house where all the baby stuff is. Sometimes getting back to the wild and crazy female you are may be what you need. The baby stuff will be a reminder of where and the want to check in on your baby . . . I was the same way with all my kids and believe me getting a night away from the baby and baby stuff does help!!!

Stephanie - posted on 01/27/2009

I feel the same way it's taken me along tim to really wanna have sex again after having my daughter she is now 5 an i'm finally feeling like i'm not pushing him away as much anymore, an i'm wanting to have sex with him as well! He would always get upset cause iI always would be to tired an just never in the mood! I think it's just a big think with having a kid an your body changes aswell as your mind your thoughts are always on the kids an house work it's like you never have time for sex with your husband! Cause by the time your kids sleeping for the night an he's ready your to tired an can just think of sleep! Once your kids are old enough to do things for them selves it's easier to think about it when you don't have to do every thing for them!!!

Amy - posted on 01/27/2009

I hear ya. My son is almost 11 months old and I don't really have a sex drive either. I have to build myself up for it. I'll pick a day and think this will be the day that I will have sex with my husband; and then by the time I get my son to bed I think no I'm too tired or I'm not in the mood. I feel really bad for my husband, but I don't know what to do.

Melissa - posted on 01/27/2009

totally hear that! at least i'm not the only one LoL i, too, had my son 5 months ago (aug 11, 2008). ever since...around the 5th month of pregnancy with him..is when i became disinterested. i still can't get the desire back. my doc says that can happen sometimes. i just keep trying. that's all that we can do! try new things, and focus more on romance, not sex. it helps to get the mood going~

Michaela - posted on 01/27/2009

having a new baby is so time consuming and exusting as u would already know i had no sex drive either wen i had my little boy he is 1 now already and im only just really starting to want to have sex and be intimite wit my partner again try to explain to him that its not his fault babys do wear you out a little but wen u do have that erge make sure you dont let it just slide by try and make it special for both of you and dont put to much pressure on ur self it wont help either of you hope this helps a little bit