sex life out the door!!!! any advice???

Christi - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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well i have had two lil ones with in the past two years so i know that my body is a lil messed up and trying to get back to normal, but the thought of sex doesnt even appel to me.. and i have noticed this is taking a toll on mine and my husband relationship and moods.. we seem to always arguee and kinda by pass one another.. any advice.. please help..

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Michelle - posted on 01/22/2010

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This might sound weird, but hear me out. I have a really hard time wanting to have sex, but when I just "give in" and go with it, I really enjoy myself. I think that we get so caught up in being all busy with the kids and the family stuff and everything going on that we almost forget how much we really enjoyed sex and start to look at it as yet another thing we have to do for someone else, when really it's great for you too!!!
Just keep the lines of communication open, tell him you're not doing it on purpose.
Another thing I've begun being very sure to do is to take care of MYSELF! When we start being mom 24/7 we forget about ourselves. I just make sure I take time to myself every week and get some alone, peace and quiet time. Then I feel much more relaxed, which leads to a higher sex drive. I also noticed I was forgetting to eat, and not sleeping enough, and as soon as I rectified both those problems my sex drive kicked up a notch. Just try to take care of yourself better, set aside time for you and hubby to hang out just the two of you to reconnect a little, and it'll happen.

Annie - posted on 01/21/2010

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well after having 2 pregnancies kind of back to back, sex would be the last thing on my mind too. but everyone is different and having children can be quite stressful on your relationship especially so close together because it is no longer just you and your husband. but while you are the one who actually went through the pregnancies and are experiencing all the hormonal affects, you are not the only one who has been affected by this drastic change in your life. but maybe sitting down and talking to one another might help so that way you can better understand how each other feels about the change in yalls life and sex life might help so you wont be at eachothers throats so much then you can come up with a solution that is suitable for the both of you. remember communication is key.

Tai - posted on 01/21/2010

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These are just some opinions from my experience but for one, even if sex doesn't appeal to you because u think ur body isn't right, chances are, ur man doesn't care. Be confident about ur body, even when it may not be how u want it. guys like confident girls. Sex for guys isn't just filling a physical need, its emotional for them too, whether they want to admit it or not. They think that if you don't have sex with them, that ur rejecting them. Sexual tension can cause HUGE problems in a relationship. That extra energy builds up and if its not released, you take it out on each other negatively. If he wants to do it, for the sake of ur relationship, u should give in. Not saying that u have to everytime, but just giving in and swallowing ur pride every once in a while, will make thing much easier. Otherwise explain to him that u don't feel like it. Always communicate! theres a saying: If you don't take care of ur man, be careful, he might go looking for it somewhere else. Go have sex NOW! ;)

Catherine - posted on 01/21/2010

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Welcome to the back to back baby club. Girl, I understand what your going through. I think we've all been there. I have to agree with these ladies that maybe after the kids are down don't go your separate ways but spend time together watch a movie snuggling or something that'll make you be close. Maybe have a bowl of ice cream and eat it at the table together instead of on the couch watching TV. But it's going to take some effort and communication. Also, the working out is a great idea. You gain a new perspective when you've just sweated out all your frusteration. Good Luck and we are here if you need us.

Catherine - posted on 01/21/2010

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I totally get this. After my 1st son was born I had no sex drive for over a year and then I was already pregnant again anyways. I think its probably hormonal and maybe you could get on the pill or change which pill your on. I had my babies now 5 months ago and my sex drive is just coming back. Working out has helped me alot too to feel good about my body, relieve stress and get out of mommy mode. Dont put too much pressure on yourself but also remember that your husband has needs too so you might have to suck it up for awhile and fake it until you make it. Remember your libido will come back. Talk to your doc though to see if you can speed things up.

Kerry - posted on 01/21/2010

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well im not married and i only have one child ( 10 months old ) but i found i was havin the same issue... so me and my boyfriend starting taking one evening every other weekend and just goin out for dinner or to a show or something just gettin out of the house and spending some time one on one with eachother did wonders for us.... so maybe give that a try but either way the best of luck to you

Laureena - posted on 01/21/2010

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I have the same issue in my marriage when i had my son who is now 19months old. the best thing you can do is relax and not put so much pressure on yourself to "perform" You just had two kids in two years and you are beling pulled ten ways froms unday and your hubby needs to realize and appreicate that. the one thing my hubby and I did was start scheduling date nights and then we made a point of appreciating each other!! good luck and dont owrry you are not alone!!

Kristen - posted on 01/21/2010

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I know it is hard but really make time for each other. Try to get a babysitter and plan a date. When you are planning really think about what he would like to do and try to plan around his interests. If you can't get a babysitter plan a night after the babies go to bed. I only have 1 child and it is hard enough for us to find time for each other but you just have to decide to do it and actually do it. Dating each other may help get that "mood' started. Also, if you are focusing on his attention it helps you remember the little things you love about him and it shows him that you remember what is special to him.

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