Should a father who works 9-5pm help with the kids when he gets home?

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Carolyn - posted on 12/08/2010

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hell yes. i think sometimes men dont realise just how much work is involved in staying home with kids and maintaining the household. Have him stay home alone for a few days with the kids and all the housework while you leave from 9-5 and see what happens.

parenting should be done by both parents when they are both present. no reason Dad cant help.

Ramona - posted on 12/12/2010

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My question is, if BOTH of you worked outside jobs all day, would you both be able to just relax when you got home? No, so why should it be any different in this case??

Maxine - posted on 12/09/2010

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A good father would want to spend time with his children, i expect nothing less from my SO.

[deleted account]

Of course. He's part of the family too. I can understand not helping occasionally because of an especially hard day at work, but being a parent is a full-time job for BOTH parents. That goes for stay-at-home dads and working moms, too, because that happens sometimes, though not as often.

Alicia - posted on 12/08/2010

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yes, he should still help, give him a few minutes of down time after he gets off work. if you have been with the kids all day then you need some down time too. me and my husband work so when i get home i watch our daughter and give him so time to relax when he gets home, then he starts to watch her so i can relax. everyone needs some down time, even if you were home all day. if you had the kids then you were still working.

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Sarah - posted on 12/14/2010

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I sure hope you were kidding when you ask this question. He is their father, he needs to help with them too. You had them all day, when's your break?

Amanda - posted on 12/14/2010

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Omg thanks for asking this. I have the same problem, my husband doesn't think It's a real job. He works 12 hour nights and and gets every other weekend off (fri,sat,&sun) and just ask for one day of just being lazy like sat or sun to give him time to rest. But yes it is up to both parents to help with the kids. we even agreed to that before we had kids but that changed after we had our first.

Debra - posted on 12/14/2010

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Definitely! I'm a SAHM & my husband works 40hours a week. He doesn't help out much & it makes me really mad. Alot of men don't realize that being a SAHM is hard work! The times that my husband does help, I won't ask for help as soon as he walks in the door. I let him shower, get a snack & catch a nap 1st then I'll ask for simple things like watch the kids so I can take a shower or run to the store.

JoAnna - posted on 12/14/2010

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My husband works from 7:30 to 4:30 Monday through Friday. When he is home we both take care of our son. Most of the time I get up with our baby at night because daddy has to work. However, if I need him...there is no hesitation for him to help out. In my opinion, we are both parents and should help out equally..

Christi - posted on 12/14/2010

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Absolutely! That is his child too. My husband works TWO jobs and still comes home and helps with whatever I or our son needs.

Nikki - posted on 12/14/2010

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I have that problem as well my husband works 7am to 4pm and he didnt feel he should help because im home all day but that changed I left him with our 6 month old for 2 hours alone and he saw how hard it really was

Katherine - posted on 12/14/2010

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yes! my husband does! granite he doesn't always help because he's tired but if i ask for help he pitches in and helps. i look at it this way you didn't make the child alone you shouldn't raise the child alone! or do everything yourself!!

Heidi - posted on 12/14/2010

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Absolutely! You both have been working all day, he probably had a lunch break and a coffee break too and got to sit and visit with co-workers. SAHM's don't get that some days---some days are a real struggle.



As a parent the work never ends, I don't care if you work outside the home or not---kids are work and that is reality until they grow up. Both parents are responsible for that.



My husband doesn't help much with our daughter. It is tough. He works SOO much that he truly doesn't have the time to help some days. (Runs his own business). But now is not his busy time of year and he still throws a fit if I want to leave her with him even for an hour or so. He tells me I should hire a babysitter if I want a break. I work outside the home as well, though I only work 20 hours a week. I am still breastfeeding our daughter too. He tries to do what he can--but that doesn't include changing diapers, feeding, bathing or any of that. He will sit and play with her on the floor and that is about it. I guess I'll take whatever I can get. He is such a stubborn man. I am hoping that as she gets older he'll learn to feel more comfortable with his daddy responsibilities. Good luck.

Patty - posted on 12/14/2010

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Yes! My husband has always helped with the boys from day one! Thank God, I couldn't do it without him. I stay home with the kids all day and if he didn't help when he gets home my sanity would suffer! It is also good for the boys to have some daddy time! He does their baths and gets them read for bed too! I am so lucky to have such a great husband!

Heather - posted on 12/14/2010

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If you need the help, then yes. I don't ask my husband help out at all when he gets home from work because he sometimes works 14 hour days at his job. But I appreciate the help when he does. But I don't expect any help because I know he works hard, plus we only have one kid so it's not too bad. But if you need the help, then yes, he should help you.

Lorea - posted on 12/14/2010

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YES. My husband starts his day @ 5am, gets home for lunch, then home for the night just before 5pm. He ALWAYS takes our son to play, feed, etc. He helped create your child(ren), he can help take care of them

Erin - posted on 12/14/2010

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Of course. What does he think you do all day? If your a stay at home mom, that's your job. A labor of love it is, but you need some down time as well. My husband does a 9 to 5 with a one hour commute each way. He understands that by the time he gets home I'm closing in on my wits end (I love my daughter but colic isn't fun) and he takes over, or cooks dinner.
There is a reason why there is the saying that it "Takes a village to raise a child" its not easy, and sometimes not fun but who has to do it? The parents.

Talk to him, let him know what you go through during the day, and let him know what you need from him or for him to do. If he is anything like my husband (who is horribly dense) he needs a helping hand understanding his role.

Karli - posted on 12/14/2010

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Wow, I am shocked at how many fathers seem to think that it stops at sperm donation!!! There is one girl who said that her man would come and play video games...she sent him packing. Good for you!! My husband works shift work. His shifts are 2 weeks of days 7-4:30 and 2 weeks of afternoons/nights from 5:45pm- 3:15am, and I don't demand that he helps out but we are a family and what needs to get done has to get done. It does not matter who does or when it gets done...Just get it done!! We have had the argument that I do nothing all day except sit on my A$$. That was until I decided to do just that. It took about 4 hours before he asked for my help. There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a baby. If your husband is not supportive or helpful then look for the support and help you need elsewhere...

Jen - posted on 12/14/2010

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Of course he should. Just b/c he works doesn't mean he doesn't still have a responsibility as a father.

Megan - posted on 12/14/2010

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i believe so. i can understand they have had a busy hard day, but so have we!
i think helping say with baths, or keeping them amused so dinner can be done... or even exactly that.. playing with them etc so you can have some down time is more than fair.
when my partner works, i have no drama cooking/cleaning etc... but he always comes home and will help with bed time and baths etc..reading to them.. so that he has quality time with them and so i can have a bit of a break

Alison - posted on 12/14/2010

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ask yourself when a full time stay at home mother gets to put her feet up??????

HArd to think of a time right? So yes he should help. He gets 8 hours a day without a screaming needy child and wants to do nothing plus have weekends off!!!


I'd say lay down the law big time!

Cynthia - posted on 12/13/2010

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I definately think that if u have to ask that question, u shouldnt have been a dad to begin with.

Stifler's - posted on 12/13/2010

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Mine works that much too and he still has to put the kid in to bed some nights and wake up one day on the weekend while I sleep in!

Casey - posted on 12/13/2010

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I'm probably the odd one out here, but my partner works from 6am till 6pm and when he comes home from work I do not expect him to help with our 2 year old son. I expect him to spend time with him and bond with him (which he does everynight, without any complaint at all) but I don't expect him to change nappies and get up to him during the night and help me with the housework cause that is my job and thats why I stay home.
Some mums say "but my husband gets paid to do his job" but does he really? I know mine doesn't the paycheck might have his name on it but it doesn't mean he gets to keep it, by the time he pays for the mortgage, groceries and bills there not a great deal left and what is left he usualy gives to me to go towards our son and unborn baby, so I don't think I have the right to nag him about not helping around the house or getting up at night to our son cause my man works hard just to support us.

Brandi - posted on 12/13/2010

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Hell yeah! Being a parent is a full time job. He doesn't get a free pass just because he works. He pro-created...it's his responsibility too.

Jessica - posted on 12/13/2010

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Yes, absolutley, Dad's just don't realise how much mums do. My husband tries to get out of it and says he's been working all day, and somedays, I just let him be, but it's only fair that they help out too. even just playing with the kids, so you can get things done. Or relax for 5 mins. Don't feel bad for asking for help, you deserve it! and don't let them make you feel bad. Your a good mum

Lacyn - posted on 12/13/2010

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my husband never helped with our daughter. he'd come home and go straight for his video games. i would literally have to FORCE him to even acknowledge her much less spend time with her! and since he didn't wana be responsible enough to be a father, i wanted no part of him as a husband so i kicked him to the curb. however that was right after i found out i was pregnant with our son. kaydin is 4 months old & his daddy has nothing to do with him. pathetic.

Lacyn - posted on 12/13/2010

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well yes!! being a mom and raising the kids is a full time job!! his is only 9-5! when he said "i do" , he took on the responsibility to have a supporting job AND to be a husband. when two pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test, he willingly took on the added responsibility of being a DAD. a mom's job is 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year with no pay. so he has NO right to be whining about how tired he is bc he works a measly 8 hrs 5 days a week.

Kortney - posted on 12/13/2010

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should he? yes. do most? no.
My husband rarely does and when i do ask him to do something it turns into a huge fight

[deleted account]

i have this same question! because my husband works 4 p.m. til like 3 a.m. and he sleeps til 11 (when i wake him up).... every other day i get like a 20 min break to take a shower and that's while my daughter is napping.... other than that, i watch our daughter... he doesnt even know when to change her diaper or how to feed her real food.

Tiffany - posted on 12/13/2010

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Absolutely! My boyfriend works 10 hours and on the days he works I don't expect much help but if I have to do something I ask him for help. You have a full time job taking care of your baby and though it's not out of the house it is still a full time job. He should be helping.

Amber - posted on 12/13/2010

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He should always help! Being a mother is a full time job and I dont think alot of daddys understand but try making him do what you do everyday on the weekend for two days that way he might know how you feel and he might better understand just how hard it is to do by your self good luck!

Amy - posted on 12/13/2010

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How old are kids? With toddlers, you may need some help rounding them up for bath and bed, but here at our house the kids play with toys by themselves after hugs and kisses from dad coming home and then mom and dad have time to cook supper together and talk and we talk over supper as well. Our kids are pretty quiet at supper and mostly just stuff their little faces [2 and 4 yrs]. Sometimes my daughter talks with us, but she waits until we've stopped talking. With our age, there isn't much for him or I to do when he gets home. After supper they play for a bit and then we both help them bathe and get stories/pjs/into bed. Then we have the evening together. We have our family dad play time on the weekends while I get to run errands solo [grocery shopping alone is the BEST!]. But really, my kids play together and I don't feel like I'm dealing with them alone after he gets home.

Jasmine - posted on 12/13/2010

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My question is why wouldn't he want to? I love to take care of my little boy.

Kiwi - posted on 12/13/2010

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It totally depends on the man... in my opinion a man should want to take an active role in the parenting. Besides being a provider he should want to be a healer, mediator, teacher, disciplinarian :) it is a way for the child(ren) to bond and love their father.

Erin - posted on 12/13/2010

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I'm always torn on this issue. With our first it was all 50/50. I even think he changed more diapers than I did! I worked casual at the hospital 12 hr shifts though. Sometimes I'd only work 20hrs/week and other weeks were up to 70hrs. Now I'm mainly home with the kids, I work a couple nights a week at a pub for extra spending $$. On those days he helps out obviously. Sometimes the house isn't in perfect condition and he knows it. Not becuase I tell him. But he sees how the house is most of the time when he gets home and for the most part it's clean and tidy and mostly everything is in it's place. When I'm gone though, it's a mess. I worked this weekend and yesterday when I came home there were dishes over all the counters and no laundry was done. Sometimes it bothers me, but sometimes he can get a lot of things done too. We both agree that as long as the kids are alive at the end of the day, we've each done a good job. As far as I'm concerned if you're not around then they should be watching them and pitching in. When he gets home taking the kids is help enough so that I can get other things done. But you should never be forced into a position that you're uncomfortable in. If you feel you can't handle the load at home then discuss it with your husband. If you're honest with him then he should find it in himself to help. And if he won't then you'll have more discussing to do. It's hard, but the mother's of our past had it much harder, we've got all the modern conveniences like running water, convenience foods, washers and dryers, dishwashers, computers, vehicles, phones, internet, cable/satellite, tv, vacums, microwaves, and it goes on and on. Good luck!

Kiera - posted on 12/13/2010

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i would not say help cause i cannot stand when my husband 'helps' mind u his idea of help is to put cartoons on and sit on the laptop nxt to the kids but he should spend some good quality time when he gets home reading puzzles bathing it should be fun if they put enough effort in

Elizabeth - posted on 12/13/2010

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YES!!! If you're staying at home you are working too!!! It wouldn't be fare to say only the stay at home parent should watch the baby. It's both your and the dad's responsibility.

Heather - posted on 12/12/2010

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I think so. There are only so many things that you can get done in one day. My hubby always helps so that I can make dinner, and do my schooling. He loves having some time to play with his son. He gives him his baths too. He likes to show him how to splash. I honestly think that since our son was born, that I have only given him a handful of baths. It's their time together. It wasn't an easy adjustment for the hubby at first, but now he loves it.

Deanna - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yes! Earlier this week my husband worked 52 hours in 4 days!!!! The moment he got home he was helping me with the kids. They are just as much his children as mine.

Kyla - posted on 12/12/2010

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Im sorry but I dont think this should be a question. Why wouldn't he help out after he gets off work. If you were the one going to work 9-5 you wouldn;t have a choice but to be a mom when you got off at 5. I'm a mother to a 7 month old little girl and my husband works 12 hour days and he helps out when hes home before or after work. Sorry but you dont get to pick what time you get to be a parent

Sara - posted on 12/12/2010

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Thats how i used to feel! but I just talked to my fiance over and over until he understood.

Sara - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yes!!! I am a sahm and my fiance works different hours. He used to think he shouldnt have to do ANYTHING since he worked all day and I stayed home.. I finally talked to him and made him realize thats not fair and your child is your responsibility.. So we ended up making a schedule. It has been working great. My daughter just turned 2 and is almost potty trained and likes to help out around the house, so I made her a little chart/schedule and I told him if she can follow hers, he can follow ours.

Venessa - posted on 12/12/2010

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My husband uses the excuse that he works and that he is tired.. but i dont care.. i get on his back a lot to do things. I have a 22m and 1m and im exhausted by 3pm. I am still required to do all the house chores when he is at work, so why does he get the break of not doing anything when he gets home.

Hailey - posted on 12/12/2010

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So he works 9 till 5. What does he think you are doing 9 till 5? any time before that is joint responsibility and any time after that is joint too. Its not about bonding or wanting to spend time with their kids. They cant pick and choose when they would like to be responsible, its a duty. Luckerly i found a good one that only needs a little nagging lol. I also find men in general can switch off very easily and not always be so aware that they are also 'in charge' , but thats just my oppinion of the men i know.

Van - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yes! He should definitely help. Even if he's just watching the kids play while you do whatever you need to do if you are cooking dinner and such. My husband comes home from work at 7 and still helps out more than any man I've known. And he is the one to wake up and feed Chase at night.

Rosie - posted on 12/12/2010

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um definitely yes!! i don't understand the attitude of making a child and shoving it off on someone else to raise.he can definitely help out!

Jessica - posted on 12/12/2010

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They should defintely help! My husband doesn't have a typical "9-5" job (his hours vary), so there are days when he doesn't get home till 10-1030 and I've been alone with my son all day. He jumps right in when he gets home and helps! One his days off, he pretty much tells me to relax and he'll take care of everything. I also believe it should work the same with a working mom and a stay home dad!

Jennifer - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yes! My husband is in the Army and works very long days but he looks forward to getting home so he can spend time with our daughter. He gives her a bath most nights after dinner so I can do the dishes. It works out very well. He also helps to get her ready for school in the mornings, if he's home. He often makes her breakfast while I am getting ready. We try to share the parenting duties as evenly as we can. We are a team.

Channing - posted on 12/12/2010

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My husband leaves at 5am and gets home at 5pm everyday...And he still helps with our son, does things around the house, and tries to make time for us. I work too, so it is fair that we share the household responsibilities. I'm with our son more because I work less and I do more of the household chores, but he helps a lot! He and our son are very close! I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't an active father. He needs his own down time...we both do, and we don't always get it. Sometimes we have rought weeks where we are both tired because we can't catch a break...but it's all worth it!

Angie - posted on 12/12/2010

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Sometimes it takes them awhile to step up. How old is the baby? It took my husband a couple months before he really opened up to the baby.

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