Should I be upset my hubby didnt get me anything for Vday?

Pj - posted on 02/16/2013

I'm beyond hurt that my husband bought me nothing for Valentines Day. So knowing he wouldn't buy me flowers I bought my own. So today when I saw him screwing with the flowers I bought for myself, I told to leave them alone. I then asked him why didn't he buy me anything for Valentines day - his response was "He didn't have time". I told him he had a year. His commnent was "I thought you bought your own gift". Now at this point I was so angry as he has no excuse for doing nothing. I don't don't ask for much, and it's not about money. I knew he wouldn't buy me anything, so I guess I just had to cheer myself up. I don't think I'll be putting up with excuses next year or be buying my own again. Seems to me that if he can make a weekly trip to Home Depot, that he could find a way to buy his wife a gift - and it didn't have to be much.

Lisa - posted on 03/26/2012

everyone has different types of feelings but mine seems to be simular as yours. I am so jealous of the women that have romantic husbands, but when we started out 23 years ago he sraight told me that he is not the romantic type, It truly makes me sad sometimes as I am a romantic person when it comes to him, so I remind him that I would appreciate a gift for our special days, and he does not mind it when I say something to him.sometimes I know what I want and sometimes I dont. If I dont he usually gets me a card and candy. It seems to be working, the hard thing is try not to get upset with him if he happens to forget but indeed remind him as I know he probably has a lot of things on his mind and 9 times out of 10 he will try to make it up to you. good luck.

Holly Jo - posted on 03/25/2012

I'm not taking your guys side, I don't know him, but most men don't care about V-Day. They don't want a bear, hearts, flowers, candy, or a card. So they don't know what to get you.. honestly my husband would go buy me things, but I told him to stop cause now I wait until the 15th and get the sale candy and a coffee cup for myself. I also get our daughter something extra too. I don't think it is a big deal, if he is coming home everyday after work to you and not going out all the time, I wouldn't be complaining about not getting a gift. Next year just tell your guy what you want. OR wait till the 15th and get it 50% off!! :)

LaTasha - posted on 03/21/2012

NO YOUR NOT WRONG I HAVE GOTTEN NOTHING IN THE FOUR YEARS I BEEN MARRIED.........

Amohia - posted on 03/19/2012

Hi Jessica.

Just thinking that its probably not a good idea to let your history with your family (ie, no presents) effect your relationship with your Husband. Sounds like unnecessary baggage to me.

He sounds like a good guy, sometimes these things just slip a guys mind. If he's worried about money then that is probably going to be on his mind as he wants to take care of his family and therefore he may just have forgotten. Men tend to think survival 1st, valentines day 2nd.

I am a male if you haven't noticed lol. I did do something for Valentines day...I think? Anyways, I cook almost every night.

Stay cool talk it over and don't make him feel guilty, he'll get it.

Btw, I can't stand people that always think about money and materialism and obviously you are not one, you seem like you just want a bit of acknowledgement which is all good. Good luck!

Kimberley - posted on 03/17/2012

my husband i am seperated from never did anything nice for me like that either. Join the group hun. It would be nice of them to do but we can't change who they are. Remember you are worthy. :)

Danielle - posted on 03/15/2012

My man gets me nothing for vday it just not something that he feels the need to do. He feels that he shows me he loves me everyday why waste money on something I don't really need.

Pamela - posted on 03/12/2012

NO u r not wrong for feeling that way. My husband of 8 years has only proposed to me on v-day. I just don't think they get it. I'm exactly the same way I don't want something expensive (don't get me wrong it would be nice lol) but I just want to be thought about and appreciated. I don't think your wrong at all for feeling that way but don't let it cause problems cause i used to let it bother me and life's to short to let little things like this get in between your marriage. Just remember men don't think like we do. Stuff like that don't bother them and they don't understand y it bothers us so bad. Make sure you do talk to him about it though cause if you don't tell him he'll never know that it hurt you. I forget that sometimes i think my husband can read my mind. lol God Bless!

Jakeia - posted on 03/11/2012

Exactly! Gotta love Tim Horton's;-)

Julie - posted on 03/11/2012

DOES HE:

come home to you each night

get drunk all the time

work

help around the house on days off

love you

is faithful to you

keep himself clean and smelling good

CONSIDER YOURSELF BLESSED if you can answer "YES" to more than one of these things...

Jakeia - posted on 03/11/2012

U shouldn't fret...u still married right?...u have each other;-)

Some men aren't focused on holidays as us women are. My boyfriend always says he can't stand holidays because everyone always likes to dress up and act fancy, going all out, putting on a front just because its a holiday. Then the next day its back to the regular...for what?! I can understand your feelings tho...2/14 is my b-day, I didn't receive a b-day or v-day present...but, sh*t happens, other things are more important anyway.

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

♥ Men simply are not interested in the same things we are ...



Spend creative time loving him and he wil respond. If you cry or lecture he will pull away - trust me, anyone would.



You want his affections to come from the heart, right? They lvoe to be loved and need but not whined to -



Make a list of all teh good things he does for you ... focus on that ...a nd realize he comes home to you every day and makes your place his home ♥

Chelsea - posted on 03/06/2012

no your not in the wrong lol. my husband is, not so romantic, and is forgetful or uncreative about gifts at all really. infact, i have to tell him what i would like lol.. still love him but you know.. some suprise here and there would be great. and he is very cheap to, with money or not. so i know where your coming from. i would be worried to, infact i would of said "reallllyyy" i would hope that he would of said "i knowwww im sorry! doh!" atleast did he? and i'm sure he knew it was v day after his gift lol. but if he honestly did forget and he isn't telling you he did, and feels bad about not getting you anything, i wouldn't worry about it, and just put that moment in the back of the books to use as ammunition on the next time he did it. lol. communicate with him.. thats the best advice, ask where his mind was, did he just not remember? is there something i did wrong? because im sure you'd like to know. some men are.. just men... you just got to make sure, that they dont give up winning your heart over at any time. dont let him get away with out something, or else you'll be coming back here saying nothing again for mothers day! good luck!

Domenique - posted on 03/06/2012

My husband forgot it was Valentine's Day this year, and I was upset that I didn't get flowers, so I bought myself some shoes and let him know that they were from him!!!

Brenda - posted on 03/06/2012

to b honest it feels sad wen other frienz show off their flowers on bbm etc and u hve nthn.jus a small bunch of flowers or chocolates will do.it doesnt hurt.i feel for you,went thru the same until i communicated my sadness and he listened.its valentines come on y nt jus show it?does it hurt to show u love me>no man!

Sabrina - posted on 03/03/2012

You sound like myself. My husband never proposed to me because I got pregnant when we were dating (super irresponsible really) and after 2 years and knowing it was going to work out we made an adult decision to get married, nothing sweet and special about it. So, since then I find myself keeping "score" on every little thing and it makes me miserable and in return I make him miserable. We are all allowed to feel how we feel but I don't think we can allow the way we feel to create issues between our loved ones. I have had to learn the hardway, to just walk in love even if I don't feel like it and to focus on all the great things my husband brings to me and our family not the times I felt he should have done this, that or the other thing. Otherwise I am just hurting myself in the end and life it too short too keep "score". Men are different than women and their brains are wired differently so I feel I must embrace that and move on for my sanity and again really meditate on the great things he does to make me feel loved even though its not a holiday or special occasion. That is advice from my own personal conflicts. Good luck!

Julie - posted on 03/02/2012

i told my husband this year - not to pay the florist for flowers - i would rather have a meal - not on valentines day with higher prices - but just a little time together when not full of hype - but i still got a lovely card and a small bunch of flowers from asda -- which i appreciated just as much as a £50 bouquet --- i think u are right to feel a little less appreciated at getting nothing -- but men will be men - hope you sorted it xxx

Rabaab - posted on 03/01/2012

You are not wrong for the way you feel, but for me I never get anything, have been married for 10 years. In India, they do not celebrate it.

Hollyanne - posted on 02/29/2012

My husband bought me a card. But that was only after I told him my 1 year old son and I made him one. We also made cookies for daddy and grandma. That was it though. The rest of the day was normal for us. I know he loves me and I love him. That is what matters. We don't need one day out of the year to show it, when we show it every day. Plus we don't have the money for expensive stuff. We spend money on what we need, and flowers weren't something I needed.

Becca - posted on 02/28/2012

My husband isn't a cards and flowers guy either. He always says he doesn't want to buy flowers because as you're carrying them through the store everyone thinks you're in trouble. Obviously this wouldn't be the case for Valentine's Day though.



I've been told that Valentine's Day shouldn't be treated as a special day at all. If you truly love someone why should you just celebrate it one day a year?



But this year was different. Just so you don't give up hope of every getting anything nice on Valentine's Day I'll share my experience with you from this last Valentine's Day. We have been married for over 8 years now and I have never gotten flowers or a card on Valentine's before. Like you I would always get them the day after when they are sale. But this year my husband decided to have flowers to delivered to our house in a teeny tiny little town in the middle of nowhere! I was so surprised and excited that it made all of those years of not getting anything but castoffs worth it! Not to mention my husband was super proud of himself for having actually planned ahead for once! Totally worth the 8 year wait to see him that excited and proud!



So don't give up hope. But even if you don't get anything, just remember that everyday should be Valentine's Day. Not just one day a year. What's one day compared to the other 364?

Katie - posted on 02/27/2012

In one part you mentioned he picked you up some half dead flowers one year, that sounded a little unapprecitive. If he got a vibe like that, that might have been why he didn't do anything. I know it is hurtful if they don't do anything...especially if you didn't discuss not doing gifts. I thought what you did for him was so sweet and thoughtful!!

Amber - posted on 02/27/2012

you are not wrong for being upset at him. however the best way to handle the situation would be to actually sit down with him and tell him how you feel. explain to him how hurt you were that he did nothing for you on that day and that he could have done something even a small something to let you know that he appreciates and loves you!! i think if you take the time to talk to him and explain how you feel that he will understand a bit better... even if he just had a family member watch the kids and you two just spent some time alone with you that even the smallest effort on his part would be appreciated. hope things do work out for you!!

Christine - posted on 02/27/2012

i would point out that your more hurt then mad that you are thought of on this day.

Jaime - posted on 02/26/2012

my hubby didn't get me anything either. but i don't know if i'm upset about it or not. i guess it was his birthday the next day so i guess it was his weekend. i do know we went out that weekend, but it was pretty much the worst weekend i'd had in a long time and i'm usually at work. guess the schedule difference messed me up.

DeeDee - posted on 02/26/2012

I'd talk to him, let him know how I feel but try my best not to get angry or short. Use kind words to make sure he realizes that you care for him and want some sort of expression of his love for you. Even when we don't have $ we still make the night special. Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll want to make up for it. Good luck.

Priscilla - posted on 02/26/2012

My husband now (was still my fiance at the time) didn't get me anything last year either and I was livid because like you say, money is tight, but there are so many other things you can do to show a little extra love and appreciation on days such as Valentine's day, so I was sooo upset, especially when he knew I make such a big deal out of holidays and I go all out for him, even if it's just making something homemade with the kids, so you have every right to feel the way you do. Our second son was born on February 13th, 2009, so I was in the hospital that year for Valentine's Day, but I still made sure I had a little something packed in my hospital bag to give him that year, I mean for crying out loud I was pregnant and in labor and I still put extra effort in, so should he! Yes we should should love all year round and not just on Valentine's Day, but with the hustle and bustle of everyday life, especially with kids, we don't always take the time out to do that, so holidays are supposed to be a reminder to slow down and take that time...

Ashley - posted on 02/25/2012

I joke with my husband about not getting me flowers and such on Vday but he has NEVER gotten me something. I always get told we'll celebrate Vday at a different time, usually in the summer which never happens as summers are super busy for him. This year was the first time EVER to get something for Vday and Im pretty sure the only reason was because he's 2 timezones away. I got a phone call in the morning (530 where hes at) and he got his mom to get me a dozen roses from him.



I joke with him and at times give him a hard time about not doing the little things to let me know im appreciated, although i DO know i am. And honestly, it goes both ways, i dont always do things to let him know hes appreciated. Its tough as weve been together for 3 years, married for 1 and havent lived in the same house for the whole year weve been married. Tough when I work in one city and he works in another. I know he loves me and appreciates my being at home raising our daughter plus working plus taking care of the house, and he knows i appreciate how hard he works.



When he is home, he cooks, he cleans (almost more than i do), he does the handy man things that i cant/wont do. I do however ask him frequently to bathe our daughter, change her diaper, get her dressed, get her food/drink. We've had numerous arguments about it and all it takes is talking. I explain to him that the ONLY reason i ask him to do these things when hes home, is hes only home 2 days a week sometimes less and its his way of spending time with his daughter. Its NOT because I dont want to do it, its because its there bonding time!

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2012

Michele, I suggest that book to anyone! My husband and I were on the brink of divorce over the exact same issue! Except, I need quality time and he needs words of affirmation. We were on totally different pages! We read the book, and it's taken a lot of practice and time, but we solid as rock now, and it's only been a year! Bonus, the book is cheap.



Jessica, your feelings are never wrong. I would let him know in a calm fashion that you had really hoped/expected to get something, even just a card, and you were disappointed and hurt when you got nothing. We all feel unappreciated at times, and most women expect some big, romantic *thing* for V-day, I don't think you're asking much for just a small token of recognition.

Loris - posted on 02/22/2012

I didn't get a card for my 5th anniversary....lost any hope

Joy - posted on 02/22/2012

Yes it does suck when you don't get something for a special occassion. So tell him about it, not yell or cry or throw a fit, but just tell him that it really hurt that he didn't get you anything for vday. But also on that note, I spent my vday this year taking care of my hubby. He started with a migraine the night before at 5:30pm and it lastest for 2 days. So my vday was mostly taking him to the doctor for shots, making sure he got to bed, stayed hydrated, checking in on him, and taking care of our 4 kids by myself. Not the way I expected it to go, but sometimes that is the way life is. And even though it was a week ago, I still haven 't gotten a card, or flowers, or chocolates, or anything. But i do know that he loves me, and he doesn't need a card to make sure i know that either.

Melony - posted on 02/20/2012

I agree, you should have gotten somethhing. Its always good to feel a bit appreciated or that he simply is thinking about you. The best thing to do is mention it to him. You can only grow closer if your communication is on track

**Jackie** - posted on 02/18/2012

Completely agree Emma. Sometimes my husband and I don't technically get each other anything for Christmas. We spend all our money on gifts for our daughter and immediate family and then go on a nice family trip. We say that that is our gift to each other. We did that last Christmas. He surprised me by booking me a massage and took our daughter for an hour :)

Stifler's - posted on 02/17/2012

Damian and I have never celebrated it or got each other anything and I never cared. Then this year I got him a card as a joke and he came home with flowers. I would be upset if he forgot our anniversary like didn't say happy anniversary . Gifts are just a bonus with us they aren't mandatory.

**Jackie** - posted on 02/17/2012

I made my husband his favorite dinner and he bought a tiny plastic tool box and made it into my nail kit. He transferred my nail polishes and stuff to it. It was thoughtful.

Proud - posted on 02/17/2012

Shyla- if I was selfish i would have posted "PISSED I DIDN"T GET ANYTHING BACK FROM MY HUBBY AFTER GIVING HIM A GIFT!! DON"T MEN KNOW I DESERVE A GIFT AFTER GIVING HIM A DAMN BJ EVERYNIGHT????"



Yet I posted if you read "SHOULD I???"













Jessica,



If you feel the need to come on a forum and post a topic about it then to me that says you are upset about it and the way you kept capitalizing the word nothing also makes me think it upset you.



I mean you are the one who said you need things to feel loved.



The one who said that you rely on V-day to basically force him to get you something.





I don't feel like what I said was so far off base??

Michele - posted on 02/17/2012

So, I didn't read all the posts but everyone shows love in different ways. Saying something or giving you something may not have occured to him. I have been married almost 5 years and until my husband and I read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman I didn't get why my husband didn't do any of that either. Turns out his love language is physical touch and mine is gifts... so now he knows I like gifts and I know he needs hugs hand holding etc.



Its a great book and it can help clear up alot.

Ronnie - posted on 02/17/2012

This year, 5 years in with a 4 year old and a 2 month old.. nothing for valentines day. No flowers, no card.. no dinner.. we played call of duty together.. which was my choice so that part isn't as bad as it sounds. I think when money is tight as it is its just hard. My man is like yours.. over the years I've gotten a few things, but really he's just not the type. While I absolutely hate it and it can be depressing, I just have learned to expect nothing at all. That way I'm not disappointed when it doesn't happen and am that much happier when it does. I wish thing would change, but men rarely do. And since we can't leave them simply for not being romantic, best advise is to try to lower your standards. Its sucks but what can else can we do? Telling them just makes them feel guilty. Men just don't think.

Ronnie - posted on 02/17/2012

This year, 5 years in with a 4 year old and a 2 month old.. nothing for valentines day. No flowers, no card.. no dinner.. we played call of duty together.. which was my choice so that part isn't as bad as it sounds. I think when money is tight as it is its just hard. My man is like yours.. over the years I've gotten a few things, but really he's just not the type. While I absolutely hate it and it can be depressing, I just have learned to expect nothing at all. That way I'm not disappointed when it doesn't happen and am that much happier when it does. I wish thing would change, but men rarely do. And since we can't leave them simply for not being romantic, best advise is to try to lower your standards. Its sucks but what can else can we do? Telling them just makes them feel guilty. Men just don't think.

Rachael - posted on 02/17/2012

my personal opinion about valentines day has always been that it is just another day. Why should a man have to buy a card to tell you he loves you because "Hallmark says so?" It is not wrong for you to feel any way. that is the great thing about feelings is they are YOURS and should not be argued. Have you told him that you are disappointed that you didn't get anything? You can't expect him to read your mind. I would tell him that you are bummed that you didn't get a valentine. Maybe you could suggest he pick his own special day sometime soon to surprise you with something special. It could be anything from a poem he wrote himself to a dinner for 2 or breakfast in bed. Good luck

Mandy - posted on 02/17/2012

I say talk to him about how you're feeling. My boyfriend didn't get me anything either and I was upset, but I told him I was a little upset and he told me he was upset that he hadn't gotten me anything either, but money was a little tight, and he promised to make it up to me later.

Karen - posted on 02/17/2012

I didn't get anything either HOWEVER, I don't like celebrating v-day and he knows it. I find it just another way to suck money from you. IMO we don't need one day out of the year to show each other that we care. Little things through out the year is what we both opt to do instead (he'll suprise me by cleaning up the kitchen for me once in a while, or letting me sleep in one day on the weekend or come home from work once in a blue moon with take out so I don't have to worry about cooking and I'll do things for him similar - small things but they're appreciated by both parties). The only reason we even acknowledge v-day is because I look after children and have a little party for them.

Sriwanti - posted on 02/17/2012

I dont know.. 2years of courtship i didnt get anything, no special dinner, no flowers, no cards, no nothing.. not on val's day, bday or any special days.. 4 years marriage the same.. but all i know is my hubby work hard to earn enough money for me to stay at home, shop whatever i want, travel anywhere and no mortgage. Always help me with housework laundry, cleaning, etc.. i'm happy for that already :)

Deborah - posted on 02/17/2012

All I did was write my fiance a sweet and thoughtful text message for v-day (he was gone for work by the time I got up for the morning).



All I got from him was a duct-taped piece of paper cut into the shape of a heart with a message on it. (it was pink duct tape).



Don't sweat it. Valentine's Day isn't a 'real' holiday I don't think, it's a way for companies to get consumers to spend a little extra cash after the holiday push when everyone is pinching pennies.



I don't think you NEED a 'valentine's day' to happen in February. Wait until you guys have a little extra cash, get a sitter for the kids, and tell him you're taking him out for a belated v-day dinner.



You could also make a joke out of it, tell him he owes you a backrub since he didn't get you anything for valentine's day....



I suggest talking to him about it, tell him it hurt your feelings that he didn't do ANYTHING for you on valentine's day. Personally I think a little extra help around the house would suffice as a present.... doing the laundry or some other chore he never or rarely does... if your man is anything like mine, he's not exactly an open book when it comes to his emotions, so even a letter explaining how much he loves you and how important you are to him would be a great gift.



I know you shouldn't have to, but you can always ask him to write you one instead. I would actually love to get something like that from my fiance.

Miriam - posted on 02/17/2012

maybe we get what we expect! I dont demand anything but I think that if someone loves me I should get :things done at home, a father willing to step in, a husband that will rub my feet and back just because he knows Im tired, diamonds, and flowers and cards just because. I dont even expect it but I guess in a way I kinda do I value myself very much and I think that I do all that for my DH so why would he not want to do it for me as well! Im not material, but hubby knows I like being taken care of, but again I do it all for him as well without him asking either. So I guess for us it goes both ways. but when it comes to presents he's the one always getting me things :+) but than again he was like that when we were dating as well so I knew he was the one for me. of course if he did all that and treated me horrible I would not be okay with that either, but he is a great great husband and father..

Jessica - posted on 02/16/2012

Brittany- see fudge is SOMETHING like I said earlier, it isn't about the rings or ears or going out I just want a little aknowledgment!!! SOMETHING ANYTHING he could have wrote on a sheet of paper Happy Vday and I would have been happy to have something to hold on to!! My hubby isn't the action kind of person and isn't very romantic either the most romantic thing and pretty much ONLY romantic thing he did for me was propose after 5yrs!! I always tell him it's easy for one to say and harder to show but actions speak louder then words!!!

Tasha- F you for being such a loving easy wife!!! LOL JK!!! I get hun! I do expect him to do things but I know how you feel cause when he just gets up and changes diapers without me asking it gives me this funny little feeling in my belly and I get butterflys watching thinking "awww he does love me!!" NOW GIVE ME SOME DIAMOND EAR RINGS TO PROVE BIOTCH!!! LOL JK!!

Jessica - posted on 02/16/2012

Shyla- if I was selfish i would have posted "PISSED I DIDN"T GET ANYTHING BACK FROM MY HUBBY AFTER GIVING HIM A GIFT!! DON"T MEN KNOW I DESERVE A GIFT AFTER GIVING HIM A DAMN BJ EVERYNIGHT????"



Yet I posted if you read "SHOULD I???"

Tasha - posted on 02/16/2012

Miriam- I'm not saying I dont want him to help! I'm just thankful when he does it and I dont beg for it. My husband has always done the things he does now (Help cleaning, change diapers, care for our children), but when I was pregnant with our 3rd he lost his job and I found out I was pregnant all in the same week. My pregnancy was hard because of the stress of unplanned pregnancy and the way the boy was sitting, job loss and my husband did EVERYTHING. So he knows what it takes and he helps but I dont ask and I just take it a a gift.

Brittany - posted on 02/16/2012

I didn't get anything. Although we didn't have the money for anything. I used my birthday money I got from my dad to get my husband a nice treat.



I don't think there has been a single Valentiines day when I have gotten something from him. Most of the time I make him fudge.



My husband is the romantic type even. But it is a pain in the butt to do anything on Valentines day. Resturants are packed, flowers are over priced and picked over. The cards are cheesy and impersonal. So it doesn't suprise me that I don't get things.

Proud - posted on 02/16/2012

Are people really so selfish that they always expect a gift when they give someone a gift? When I give my husband a gift I don't automatically think well he better have got me a gift.



Isn't the saying it is better to give than receive?

Samantha - posted on 02/16/2012

I understand where you're coming from but it may just be who he is. I'm in a similar situation-

My husband is very much not the romantic type in the sense of planning surprises or giving gifts. He didn't grow up with it (he's from another country) and he's really just not good at it. But he is wonderful to me in other ways on a day-to-day basis. He tells me he loves me, thank you, etc all the time, helps out a lot around the house, cuddles with me, etc. He didn't get me anything for Vday either (he just hugged/kissed me and told me happy valentine's day), and on one hand I understand how you feel because I love the surprises kind of thing, but I just remind myself that he's not doing it intentionally because he doesn't love me, it's just how he is. I recommended to him that we celebrate our vday this Saturday, and he's in charge of dinner and I'm in charge of dessert. That way he feels like he's contributing but doesn't have to come up with the idea himself, haha. I'm planning a surprise fondue little thing with a list of reasons "I'm FOND about YOU" and a small/inexpensive gift, but I'm 99% sure he will just be making the dinner, not adding other little things like that. But we'll enjoy our time together and be happy.



If I had to choose between the fun surprises on special occasions or the all the ways he makes me feel loved on a daily basis, I would choose the daily things every time. Trust me I understand where you're coming from, but try not to let it get to you too much if he shows you love in other ways, and don't get mad at him for it. If you want, you can talk to him about it gently but try not to be accusatory.