Should I continue communication or make him Grow Up!?

Jessica - posted on 09/27/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have 2 children Prior too this one.. I am Due in November. All my children have the same Father but He is denying this last one. We recently Broke up after 6 years of a Relationship an he has a new Girlfriend. When he is not around her he claims my Son but as soon as she comes around he has nothing too do with my little man.. He has recently been disclaiming my 2nd child saying he is not sure he is his because his hair is not like my daughters hair.. He only does this when she is present.. I don't know what too do or say too this anymore.. Do I continue too let his see them an say these things or jus stop communication with him until he can be a man!?

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Denikka - posted on 09/27/2011

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Tell him if he has any doubts, that you can always do a paternity test to remove them.
Then, when you've proven that you're right, you can take him for child support.
Taking him away from the children is a tough one. Obviously he's been dad up until now. I would only stop communication with them if he is being detrimental to them. If he is denying them to their faces, saying mean things, or you have ANY concerns about abuse, yea...cut it off till (IF) he can grow up.
But if he's still being a good dad, the only ones you would hurt by cutting off contact would be your daughters (and yourself later on, I can bet there would be resentment)

That doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to let him see them though. Go about your life with them as though he wasn't in it at all. Don't break plans for him. Make him come to them. Don't inconvenience yourself in any way.

It's always tough when someone turns into a completely different person. Just do what you have to do to be able to look back and be satisfied with your part in things. You want to be able to answer your daughters with *I did what I could. I did what I was supposed to*.

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Jessica - posted on 09/30/2011

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no way! You have to think about it this way. Do your children deserve the best? Then you the parent have to give it to them. If there father isn't the best then get yourself together and find them a father that they deserve and maybe dont have any more babies with him. Odds are he's just trying to hurt you infront of his new girl. I would take him to court and arrange child support and visitation with court approved limitation. If you let that man talk to the kids and question his patherinty in front of them they will have SERIOUS issues with belonging as they get older. Have some respect for yourself, and teach them to respect themselves. He's not good enough, that's why your suppose to be married before you have children so if crap like this occurs you have the law on your side you could leave his loser self and get child support per child and spousal support and not have to have any contact where he can hurt you or your babies! Good Luck! Keep your chin up!

Jenn - posted on 09/29/2011

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Honestly I would agree with everyone who says take it to court. This is not to punish him it is just to get everything on record (DNA tests, custody, child support) I would think that once all of this is established by a third party many of the issues would dissolve and if they do not you have already taken care of the difficult part while still friends. It is ALWAYS easier to take care of the difficult but necessary judicial items while civil. It would be far more difficult to do it when/if the relationship turns hostile.

Sandy - posted on 09/29/2011

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if he's going to be like that, personally i'd give him a choice: stop talking about them like that, or dont see them. it does you no good to hear him talking like that, nor does it do the kids any good either.. i mean, really... you know it cant be doing anything GOOD to their little minds hearing him say that and it cant possibly make them FEEL good either.. so in all, all he's doing is hurting your children. maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally.. are you really going to let him get by with that and continue putting your kids through it?

Jenni - posted on 09/28/2011

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Take him to court. If he wants to 'disprove' these children are his. He will have to order a DNA test. Does he pay CSP?



By the sounds of it, (if I'm wrong let me know) you haven't gone to court yet. So if you haven't, you definitely need to go... otherwise, you're going to be on a long road of him playing games.



He can also order a DNA test online. They are far cheaper than a court ordered DNA test BUT it will not stand up in court. It is more for his own peace of mind. My husband got one for my SD when she was a baby (her mother admittedly slept around). So he wanted to be absolutely sure from the get go of paternity.



But something tells me, that your ex is saying this for the sake of his new girlfriend and may refuse to take the test regardless. In which case, a court ordered test is imperative. And my personal opinion is; if he's playing games now... it won't stop here. So get thee to a lawyer!

Stifler's - posted on 09/28/2011

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You can't make him grow up by not communicating with him. He will still be immature even if you refuse to talk to him and if they are his kids he has every right to see them. Just tell him to talk to a lawyer about a paternity test if he wants to deny that the kids are his.

Jodi - posted on 09/27/2011

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What do the court orders say? This is something that will be addressed by the courts, it's actually not up to you to deny him access to the children if he wants to maintain a relationship with them, even if you don't think he should.

Krystal - posted on 09/27/2011

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As long as he's not doing it in front of the children but only to you? I say there's no harm in letting the kids see their father.apparently the father has an issue with you and is embarresed or ashamed and that's between you two and whatever happened when you split.as much of a immature male as he might seem as long as he's not doing it in front of the children? This not claiming the kids ordeal is prolly Cuz he associates them with you and is hurt by whatever happened.6years is a long time and to already be in another relate is saying he's hurting and wants to replace the issues with another person.me? I know how this feels and he just needs some years or time to sort his personal issues. I don't support the disowning the kid but as long as he's not saying it in front of him. The kids need a father figure.one of my Exs did that to me so I know how it hurts and offends that a father rejects his children when with another person.I wish you well.hope I've helped a lil.also? If the kids like their father? No matter the beef you two have with each other its not fair to punish your kids not to see their father because you two don't get along.

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