Should I Forgive My Baby Daddy and Get Back with him?

Amanda Martinez & - posted on 08/24/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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This is my story sad but true:
Im a young Mommy im only 24yrs old Im a mother of 2 and pregnant with my 3rd. My son is turning 6yrs on December my daughter just turned 4yrs on this month of August, and Im 28weeks preganant at this moment with another Boy! Ok, My 2 kids are from my first love wich we were together for almost 5 year so both are from the same father. Now im pregant of the man who i really fell in love with and we were together now for 1yr and 5months. He is a good guy in the sense that he doesnt drink or use drugs or like clubs or hangs out all the time with friends and neither is a guy that looks for womens in the street all the time. He likes to be home and his hobby is to go fishing as much as he can he really enjoys that. He is also only 25yrs old. Well his been very sweet and very good stepfather to my 2 kids we were living together in apartment already we seem to be happy but at the bottom of my heart i wasnt happy cuz everytime we would get in a stupid fight or argument he would find things to say to hurt my feelings and he was always sucessful at that. While im here thinking I love him so much i cant hurt him back not even with words how can he hurt me and do stupid things to me. He broke up with me and told me he didnt love me no more and that i should of had an abortion when he told me to abd when it was on time and that i decided to keep this baby to have him with me anyways anyhow. I told him how could he think that way when im not with the father of my 2 kids and his doing his life and im doing mines. I told him he knew i dont bealive in abortions and that we both were responseble for sleeping without prectetion. He said that yes, of course now it was too late and that he will love that kid no matter what and that kid means his life now and that he was still with me because of the baby not because of me...that broke my heart cuz after he would tell me so many times he was deeply inlove with me and he was so happy that we were having a baby together. Just because a stupid fight he sundenly change his mind? To me is doenst make sense...

Well to make the story shorter, like 2 weeks ago after he broke up with me and told me he didnt love me no more and that we needed to sleep seperatated cuz he was not going to have sex with me anymore neither and that we were going to stay together at that place till the baby was born. I said ok for the moment but i knew it was time to make a decision on my own. Well one day my best friend told me to go to walmart with her to buy some clothes to take to her trip to cuba that she was leaving in 2 days and she was going to spend that night with me at my house. He told me when he saw me i was walking out that if i leave the house i was going to stay locked out and i would have to sleep somewhere else. I told him i had my rights to go in and out anytime anyways we werent together and everytime he would step in n out i wouldnt ask questions neither would tell him to stay out. He didnt care, i told him anyways i'll be back soon im just going to the store n i'll be back with my girl friend so i asked him to please not make a show infront of her or my neighboors. He did locked me out with her we ended going to his moms house. I couldnt bealive he did that to me being pregnant of him. His mom told me that he sees that like a joke that he needs to grow up or she will have to break his head! But i know that wont make him change or grow up. He left to the keys with my brother to go fishing, they ended up in jail for fishing in an area were they werent supposted to and they had got lobsters out of size...when my brother called me from jail i brak down on tears and scared to what was going to happend next cuz i didnt have money to bail them out he told me to calm down that the next day they would see the judge and they might get away with that cuz its was stupid and the cops didnt have proof against them. I went crazzy calling and finding everything out, that night. I hardly could sleep!

The next day they got out without the need to pay anything thanks God they just had to go back for court and call once a week. When they came back from teh keys he didnt even looked at me or spoke to me at all. That broke my heart too cuz i was so worried about them and he didnt cared. Then we got home and he asked me if i told everyone in the building that he was arrested cuz a friend asked him about it, i didnt reply because since he wasnt talking to me i wasnt going to answer that stupid question and i knew he just wanted to start a fight. I did spoke to the maneger of the building because of the rent n i told her he would pay but at the moment we had that inconvinience of him being arrested at the keys and the maintanace guy was there when we were talking so he might of been the one who spoke about it. Cuz i didnt tell anyone at all. But either if i would explain that to him he was going to still be mad and bealieve wahtever he wanted cuz i know him. So he told my brother that because of that he was going to lock me out again, that day they stay at the keys again to sleep in the house of another women that i dont know suppostly she is the cousin of his friends girlfriend that lives at the keys.

When they got back i didnt fight or tell him anything about sleeping out when he has never done that to me not even if we would been broken up or mad at eachother and neither I slept out not even in a familys house. He Locked me out this time with my kids and my poor belly it was night time cuz i had to drop off my brother and i went to buy my kids uniform for school and i got back home at night and my daughter was a sleep. I carried her up the stairs while my DR> has told me not to and he wouldnt open the door for me or my kids evrytime i would put the keys in and turn the knob he would hold the door...it was rediculous but i said fine im not going to fight u'll see whats going to happend now i went back down stairs carrying my daughter grabing my sons hand and went in my car locked my self in and called the cops on him. When the cops arrived i explained there was no type of violence or fight but he locked me out and i have rights and im pregnant of him and my kids dont need to pay for our problems. The cops called him downstairs and explained to him that for the law we were married and he cannot kick me out like that neither i could kick him out. That if we were going to live together but not together as a couple that we needed to respect eachothers space. He said fine...

When the cops left he locked me out again but didnt hold the door this time but i had my trouble bc my daughter was asleep. When i walked in i didnt looked at him or said a word i went straight to the room to lay down my baby girl and his words to me was..."That's what happens when u leave HORES in ur house! and since i can kick u out well prepare ur self to live with my other women cuz we going to be a big happy family, when i bring her to live in!" That broke my heart in pieces but i manege myself to just laugh so he could hear me laughing and i said FINE good for you...he did tell me other rude things i cant tell u guys here but the point is my kids were listening to all this. I didnt reply anything at all to his stupid anger. I went to sleep and the next morning when he left to work i got up and picked up all my kids clothes toys and mines and left.

Later that afternoon i went back with my cousin and my brother to pick up my brothers TV and i picked up all the things i had for my unborn child. I knowrest he bought himself a cellphone cuz he didnt have and he had broke mines in a fight too...he told me when i finished to leave him the apartments keys so i did...i didnt looked to his face or said a word and left. Two days later he send me a text telling me to save his number incase i needed it one day and that he only wants me to be ok with the belly to sleep and eat well...Next day he sends me a Text with an actitud telling me if i was going to keep the apartment or not cuz he was leaving to the keys to live at the keys. i didnt reply i left me a voice mail telling me to stop acting like a little girl cuz we needed to stay talkign because of the baby we were having together even do we werent together. He also asked me if this was over for good that he needed to know so he could start moving on in his life,that he knows he told me he was sleeping around but that was a lie and that he was sorry. Then his last text said Ima take ur silence as this is really over and im really sorry, but i have a question what u going to tell our son about me when he asks you fom me his father!?"

I mean are u serious!!??? after all this that he told me it was over that he didnt love me anymore, and he was sticking by me bc of the baby and he locked me out twice his going to ask me if its really over I think he really thinks this is a GAME! He has'nt called me or text me anymore and its been 3 days since he called and text me and i moved out on the 18th of this month. What u women mothers would do in my shoes? Would u forgive him and take him back if he comes beggin and saying his sorry? You think would he really would change and grow up?

Im in love with him, I adore this man but i know he has hurt me alot and even my kids, I know its not healthy or good for neither of us neither for the one on the way but i still have hope at the bottom of my heart that i could rescue this relationship. But i think too i should give up n move on alone with my 3 kids at my young age because he wont change and he even might not care at this point and maybe he really doesnt love me cuz if i was him i would be on the door in my knees already! Please help i need advices that helps me make the right choice cuz is enough of making the wrong ones! Thanks

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

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This is ABUSE. Sure, he's not hitting you, but it is abuse all the same. He is emotionally abusing you (wich, in my opinion, is just as bad, if not worse, than physical abuse) and it is NOT acceptable. Stay out of this toxic situation, if not for you then for your children. Do you really want your sons growing up thinking this is the way to treat women? Do you want your daughter growing up thinking that she has to take this kind of abuse?



Also, keep a detailed record of everything that has happened and said. Get a report from when the police came. Get his arrest record. DOCUMENT every tiny thing to protect the children.



Here are some GREAT links and places for help (taken from this thread on the Welcome board http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-c...):



NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (NCADV)

If you have encountered a Mom on Circle of Moms who has reported domestic violence (including child abuse), or if you are in an abusive relationship, we recommend you contact the following:



National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

United States Residents: 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)

http://www.ncadv.org

For questions, resource materials or referrals, Moms can contact

Maria Luisa O'Neill

1-303-839-1852 ext. 109

mloneill@ncadv.org



American Domestic Violence Crisis Line

Americans residing overseas: 1-866-879-6636

http://www.866uswomen.org



Domestic Violence & Incest Resource Center

Australia Residents: 1800 200 526

http://www.dvirc.org.au



Shelternet

Canada Residents: http://www.shelternet.ca



Women's Aid

United Kingdom Residents: 0808 2000 247

http://www.womensaid.org.uk



Other Countries: A worldwide list of agencies against domestic violence can be found at http://www.hotpeachpages.net



If you or someone you know is in immediate danger (and you have contact info), please contact your local law enforcement.



For introductory information on what battering is:

http://www.ncadv.org/learn/TheProblem.ph...



For information on intimate partner violence and HIV/AIDS

http://www.ncadv.org/learn/DV%20and%20HI...

Corian - posted on 08/26/2011

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Hi Amanda! First of all thank you for posting your story. Usually I don't respond to people's postings but this time I had to because I hope I can help you. I thought I was the only one going through this same situation. I, like you, have three kids (just had my third two months ago) and they are all for my first love. Me and their dad had been together for 13 years and I honestly thought he was the one I was going to marry. Unfortunately, just recently, he started to change; he went from being the most wonderful guy to a hateful verbal abuser, etc etc...Needless to say, me and my three children left him and we are now on our own. Yeah, it's hard being a single mother of three , especially when a new baby is born; you want the dad to be there. But you know what? You can do it by yourself. You're a beautiful young mother and you and those kids deserve better. Remember, love is all about actions and if men truly love their women, they won't do them wrong. Real love doesn't hurt. Ultimately, you have to make your own decision but sometimes you have to let go and let God, and if it's meant to be, the man will Change for the better and come to his senses and come back. But don't let a man bring you down. You can do better girl, trust. Your posting really encouraged me. Thank you sooo much! Just weigh your pros and cons and ask God to lead you and guide you. Your heart naturally wants to love; I honestly don't see how as women our hearts are so good that even after men break our hearts we still love them. Phenomenal! But sometimes our hearts can mislead us. So yeah, just do a lot of thinking hun. Remember, you can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us (Phillipians 4:13)! God Bless You and your family!

Arianna - posted on 08/26/2011

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my son's father was like that......he never hit me, but was very mentally abusive, still is and we haven't been together for 9 years......all you have to do is let him know how the baby is doing, and in fact, if you have a mutual friend you don't even have to tell him yourself, when the time comes that the child is old enough to want to know his father you have to give the child that, but you need to keep as much distance between the 2 of you as you can, it's NOT a healthy environment for you or the kids.......and do not play his games

some day you will find a man who is worth his weight in gold.....have faith and know that someone up-stairs is keeping you under their wing and in their heart

Jenni - posted on 08/26/2011

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I think the other ladies answered this post very well. Stay away! Far away!



What would I do if I was in your shoes?



I would have left the moment he locked me out of the house! Or before when he expected you to live with him even though he broke up with you. That would *never* work.



I know you say you still love the guy very much, but he clearly doesn't feel the same way and has zero respect for you. Are you sure you don't think you love him more than you really do because you're just scared to go on your own with 2 children and one on the way? I would be very scared but it's 100x better than being with a man who doesn't respect you or love you enough to treat you like you should be treated.



And the games he is playing will only harm you and your children. They need a healthy strong mama who shows them what a healthy, happy relationship looks like!

Charity - posted on 08/26/2011

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I have been in a similar position myself with my first child. I had gotten out of a physically abusive relationship & starting dating my oldest child's sperm donor. It ended up being an emotionally abusive relationship. I too went back to him many times. He would say he was sorry & loved me & wanted to be a family, etc. After the dust finally settled months after my daughter was born; I found my self respect enough to know I had to leave & stay gone from him. My daughter deserved more than he could give! If he was going to emotionally abuse me, yet he loved me, what was to stop him from eventually emotionally abusing my child. I also found out that he had been seeing someone else behind my back. He also has a child with this other woman that's 3 months younger than my oldest. He promised me he was going to be around for our child; That no matter what she was his daughter & he wouldn't leave her, etc. What a load of BS! The last time he came around was one week after my daughter's 1st birthday. My daughter is 7 now! I have never lied to her about her 'Dad'. I am married now & she calls my husband Dad. He has been around since she was 11 months old. She knows that her 'Dad' couldn't handle the responsibility of being a 'Dad' & left. She also knows that she is very loved by those around her & it takes more than 'Helping to make a baby' (That's all I've told her about baby making, is a guy & girl help make a baby together) to be a 'Dad'. She also knows that a lot of children have Dad's in their life that didn't help make them, but love them as if they had. I have been in both physical & emotionally abusive relationships. Emotional is definitely worse because you don't realize it's happening as much until it's too late & you feel like crap about yourself & every decision you make. RUN, Run away from this jerk. Surround yourself and your children with family that love & support you emotionally until you can heal enough from this abusive relationship to make it on your own with your 3 precious children!!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

14 Comments

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Keri - posted on 08/26/2011

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It sounds like you needed to get out of there the minute he told you to have an abortion. Also, when he locked you and your friend out I don't understand why you went to HIS mother's? If I'm pissed at anyone I don't go complain about it to THEIR family or friends. A guy like this is never sorry, no matter how much he seys it - he's only sorry for getting caught and called out on it. You need to get away from him fast.

Ebony - posted on 08/26/2011

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The fact that he may be good to you kids does not excuse the lack of respect he has for you. I was in your shoes and few years ago and no one wins when you try to continue a relationship for the sake of the kids. It may be hard, but it would be so much healthier to move on!!

Arminda - posted on 08/26/2011

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Wow... Let me just quote this: What u women mothers would do in my shoes? Would u forgive him and take him back if he comes beggin and saying his sorry? You think would he really would change and grow up?......MY ANSWER: I WILL THINK FIRST AND FOREMOST THE WELFARE OF MY KIDS. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE AND SHOULD BE LIVING A LIFE FREE OF FEARS AND PAIN. That's what I'll do if I were in your shoes. WOULD I FORGIVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS SORRY? ----->Because you said you love him, it's wasier to forgive. but THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN COME BACK AND NOT SUFFER ANY CONSEQUENCES. You think he will change and grow up? ------->NO. HE'LL HAVE TO BE AWAY FROM YOU GUYS BEFORE HE CAN FINALLY GROW UP. BESIDES YOU HAVE KIDS TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU SEE AND WAIT IF HE CHANGES OR NOT.

When your youngest son has grown up and asks who his father is, tell him. How you knew each other and what went wrong. You do not have to think about this right now in order for you to forgive your husband. A lot of things will happen in between now and your grown up son. It really is up to his father if he wants to be known by his son as a good father or just a sperm donor.

LASTLY, PLEASE TRY YOUR VERY BEST TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE WITHOUT THIS MAN. AS I CAN SEE THINGS, HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU ANYMORE AT ALL. LATER ON WHEN YOU STICK TO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND HOPES FOR A CHANGE, THERE IS A LARGE POSSIBILITY THAT PHYSICAL ABUSE WILL DEVELOP BETWEEN YOU TWO. LEAVING YOU OUT WITH YOUR KID MEANS HE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WELFARE. DO NOT WAIT FORE WORST THINGS TO HAPPEN. VERBAL ABUSE IS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO MOVE ON. IT IS ONE FORM OF DOMESTIC ABUSE. YOU DONT WANT TO WAIT TIL THIS TURNS OUT TO BE PHYSICAL.

I hope and pray you'll be able to do the right thing. God bless. remember to think first of your kids before you. That's us. Mothers.

Fawn - posted on 08/25/2011

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Change your number and don't let him have it. If he has no way to contact you, it will be easier for you to get over him.

Rachel - posted on 08/25/2011

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You should keep him at a distance. It's very hard, but it is something that you have to do. No man should treat any woman that way, especially if he does love her. That is emotional abuse, a kid game. He is trying to see how far he can push you and if you take him back now, he won't change because he'll see it as you will take him back always. If he wants to be there for your son, allow him to do that, but it will be a never-ending circle if you allow him back to you. Do what is best for your children. Yeah, you may want to have a father in their lives, but be all that you can be for them, women are very strong and we can handle just about anything that is thrown at us. I know many moms that have 2+ children and are single, yes it is a struggle, but you will feel like you have accomplished so much. And don't worry, you will find a man to mend your broken heart, but don't focus on that right now, just be there for your children.

Amanda Martinez & - posted on 08/25/2011

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Well i did get out a week ago Im leaving now with my grandmother and the kids. I tranffer them to a better school in here and they seem to be happy with the school, but they still ask for him and missed them they love him very much he was good to them all the time exept the time he locked us out the apartment! But he never disrespected them i wouldnt aloud that and now his paying for what he did to us by being by himself!

Amanda Martinez & - posted on 08/25/2011

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Thanks for all of you reading my story so long and sad, yes everyone tells me to move on that he doesnt care...he text me last night that he misses me and the kids that i was always going to be his angel and that minutes turn hours without me! I didnt reply back anything cuz i see he's acting like a little kid. But how do i convince my heart not to love him anymore and never get back withhim? Its so hard...

Firebird - posted on 08/25/2011

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This is kind of a no-brainer. Stay away from the loser and get on with your life. Dennika is right, his actions are inexcusable and you can do so much better.

Denikka - posted on 08/24/2011

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I didn't finish reading everything you wrote...but what an immature twat!
Get out. No questions asked. Just leave and move on. You deserve better and your kids deserve better. The reasons behind his actions don't matter. What he's done is inexcusable. He's not worth the time, energy or effort.
Just be thankful that it's over. Now you can find someone who's truly worthy of being in your life.

Dashanda - posted on 08/24/2011

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PLEASE MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND 3 KIDS HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YALL.GOOD LUCK

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