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should i let his c her without paying child support

Elizabeth - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

2

3

This is how it goes



I contacted my babys father after 41/2 yrs of him never seeing her or him even trying i finally found him. i never went to the courts about and she has my last name but i decided to talk to him about it any ways. Well he told me he would buy her the things that she need but will not pay child suppot. i took like him saying " i would rather not c her than pay child support" am i wrong for this. This man has never tried to c her before and say its my fault. What dou think i should do?

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4 Comments

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Kirsty - posted on 01/26/2010

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25

I have a friend her baby is almost 7 mths old and the father will not pay child support and my friend will not let him see their lil girl untill he starts paying. So i think it is not your fault and do what is best for you and your girl. Hope everything works out.

Fiona - posted on 01/26/2010

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To be fair maybe you should just concentrate on letting your little one bond with her father first, I know the money is really helpful but it is not the most important thing and you have obviously managed without his money up till now. I have 3 children, My first 2 are from the same man that does not pay a penny, but he does have a relationship with them and is actually a good father most of the time. Let him bond with her, then ask for his help with things. My childrens dad will buy them the things they need now. Hope it all works out for you. Good luck :)

Shavaune - posted on 01/26/2010

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Well he if REALLY wanted to see her then he would of found her and took you to court. But it may do more harm than good for your child to not know her father at all. When she gets older and may try to contact her father he'll make you out to be the bad guy and you might end up having her resent you. My cousin's father was very much like that (me and her are close in age) and as a child he never supported her at all. While my aunt went to court and had his rights abolished she never tried to stop them from communicating or visiting each other. It did hurt her sometimes when he didn't show up or call like he said he would but kids are very smart and they figure out quite quick who's the bad parent in the picture. By the age of 14 she told her dad that she considered him to be nothing more than a sperm donor and that her real dad was married to her mom. I remember her saying "He thinks he can phone like every 2 years and buy me some cheap toy that it will make up for the fact that he doesn't give a crap about me!" lol Remember that kids grow up very fast and you want to have a life long relationship with them on good terms. So long as he doesn't pose a threat to your child or is neglectful or abusive it may be better to let her figure out how much of a loser is on her own.

Sara - posted on 01/26/2010

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first of all, was it you who never informed him he had a child or did he just not bother? Even so, he still has to pay child support wether he wants to see her or not. Child support isn't only for things such as clothes/nappies. It is to go towards everyday living such as food/rent/gas and electric bills. My ex told me I had to provide receipts to everything I bought with the money but the child support agency told me that I can spend the child support on whatever I like as I am his main carer and provide him with everyday essentials. Make sure he pays for his child as it will help you tremendously!

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