Should I let my son cry it out at night?

Stephanie - posted on 04/13/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

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My sons is 8 months old and every night he wakes up and cries, he isn't hungry he just wants to be comforted. I have been holding him for a little while until he falls back to sleep but it is driving me nuts. I put him down at 9:00 normally and he is very predictable, he wakes up normally an hour or 2 after I put him down. What can I do. Should I just let him cry it out? I feel bad though I don't want him to be so upset that he throws up(he has acid reflux) but I am tired of have to go and comfort him every night. Please give me your advice. Thanks

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Charlie - posted on 04/14/2011

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Babies that young are still in need of their mothers touch , when they cry it is their way of saying " I need you " they cannot manipulate , they are not trying to get their way they just simply need you .

It wont last for long , I know your tired ( my youngest is 9 months old ) but honey it will be all over before too long and you will wonder where the time went .

If it doesnt feel right to you then dont do it , just go in and pack his back , sing to him or better yet hold him to give him some comfort ....8 months isnt a long time since he was seperated from being a part of you .

Merry - posted on 04/20/2011

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God forbid a mother care for her child's feelings.
Define 'something wrong'
Here's some I can think of
Hungry
Thirsty
Wet diaper
Poopy diaper
Too cold
Too hot
Bad dream
Muscle cramp
An itch
Scared
Lonely
Over tired
Teething
Acid reflux
Stomach ache
Constipated
Ear ache
Head ache
Stuffy nose
Hair raped around finger or toe
Hair in mouth
Eyelash in eye
Scratched face

Ok there's a few things that could cause a baby to cry in the night. If you can say that there is NO chance that a baby has a reason to be crying, then sure, let em cry.
But there's no way to know if the baby has a legitimate problem at young ages because they can't speak words!

One night my son was crying alot, he wasn't sleeping and he was just so loud and wailing! I knew something was wrong, but I had NO idea what! So I finally began undressing him to check over his body, well he had a small strand of hair wrapped around his penis! Poor boy, I had no way of knowing what was wrong until I took his cries seriously and began searching for the source. What if I had let him cry it out? That's like child abuse I'd say because in the end he was in pain, and I shouldn't ignore my child when they are hurting.

My friend had a baby same time as me. Her daughter was so fussy, all night she would wake to breastfeed every 45 minutes, for 45 minute feeds. My friend went a whole year waking this often to breastfeed her daughter, and then when she was a year old a different doctor saw her and realized that she had severe acid reflux, and although she was on medications already, they were way too low a dose and the poor baby was in constant pain when she slept! Breastfeeding was the only thing that soothed her burning throat and so she woke alot for it. He put her on stronger medications and from that night the little girl slept soundly 10-12 hour nights without waking at all!
Her mom didn't know she was in pain, she just knew her baby cried at night and so she as the mom did what she could to comfort her baby.

Barb, I hope you were joking, because teaching your infant that mommy doesn't care about you when it's dark out is never a positive thing.

Schyla - posted on 04/13/2011

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I let my 4 month old with Acid refulx cry it out (never more then 15 minutes though) cause it's the only way he'll go to sleep he's not a cuddler If you can stand the tears then give it a try I have a baby monatior and I turn it down so I only see the lights and if he still crying after 15 minutes I'll go and pick him up (and because he's still so little if he wakes at night it's because he's hungry so I do feed him) in your case there is nothing wrong with letting him cry it out but I might suggest that you swaddle him with his arms free (both of my girls had Reflux as well and for some reason the arms free swaddle helped sooth them)

Merry - posted on 04/27/2011

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"" I have to go outside when My son cry it out. If it has been a half hour or so I go in and make sure all is right.""
This sentence made me respond with the child abuse comment. I don't think leaving baby to cry for a minute while mom cools down is abuse. I've done that many times when Eric was small and I was overwhelmed. I don't think lapetting a child whine/whimper/grump a bit is abuse, I was referring to leaving a baby alone in the house for 30 mintues. Which IMO is abusive.
If the baby goes back to sleep in a minute or two of waking, it's obviously not abusive, if the baby is literally crying to try to get your attention then there's a need not being met. But yes my son also will wake, whine a bit, and return to sleep without me going in by him. But to cry IT out implies a long period of hard crying. That IMO is hurtful to the baby.
I can explain more if needed. But I'm not saying every whine has to be responded to.

Ally - posted on 04/28/2011

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Totally with you laura...in some situations i think it could def be abusive...like going outside bc they can't stand to hear it!..wtf? Hello...that is your maternal instict telling you to get back in there and take care of your baby! If it feels so wrong that you can't be there to witness it...then common sense should tell you it is a terrible idea. If it is so painful for some that they cannot even listen to their own child cry think of how that baby must feel..alone in the dark screaming for someone to comfort him and yet ...no one is coming....so sad.

Most people who let their kids CIO certainly aren't guilty of abuse though....what they are guilty of is neglecting important emotional needs...if a child cries to be comforted then as a parent it is yoyr job to provide it..day or night...and it certainly isn't convenient or easy but emotional needs are just as important as physical needs..maybe even more so.

Read up on some child development literature such as Erikson's stages of psychsocial devlopment babies under 1 year are in the trust vs mistrust stage. They depend solely on the parents for food, sustainence and COMFORT...and it has to be givn regularly and consistently (not just during the day) to be able to meet their developmental task in infancy To learn where or not people esp caregivers are going to regularly satisfy those basic needs. If parents are consistent in providing all of these (food comfort and affection) An infant learns trust and that people are dependalble and reliable. If they are neglectful in these areas the child learns mistrust and that the word is undependable , unpredictable and possibly even dangerous.

-and the cry it out that I am refering to are not the baby making sounds or whimpering then going back to sleep i am talking about the parents who willfully ignore their childs cries for an extended period of time for no reason other than they are tired of comforting them....that is neglecting a need..no matter which way you look at it

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User - posted on 12/06/2011

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I think he has some stomach problem which makes him wake up so early.. so get him to a good doc. I think you will get a solution there.. or try changing his food/diet it might be of help.. And even if its teething everything will be fine..soon .. If you want more tips related to parenting or baby care then look for some genuine pages like babeezworld on fb. their advice worked for me and hope it will work for you too.

Jordan - posted on 04/28/2011

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i dont agree with you ally. i dont think it is abusive to let your child cry it out ,as long as you dont let them cry for too long. if i hadnt started letting my son cry it out he wouldnt learn to sleep through the night. i went over a year where i was getting up 2 to 3 times a night every night. i certainly didnt mind gettin up if that was what he needed, i wasnt being lazy by not wanting to get up or anything like that. i just started to notice that he was waking up for no reason. he wasnt hungry and he didnt even really want comfort because he would instantly fall back asleep as soon as i picked him up. so i tried the cry it out method. i would still get him if he used his 'serious' cry, meaning his cry he uses when hes wet, hungry or scared, but most of the time it was a fake cry. and after a week of letting him put himself back to sleep he is now sleeping all the way through the night with no problem.
i dont feel like i am abusing him when i let him cry, its just a way to try and teach him to sleep through the night without waking up.

Jordan - posted on 04/28/2011

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i had the same problem with my son. for the longest time i hated letting him cry it out cuz it was so sad and he would cry Forever. but no he is over a year and still waking up in the night so finally i started lettinghim cry it out. at first he would cry for a half hur every night but then it gradually got less and less until now he rarely wakes up and if he does its only for a minute or two andhe falls right back to sleep.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2011

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Honestly, I don't know why I even read responses on this website anymore because most of the time they just upset me. I don't understand why a few (nameless) people have to resort to being judgmental with all kinds of hurtful things to say. There is a difference between giving helpful advice from your point of view and saying hurtful things that aren't necessary. To think that all parents that have ever let there baby cry for any amount of time is guilty of child abuse is unrealistic and unfair. I shouldn't even be posting anything at all, but I can't take the fact that people come on here for advice and to give their advice and some people have to condemn people for their opinions and parenting choices. Just because a mother has let her baby cry in his/her crib at some point does not mean she does not love her child. Every person has their breaking point, and because every person is different means that some people's breaking point comes sooner than others. I would rather see people walking away from a situation, than to see actual real-life child abuse occur because so many people condemn parents who know when to walk away, breath, and get their sanity back. Being a parent is hard and everyone deals with the struggles in different ways. Just remember were all mommies, and it stands to reason that we all care about our children, because we all come to this forum to ask questions, get answers, and peace of mind rather than throwing our concerns to the wind because we can't be bothered to care enough (trust me, I know mom's who absolutely don't care and would never ask a question on here). Why would they, if they don't care? Anyways, just remember that no one can know whats in another person's heart and mind, so try not to judge.

To the mommy who asked the question in the first place, I'm sorry I used your question to vent. My advice is to do what feels right to you. If you feel uncomfortable letting him cry, then don't do it. If you want, do research on the cry it out method to find out if the arguments against it are valid. I'll tell you what worked for me. (However, my daughter does not suffer from acid reflux). I was also unsure about the cry it out method, but my husband wanted to try it. (Perhaps this is why I take offense to the child abuse comments: my husband is the best daddy I have ever seen and would never do anything to hurt our daughter). We went out and splurged on one of those video camera baby monitors (they are pretty expensive, but we found a good one for around 120). We put her to bed at her usual bedtime with the monitor set up in her room (she was about seven months by the time we started any sleep training). The monitor let us watch her as much as we wanted to. When she woke up, we could see her and know she was ok. We never let her full out cry or scream, but we would wait it out if she woke up fussing a bit. Like I read earlier on this very question, everyone wakes in the middle of the night for various reasons (although I've known people who don't), so do babies. Sometimes, they don't need you to come in there, if they are just fussing, they may just want to fall back asleep. My daughter was like this. If I went in there while she was fussing (not crying), she would get mad because she didn't want to be out of crib she just wanted to fall back asleep. We didn't realize this at first, but eventually we started to figure it out when she would cry harder when we got her out, and stop crying when we put her back in. I don't some people give babies enough credit. My daughter woke up for some unexplained reason, and needed a few minutes to go back to sleep (Maybe there was something wrong, but what she wanted most was to go back to sleep). Every baby is different, and every mommy is different, but that video monitor gave me peace of mind I wouldn't have had otherwise. If you wanted to see if letting him cry for a few minutes would work for you, the video monitor would help you to know that he wasn't choking on his vomit or unsafe in another way.

Wende - posted on 04/27/2011

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Here's what worked for me. When he wakes, go in, make sure he isn't tangled in his blankets, calm him down, (for me this means picking my daughter up) but if you can try calming him without picking him up. Tuck him back in still awake so he can learn to get back to sleep on h is own. Tell him you will see him in the morning, and leave the room. If he cries (which he most certainly will) let him cry for 5 minutes, then go back in and repeat the same processs, tuck him back in still awake and leave the room. This time if he cries, let him cry for 10 minutes and then go back to his room and repeat the same things again. Each time increase but 5 minutes until you get to 20. keep doing this until he gets himself back to sleep. It will probably take a few days, but trust me it is worth it. I was having the same problem with my daughter and didn't want to let her cry and get herself all worked up. It only took one night (one exhausting night) and she has been sleeping through the night almost every night since. Be consistent and put him down as soon as he is calm. Hopefully it will work as well for you as it did for me :)

Merry - posted on 04/27/2011

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I kind of thing letting infants cry alone is hurtful. I'm sorry. It isn't something I can say 'to each their own' because I think no baby deserves to be left alone to cry. Every baby needs parents to care for it, and they don't understand why their parent leaves them alone to cry.

Yes it's a harsh thing to say, I understand that. But I think all babies deserve better then to be left to cry.

Melissa - posted on 04/27/2011

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I thought the child abuse comment was very hurtful that's why i kind of defended the crying it out arguement even though i cannot do it myself, i understand how it works and it works for some!

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2011

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There are some extremely judgemental and hurtful things being said on this forum. Every person is different with different ways of loving there child. Just remember this is supposed to be for advice not hurtful judgements.

Cynda - posted on 04/26/2011

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My son would wake up for comfort feedings till he was about 17 months! I finally had enough and let him cry it out, and it really worked. I thought it would be so hard, but I think that me setting a boundary relieved him and it went pretty smooth. I usually set a ten minute limit, and went in if he was still crying. You're his mommy you know when he's getting way too worked up or when he's ok. Good luck

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2011

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to some extent crying out is okay, it's how crying out is done, if you are checking on your child regularly as they are crying out it is okay. Some people can handle letting their child cry it out, some people can't, it depends on people's temperment and how they can handle things. It isn't child abuse per say. If you completely ignore childs needs completely all day long then yes it is but that is not what people are talking about in letting people cry it out. people are talking about maybe an hour or 2, down to nothing at all, it gets less, but meanwhile they are checking on their child periodically making sure their child is okay and their needs are being met and not throwing up! Also when a child is crying to no tomorrow parents get told to put down their child in a safe location like a crib when the parent is so stressed and walk away from their child to relieve stress so they don't abuse their child as well- It is better to walk away for 10 minutes from your child and let them cry and calm yourself down in a stressful moment and let your child cry then to keep dealing with a crying child building both your stress level up and the babies stress level up!

Merry - posted on 04/26/2011

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Babies have thrown up and choked to death on their vomit.

Extended crying has been proven to cause brain damage in some babies.

IMO crying it out should be called child abuse.

Mary - posted on 04/26/2011

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My sister in law tells me to let them cry it out. It has been one of the hardest things for me to do. It works for some and others have to figure other things that work. I have to go outside when My son cry it out. If it has been a half hour or so I go in and make sure all is right.

Paula - posted on 04/26/2011

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I don't think you should. When they cry they are lonely and miss you. they are going away from mummy in a dark place all by themselves.. If you let him cry he will feel alone and rejected...he won't know that's not your intention but he will definitely feel it...if it continues he may become scared. Try giving him some
things to soothe himself with at night. A night light.. If he cries for you... comfort him.. or try placing his bed in your room for a while and moving it 1 foot at a time away toward his room... ease him into it...

Melissa - posted on 04/26/2011

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i think what i have learned with my daughter- who has been challenging lately too is babies at this stage are growing and changing. I think her teething is what is making it challenging the most. Maybe using different reflux aids in cribs may helpp you in the aiding in that part of his sleeping and the worries in that aspect- if you choose too! Learning ques from my daughter i have learned is the best solution at night. I can't handle the cry it out solution at night because no one gets sleep in my house that way- and a reflux baby that may not help you either! One thing i find is my daughter will sometimes wake up stiring after an hour or two with gas what i do is i go up and swaddle her up give her a binky pick her up and rub the gas out and rock her back to sleep. Some nights she sleeps until 6-7 am some nights she is up between 11-2 am to eat and then sleeps through the night. Just remember though- babies are not meant to always sleep through all nights. Sometimes she will cry out in the middle of the night, my son sleeps with me part way through the night so what i do if she cries out, is i turn the baby monitor off and i listen to see if she is stirring trying to get comfortable or if she is waking up and needing me, if she is just stirring, once she is done i will turn the monitor back on, if she needs me to cuddle her or for a bottle i go to her and give her what she needs, go back to bed and the monitor goes back on! Trust me, i know it's hard, sleepless nights, i have had a bunch of them lately! What i suggest to help you is find someone if you need to give you a nap or a break if you need it- to give you a mommy stress break!

Constance - posted on 04/25/2011

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I had two with acid reflux and i had alotof long nights. But letting him cry at 2 am is just going to keep you awake anyway. He needs that time to bond with you, it is just his way. he will start sleeping through the night but something you can try is putting a chai next to his crib and sitting thee until he goes to sleep. Of course calm him down first and then try laying him down and rub his back or stomach or head depending on hw he lays down and which part soathes him the most. Little by little he will just need you to come and pick him up give him a hug and kiss and tell him you love him and it is time to go back to sleep.. He will start responding. It might take a whie but he will.

Janessa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Acid reflux does make it hard, I didn't have that problem with mine, but crying it out is what I did. Maybe you can go in and comfort him, but not take him out. Good-luck

Caroline - posted on 04/25/2011

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This is really tricky because my eldest son was exactly the same. Some babies just need to know you are there but my son would only sleep those 2 hours on a night and eventually a paediatrician explained to me that he had a problem "switching off" and needed a sedative to allow him to power down for the evening. It was determined that the acid reflux which also caused him to projectile vomit was leading to the avoidance of feeds and this is directly connected to the insomnia apparently.With my other children I began from birth insisting on them taking full feeds waiting a full four hours till the next and retiring in the early evening, ie 7pm. I can only tell you that it worked for them but my eldest didn't sleep through the night till he was seven or eight and still has trouble sleeping now he is seventeen. There is a lot of evidence to suggest that a couple of evenings of controlled crying (leaving them to cry for a little longer each time) can be effective but this requires huge commitment and lack of sleep on your part and I completely understand your fears for him vomiting. Its hard when they are so small and you just love them so much but then a little battle now may be worth it in the long run especially as he will never remember it. I hope you get some respite soon as being a mum is challenging enough. Maybe there is another family member or a partner who could help you tackle this? I know from experience babies can tell when they are upsetting you and getting the upperhand. He may be less distressed and also less distressing if someone else were dealing with him? I wish you well and many peaceful nights. x

Melissa - posted on 04/25/2011

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Cry it out method is not healthy for mommy in my situation, I cannot handle letting my baby cry it out because it causes too much stress on me. When my son got his own room he transitioned to his big bed at the same time. It was convient the way his room was set up he was just over 2 at the time so i could sit at the end of the hall where he could see me from his bed, I would read him a story, give him a small cuddle and then sit at the top of the stairs. Before that he was in my room to bed, so it was a big transition all at once for him. It was a hard transition for him, but as time went on, i slowly made it down the stairs night after night. There were a little tears, but i Would tell him goodnight i love you- comfort words. My daughter has beeen waking up at night, and i think right now it's understanding her ques for me. If she wakes up between 11 and 2 she usually wants a bottle, before 11 she wants me to pick her up and stick a binky in her mouth and just rock her to sleep- takes 3 minutes. Then i noticed Thursday or Friday night, she woke up at 4 or 5 am, my son i have problems with him coming to bed with me but my daughter has been waking up crying, the past couple weeks, and it's just trying to get resolved recenttly that i am trying to get her crying at night first resolved. HOwever when my daughter woke up at 4 or 5 the other night she cried for a couple seconds rolled over and fell back asleep! If she doesn't do that though sometimes it's just a cudddle and binky and she's back asleep. I think sometimes it's patience and testing what works and doesn't work with learning what works for other parents and the research says about infant sleeping. Babies aren't necessarly meant to sleep more then 6-8 hours at a time sometimes parents get lucky and they do!

Ashley - posted on 04/25/2011

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OOy vey...plz do research on the damaging effects of cry it out method guys!! just bc something "works for you" does not mean it is healthy or best for baby.

Brandee - posted on 04/25/2011

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We let our son cry it out. I started back to work when our son was 8 months old, so it was necessary for me to be able to put him in his crib and walk away.. He cried about an hour the first night.. So hard.. The second night was about 30 mins.. After that it was less and less everynight.. I also did like the Supernanny does by sitting in the room with my back towards the crib and each nigh sitting further and further away from the door.. It took a couple of weeks before I could put him to bed and just walk out without standing by the door.. Now he is 2.5 years old and after we read a book and say prayers he goes to sleep in his own bed.. It is very hard to hear them cry at first, but you just have to tell yourself that it will get better and that you aren't the only or the first parent to go though this. Good Luck.

Sonja - posted on 04/24/2011

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My son is 13 now and I can tell you this... there will come a day, before you know it, when you will wish that your child "needed" you as much as he does now. I did not use the "cry it out" method. I fully believed that if my son cried out for me, it was because he needed me. I got tired, I got frustrated and I got tired... and I got over it... my son slept with me 1/2 a night until he was 5 years old. I would not trade those nights for anything.
At the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is right. But in my opinion, there is a reason why babies have mom's - and it's because they need them.

Sara - posted on 04/24/2011

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My 18 month old has been crying it out since he was 5 months old; he is now a great sleeper who will request to go to bed when he's tired. He has not suffered any emotional distress because I took the time to teach him that while I love him and am always there for him, he will del better and be happier after he sleeps. He is one of the happiest kids I know and also one of the most loving. In my opinion co-sleeping for too long and not keying your child learn how to relax and sleep on his own will cause far more problems in the long run. But you have to do what is right for your own kid, each one is different. As is the level of sleep training you are willing to put up with when your child is a toddler.

Ashley - posted on 04/24/2011

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Oh and also remember: when babies eventually stop crying wth CIO it is bc ofearned helplessness. They give up and get tired and also realize they have no one to care for them.(it is not bc they learn to selfsoothe.) Yikes! What a horrible thing to learn...esp at a mere 8 months!

Ashley - posted on 04/24/2011

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No. Cry it out causes emotional and developmental problems. Babies only cry when they have reason to, and it is our job to figure out why and fix the prob. SIDS ALERT! especially with the reflux and throwing up. Are you opposed to cosleeping? Remember those lyrics: " it won't be like this for long." Good Luck! You can-do this Mama!!

Merry - posted on 04/22/2011

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Some moms nap in the middle of the day! I know my son sleeps 10 hours a night, so even if I'm awake for two hours total with him, I still get 8! Which is all an fault really needs any was, so I sure don't need to be asleep all 10 hours that he's asleep. Might as well spend some of that extra time helping him sleep IMO

Sara - posted on 04/22/2011

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Letting them cry it out sucks, there is no better way to put it. But I learned with my son, in the long run it's better for everyone. When I cave and go comfort my 18 month old (who still occasionally wakes up during the night) it starts a cycle of a week of him getting up several times a night; which leads to me not getting enough rest and the both of us being super crabby! Your sleep is important too! And we mom's don't get to nap in the middle of the day.

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2011

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I could never bring myself to let my little boy "cry it out." Even if I knew he wasn't hungry or had a wet diaper, etc. I still knew he needed my comfort. If that meant rocking him, patting him, laying down with him, I did it. Even at 19 months old I still usually pat him or rock him before bedtime. And when he wakes up in the middle of the night, I always go to him (he still wakes up about once a night.) Even though it can be extremely frustrating at times, just remember that they are only this little for a short time. They need their mommy & daddy to not only meet their physical needs, but emotional needs as well. :)

Carolyn - posted on 04/20/2011

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* gives Laura a standing ovation*

seriously, unless you are psychic you cannot for a fact say that your baby is crying for "no reason"

I feel bad for the babies who are left to cry it out. I really do. Next time your upset/hurt as an adult, give me a call so i can come and leave you in a dark room by yourself begging for comfort or help for 12 hours and see how much you like it. It will be my pleasure. Ill poke my head in every few minutes at first, but i wont say anything, wont touch you or hug you, ill just walk in , walk out and leave you sitting there, upset, crying, wondering what you did wrong that you are being left there till you fall asleep.

Barb - posted on 04/20/2011

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As long as nothing is wrong (check diapers etc)
let em WAIL.
You don't want to teach him that his tears work on you.

Shalai - posted on 04/20/2011

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im having the same problem and my son also have acid reflux so i feel bad i hope you find something that helps :) good luck

Merry - posted on 04/19/2011

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Do you all not think your babies are capable of emotions?

Crying isn't a mindless reflex, it's their only way to communicate! Babies can't speak, so how do they let you know something is wrong.



Would you ignore your 6 year old if you heard her crying in her bed at night? I bet you all would you assume if she is crying, something must be wrong!

Same for babies, they don't enjoy crying, when everything feels right, babies don't cry!

They only cry if there's something wrong.



Their feeling should matter, as dr Seuss said, 'a person's a person, no matter how small.'

Carolyn - posted on 04/19/2011

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fack, if its no fun for the parents, imagine what its like for that poor little baby crying alone in their bedroom in the dark whos parents are ignoring him.....

Brittney - posted on 04/19/2011

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I hated to do it, but we eventually just had our daughter cry it out. It's definately no fun for us parents, but it gets easier every night!!:) We did this when we started having her go to sleep on her own. Hang in there!!

Joy - posted on 04/19/2011

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I would just let me cry it out a couple of nights! And see what happens! Or just see how long he cries for every night. If he gets like an angry cry then I prolly would go get him so he doesn't throw up!! Hope that helps!! :)

Merry - posted on 04/19/2011

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And besides no human being sleeps uninterrupted all night. We all wake here and there to adjust our pillows, take a drink, go to the bathroom, etc.

No one sleeps all night without waking. We all just learned over time to fall asleep without our moms helping us.

But who likes sleeping alone? Who prefers falling asleep alone in their room? No one! Why should our little babies be expected to fall asleep in their own crib, alone? Ridiculous I think. Do you really think they don't have emotions? That they aren't laying there crying and wondering why isn't mom here? Where did she go? Will she come back? One minute feels like forever to a little person. Imagine how much stress those babe is go through when they cry for 10 minutes! I couldn't imagine making my baby cry that long. One minute is too long to make him cry for me.

Merry - posted on 04/19/2011

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Personally I think babies need mom for more then physical needs.
Emotions are needs as well and I think they are just as important as the physical needs.
So for me id never let my son cry to sleep, I think if he wants me to be there then it's my job to be there. If he's scared or lonely or just wants my warmth then I feel like I should be there for him.
He's now two and I've always gone to him every time he calls for me in the night, and recently he has begin to sleep all night without calling me. He learned that I'm always there ispf he needs me, and now most nights he doesn't feel the need to get me!
He learned to sleep by me being there for his every need. So I'm confident you never need to sleep train any baby, just be there for them when they need you and one day they won't need you so much!
My advise, listen to your sons heart, hear what he is feeling, what he needs and then do what feels right.
You created him, and he didn't ask to be here. So I think it's our jobs as moms to be the adults and do what's best for our babies.
And honestly, it's never best for a baby to cry for mom and mom not be there. They need to trust we are there.

Rebecca - posted on 04/19/2011

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When my LO was 8 months old I was so exhausted with getting up every two to three hours even at night while everyone else I knew had babies sleeping through the night! (I know every baby is different but her schedule was so predictable and she wasn't waking to eat!) So, we put her to bed as we always did and when she woke up at midnight (as she always did) we let her cry herself back to sleep.. took about 10 minutes the first night, 7 the next, and then like that! She was sleeping through the night!! Every now and then she still wakes up and cries but i wait it out and unless she is screaming we leave her alone and she falls back to sleep on her own! I didn't think I would be able to do it but shes a much happier baby because of it, getting lots of sleep, and mommy is getting lots of sleep too!! Its not easy to let them cry it out.. My daughter also has reflux (shes on ranitidine twice a day for it!) I never let her scream but she did cry with tears!
I must say she is an excellent sleeper now!! Good luck! Its a tough journey but worth it in the end!

Kelly - posted on 04/18/2011

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Yes and that is not just from me but from my pediatrician. Kids need to learn the skill of comforting themselves and they also need the solid sleep as much as you do. All three of mine are still GREAT sleepers and they are teens. Course all teens are good sleepers but they have been! This will last less than a week if you don't give in AT ALL otherwise any ammount of caving in sends a mixed message and is unfair to your child. When he wakes up go to the doorway and use the words you use for bedtime "It's bedtime" or "night night time" but what ever the words are that you use. Shut the door and leave. Do not pick him up or touch him in anyway. Be prepared to sit outside the room for 10 mins while he screams his head off. He will be mad I gaurantee it. After 10 mins of crying go back to the door and repeat the words and leave again. You are setting a boundry/rule and no he is not too young for this. This may go on for a half hour and he gives up. Just keeping repeating the every 10 mins stuff. This is to reassure him that everything is ok becasue he is used to you coming when he cries however you are serious about it being bedtime. It took me 5 days and then my son returned to sleeping 12 hour nights. Mine had been sleeping thru and he got sick. He decided that he liked getting me up nightly to comfort him back to sleep after his bad cold was gone. All kids will wake up during the night but if you don't ever expect them to go back to sleep on their own they never will and some paretns have set themselves up for years of interrupted sleep or kids sleeping with them etc.
FYI this all happens again when you switch from a crib to a big kids bed but if you just be consistent and walk them back to bed with minimal attention and just being calm and repeating the bedtime words that only lasts a few weeks too. Usually that occurs at a time you are still awake anyways.
Also those 5 days were not easy and my husband was cursing the Pediatrician and saying he didn't know what he was talking about but he ate his words within the week. Remember this is only the beginning of saying "no" to your kids but setting boundries and rules for them is very important for their entire life and being consistent.

Rebecca - posted on 04/17/2011

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Maybe making his bedtime later would be a better idea. I know this doesnt sound like the best idea but a full night of uninterrupted sleep is better than going to bed and being woken up two hours later to stay up comforting him back to sleep. My son is older than yours of course and is three but he still wakes up in the middle of the night. We moved his bedtime back to a later time and most of the time this helps with him sleeping through the night.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/17/2011

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Don't feel bad about picking him up when he cries. You can cuddle him for a minute and put him down again. I am trying this with my 5 month old son and he's definiatly ready. He throws such a fit around nap times and fights sleep soooooo much. It's riddiculous. So we're trying to teach him to do it on his own. However, he was hystarical. I don't think its healthy for them to be that upset, but this is hard for us to do period. We've always rocked him. But he';s old enough so we're trying it. I let him cry for 20 minutes the first night, had a baby monitor on, but he got hystarical and i could hear the blanket around him covering him muffling his cries. Came out, took it away, made sure he was going to be warm enough in his clothes and picked him up for a few. He kept crying though, even after he'd start to calm down, he'd start to act up again..... well, then back in the crib he went. Another 15 minutes of crying.. no hystaria though.. after that, he played for 5 with some small amounts of lone Wah inbetween, then 15 minutes after more quiet crib playing he went to sleep on his own.............. gorgeous. Just know it can be done. I'd be careful of the reflux... Don't know what to tell you about that, but it would worry me more. I would try not to feed him right before bed then.. let it settle a little while maybe first? Good luck. Know it can be done though! :)

Danielle - posted on 04/15/2011

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If it is the reflux bothering him I'd consult a doctor. If not, than this is my advice:



If you need to hold him to get him to sleep at this point you should probably work on getting him to go to sleep independently. Most doctors recommend you put your child in their crib drowsy but awake by 2 months of age and by 4 months of age you should be able to put your child to bed awake and let them drift off to sleep on their own.



My son woke up every night for 10 months, but he usually just needed his paci to fall back asleep. Sometimes I'd have to go in and find it for him but I never had to actually pick him up and hold him until he went back to sleep by that age. First check to make sure he's not wet or cold, etc. Then if I were you I'd lay him in his crib and assure him everything was fine and then leave. He will probably only cry for a few minutes. Some of them are stubborn but in the middle of the night the crying doesn't usually last long because they are already tired. If it lasts longer than 5 minutes, go back and reassure him things are fine, and then leave again. Do not pick him up. My doctor gave me some very good advice: look at the clock when he begins crying. If you do, you will see that he hasn't been crying for that long. It may feel like a half an hour of crying when it's really only been 5 minutes. About 3 difficult nights of this and he will more than likely stop waking up so much.

Marylea - posted on 04/15/2011

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If he has acid reflux perhaps that's why he's crying. Does he sleep flat or is his head elevated because elevating his head can help with the reflux. Is he on medication for the reflux? My daughter had reflux and it caused her to have sleeping issues. I personally don't agree with letting children cry it out. I think its unfair to the child and would never recommend it to anyone.



Marylea

Check out my blog at

www.me-myselfandbaby.blogspot.com

Nicola - posted on 04/15/2011

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I dont know what to say hun, I've almost always let my son put himself to sleep from being a newborn. Never leave him to cry, but always comfort him until he's starting to drop off then I leave him. He had bad colic for a few weeks so it was all Mummy cuddles but no i put him down for naps at 9.30am, 1.30pm and 5pm for between 30 mins and an hour each, then down at 8pm and he sleeps til 4/5am, wakes up for a feed then sleeps til 7.30am. My point is that he CAN put himself to sleep, he does it all of the time, but he still gets up through the night because he needs something. If you're sure your LO doesn't need anything then give it a try, they dont always have to cry though, my son usually just whimpers! Just do what you feel comfortable, you'll do great i'm sure :)

Carolyn - posted on 04/15/2011

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it isnt the *best* way, its only one of many ways. There are far more better ways that dont involve children "learning to cry himself to sleep"

Sam - posted on 04/15/2011

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yes its called control crying. you let him cry for 5 mins, then go in, give dummy, milk, etc but dont pick him up. then leave the room. then let him cry for 10 mins, go in & comfort but dont pick up. eventually he will learn to cry himself to sleep. i know it sounds cruel but it is the best way. i have a 22month & 5month so have done it & now started again. good luck

Carolyn - posted on 04/15/2011

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do you feed him before bed ? if so, is it possible he is waking consistently about 2 hours after his feeding because he is in pain from the reflux ? have you tried propping his mattress to help keep the acid down and from coming up into his throat while he is laying down ?



that would have been my first thought if you havent already considered it.



my other thought is that maybe 9pm is too late for him. If he is getting overtired, or overstimulated before bed, this can negatively impact his sleep cycle. If i let my son get overtired, sure he might pass out quickly, but i can guarantee he wont be sleeping through the night.



The most I let my 10 month old son cry is just long enough to see if he will settle himself back down. so 2-3 minutes at MOST if he wakes in the middle of the night. if i let him cry longer than that, he gets himself so worked up its a point of no return and he will not be sleeping for a while... Id rather get up, give him a quick snuggle or a rock for 10 or so minutes and put him back in his crib, than have to hear him cry for an hour, cough, flail around etc etc. its no good for anyone.

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it's p to you. i let my son cry it out and after a few days he stopped wanting me in the middle of the ight. bt if you aren't comfortable doing that there are other ways, like the no cry sleep solution.

Jonquil - posted on 04/15/2011

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It's worth a shot. I know it's hard but you got to keep telling yourself that you are a good parent for doing it and keep on encouraging yourself.

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