Should My Daughters Boilogical Father Have the Right to Ask about Her

RedNeckMaMa - posted on 08/10/2011 ( 101 moms have responded )

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I dont know what to do. My daughters Bilogical father didnt want nothing to do with my daughter when i told him i was pregnant but every now and then he finds how to get ahold of me and ask how she is doing. what should i do. does he have the right to know. i mean he didnt even tell his parents that my lil girl is his.He takes care of his UGLY girlfriends 2 twins but not my daughter. do u think that is messed up. I mean i been with him for 2 years before we broke up and i got pregnant is when he started denying her...I dont know any more.. I still have feeling for him but dont want him in my life if that makes sence??

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You don't ever want to keep her from him or even deny him the right to know how she's doing. Do I think he's was right for denying her? ABSOLUTELY NOT!, but you don't want to be like him...Your daughter will eventually see what kind of person he is, but you have to let her see it--DON'T EVER TALK BAD ABOUT HIM IN FRONT OF HER! You have to move on because you are still bitter. You shouldn't carry that weight because he has moved on...Too often we hold on to grudges and the other person doesn't even care...YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE HIM FOR YOURSELF and I'm sure you will start feeling differently.

Lareashia - posted on 08/19/2011

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Many children have been caught in the cross fire of spouses, but to maintain a healthy relationship keep communication open for the child sake. Let the child grow to learn their parent also accepting their faults.
Be blessed;)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/18/2011

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I really would advize against keeping your child from her father because that could cause him to get the court after you for visitation.
What I don't see is how old your daughter is. As I've said before, mine's almost 7 and is learning now what kind of man her father is and has a great relationship with her step dad. It makes sense that you don't want him in your life because of what he did to you (trust me I know, my daughter's father cheated on me) but you should at least give him a chance to be in your daughter's life.

Kelly - posted on 08/18/2011

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honey i'm in the same boat you are just tell him she is fine and that you are takeing care of her by being mommy and daddy and that's all she needs you and her have your lives and he has his tell him to leave it like that. Good luck he doesn't deserve to know anything just tell him she's fine and she always will be thanks to her mommy.

Julie - posted on 08/18/2011

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I think it depends on what you feel your the one taking care of her..he isnt. Also, how a young girl sees her father as she grows is how she will expect men to be when she is older.If you dont think he is decent enough to not tell but show and teach your daughter good morals and values, and personally show her that he is/can be a good man..thats the only way I wiuld...and if he was going to pay child support. If he is responsible enough to lay with you and make a child he should be responsible enough to take care of the conciquinces that make occur after...I will admit that , this man dosent seem fit to be a Father if he'd rather take care of any other child then.his own flesh and blood best of luck to you

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/18/2011

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Atasha's right (I'm really tired) a father can ask about his child no matter what.It's his right as a father. The fact that he actually asks is a good thing.

As for actual visits I'd suggest supervising him at first, especially if there's not a custody paper. Because legally he could take your child and there's nothing you could do unless he violated custody or visitation. Also just to make sure your daughter doesn't get hurt because she's the most important person in your life.

Don't bad mouth him or his wife/girlfriend either. I know it's hard not to do that- trust me. But don't do it. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for. Before I moved to Canada from the States my ex was always calling our daughter and he sent her gifts on her birthday and Christmas and last year she was in GA with him for 2 weeks (I'm from NY) but now he doesn't call at all, he stopped earlier this year. My daughter is almost 7 and she realizes that what her dad does is just for show. Let your child come to her own decision about her father.

April - posted on 08/18/2011

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I agree it's messed up what he did, but he *absolutely* still has the right to check and see how she is.

Atasha - posted on 08/18/2011

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Ok alot of people are saying alot of confusing things. First off any parent has the right to ask about their child no matter the circumstances! Even the worlds worst deadbeat can check up and make sure their child is well. As for him not being there for her physically, emotionally etc... You need to watch very carefully what you say in front of your daughter. There will come the time she makes her own opinion of him and if she hears anything unflattering from you she may not want to know 'dad'. It took my ex 5 years before he finally decided his daughter was his and took the time to come see her. I never called him down in front of her and now they have a great relationship. It is messed up that he cares more for children that belong to his gf, but there will come a time in his life when he realizes all he missed and can't get back. PLEASE remember that if he does want back in her life not to use your child as a pawn. You will do more damage that way than anything. Good-luck and I hope everything works out for your daughters sake.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/17/2011

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It depends on if he has any paternal rights with the child. But I wouldn't let him have any contact with your daughter until he actually decides he wants to be in her life because that would just cause more problems. I know this because my older daughter's birth father doesn't want anything to do with her because it costs him money to go from GA to BC and it hurts my daughter.

But ultimately it's up to you

Lacieann - posted on 08/17/2011

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I feel for you there. I can share the experience I had with my father who I didn't meet until I was 5. He was in and out of my life for many years and for me that was more hurtful than if he had just stayed gone. If your baby's father is only offering sporadic visits or passing curiosity I would tell you to keep him at a distance. Share with him, but don't let him meet his daughter until she is older. I don't know how old your daughter is now, but if she's under four you could try seeing how consistent he is and tell him to make up his mind on whether or not he's going to be in her life before she turns four. (that way if he bails it will be easy for her to forget him)

In this put away your feelings for him, they don't matter. You need to do what is best for your daughter. Be strong.

I do think you should let his parents know if they don't already. They shouldn't be kept from their grandkid just because the dad's a tool. (unless they are jerks to, ya' know)

Angelique - posted on 08/17/2011

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I'm rocking in the same boat as you. He left the country while I was pregnant. He told his family that I was pregnant, & left me to deal with them. They've always treated me nice so it was no hardship. Heard from him after I gave birth, then a couple of months afterwards, then the next year on her b-day. After that i found out he had another child a year after I had mine. My daughter is going to be 3 in Nov, until a couple of months ago he only talked to her once on her b-day. He called congratulating me on MY daughter's b-day.
Now that he's seen the light (???) he starting contacting me & calling her.
I let them talk to each other, because in the end he's her father. It's started out with regular calls, now it's been 6 months since he called. My daughter ask for him, which makes me angry, because I told him from the start not to mess up.
So in the end, it's up to you. Get your feelings about him out of the way. Just let him now how's she's doing.Never let it be said that you're the one witholding info from him. Because later on it will come back to haunt you. Do what you think is best for your child, she comes first.

Jessie - posted on 08/16/2011

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In response to Teresa:
My story is...I got pregnant at 15 and a half yrs old by a boyfriend who was older (nearly 20). I could blame my risk-taking behavior on Bipolar disorder, but the point is, I made some poor choices. I told him I was pregnant, and he tried to talk me into aborting. I refused, then he disappeared. I never saw him again. My baby is a month shy of being 12 now, and I started getting child support when she was 9, after a paternity test that luckily didn't involve me having to see her father at all. From what I understand, however...if a father wants to take you to court for visitation rights, HE has to pay the court fees. I knew my daughter's father didn't have the cash for that, so I never really worried. But, I think that not coming around for 12 years more than qualifies as abandonment. Plus, he's done time in jail for drugs, and I've got all kinds of dirt on him. If I thought he'd be a positive role model for my daughter, I'd let her decide if she wanted to see him...but he's bad news.

Sarahkaye - posted on 08/16/2011

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Also, as for his legal rights, if he has had no contact in 6 or more months, usually depends where you live, you can file abandonment and he can lose any rights to her, if you decide he doesn't deserve to have his rights.

Sarahkaye - posted on 08/16/2011

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My daughters bio father wants nothing to do with her, either. What I am going to do (so far he wants nothing to do with her, refuses to even pay child support even though he has to), if one day he decides to be in her life, I'm leaving it up to her when she is old enough. She's 2 right now. It will be her choice if she meets him or not. Maybe you could do that with your daughter. Just don't push something on either of them, or it could be a mistake.

Katrina - posted on 08/16/2011

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no i dont think they should if they havent been there my little girls dad hasnt been ther since she was born and shes 1 on friday tell him you didnt want to know when i was pregnant why now x

Natasha - posted on 08/15/2011

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in reply to rosa i think that is so rude dad's are just as important as us some woman need to remember it takes two to bring a precious child into the world, so they have just as much rights, i have heard allot of guys say they have walked away from there children because was just too much drama, woman use there children as bargaining chips far too much it is not fare instead of being bitches maybe they should put all that energy into there children and what is best for them and let the father be in there children's lives no matter what and not just on there terms.

Anna - posted on 08/15/2011

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I'm sure it is so hard to think of him caring for other children while neglecting yours. What you have to decide for yourself is whether it's in your daughter's best interest that her father get updates on her. That's a question only you can answer. My daughter's father is somewhat the same. He almost never calls, emails, etc. to inquire about her, and that upsets me. But I still make every effort to let him know what's going on in her life. I don't do this for him. I do this because I want to offer him every possibility to step up and be a good father. Whether he does it or not, I've done what I could to help my child. Sometimes I want to tear into him and tell him everything he's doing wrong and how despicable I think his actions are, but that won't get my daughter any closer to having her biological father in her life and it won't add a bit to her happiness. So, I stay quiet, I stand up for my baby, and I take on the burden of keeping up contact with a man that is missing out on the life of one amazing little girl.

I hope you make the best choice for you and your daughter and that you are able to tolerate the anger that arises when someone (especially her father) doesn't treat her with the love and respect she deserves.

GOOD LUCK!

Rosa - posted on 08/15/2011

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Give that man a boot, he's clearly taking chances. If he is seriouse about his baby, he wont call on the phone and ask. He will avail himself to support and see how the baby is doing. Just give it to him like it is on the phone and until he is willing to make an adjustment don't entertain him. He is simply using you to keep tabs and will later use it against you.

Pamela - posted on 08/15/2011

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Well, you're justifiably still very hurt, that's obvious from your post. Can I give you some advice though? Don't prevent him from knowing about his daughter. Someday your daughter will want to know who her Daddy was, where he is, & why he's never cared enough to contact her. Telling her that Daddy is a "loser" will only make her believe she's part-loser too. NEVER demonize her father, she'll make her own assumptions when she's older. Take the high road. Just b/c he's - terrible boyfriend doesn't mean he's not capable of someday being a father to her. When you get really angry try to remember, this is about your daughter now... A rejection from a parent affects a child's self esteem deep down. Girls who do not have a father figure sometimes act out sexually to get attention from men etc. So, as painful as it might be, try to let him into her life, slowly. Set firm boundaries. If he is to be involved, he must be "regularly" involved- no popping in & out.

You want to be able to tell your daughter someday that you did everything in your power to let her Dad be a father to her. If you try & stop it, she might resent you.

Also, take the high road, don't name call etc. It's commendable that your ex is watching his other kids and at least takIng some responsibility... Plus he's going to great length to find his daughter, so he does care about her. Maybe he's changing his ways & trying to be better.

Good luck! Your daughter is lucky to have a Mommy that cares so much! Xo

Jessica - posted on 08/15/2011

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Some of these women posting have obviously been hurt so bad in the past! And have found the worst guys, but not all guys are bad some just are scared to death, if a man will just sign over his rights to his child because you said, he shouldn't be called a man. We all fear rejection, don't be part of the equation when it comes to your child and the father unless it's dangerous.

Natasha - posted on 08/15/2011

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what i got from reading your post is you still have feelings for the father, he must want something to do with his daughter and that is why he has tried to contact you, you need to try and think what is best for your daughter, and fathers are very important, my daughter's dad is a dick to but i have separated how i feel about him and thought of my daughter and fact is her father is important to her, best her growing up knowing him than her growing up wondering why every other child has a daddy but not her, maybe he has grown up being around his step children? i think it is great when men step up and raise other peoples children so you should not knock him for spending time with them he is not with you so at least he is doing something good

Heather - posted on 08/15/2011

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you totally have the right to deny him information about her, If he has not supported her or you and was not thier throughout any of her life he has no part of it and a court can tell you the same ting. He is a sperm donor and that is all, im sorry for my crudness but it must be said i have a daughter with an ex and when i found out i was prego, he sent me to live with family and a month before she was born he tracked me down and wanted me back but bythen i had reunited with an old flame and was waiting for him to get home from IRAQ, and my now husband,(Ex- soldier) told me not to have anycontact with the father and so i told him nothing about my daughter, and i had him sign termination of parental rights soon after. My lawyer was wonderful but i also had help through the Mormon church, I now live happily out of state from my ex, with my Husband and 17 month old daughter, Her older sister is living with her adoptive mother and family i still have contact with her and it is hard to be away from her, but she knows i love her and all of her family extended and immediate loves her to pieces. I know that my ex, has nothing to do with her because he wanted it that way in the first place he cannot change his mind now, or ever. You as A mother and sole protector of your Child have the Absolute right to deny him both access and Information about said child.

Shaz - posted on 08/14/2011

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sadly he's her dad.....sounds to me everytime he finds you hes having the case of the guilts or mabey hes coming around and realising he fucked up. best thing to do is to have a propper conversation with him about what exactly he wants to do....does he want to stand up and be her father or is he just being wishy washy. explain to him he's either in for the long haul or he's out (no coming and going). but he has to decide before you introduce him to your girl. just because he may be in your girls life doesnt mean he has to be in yours, set boundaries and limits. relationship councillors will help you to do this with him IF he's serious. one day she will look for him if theres a serious chance he wants to do right by her now and that includes publically accepting her then go for it. dont give her a reason to think that you have kept her from him. if your daughter is old enough ie 8 to 10 give her the choice now. explain to her what may happen then let her choose but only after you find out his intentions



P.S My sisters father denied her and shes now a 38 woman with serious daddy issues. shes alawys felt our mother kept her from him (which isnt true) but she never really pushed him either. but whatever the real story is dont keep your daughter in the dark when she asks as she gets older.dont make it about her make it about him and if her real dad still wants nothing to do with her find her a father who will and dont make an issue about him not being her real dad or bring words like "half' into it with new siblings. it will help her alot to feel like she belongs in this 'new family'

Lisa - posted on 08/14/2011

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I understand totally what you are saying My oldest father was in and out of his life when it was convent for him he was there he was a loser of a parent into drugs and drinking and having lots of girlfriends and got another girl pergo with twins and loved them more than my son he would never spend anytime with him but it was like when some one said he needed to call he would and then that would be the end . After years of this I was kinda still had feelings for him but new it was not good thing he would just bring me down . So after moving on I met the man of my dreams who became that father my son needed and his biological father saw that and decide to give up his rights which allowed my husband to adopt him and he grew up wonderful young man and does not even ask about his biological father like my husband has been his father since day one funny they are a like it is scary .

Kim - posted on 08/14/2011

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My son's father didn't want anything to with him either. My son is now 6 almost 7 and everyonce in a while I'll get a random E-Mail or find out from a mutual friend that he's been asking about him. I feel that if he can't help support and raise my son then he has no right to know how he is. I've been dealing with this my sons whole life and used to reply to the emails hoping that he would want to be a part of Noahs life but he's never made it to one of our meetings yet, so now I just ignore the occasional email and thank goodness our mutual friend cares enough for Noah not to give any info either.

Christina - posted on 08/14/2011

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Yes he should have the right unless you plan on taking him to court to take his rights...does he pay child support and sorry if i sound mean but you really needed to stoop to calling his current gf ugly just cause he helps her take care of her kids...the way I see it if you don't want him in your life that has nothing to do with your daughter...if one day she says she wants nothing to do with him then thats that but that would be her choice that is still her dad. I only say this cause my daughter's dad is an idiot he was a great husband when I was pregnant with our daughter then when she was 3 months old he walked out on us outta no where. He never really sees her and doesn't really care but I still send him pictures and when he does want to see her I take her to his mom's so he can. I still keep him in her life even though he left us. That is still her dad she has my current fiancee that she calls daddy but she still has her dad. No matter what happened or is gonna happen that is still her dad either he admits it or not. again sorry if that was rude but its a sore spot for me and I think all parents unless you take away rights cause they are not fit should at least get to know how their kids are...and if he helps his gf's kids sounds like he is fit just stupid

Yvette - posted on 08/14/2011

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hi, i have been in your situation though i had to do a paternity test, after 3 years i finally got one and of course the results came back that he was the father. i automatically let him have something to do with my daughter, as i only got to know my father for 3 years before he died and i have so many regrets of not knowing him sooner. after him saying sorry and him having regular visits me and my daughters father got back together and are now married and have had 3 more daughters together and he claims my son as his own. where as my sons father jumps in and out of his life and is no father role model, but i cant stop him from seeing him as than my son could hold that against me in the future if anything happened to his bio father. so i just have left it to my son to say when his been hurt enough and that he does or doesnt want to see him. my son has choosen not to call his bio father dad and calls my husband dad. his bio father has no problems with it and has choosen just to be my sons mate rather than a father role model. its all a bit strange for people to hear our situation but it works for us

Alycia - posted on 08/13/2011

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I am in the same situation! They think a phone call once and awhile is enough to call themselves a parent! All I do is say as little as possible and hope he gets bored soon!

Sarah - posted on 08/13/2011

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Unfortunately, yes, he does have the legal right to ask.. At least until after a paternity test for him can be done and custody is 100% yours. In which case, he would have no LEGAL right to ask after the child or demand a visit. A lot of hoops you have to go through to prove the other parent is unfit/unsafe. I really do urge you to think deeply about whether his future involvement would be unsafe/unwise. Having their biological father involved makes a HUGE impact in the right situations.. I stress the (RIGHT) situations.. lol All in all, get the test done to prove paternity and go from there. Then he'll have NO cause to deny the child in any way. On to child support for you after that. Best of luck to you, take care and most of all, be safe.

Edna - posted on 08/12/2011

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i think you should tell him how she is doing, so at least when your daughter is old enough to ask about him you can say you did everything you could to have him in her life and it's then up to him to explain where the hell he's been, and make sure you don't slag him off in fornt of her either it will only make you out to be the baddy.

[deleted account]

That may be true, Jessie, but if it goes to court... many mothers don't have the CHOICE to try and protect their kids from that cuz the court WILL grant the deadbeat dad visitation rights and withholding the kid just makes the mom look bad.... which can give the father even MORE rights... if he pursues it. Some deadbeats won't pursue it, but some will.....

Jessica - posted on 08/12/2011

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I was in the same situation to a T! He walked away when I was pregnant! I kept him informed of everything by letter and told him when he was ready to meet her I wouldn't stand in the way! I didn't receive child support till my daughter was 2 he wanted to meet her then, turns out we both grew up so much and decided to try to be together for her and it worked, Our daughter is 10 now and we have a 4 year old son. Keeping an open mind and heart counts for something, I grew up without my father around and couldn't keep that from her! many prayers!

Jessie - posted on 08/12/2011

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Victoria, the problem with a father that is in and out of a child's life is that it can hurt the child's self esteem. I've seen it happen with my best friend. Her son is 6, and his father is only around when it's convenient - the poor kid suffers for it. I agree, you shouldn't force the child or the father to visit, but you also shouldn't let it become an issue of "why does daddy not want to see me?" or "why am I not good enough for daddy?". Kids internalize these things whether we see it or not, sometimes. You child may be well-adjusted enough to handle this type of thing, but some kids aren't - just friendly advice, keep an eye on her attitude and her emotions about it. :)

Victoria - posted on 08/12/2011

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My oldest child has a different father who is similar to this. He is usually pretty good about checking up to see how she is doing and will see her once in awhile. At other times though ge will go months on end without a word. My daughter used to also want to call him regularly when she was a little younger. Now she is eight and is making the decision on her own to wait for him to reach out to her. Kids are really good at figuring out things on their own. She still loves her dad but she also understands that he's only going to be there when he feels like it. Honestly I think it's important to allow a parent and child the opportunity but not push anyone to do anything.

Rachel - posted on 08/12/2011

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If he is on the birth certificate, then he does have the right to know her and talk to her, especially if he pays child support. It's always good for a little girl to know her daddy, whether the mom likes him or not.
My husband (then-boyfriend)'s baby mom did not put his name on the birth certificate, but went after him for child support anyway. We got a DNA test, which proved he was the father and I gotta admit, I was so pissed. She did not let him see their daughter for the first year of her life, because of me.
When we finally did get to see her, at first, she was very scared. She didn't like him at all (he's a big cuddly teddy bear, but she's deadly afraid of heights and he has a tendency to play games of throwing her in the air), but she took to me and our (my husband and mine) daughter right away. After a full year of visits every other weekend, then every weekend, she came to love us both. Then her mother decided to move to Maine this past summer.
Whatever you decide, it's ultimately your decision. But he does have the right to know.

Jessie - posted on 08/12/2011

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First of all, how old is your child? Is contact with the father going to benefit or harm your child? If the father is not a bad person (despite the way he treated you) and truly wants to make an effort to be in the child's life continuously (not just when it's convenient, but all the time), then give him a shot. If your child is under 5, it's going to be easier for her to adapt to this new person in her life. My daughter is now almost 12, and her father has never wanted anything to do with her (his loss, she's a great kid) - but when she was 9 and they finally tracked him down for child support, he tracked me down and said he wanted visitation (which was probably a lie, as he is NOT really a good person). I said okay at first, but when I got off the phone with him I realized that I would never let it happen. He abandoned his child for 9 years and didn't even attempt to contact me about her, he's STILL not a good role model for my kid, and I don't think at this age she's going to want anything to do with him. There's no benefit in it for her. She's got tons of wonderful male role models, including her 2 uncles, great uncle, and grandpa. She doesn't need a deadbeat dad in her life.
If you feel your daughter's father has something positive to offer her, then it may be in your daughter's best interest to let him be a part of her life. But, let him know that if he's going to be a dad, he's in it for the long haul and not just when he feels like it.

Lin - posted on 08/12/2011

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If he has no legal rights and you do not want to pursue child support from him, then cut him out. It seems pretty clear to me that you gave him the opportunity and he has not chosen to take responsibility and care for developing a relationship with his child.



And don't worry about his "ugly girlfriend" - you can be better than the stereotypical baby mama and you have enough going on to worry about him and what he does - he has family/friends that he supports that can do the worrying.

Keri - posted on 08/11/2011

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I know of or heard of a lot of guys who didn't want anything to do with the pregnancy or othe child, but eventually realized what they missed and 'want it back.' If you think he is sincere, start allowing him to have contact - on your terms. Reality check: it's kind of immature to call his girlfriend ugly.

Amy - posted on 08/11/2011

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slowly give him a shot. a friend of mine is going through the same thing with her son's "donor". he didn't want anything to do with him until recently. son is 12 now. she set up an email just to email him. he is paying child support finally but hasn't contacted her again after the initial. With him trying to contact you, give him a chance. shield her depending on her age. Use your head and your heart together. If you think it is a bad idea, then don't do it. but also remember, every child has a right to know who their dad is at some point in life. She will ask when she is old enough. Unfortunately, that age seems to be coming younger and younger because kids are talking about it in early years of school.

Good Luck. You will do what is best.

[deleted account]

I've been in your shoes and shielded my daughter from all the crap her father was putting me through. A few years back I told her that her father wanted to get to know her and she wrote him a lovely email to him. Did he reply?? No WAY!!!! and then he had the cheek to send me a message telling me I was stopping his daughter from seeing him.

My daughter has never met her father and I doubt she has any intention of now. You do what is best for your little one, go with your gut instinct. Shield her as much as you can, make him prove himself to you. Set him small challenges, I asked my ex to keep in contact for 6 months before I would think about bringing my daughter into the equation. He started off well, we got weekly emails and then nothing. xx

Marilyn - posted on 08/11/2011

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I can in a way, relate. My son's biological father denied him from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I gave him the option to be in his life or not. He chose not to. Therefore, I didn't list him on the birth certificate (so LEGALLY, he has absolutely no rights). When my son was about six months old...he used a friend's facebook account to contact me and asked about MY son and that now "he was ready to be a father." I simply replied, "my son has a daddy." During my pregnancy, my best friend from high school and I started dating and he's been raising OUR son ever since. And in a few weeks the adoption process will be finalized and my husband will become the listed father on the birth certificate. My son will never know that his daddy isn't biologically his father. NO NEED to confuse my son or have him feel as if he wasn't good enough or wanted.
So the question is, does you baby's father give child support? Is he on the birth certificate as her father? If he is listed and doesn't pay child support, you can petition to have his rights terminated. If he's not listed, then he has NO rights LEGALLY.

Cynethia - posted on 08/11/2011

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You have to seperate your relationship with him and His relationship with his daughter. What we want is for our kids to grow up with a father that cares about her. What you should do is first, begin to get over him. His decisions on who to help and what to do (though they may be wrong or stupid) are his desicions. Just like you choose to be a great mom & he choose to be an @$$ (For lack of a better word) Dont take your anger out for him on the child. If he asks about her tell him about her and if he wants to see her, unless there is a threat of violence or your fearful let him. but in the meantime, only talk to him about the child. Once, you get over him, you'll be able to have a friendship/partnership with him. But you have to get your feelings in order first.

Look at it this way: you two are buisness partners, at the last minute, he walked away from the table. You contined on with the deal and your happy. Now, he wants information on it OR maybe even to help with the deal. It would be easy SO easy to say, NOPE you walked away you stay away. BUT it is MORE beneficial for the DEAL if you both can work as partners. ... I hope that made sense. And I pray it all works out!

[deleted account]

It shouldn't be about his rights (though he DOES have them unless/until a court removes them). It's about your daughter's rights and she has a right to any chance at a relationship w/ her father UNLESS he is proven unfit in court. It's up to him to make that relationship happen, but if he's calling about her.. that's at least SOMETHING and it's not your place to stand in the way of that.... unless, like I said, he's abusive, etc.....

Being a deadbeat isn't enough to remove a father's rights IF he is making some contact.,,,, which he is.

Sorry... I know it sucks.

Kristina - posted on 08/10/2011

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if he is showing interest thats a good thing in time he will come around and b there for her. he should know about her and how she is doing even have some pictures. it took my dad my whole life to come into mine but there was alot of bad issues and it was the right thing to do. but he saw me once in a while when i was lil and has a few pictures of me. it feel it is wrong for him to care for another womans kids even if it is his gf kids. he should step up and be a man and help take care of his daughter. i totally understand how u feel i have 3 kids and my first has a different father whom has nothing to do with her. i will always care about him but it has been better for him to stay away. we always hold a piece of our heart for the men we have loved truely.
i hope thing work out for you the best of luck

Angela - posted on 08/10/2011

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I think he has every right to know! He might not see her but just keep it going on she is doing great or what not! Encourage him to see her! Keep your feelings out of all convos if you dont plan on letting him back! Good luck its hard I know!

[deleted account]

That's an awful position to be in =( I guess it's a case of deciding what's best for your daughter. If he's not going to make the effort it might be best to say it will be up to her when she's older sort of thing.

RedNeckMaMa - posted on 08/10/2011

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He says he wants to but never wants to make time. its killing me cus he rather spend time with his twins then see my lil girl

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