Should my husband obsessed about the house being clean?

Rhonda - posted on 03/14/2012 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Well i think he is!!! I forget to do something and he says "why is this not put away". Is it just me or is he not patient? We have two kids one five the other nine months. With a baby its sometimes hard to do things. What can i do to tell my husband to calm down!? Lol

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Jenni - posted on 03/15/2012

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Oh boy, my situation is the other way around... I'm always after my husband to put stuff away when he's done with it. If I weren't around his place would look like his bachelor pad before we got a place together. And that IS a scary thought. He's definitely spoiled by his mom, she did everything for him. BUT he's gotten so much better in the last few years. And he never complained if I didn't get everything done. If he knew what was good for him! (kidding)



So yeah, if he worked from home and had time to nap and such. It would be me who's after him to help out around the house. Suggestion: Turn that table around!



The way I see balance is that if one partner is busy, the other one should be busy and we take our downtime together (for the most part). Course there's exceptions. But downtime should be relatively equal.

Kelly - posted on 03/21/2012

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He either needs to stop napping or stop complaining!! He needs to pull his weight around the house too. I know plenty of SAHM's who also WORK from home. If they can handle work, children, and house work then you husband can pitch in too. As for this maid businees... I would question why he feels the need to talk to other women on FB when he has a wife in the hospital?? Again, if he has time to talk to other women on FB then he has time to help you clean. There are plenty of cleaning services IN YOUR CITY/STATE/COUNTRY that will send someone over as often as you want them to clean. There is no need for a foreign 'live in' when you are both home all day.

Kimberly - posted on 03/18/2012

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Go on strike and dont clean anything for a week! When he asks WTF you respond "I AM NOT A MAID!" I once left a bowl on the counter for a week and refused to wash it! My husband got the point! I dont play any games with their unrealistic expectations!

Stifler's - posted on 03/18/2012

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Maybe he just thinks you'd like having someone to help out. I wish we had a cleaning lady.

Nikki - posted on 03/16/2012

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Omg, my ex husband was that way.. I swear he acted like i sat around all day eating chocolates... Everything had its place and there couldn't be a single fuzzy on the rug when he got home... Notice I said ex-husband..... I am a grown woman. I clean. I take care of my child. If he's upset about something being out... Tell him he can put it away just like you can. Lol. Stand up for yourself, you're a wife, a mom, a woman.... Not a maid.

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Rhonda - posted on 12/10/2012

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If I walked around and took a video of the house right now you would see nothing, if anything all his garbage, lol.

Mary - posted on 12/08/2012

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I have been in this situation, kids, working and house work and ended up doing a 12 to 14 hour day and what for to have a man doing 8 hrs complaining how tired he was and then saying why is'nt this or that done tell him if he wants it done to do it himself, but don't do it yourself your not a maid or slave are you.

Mary

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/12/2012

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Im with Emma. If it bothers him so much ask him if he can help out!OR, if he can have someone (Maid Service) come over two or three times a week to help out.

Amohia - posted on 03/20/2012

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Don't let him get away with it! I would not dream of saying something like that (I am a Dad). If he has time to sleep then he should be cleaning it up himself. Don't let him boss you around, he sounds like a prick to be honest.

Audra - posted on 03/19/2012

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When he asks "why is this not put away?" ask yourself 'who left it out?' If it's something HE left out, then tell him "Because you didn't put it away." If he wants to be obsessed about the house being clean, then he had better be as obsessed about putting away EVERYTHING he takes off and gets out. If he doesn't clean up after himself, he doesn't get to complain :). If it's something you left out, then tell him "I'll clean it up if you'll manage the kids while I do." It's unreasonable to expect everything to be in its place with two young kids. It's impossible to manage them AND clean at the same time. Multi-tasking does not exist...you cannot do two things at the exact same time. You can do a little of this, and a little of that, back and forth, back and forth...that's as good as it gets. When you are talking about a five-year-old and a nine-month-old, they make their OWN messes. If he wants to pay someone to come and clean your house, tell him FINE. But YOU'RE hiring...not him. You're the one who has to work with them...you should be the one to make the final decision. Something tells me it won't solve the problem, unless he'd also like to pay for a second house for you and the kids to live in ;).

Mandee - posted on 03/18/2012

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He would not survive in our house. I have 4 kids, and another on the way. The 6 year old is developmentally 18-24 months, and is likely to stay that way, and our youngest is 18 months. Since most 18-24 month olds don't clean up after themselves, so our house is always a disaster. however, there is a difference between a lived in kid friendly house and living in a mess. If my husband wanted look for someone else to clean because he thinks it isn't clean enough, I'd go on strike for a good week or so and he would learn really quick that its not as easy as it looks.



Also, in my opinion, being in the house working with the kids at home is not the same as being home all day watching them. Until he had been home all day for several days in a row and took care of the kids himself, and kept it spotless, then he has room to talk.



now, if he was doing it because he thought you could use some help, that is nice of him, but probably would be better received if he asked first.

Hope - posted on 03/18/2012

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wow. It annoys and amazes me that too many men are not actually acting like men and helping out their families when they need it. Your marriage is a partnership. If you are busy with the kids then he should be willing to help out with the cleaning too- never mind what he does. He had the kids too and lives at home, so he is responsible to help out too. I don't care if he works a full time job and you have a full time job at home. If he is controlling, which it sounds that way, you might want to talk with a marriage counsellor. If he is yelling at you- or emotionally/ physically abusive you need to get out and get help.

Rhonda - posted on 03/18/2012

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He works at home doing stocks, so he is here every time of the day. I keep telling him we have a 5 year old that loves to make messes, and a 10 month old, so it gets a little hectic around here,lol. It just makes me upset that he looked for someone to clean the house from lithuiania! By the way when he was looking i was in the hospitital in labor! Well i was prolly sleeping but jeesh! Or was it after, i dont know but either way he looked while i was in the hospital. How can i clean the house when im having a baby. Lol wish i had magical powers, lol.

Stifler's - posted on 03/18/2012

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Is he at work a lot? If he is it's likely that he doesn't understand that the second you put everything away and clean the house the kids pull something else out. Or if he is not the one to clean up everything then it's easy to get up someone else about it instead of picking things up yourself. Damian used to complain a lot until he got it that Logan is a monster.

Rhonda - posted on 03/16/2012

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Funny thing is he wanted to hire a house cleaning lady from lithuania! Where would she stay? Lol he actually talked to them on facebook ( which i absolutley hate) but sersiously sorry but my house is cleaner than my moms, sisters, brother. I pick EVERYTHING up cuz of our baby. Ridiculous!!

Kelina - posted on 03/16/2012

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I think it depends. I'm like that with my hubby but only with certain things. I'd love it if he took the five seconds to put something away so I'm not spending all day picking up his crap. I finally started refusing to do laundry that was not in the hamper and lo adn behold he started remembering to put it away cause he wanted clean work clothes! I still pick up all his dishes and stuff, but he's getting better about remembering to put away his tools. Also one reason I do get after my husband for some things is that if he doesn't do it right away he will forget and it will get left there for days. Or things will build up and build up and build up. I always laugh when he says, I haven't had time to do it! Oh really? you didn't have time when you were watching tv? or playing video games? Or reading your book?

September - posted on 03/16/2012

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Tell him to put that crap away himself! Are his arms broken?? I mean come on now he should be helping out around the house as well and if he's not then he should hush up and let you get to it when you can!

Ciara - posted on 03/16/2012

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to be honest if my husband wer to act or behave lik that i would simply tell him to bloody wel do it himself...sorry but if u are dealing with the kids some things are goin to take a backseat like house work and if annoys him that much dont point out needs to be done just do it...

Betty - posted on 03/16/2012

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lol, I also have two kids, one 5 and the other 8 months. my hubby used to be the same way, but after 6 years together I have taught him that their are better things to bitch about then why things wern't put away and what not. so yes he vaccumes and cleans every now and then.

Yurena - posted on 03/16/2012

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Mine wouldn't dare cos he doesn't do anything at home and I take care of the kids ALL THE TIME, DAY AND NIGHT. If it is your situation then, as nice as you can, tell him, love you've got 2 good hands not only eyes, so please, help would be more than welcome. If you are doing as well as you can then he shouldn't be demanding but, at least understanding if not helpful. He can take the kids out for a bit for you to finish chores, or treat you all to a homemade meal (or out if you can affor it), but to sum up, a marriage is a partnership, just because he may work out it doesn't mean that every task at home, on top of kids, is yours to fullfil, you are probably are smaller and physically 'weaker', don't they love thinking they are so strong? I would love to see them delivering a flippin' baby! xxx

Jenni - posted on 03/15/2012

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At first I thought this post was going to be about your husband being a clean freak and that he was the one cleaning the house. I was thinking... WIN! ;)



If his standards are abnormally high, he can do it himself... his way. I'm a bit obsessive myself. And although I am prone to nagging a wee bit. I've tried to loosen up a bit and realize that's my problem, not my family's. I need to remind myself to have realistic expectations.

Rhonda - posted on 03/14/2012

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Its atcually nice when he takes a nap, time to myself, lol. No i only have two kids, not three lol.

Medic - posted on 03/14/2012

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I would leave shit out everywhere and when he bitched I would tell him because he is too damn lazy to help out.

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So you actually have three children not two. Next time he asks you why it's not done tell him because he took a nap and didn't do it first.

Rhonda - posted on 03/14/2012

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He works from home, lol so hes with the kids all the time, takes naps everyday, so thats when i get things done, lol. He WILL NOT EVER understand i think.

Sharonica - posted on 03/14/2012

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Has he stayed home with the kids alone for five hours at a time? If he hasn't then he can't judge. Unless he walks A MILE IN YOUR SHOES, he has no clue. Leave him alone with the kids for a few hours one day. If baby is nursed, pump your boobs so he has milk. If baby's on formula, he can read the directions. Don't answer the phone. And the house better be clean when I get back. lol Good Luck.

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