Shouldn't fathers be in the delivery room?

Cassandra - posted on 08/26/2009

I agree with you.. your husband should be there.. my husband had one thing he told me.. he didnt want to look down there whatsoever... but he and the nurse almost delivered my daughter and when the dr did come he watched everything.... My husband will be there for our sons birth in dec. i lost alot of blood and blacked out so my husband had to take care of our daughter tillt hey could stabalize me and i finally got to hold her when she was 12 hours old.. by that time he had fed her a few bottles and changed a few diapers and he said it was wonderful bc when she opened her eyes he was the first person she saw... and he said he never fell in love so fast in his life.. he has a great bonding experience with her:).. and hes already ready to eb cussed out again in dec:).. hahaha

Robbyn - posted on 08/26/2009

He should be there.
My husband and I didn't interact much during my labor because I just wanted to be left alone, but he "caught" our son. He was nervous about doing it at first, but when Silas came out, DH just about hip-checked the midwife to get there first. His face was the first our baby saw, and my husband still talks about how amazing that feeling was, 6 months later.

Stefanie - posted on 08/26/2009

Well, if you would punch him or scream at him then I would agree with him. He shouldn't have to go through that abuse. But if you are in control and loving then I agree that it would be nice to have him there but I would never pressure my husband to do something that made him uncomfortable. It would only lead to resentment.
I would tell him how much it would mean to you to have him there and then let him decide and accept whatever decision he makes with grace (in other words, don't attempt to manipulate him with guilt, anger, tears, etc.).

Cheryl - posted on 08/26/2009

Good luck, Im sure things will work out awsome :D

Cheryl - posted on 08/26/2009

I agree. Having that extra support makes all the difference! I felt connected to him in a special because we shared that together. If I had any doubts about how things would go they all went out the window, I knew my baby girl had a good dad. I never thought for a minute "God I can't do this" because he kept saying "Good job" and things like that. Its just nice to have him there.

Nadine - posted on 08/26/2009

My husband didnt want to at first either but then when I decided I wasnt going to have anyone else there and some nagging from his sister in law he decided to do it. I never screamed or yelled or even hurt his hand the drugs took care of the pain and he was glad he did after the fact. He is also now regretting that he didnt cut the cord.

Cindy - posted on 08/26/2009

He should be in there! When I had my baby I was so glad my husband was there. He needs to support you! He should be there when you need him! Does he expect you to be there for him when he needs you? Seeing a baby born is a miracle that both parents need to be a part of. My husband told me that he didn't want to see all the blood and stuff so he was just going to stay by my head but then our baby was born and it was so amazing! My husband even cut the cord even though he said he didn't want to because he would pass out. Bottom line, Yes, he should be there!

Tabathia - posted on 08/26/2009

ummm yeah tell him to grow a pair and be in the room...I mean you are the one who is doing all the work. He needs to understand that sometimes just standing in the same room helps so much.

Samantha - posted on 08/26/2009

Your husband should be there. My fiance is like a child sometimes and he refuses to grow up. However, before he witnessed the birth of our child, it was much worse. Granted I still feel like strangling him sometimes but that's to be expected in any relationship. Witnessing the birth helps them realize how much you go through to have a baby. It helps them realize that the baby is more important then their own selfish desires. Not to mention it really helps to have someone w/you for support. And I think that the TV and some people's horror stories is what freaks them out the most. They all seem to think that they are going to wind up w/a broken hand or have a ringing sound in their ears from us yelling. Although I myself didn't yell at all or break any bones. I was too busy crying my eyes out. The most I did was squeeze his hand and it wasn't even that hard. I just wanted to be held and comforted. So tell your husband to man up because sitting in the delivery room is not nearly as bad as he thinks and you have to do the hard part so the least he can do is be there for you.

Kristin - posted on 08/26/2009

he doesn't even have to watch the baby come out!!!!! sit up right by my head, hold my hand. be in the room is all i ask and he still refuses. like, c'mon, can you not suck up your uncomfortableness (i don't even think thats a word lol) and be in there for the birth! he's making the excuse that his grandfather and his great-grandfather weren't in the room when their babies were being born...but HELLO!!!! back in those days, dad's weren't allowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now they are! I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he has a son from a previous relationship...he didn't even know he had a son til 1 year after...and my daughters father wanted nothing to do with her. Our youngest son, my hubby couldn't be there because of Basic Training...so he had an excuse...but now that he's here.....or lets hope that the next baby we have, he's here...he doesn't want to. i mean, is it so hard to be strong for your spouse and be there????? really?? is it so much to ask??????

Megan - posted on 08/26/2009

lol basic training and hes grossed out by delivery?! I guess training to kill someone is easier than birth! lol



I think its important enough to be there, unless he has a phobia or something. its great support for you and he would miss out on being able to hold the child right after he/she is cleaned up.



I would tell him if he can do basic training its not that much harder than that, I mean whats the worst that can happen that would totally forever scar him.

Kortnie - posted on 08/26/2009

I say the father should definitley be in the delivery room with you. My husband was there with me for the birth of our two, no questions asked. He HATES blood and is very sqeamish. He even passes out when he gets his blood drawn. But he was totally fine when it came to seeing the birth of our children. He even cut the cord. I want 2 more, and if for any reason he decided to not be in the delivery room with me,I would seriously be kicking some butt. Him not wanting to get punched in the face is a bad excuse.

Tamika - posted on 08/26/2009

In my opinon, he should be in the delivery room, but, if he is not that does not mean he does not love you or the baby. Some men are not comfortable with seeing their partners in that kind of pain, and some men lose attration watching their partners give birth. If he was not there for the first bith then what difference does it make if he is not there for the second? The end result is still the same, and everybody was not put in a position that makes them uncomfortable.



Labor is a stressful time and if you will be worried about him having to be scraped of the floor becuase he fainted, how are you supposed to focus on what you need to do? Just cuz he is a military man does not mean he has a strong stomach.



I have seen 3 military men eat the hospital floor while their babies were being born. One because of the blood, the second beacuse watching his wife in so much pain made him sick to is stomach, and the third because his wife punched him in the face because he as helping too much, whatever that means.



My suggestion is, if you both want another baby met each other half way on this issue, allow him to stay in the waiting room until its time for you to push. That way he does not have to see you in pain, but he can still witness the birth. Thats a win win if I ever saw one.

Kristin - posted on 08/26/2009

I'm seriously gonna have him read all of your responses. I agree with what each of you are saying and I don't think he really realizes how badly I would need for him to be in there....when we have one of course ;). please keep up with the responses, because it's all part of convincing him.

thank you all!!!

Brandy - posted on 08/26/2009

I think she should be in there b/c he's a part of the baby.
My husband was in there with me, but I had no choice but to have a C-section
my son was breech and was so long that there was no way the doc. could turn him and he didn't have enough room to turn on his own.
But personally I think he should suck it up and deal with it, his role is to support you and be there for you, b/c he (ofcourse I hope nothing does go wrong) would not forgive himself if something went wrong and he wasn't there.

Kristin - posted on 08/26/2009

I'm so glad to hear from all of you saying he SHOULD :) it's easing my heart to know that i'm not over-thinking this situation.

after i told him that i didn't want to have another baby til he agreed to be in there with me, he became a little distraught and told me that "that wasn't fair" to him. I turned it back around on him and said that it wasn't fair to me for him to not be in there, holding my hand and being there with me during the birth. men talk so much about not being afraid of anything, and in my husbands case, his only fear is FAILURE. well, think about it...if he's not in there...he failed me, because he didn't want to be strong enough to take in such an extravagant moment!

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 08/26/2009

Um YES he should be there. You don't want to be surrounded by strangers when you are in that situation. For me, my husband and mom were there. My mom (who's a nurse) was coaching me and my husband was being very positive and just his touch felt wonderful to me. My husband also watched the whole thing and thought it was so amazing (he also wasn't sure how he felt about being in the room). I know that he would not trade that day for anything. It does take two and he needs to be there to support you and help you through!

Whitney - posted on 08/26/2009

Butter it up. Tell him something like "How sweet would it be to tell the baby we planned to have it, and we were there from the very start of their life and will always be there for them." my ex was in the room with me and almost fainted :) But he made it through and I think he was happy to share that with me. I didn't punch him, I grabbed the bed rails. he didn't like seeing me in pain, but tell him...you're going to be in pain if he is in there or not, but it would make you feel better if he were there to help you through those pains.

personal opinion, I think he should be in there. even when the baby is covered in everything, it is still your child. The love and emotions will more than likely take over and he'll be so excited to finally see the baby he won't be thinking about that. Tell him you want him to cut the cord...lol. just keep reeling him in.

Abigail - posted on 08/26/2009

My husband was in there with me [he was so excited it about it] and I'm glad he was because I really don't think I would have been able to get through it without his support. Tell him if he doesn't want to see it that he doesn't need to look down. Just tell him to stand by your head and hold your hand.

Sara - posted on 08/26/2009

I agree with you! I needed my husband there. Men seem to have this irrational fear that we're going to grab their balls in the throws of a contraction and yell at them for doing this to us...they've seen too many movies. Seeing the birth of your child is a beautiful and bonding thing...he needs to be there for you and the baby.