Sick of the in-laws, HELP!

Kimberly - posted on 12/02/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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How can I nicely tell my in-laws and Grandmother in-law to back off and listen to me?
We just spend a week with my in-laws entire family and i about lost it 50 times. My fiance's grandmother would not listen to me with anything I was telling her in regards to my daughter and her schedule.
I would say it was too early for my daughter to go to bed and she would say No it's not, it's fine and go lay her down anyway.... I would say it's not time for my daughter to eat and she would go and feed her anyway... EVERYTHING went like that, even down to changing her diaper when it wasn't necessary...
My father in-law would give her things i would tell him i didn't want her to have and say it was okay... it was driving me crazy and they do it every time i see them.
How can i politely tell them to KNOCK IT OFF?? i brought it up to my fiance and he just laughed it off and said i was imagining it all happening!
I'm at a loss, i don't know what to do, and we are going to be spending a few days with them in 2 weeks and i don't want to go through the same thing again!
HELP!

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8 Comments

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Franshell - posted on 12/12/2010

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oh boy! this is a never ending story! lol my sisters in law and mother in law dont seem to agree with what I say regarding my daughter... the "your a bad mom" ,"thats not the way its done" and "you dont know what your doing" comments are never left behind! yet it simply took ONE spazz out so they would understand that I AM THE ONE IN CHARGE! lol.. I lack patience with it comes to other adults and dont tolerate b.s when it comes to my child and though I could have easily rephrase what I wanted to get across their head I didnt! it only took me a simply " Either things go according to MY plan or I will not leave MY daughter unattended with anyone from YOUR family!" Hope your not as mean! :) Good Luck!

Angie - posted on 12/12/2010

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That's when I say "You do it my way or you won't see the baby anymore." Plain and simple. Works on my parents like a charm.

Ashlea - posted on 12/12/2010

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Tell them to shove it! Your children are YOUR children not theirs. They did not birth them. I'm not very nice when it comes to things like that when it comes to my daughter.

Alycia - posted on 12/02/2010

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I'm so sorry, but I'm going to say the opposite of everyone else's comments. My inlaws HATE me... its because they think I'm such a "snob" in regard to my kids... God forbid I didn't want my newborn on a carpet I JUST watched them hose in bug killer... and yea I'm a "snob" for that, but that's another topic...



If it's not anything that will hurt her I say, deal with it. I mean if you speak up they'll hold it against you and the holidays will be a pain. Yes it will rock her schedule a bit, but so does everything else about the holidays, so I say let them.



If you speak up I believe it'll cause more problems than it'll solve, and truthfully they've been pretty good about ignoring your wants and wishes for her already, so there is no real reason to think they'll change that. My best advice is to start coming up with excuses. She can't go to bed yet because... and fill in the blank with a bath, a story, or anything else that will hold it off, ditto for the rest of it.



Sorry I'm so negative. me, my husband and my inlaws have been fighting this for YEARS



Obviously I put my foot down when it's really important like anything that could actually hurt one of them, and then if I have to I remove my child from their arms or sight to make the point, but what happens at grandma stays at grandmas, and because I know they don't respect how I take care of them. I won't allow them to babysit. I'm hoping that will make it's point one day

Sarah - posted on 12/02/2010

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They don't mind telling you how to do everything, so based on that just tell them exactly how you feel...put some boundaries. They already got to raise their kids the way they wanted. I have learned that sometimes "blood runs thicker then water" lol. Rarely, has my husband ever stood up to his mother...he doesn't like dealing with the drama. One thing that really helps a lot in dealing with in laws is not spending the night at their house. Hope it all works out for you...You are the mother, and you can raise your child the way you want to :)

Brandi - posted on 12/02/2010

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All I can say is GOOD LUCK!! It's very hard to be around family that dont understand your way of doing things, When my daughter was younger my mother watched her while my husband and I both worked, She had a iron deficiency and was on medication and needed a specail diet. To make it as easy as possible for my mother we would make up her meals and put dates and breakfast, lunch etc.. labels on them and come home to find that she was given a peanut butter sandwich for lunch instead of what we had made up this went on for quite sometime despite me talking to her and telling her this is what she needs she cant have certain thing and with her medication bc it would make her sick. Eventually we decided I would work night and my husband days so we could make sure it was taken care of properly. We deal with this at all holidays and family functions since our daughters are not allowed to play violent video games, watch certain tv shows and things like that bc in my opinion its not age appropriate for my 3 and 6 yr old... I find it very difficult to explain why we do things this way when other family members have kids at the same age and they allow it, with out being offensive to family. I would have serious talk with you guy and let him know this is not a joke its not right and his family should have enough respect for you and him to step back and let you do it your way. Sometime unfortunately it takes getting a little snippy with some people for them to get it!

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hahaha when you figure that out....let me know....my father in law did the same shit.. pissed me off. We are raw food vegans....she doesn't eat butter or wheat and he gave her a biscuit, a white flour one at that with butter on it. I wanted to lose my mind. Apparently im a bad person because i wouldn't give my daughter who was 7months old at the time whipped cream....i don't know how many times i need to say shes vegan and besides that....you dont give a baby sugar!!! thats obesity waiting to happen.

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2010

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I think that you will have to explain to them that she has a tight schedule!That you do not want to break it because when you go back home it is not easy to bring her back to the schedule she has at home!You are the parents, you know what you want and if they can`t understand it, they will not be able to take care of her!

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