Single Mom Depression..How to get out of it?

Candice - posted on 04/28/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am 23, beautiful, smart, funny, educated, independent..and a mother of 2 little girls. I have been divorced for 2 years next month and I still haven't found anyone worth even introducing my girls to. I have alot of things going for me that I know if I wasn't a mom, it would be different. I often get lonely just doing my routine and acting happy on the outside. Lately I have opened up and told my closest friends and family that I am depressed. So many things have happened since last winter that I don't know what to do anymore and often I feel like just giving up. I cry all the time, I can't seem to get my house in order, and when I am in public I feel like a fraud..just smiling so people can't see. I need some advice on how to get over my funk. I live in a small town and I know everyone already. What are some activities to occupy my time? How do I reconnect with myself?

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LASHA - posted on 05/09/2010

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i was just going threw the same thing find you a close friend that is willing to listen instead of talk you definetly need to get out what you are feeling try to keep your self busy as possible i get up early every day get my kids clothes on and get out of the house. do you work out i go to the gym every day for atleast an hour after i get out of class it really helps release alot of tension keeping busy wont make the problem go away but it will help you deal with it a little better .its a ruff situation jus be strong and remember you got a wonderful child that needs you good luck...

Leta - posted on 05/08/2010

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I have a close friend that i can talk to about anything and when i feel the way u do i call him! He is a truck driver so he is up a lot of times when i need to talk without him i dont think i could have made it this far! Another thing is i have a book i write things down in and it helps me out a lot cuz none of my feelings are hurting anyone elses if i just write them down sometimes i will break down and cry but i tell myself that its all gonna work out somehow someway even if i cant see it at the moment and it helps me push on! Good luck!

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Rebecca - posted on 05/09/2010

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Someone explained depression to me once as you've been sad for so long your body just forgets how to make you happy. There's no shame in taking medication to get out of that stuck point if you need to. It's also worth having a blood test to see if you're low in vitamins, especially vit d which is linked to seritonin production. Exercise helps, spoiling yourself or even just a big belly laugh to help your body remember again... What things make you happy? Love yourself as much as you can so you can keep loving your beautiful girls and being the wonderful mummy you are. Good luck
p.s. I've only got one little girl and its an impossible task at times to keep my house from looking like a bomb site and you've got two!

Ashley - posted on 05/07/2010

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Hello Candice!! I will be 27 in a month....I am the mother of a 6 year old....i have been divorced for 5 years and still am in the same situation as you!! Depression happens when your a single mom doin it ALL on your on. i am the same as you beautiful smart went to university and am very independent! You just gotta keep telling yourself it will get better it wont always be that way i am still not married but my daughter knows she is loved thats all that matters to me.....i lived in a small town up until about a year ago then moved away only about 30 mins but it was away and it has given me a chance to meet new people!!! Keep your head up and you will be just fine!!!

Brandi - posted on 05/07/2010

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what i do when i feel down or depressed is to try and focus on the good things in my life i know being a single mom can be lonley but you will get through it i promise try and focus how your kids make you feel when you see them smile or laugh or watching them play and take the joy you feel with them and focus on that feeling it will work on the days that are really depressing seeing your kids happy and smiling just might be enuff hun i know it is for me well good luck hun i would also talk to your doc to and see how thry can help ass well but i think just using that strategy alone should work

Cat - posted on 05/07/2010

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When i find myself having no clue who i am or where i'm going in life i buy a coupld notebooks and write seperate volumes for where i've been. I write one with happy moments like birthdays and graduations etc and one with pi$$ed off moments and one with sad moments and one with funny moments or favorite jokes, sometimes i sit and write out all the names of all the people i've ever connected with on one page each and then go back and write in the most vivid or most happy moments. When all is said and done i generally have far more good and positive moments then i realized, find the lessons in some of the bad and find humor in some of the p.o.ed moments. Also helps remind me where i thought i'd be going with things and help me reevalute how reasonable that was, if its still a dream or new aspirations arise. I wish you well!! Good luck! Maybe reconnecting with an old mentor or trustworthy person from childhood or adalescence would help. oxxo

Cassandra - posted on 04/28/2010

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when i was younger i was involved in a youth group and one of our biggest successes we've ever had is an activity called if you really knew me. it may sound a little ridiculous at first but it has definately helped me get through a lot of things in my life. I have never really been the type to open up to anyone so for as long as i can remember i kept everything inside and it would stay there building up. the activity is simple yet difficult at the same time. you can sit with a few of your closest friends, one friend, a faily memeber, or even a diary and you write or say if you really knew me you'd know....... and fill in the blank.
for example: if you really knew me you'd know that I am pregnant with my first child and it was unplanned and I have never felt this scared in my entire life.
if you really knew me you'd know that my dream is to become a doctor someday and everyday it feels like my dreams are slipping further away.
if you really knew me you'd know that my fiance and the baby's father is amazing but he drives me insane sometimes
if you really knew me you'd know that on may 5th i have a meeting with a specialist because my blood tests came back "a little off" for down syndrome. and every night i pray that everything will be okay and that i can make it through anything.

if you feel comfortable enough im always here to listen and/or participate in this activity. it feels much better to get things off yoru chest and you will see that the more you do it the more honest you are with yourself and it helps when you know that you are not alone in how you are feeling there are others that feel the same if not similar.

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they will try putting you on pills, no!! bad isea. they are nothing but trouble and you dont even need pills for it. everyone gets depressed or goes thru depression, some just lack the mental strength to bounce back.
i also have battled depression and still do according to dr.s. but find a depression counselor. one who deals mainly with depression. you dont need pills or anything like they say. like you i cry alot. still do and idk why half the time. find someone you can talk to and trust, have a controlled breakdown and just get it all out, it makes you feel better. well it did me, now i cry alot less. i just had so much built up i needed to get it out. also being outside. 10 minutes of direct sunlight helps. the best thing to do tho is talk to someone, find out the root of the problem and try to fix it. it will definatly help once you get to the real root. a counselor can help. a support system as well. having people just to talk to helps alot.

Tiffany - posted on 04/28/2010

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First and foremost you may want to try and find a professional to talk to, just to monitor and make sure it isnt worse than it feels. After my son was born I just kept feeling lower and lower. I know living in a small town may give this a stigma but it really does help. Some of the techniques my counselor taught me were grounding which can be done a few different ways. You can physically ground your feet into the floor, you can touch something or run your hands under water or you can think to yourself something like "this will pass" or just positive phrases. I carry a stone around with me and hold it whenever I need to bring myself out of it. Meditation works too, well deep breathing. Things like this. Try googleing "grounding techniques" this should help

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