Single mom of 1 in new relationship

Sonia - posted on 07/06/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

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I am in a new relationship and he just met my daughter. They seemed to hit it off, which I am very excited about, but now I have a bunch of "WHAT IFS" going through my mind as far as if it doesn't work out and things like that.

Any Advise?

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Michelle - posted on 07/09/2010

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Sonia, my advice is to follow your instincts. I met my husband at a rock concert on December 2, 2007. He was home on leave from a year in Korea. He came to my house and met my daughter who was 2 at the time. They sat on the couch watching TV and played. Well to make a long story short, he was due to pcs to Ft Hood Texas by the end of December. After being in Texas less than a week he was calling me for my information and had placed me and my daughter on his SGLI. Also begging me to move to Texas. Well even though I was scared I took a chance. And it was the best thing I ever did. We were married January 18, 2008, six weeks after we met. And are expecting our first baby together the end of September. Whatever will be will be, you are correct, but don't let your previous experience stop you from finding love and being happy. Good luck.

Ingrid - posted on 07/06/2010

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how old is your daughter? how long have you been going out with him?

my husband and i started dating when my son was a few months old, i worried about them having a relationship and getting attached if one day we broke up it would brea both of their hearts. My feeling though was that i was very serious about him, and if you introduced your daughter to your man you must be as well, and anything that comes up in the future should be dealt with IF it comes up. ya never know, you may end up married and a happy little family like what happened in my situation, and if not you'll have to deal with it when you have to, and maybe in the future make sure its serious before you let them meet.
hope everything works out!

Tiffany - posted on 07/07/2010

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Hey Sonia, I have been in the same situation and my daughter was on 5 mos. Now she is 3 1/2 and has grown attached to my boyfriend. Our relationship status is on and off so it makes it difficult to explain to my baby why she may not be able to see him certain times. So me saying that to say this, just be cautious of who is around your child and if he loves children and shows he cares for your child then thats cool. But know that sometimes when you have certain expectations it is possible to go awry. Good luck with that

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Gabriele - posted on 09/30/2012

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I have a very important question.. OK.. I have a 3 year old daughter, and i have a boyfriend we have been together for 2 months but have spend everyday of the 2 months together everyday as a family of 3. My daughter just does not like him.. He does anything for her.. buys her nice things,clothes, whatever she wants... She just don't like him. I have tried to sit down and talk to her about how mommy loves him and it hurts my feelings when your mean to him or don't talk to him. All she does is say mommy I'm shy or just changes the subject.. My mother and i have even tried to explain to her that it's going to be you mommy and Andrew now. I have cried, prayed, and hoped to god that she will like him someday. If she don't does that mean we have to break up? Will she ever warm up to him? I mean her daddy isn't in her life so this is the only father figure she has.. But am i over reacting? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!

Katherine - posted on 07/30/2010

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My husband and I met and we both were single parents. Our second date involved our children. At two weeks we moved in together. We knew we were everything each other wanted. You have to trust in your heart that you are making the right decision. If you feel he will be right and a good role model then there is no problem with him being in your daughter's life. It is your job to protect your baby, and it is ok to second guess yourself but do not beat yourself up over it!

Sututu - posted on 07/30/2010

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I have a twelve year old son and have been married for two ears now, my husband new about my boy right from the onset of our relationship tho they met much later but they get along very well.

Sonia - posted on 07/22/2010

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@Michelle- OMG! congrats! I am thinking the same thing is going to happen with him and I. My heart says go for it and im pressing on the gas, slowly but pressing on it.

@Kenyetta- He seems like a reat man! A southern gentleman. Living in MASS aka the place with "MASSholes" lol, i meet jerk after jerk after jerk. He seems to be really great. And since getting laid off from work shortly after we met, when he comes every other weekend from NY (or whenever) he helps us out financially with any extras we want/need.

@Vallerie and Racheal- I am hoping for the best cuz i can honestly say my heart is in this.

@EVERYONE- sorry it took me so long to get back. I stopped recieving emails saying when someone commented on my question. I have read everyones advise and greatly appreciate it. It feels nice to have a place to get great advise and meet new people/friends and have support!

Victoria - posted on 07/11/2010

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Sounds like things are going well. It is only natural to worry though. My son was 2 when I met my now soon to be husband. That was 4 years ago. When we started dating I was very protective of Joshua (my son) but let them spend time together. It was really clear that I had met a great man but I didn't want to rush things or confuse Josh. Joshua always knew him as "Matt - Mummy's friend" Things just progressed naturally and very slowly. Now they have a great relationship and Matt is terrific with him. We have a new baby now too.

Just take it one step at a time and do what feels natural for you!

Tamara - posted on 07/10/2010

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i was a single mum of a 2.5yr old when i meet my partner as far as my son new we were friends we didnt do anything in front of him the only problem we had was my partners mum she didnt want her son going out with someone that had a child but all worked out we have been together for almost 7yrs and we have 2 kids together, all i can say is take it slow when there are kids involved good luck :)

Tia - posted on 07/10/2010

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If you worry about what other people think you will never be happy or in love... I get that u want 2 protect ur daughter but dont let ur needs go rushing out the window. After my father left my mother never moved on because of the *What If's*. Follow your heart ♥ all the best xx

Kenyetta - posted on 07/10/2010

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Give it time. Don't think the worst you may drive a good man away. Reading what you wrote he sounds like a good man.

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2010

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Just take it one day at a time. My fiance and I had the same issue. He has a son from a previous relationship who just turned 3 in May. He was worried about the same thing. Our relationship moved very fast too. After 3 months together, we found out I was pregnant and having a child together. 2 months ago he proposed and I said yes. But we did sit down when I met his son after us only being together a few weeks. I expressed how I felt and he did the same. I have never been happier in life than when we got together. I knew from day 1 that it was different with him.

If its meant to be, it will all work itself out. I did make a point to make sure his son understood that I am not his mother (as I would never try to take over because she is his mother and he needs her just as much as he needs his daddy) and I have allowed him to just call me what he wants. He has recently started to call me momma every once and awhile and thats fine by me but I do try to correct him so that he just calls me by my name which he does. I am his "Manda" and no matter what he knows I love him

Angela - posted on 07/10/2010

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just take it one day at a time. my situation was lightly different in that i was mates with my boyfreind for yrs before we got together (when my son was 1yr) and he was around through some of the pregnancy and occassional weekends throughtout the 1st yr before we got together and moved in with each other.italk to him about things, communication is the key. my advice is mainly take it one step at a time and keep talking.

Anna - posted on 07/09/2010

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take it one step @ a time 4real....cause the first relationship wen it didnt go the way I wanted it 2 go I was maddd he met my child.....but every1 is different....n u'll only learn a lesson after a mistakes.....c where things go n how it will work out

Kelly - posted on 07/09/2010

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My daughter was 15months old when i introduced my partner to her. They hit it off straight away. 3years later they get on most of time everyone has they're ups and downs but they do think of eachother as 'daddy' and 'daughter' :D we have been living together 2yrs and are loving it we now have another daughter Ebony who is 14months old, and i can honestly say we're one very happy family! .. one step at a time is all you can do ... go with what u feel is right. GOOD LUCK :)

Rachel - posted on 07/09/2010

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My go to rule is(was) I don't let either(kid or new guy) get too attached or spend too much time together till I'm sure that the guys going to be in my life for a while such as if the relationship doesn't last is this some one I'll still be able to hang out with and spend time with in a friendly setting? If the answer is no then the guy only get's quality time with me until I'm more sure of the relationship

Kelly-Ann - posted on 07/09/2010

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i agree with what everyones said just take it slow :)
im also in a new relationship my son is 4 and my daughter is 6 weeks x

Ashley - posted on 07/09/2010

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I completely understand where you are coming from. My son's father and I broke up right after he was born cause of our differences and I was scared to date and expose him to someone new that wasnt "daddy". I raised him all by myself for almost 3 years without any help from his father. About a month ago, I got my own house and moved my boyfriend in. My son met him maybe 5 times before the move in and he was in love. After he met him, my son asked a million times a day where he was. I knew that sometimes things feel like they are moving so fast but honestly, it just feels good to have that helped that you were not getting before and being able to sit down for more than a minute. Like everyone else said, Take it one day at a time and dont forget to smile.

Cassandra - posted on 07/09/2010

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I am going through the same thing right now. I just left my kids dad from an 8 year relationship. Soon after I met this new guy (didn't stay single very long) and we hit it off, we are together all the time and he cares for my kids and is there for me and them. I am wondering about the what ifs also. I would go with the flow but do not let your guard down to much and just have fun. This way if things do not work out you can still be friends or end the relationship on good terms. The last thing you want is to end the relationship badly.

Rachel - posted on 07/09/2010

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Sometimes our instincts are better than what our brains tell us. Just be careful. If it ends, try for everyone's sake, to keep it friendly. Good luck and I hope it works out, sounds like you found the angelfish in the tuna ocean.

Bongiwe - posted on 07/09/2010

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i was in a similar position last year, where my boyfriend met my son i was also very worried but in a couple of weeks they were comfortable with each other, infact we stay together and he'd not been working for 2 months, we was the one loking after Owam. They love each other so much there's no getting between them. when Owam was hospitalised in May coz he had Bronco- Pnemonia my boyfriend spend the intire time in hospital by my son's bedside.

So i'd say yes go for it but don't have any expectations.

Nutan - posted on 07/09/2010

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I would say irrespective of he being good or bad, you should keep your daughter neutral to him. Its easy for us (relatively) to understand why somethings dont work out , bt with kids its not so easy.

If they start relating to a person, depending on emotionally or attaching thing with a person, n one fine day that is not part of life, they would not be able to understand.

In your daughter's benifit, I would suggest keep things neutral.Unless you both are sure n things do turn positive, do not make him a part n parcel of your life, this can affect your baby in a way that you might not be able to mend ..

Megan - posted on 07/08/2010

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well if things do go sour he might want to still be involved her in life esp if he adores her. dont worry to much ok if he's really a good guy he'll still for her when its over and might even ask if he can see her.. so take it step by step and see where things go and what kind of heart he has

Vallerie - posted on 07/08/2010

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I think no matter what those thoughts will be there. When my fiance and I started dating I got so attached to his kids and was afraid my daughter would be attached to him but things worked out. I was so worried she would be hurt if he left. But all you can really do is hope and keep things as easy as possible for her

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2010

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my daughter met my fiance almost a week after we started dating and i thought the same thing, but deep down, you must have known that somehow this guy was different because you let him meet your daughter! Just don't get caught up in the what if's because then it will cause more problems. Take things slowly between them and don't push anything. you say they hit it off, which is great because kids are always a great judge of character. congratulations on your new relationship!

Shanequia - posted on 07/08/2010

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this is one of biggest setbacks from dating since my sons dad and i are no longer together, im afraid to expose him to a "possible" because i dont think that it is a healthy environment, but i do miss dating and have a special someone. Im interested to hear how others respond as well

Soleil - posted on 07/08/2010

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Thats how I was when my now husband met my son for the first time.... but if you let fear come into the picture, it will never work out. Don't fear life, make life fear you!

Maya - posted on 07/08/2010

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I always say it is best to wait at least 6 months. 1 month is not a long time at for you to get to know someone and children get so attached quickly. I made men wait 1 year before they met my daughter. My fiance' waited longer than that. We have now been together almost 3 years and we have a beautiful 6 month old son. If they really want to be with you they will wait. Unless you know it is going to be a relationship don't introduce them to your daughter.

Anna - posted on 07/08/2010

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remember that you are setting an example for your child. as I type this she is becoming who she is going to be in the future. everything matters. be careful who you let into your life and who you introduce to your daughter. everyone she comes into contact with influences her. make sure you chose people who treat you with respect and let you be you. the people your daughter sees you surround yourself with will be type of people she surrounds herself with as she gets older. bottom line: just do the right thing, for her. Until you are married, she comes first. good luck.

Lydia - posted on 07/08/2010

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Don't start thinking the worst , just let go and be happy I was a single mother of three hansome young man and I meet a guy who was wonderful and now we are married and have a baby onthe way so there is hope .

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2010

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@Tiffany- thank you for openning up about your situation. I think if my daughter was younger like 1 (when they are still learning and few memories are made) so if it doesnt work out, she wont really remember u know? I just hope this guy doesnt do us wrong, cuz i know my heart cannot take anymore disappointment. And i do not want my daughter to feel any at all...

Alecia - posted on 07/07/2010

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i hope it all works out. i say that if uve dated before and waited for them to meet ur daughter, but u had a feeling about this guy, then i would go for it, just take it slow. to me he sounds like and amazing man and i hope he stays that way! ;) no man who wasnt serious would talk about adoption and u all being a family. only real men want that! and if she wants to call him daddy if yall get engaged or something, i would let her. my step-dad (my dad!) has been in my life since i was about 2 and i couldnt have asked for a better dad. :)

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2010

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@Sarah- I am sooo happy for you! SUcks that it had to be your Ex's best friend but we cannot help who we all in love with. Its just hard for me because my daughter is old enough to realize if someone is suddenly not around. I just dont want her to get hurt, but I have a great feeling about this guy. I just hope my feelings are right...

Sarah - posted on 07/07/2010

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i am one of the lucky ones my fiance new about my daughter because he was my ex husbands best friends and he new i was pregnant so ihe has been around my daughter for the last year it can be hard because my ex does not want my fiance around my daughter so i understand the what ifs you have

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2010

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@Kelly- AWWWW really? Thats a good man right there. I am sooo happy for her. I hope that will be him and I, but us staying together lol

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2010

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@Precious- I feel like I am taking my time, but for some reason things are going fast on their own. It is exciting and nerve rattling for me.
@Karmi- My daughter knows him by his name and as "mommy's friend". she knows who her father is and asks about him all the time (which breaks my heart). Dating someone that is not the childs father is a scarey thing. I was with mines for 3 1/2 years and when I finally started dating, it was hard cuz I have my daughter all the time. I am just lucy to be close with my grandmother and can ask her to watch her some I can have a relationship grow with us 2 at first, then bring in my daaughter. He just really wants to be a part of her life (even talkin about adopting her which i never have had a guy say before) Just hope the decisions I make are right. I dont want my daughter to get hurt...

Karmi - posted on 07/07/2010

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This has actually been a concern of mine. Ever since I had my son 16 months ago I have been terrified to be in another relationship. Because I don't want to confuse my son in thinking that is his father. But I will tell you if you are comfortable and lay down the rules or your relationship and if he respects you then he will listen and follow through. Maybe don't bring him around all the time and just let your daughter know he is a friend at first.

Kelly - posted on 07/07/2010

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Friends come and go. your daughter will learn that eventually anyway. and even if things dont work out forever, my sisters daughter spends time with her ex (not the daughters dad) because they were close and it was a long relationship. there's nothing wrong with that either.

SheNesia - posted on 07/06/2010

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Take your time and allow things to fall into place. your daughter is a prized possession and doesn't and shouldn't be caught in the middle of anything between the two of you. its good that he is there for the both of you and I commend you on the strength you have to go for it again.Just take it day by day and i wish you the best.

Sonia - posted on 07/06/2010

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@Jennifer- I know it was soon and when we went bowling together later, we talked aboutit and I let him know my concerns and feelings. he sais he undestood where I wa coming from, but this is something he wanted, and inside i wanted it too. I dont think he would be trying to take advantage of me. Hes in the army and has more going for him right now than I do since i got laid off. Im just hopin for the best. Ive dated the worse of the worse, and he seems like the best person that coulda came into our lives

Sonia - posted on 07/06/2010

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@Jennifer- I would never let he do that, especially not now, but if in the future, if the relationship lasts, if they have a talk about it and thats what SHE chooses to do, thats on her. Just wondering if i let them meet too soon. It just felt right. I dont know...

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

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be carefull tho because that isnt a long time at all just make sure your daughter knows he is a boyfriend and friend of urs no need to rush anything.....hope he a real good guy for u guys just make sure he isnt a user trying to take advantage of a good situation and people

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

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yeah thats smart & protective to have wut ifs & b careful of getting them too close too soon most relationships arent forever buit you and your babies is!!! & in my opinion wutever u do dont let ur daughter call the guy daddy... that can complicate things 4 ur child and urself!!! good luck and stay focused=)

Sonia - posted on 07/06/2010

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@Jenna- I am always saying to him "whatever happens happens", but he says it will happen.

Sonia - posted on 07/06/2010

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My daughter is 4years old, and him and I havent been dating long at all (almost a month). I have dated other guys that didn't meet my daughter until 3-4months in (if at all), but with him its different for some reason. Things with us are happening so fast, but I don't want to press the brakes.

Everything that I have ever wanted in a man, he seems to show those qualities. He even met my grandmother at same time he met my daughter over the holiday weekend (which I never do). I recently got laid off and though he is in the Army and stationed in NY, he is taking care of us. He started this before he met her and now that he has met her, he isn't trying to stop. He is even talking about us taking a trip to GA to meet his family...

Jenna - posted on 07/06/2010

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just take it one day at a time. try not to make any promises or set any expectations.

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