someones putting ideas in my partner's head about the baby.

Ash - posted on 06/15/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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Im only about 8 weeks pregnant and already somebody is putting ideas in my partners head that if we buy new baby gear then its extremely bad luck. So he gets angry at how i refuse to use items his family said we can borrow. I always had new things as a child so why would i strip my child of having such basic brand new clean items that i can later put away for another child? There are constantly half price sales that end up being cheaper then 2nd hand goods which is fantastic. Someone has also put it in his head that if we move to his parents we can save for a house deposit its driving me crazy. He works with his family so he leaves home sat avo and comes home fri avo i see him barely 24hours in the week. I have the feeling his family want to be the people that are there for him and the baby but not me since im not being asked im just being told. Only my own friends and mother understand fully that i want our own home without family (except my mums help) interfering with bringing up the baby. its my first child to be born but 2nd pregnancy.



so basicly how did any of you make your partner and his family understand?

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Rocelle - posted on 06/16/2010

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Well sometimes you cant make them understand and it really ends up coming down to him separating himself from them and being your husband or their son(sometimes). I only speak from what happened with my in-laws, my husband was there puppet did whatever they wanted believed what they believed worked were they told him to work it was horrible. Then finally he got his own job and I got pregnant. When that happened he moved in with me in my home town and from there it just became a huge power struggle with his mom and dad. They still desperately wanted to control everything and we just consistently argued about what to buy the baby, whether I should breastfeed, us moving closer to them ( we were only twenty minutes away) then finally when I had my baby his sister decided to bring a man I barely knew into my delievery room without my premission and jesse said nothing, so I realized I was gonna have to stand up to them cause he really couldnt not that he didnt want to he just physocially couldnt. I told his sister to please wait in the waiting room with her b/f cause I didnt know him and didnt want him in my delievery room they were so "affended" that they left. After that it was all my fault they dont see the kids and arent a huge part of their lifes and now because of all the drama jesse wants nothing to do with the situation anymore and refuses to go see them. I have had to just let it go and when they do come around I tend to keep my self busy making food, cleaning, playing with the kids and just in general not being in the same room long enough to have a conversation. Its unfornate it all worked out this way but sometimes to have peace in your home you have to put your foot down otherwise they will walk on you and not stop.That what I mean when I said he had to either be my husband or their son, and choose us. Also about wanting new stuff first baby you deserve that and thats why baby showers are so nice and what you dont get from there you buy, I did my daughter had everything new and I got almost everything unisex so I have reused it with my boys nothing at all wrong with that.

Karen - posted on 06/15/2010

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We lived with my husbands mom for a while and let me tell you it sucked. Yes she did help out but there was some friction also. She wanted us there at first. We helped her pay the bills too. but after a while, there was friction. Her views were a lot different than mine. For example, she thought I wasn't changing him enough. He wasn't getting any diaper rashes and I changed him every hour. She got mad and started changing him excessively. I'm talking 10 times in one hour. She could tell the second he had peed. didn't matter if she had just closed the diaper or not, she'd change him. But there was also a lot more things she didn't think I did right too. i was only 19 and it was my 1st also. But also I want to warn you that my friend went out and bought all brand new baby stuff, all the cute and exciting stuff that she wanted. She went with a jungle theme and didn't spend a lot on each piece but all together it added up to over $1,200. Anyway, when the baby came it didn't like the swing, didn't like the mobile that came with her crib, hated the bottles, even the brand name diapers she bought gave her son diaper rashes and he'd leak through within an hour (huggies). she was mad. She tried luvs too. Didn't work. She ended up selling most of it to try to buy other things he needed, or a different swing/bouncy. She sold a boucy, bought another, then ended up selling that one too cus he just didn't like it at all. Would cry every time she put him in it and wouldn't stop till she put him in his carseat. But clothes, ya can't go wrong on wanting to buy new clothes, stroller, carseat. Most of that in consignment stores do cost more than bought brand new. Those stores are crazy if they think i'm going to buy an outfit for that much when i can get it cheaper at the Carter's store. They have a lot of sales where you can get cute outfits for under $4 into toddlerhood. If you can get to one fast enough. You do need to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel even if it means calling him on his break or something. You are in a tough spot. If he doesn't want to hear what your thoughts and feelings are about this then I'd just tell him to go live with his mom and dad. You go to yours until he comes around.

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Rachael - posted on 06/20/2010

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I have never heard of that & would be equally irritated. First, they make updates & upgrades to products not only to change the appearance but also for safety. Take for instance the crib my dad used for us when we were babies is pretty neat.. it would be cool to lay my children in the same bed I laid in as a child, however, it is unsafe. the rails are too far apart.. they changed the distance between the rails because babies were getting their heads stuck & it was killing them. Not saying they are using super old stuff but come on. It's not just their way to do things.. you get to have an opinion too. After all it's your child too. Maybe you can compromise.. take a few items they want to give you & you buy the rest.. Getting hand me downs does save money which is nice bc babies are expensive. But do you research to make sure those items haven't been recalled & are in good shape. Car seats for instance should NOT be something you get as a hand me down.. it should be new bc you don't know if it's ever been dropped, in an accident, etc.

Good luck to you, that's a toughie.

Ash - posted on 06/20/2010

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wow i can barely keep up haha. getting extremely dizzy from just looking at the screens. things are slowly starting to get better...slowly. hes been cleaning the house and makes me dinner (even tho ill bring it up right away which he cleans the bucket now) it did turn out to be his mum that told him its bad luck to buy new things. if the items in their family were less then like 3 years i wouldnt mind with certain things like draws. but there has been too many kids and items are too old for my liking. i want to have the cot a purple colour hand painted with gold diamonds on it and no one has stopped to think im wayyy short so the changing tables and cots and stuff in their family is too high for me i get a stiff arm just thinking about it. i moved out of home about 4 years ago so we have our own 2bdrm apartment we turned one room into a lounge. hmmm if only someone would buy me more baby books its all i need right now ive only got one giant and reading anatomy books to know the physical side of pregancy...which now i know too much its abit freaky.

Cortnie - posted on 06/19/2010

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You can get somethings new and take somethings that really doesnt matter that much to you. Its important not to hurt anyones feelings cause they have good intentions for instance we wanted a new crib , carseat, for instance another thing if they have clothes and you really dont want them but they insist. say let me goe thorugh the clothesi have and i will let u knowwhat i need. its being kind , u get ur way and the familys feelings arenot hurt

RENEE - posted on 06/19/2010

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i had the same problem when i had my first baby. i was lucky that my husband snapped out of it. his parents and even his ex from a previously thought they had controle of him and he backs me up and always stands by me we have been married over 7 years now :) i think it just depends on your hubby i was lucky and got a good one good luck :)

Lin - posted on 06/19/2010

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I had a similar problem with the baby gear. A certain relative of mine talked about having us use the highchair that she used AS AN INFANT and used it on my husband as an infant, even mentioning there were a few rusty parts (including the entire tray), and even gave us a suction toy that my husband had used on said chair intending us to let the baby play with it (it had a whole bunch of nasty-looking stuff on the suction part that neither she or I can get off - it sits on high out of our kids' reaches). She even started talking about how she wasn't going to buy anything new in case the baby didn't make it (on my birthday of all days), and went on and on about miscarriage. Because she rarely comes over to our home we were able to nicely say that x item was already bought and set up.



In one of your responses you were saying that you were paying rent and buying food for 9 people? Someone was surely saving money, just not you - if it were my in-laws saying this, I'd suspect they're using this baby to sway you and your partner to save them more money.



Frankly it sounds like your partner hasn't cut the proverbial umbilical cord yet, and has not established boundaries between them and his new household, which can be hard to do when the same people you're going to say "no" to is paying you. He needs to find another job (I know, better said than done in this economy) - many people have a hard time separating professional and personal matters when they're mixed, and it sounds like they're using work time to really, um, nag at him (for lack of a better term), and that's why he's getting so upset (thinking "Oh *^(^&%*^ I have to tell them this and they're going to nag at me for 6 days straight and only have a day break before they nag at me for another 6 days in a row, provided they don't contact me during that one day.").



Just remember, you have three things in your arsenal:

1.) A precious baby they can't take away from you

2.) Pregnancy hormones

3.) Fabulousness

You need to be using these tools and telling them what you are going to do. Learn the mantra "My baby, my rules." Go buy what you want for your little one (or have someone else buy it), celebrate him/her.



You might also want to educate your partner on preclampsia (aka high blood pressure while pregnant - to my knowledge it is rare among pregnant women, but if one of the more common reasons why a high-risk pregnancy is considered high risk) and how environmental stress (i.e. his family) can worsen the condition (and your medical bills), and how environmental stress can harm the baby even if you don't have preclampsia or any other conditions. Tell him if he and his family truly care about you and the baby, they will stop stressing you out (not saying they should walk around on tippy toes when you're around, but there is a time, place, and situation from them to keep certain opinions to themselves, and it is now). If it is reasonable for you to do something for the baby, he should let you do it and have fun with you while doing it. He needs to realize and explain to his family that this child has another family that is influencing how this child is going to be raised - yours, and that is very reasonable for your family to have more influence than his, especially if you are staying at home to care for the bundle of joy.



Congratulations on your pregnancy! Good luck, and hoping for a stress-low pregnancy!

Kiri - posted on 06/19/2010

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when my in-laws interfere with my parenting i come right out and say it. If you complain to your husband hes just going to get mad at you. Call your mother in law up and tell her whats bothering you, more than likely she will be able to relate due to her own in laws and maybe you can work something out. as for bad luck, GET REAL! The day i found out i was pregnant i started buying stuff and guess what, hes just fine... its a stupid superstition and your hubby will get over it!

Cassie - posted on 06/19/2010

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Me too. Everyone tried to give me hand me downs and I refuse. Baby gear is sketchy when used. Especially a crib, stroller, high chair etc. I used to except the things and give them to Goodwill. Don't move in with them because then the same person who's putting ideas in his head about used gear and moving in (his MOTHER, I'm sure) will be there to try and raise YOUR baby. Don't let this bother you. You are on your second pregnancy and it will be your first born. I too have had two pregnancies and one born full term. It will be ok. Just stand strong in your opinion about these things. Its important as a mother to do what you think is the right thing for your child, even prenatal.

Brooke - posted on 06/18/2010

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The number one thing for a baby is safety! Its ok to have hammy down clothes and such, but anything big/major should be new. In my opinion. There are way to many recalls all the time on cribs, high chairs and car seats. If you can afford to buy new, do. This way you know the item is safe and hasnt been through an accident or recalled. There are so many other places in your budget to cut corners that you can afford new if you really want to. My son is 16 months and while pregnant i saved babies r us coupons like crazy. Everytime i got a 20% off i would go buy a big item like my car seat/stroller. I also bought just about every outfit off clearance. Depending where your from target has great clearance stuff if you check alot! I never buy anything expensive clothing wise because they grow way too fast! You are the pregnant one there for you have control right now. Im sorry to say but really use your pregnancy to the full advantage. You need to be comfy and stress free. They need to stop stressing you out. Good luck and congrats on the baby!

Jessica - posted on 06/18/2010

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My husband and I lived with his father when we first got married and had our first child as his dad needed help. it did not last long as he kept telling my husband to get a DNA test on our child as soon as he was born. He was crazy which is why he needed help. Needless to say we moved out. I do not get this lent stuff as my former boss gave me a crib and she was just a friend . I can understand letting you use stuff that was family heirlooms but you need to put your foot down. Buying stuff for your baby is fun. I buy a lot of stuff second hand at baby consignment stores. Talk to your man and tell him how you feel. do not let him tell you what to do with out telling him how you feel. Good luck fighting over family is no fun.

Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2010

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'bad luck'.... ive never heard new to be bad, on the retro side of things, it is 'bad luck', and a 'BAD IDEA' to use something thats been used! you have to be very careful with what you get used for babies, such as cribs, you never know if it was assembled wrong from the previous owner, which runs you a risk of damaged, dangerous, and unsafe!
on another note... you really cant exclude your partners family from making suggestions about raising baby! (as much as we would all like) its more about taking things with a grain of salt, when someone suggest something to you, just say things like 'oh, ill take that into consideration' but they are just as much a part of your child's life as your mom!
i know its hard to blend a family together, through a child! but you can do it!
good luck!

Louise - posted on 06/18/2010

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We did live at my mam and dads while saving the deposit. ANd i love my parents but it was tough cos if i did something my mom didn't like she would correct me and tell me to do it another way.

You have to tell him that its your family and you don't want to feel like you're a guest. YOu want your own space.



I do think you should maybe compromise on the baby stuff a small bit though. Like we'll buy a new crib and highchair but we can borrow the 'whatever' from your family member. Also it is prob safer to buy new car seats as the regulations have been getting stricter and stricter and an older one may not be up to scratch. Be informed when talking to him about it. Shouting and saying just because will get you knowwhere. Men like facts and figures

Ciara - posted on 06/18/2010

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the bad luck thing is supposed to be about say setting the the babies room up and stuff lik...and if u dont put ur foot down about his family you wil spend al ur time being controlled by them u have to tel u be able to ope wen u buy a house of ur own with a child if u always his amily as support at the start and u get to be a proper family unit if u arent on ur own.

Alecia - posted on 06/18/2010

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my husband and i decided to move in to his parents house as a mutual desicion. we started the process of buying land and realized that the process was moving to fast for our budget (im a SAHM and he's a union electrician). its been about 3 weeks and so far its not too bad, and believe me when i say that my MIL and I have not always got along. she is not pushy at all with my daughter, which i really appreciate. its not the easiet desicion, but it works for us. we are going to build our own house and because we moved out instead of renting still we should have our own place next year. it will be super nice for my daughter to have a home.

Triona - posted on 06/18/2010

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My partners mother said we shouldn't get any baby stuff until he was born because its bad luck. She was really annoyed at me and practically told me I was putting my child in danger?! I think it you can afford it new stuff is better because like you say you know its clean and well looked after and not damaged in anyway that can't be seen. She was wrong anyway, nothing happened to my child just because i bought stuff before he was born.

Kristel - posted on 06/18/2010

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My word... Do they carry around horse shoes and other non-sense too? Remind them of recalls, and safety issues with older products. We got hand me downs too, but also wanted some new safe BPA free items for our little one. Alot of baby clothes are not carried in Good will simply because of led in the paint on the snaps. Even new items are recalled but when we got used items we did our recall research on the net. I am sure if you research it and approach your husband, he'll be more than happy to replace the old recalled items.

Sarah - posted on 06/18/2010

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Tell them that you appreciate their offers and that there are some things that you would happily borrow but you would feel much more comfortable providing for your own children and standing on your own two feet. there's no harm in wanting to provide the best you are able for your new little family and you do need need to be guilted in to accepting offers of charity. My MIL does the same to me always saying we need the best of everything and wanting to buy this that and the other but i simply said to her
"i appreciate the offers and am grateful but mark and i are doing well, starting fresh, have what we need and are saving for things we want to do one by one in the future".
She got all offended anyway and said what so should i return the gifts i've already got for the new baby?? She was trying to guilt me, but i just said "no, gifts are different but there are boundaries and things we want to provide for ourselves as a newly married couple with young kids".
Stand your groung and just be persistent with how you rightfully want things.
Goodluck!

Melody - posted on 06/17/2010

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When I was pregnant with my first, it was my family that wanted me to move back home, even though I was engaged to and living with the baby's dad, who is now my husband. You need to sit down with your partner and have a serious talk about how you want to raise your child. Make sure you identify to him which points are no compromise issues to you (ie: if you have specific ideas about appropriate discipline, spanking vs. not spanking, etc.) if this is a cultural thing for his family then there will probably be things that he doesn't want to compromise on either. it's important to give and take a little bit, but I would absolutely not move in with his family. I love my parents in-law and I would still never move in with them, and it sounds like you maybe have a bit of a tense relationship with them. It will put a lot of stress on you and you need to avoid that as much as possible. (Being pregnant is stressful enough!) As long as you guys are in your own place you will have a space of your own. This will also allow you to find your family identity easier once baby is born. As to buying things for the baby, if you have the money to spend on it, then it should be your choice. If not and his family knows about your finances, they may just be trying to help. I don't think it's something your partner should get angry about though if you don't want the items. It's got nothing to do with luck. I agree with Lacye when she says they will probably expect you to return it to them when you're done if they specified borrow. You need to decide what you want and express your view to your partner, and make sure he is on your side if it comes to any potential conflict with his family. YOU are his partner and YOU are the mother of this child. YOU have all the right in the world to make decisions in regards to YOUR child, and his family needs to respect that. One of my sister in laws had a very specific idea of what I should do and how I should behave and was terrible at keeping her unwanted thoughts to herself. I only had to explain to my then fiance how much she was upsetting me and he barred her from our house and made arrangements for us to split time at family gatherings until she got it that her comments were unwanted. It took several months (she's very stubborn and opinionated) but eventually she got it and while our relationship is still tenuous, it is at least civil. Most important thing, your partner needs to be there and be supportive of you and your needs. Good luck, hope it all works out.

Sheryn - posted on 06/17/2010

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Congrats on your pregnancy,I can understand why you want to buy new gear...I was the same but in saying that 2nd hand isnt a bad thing either...I bought alot of bulk clothing off ebay etc...and you'll be given heaps as well(seems to happen when the word gets out with pregnancy)
As for living arrangements etc,It sounds like his family is being very pushy.You have every right to say thanks but no thanks.Do what makes you feel comfortable.They need to respect your feelings.And the last thing you want comming home with new baby to be surrounded by pushy people and people who wont give you 5 mins alone with your lil family...Help is always appreciated but when people tend to take over,it is down right annoying....Good luck

[deleted account]

you NEED to put your foot down NOW before it gets worse!!! believe me once a baby is involved the in laws become even crazier and pushier.

when I was pregnant the in laws were talking about taking my baby to there house for sleep overs all the time and how they would be SUPER involved. I had to put my foot down, but I wish I did it sooner.

You are the mother. This is your child and do what you feel is right.
you also need to talk to your husband because if someone is putting this idea in his head he is going to go INSANE when the baby is here. cause thats when EVERYONE gives you advice and tells you what u can and cant do.

Living with a mother in law after a baby can either be a blessing or a nightmare. In most cases it is a nightmare. When this baby comes along you are going to be emotional and moody from the hormones. When my daughter was a newborn and I was around my MIL I became a nutball. I thought that she was trying to be my daughters mother. in reality she just wanted to help me out, but because I was so moody I took it the wrong way and thought she was trying to play mommy again.

If you can afford NOT to live with the In laws and you know that you will be more comfortable NOT living there then put your foot down and DONT!!!

i hope this all works out for you...it will if you set boundaries NOW

Jessie - posted on 06/17/2010

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my MIL is crazy and was hording baby things, she set up a nursery, had a baby book, and was constantly telling my husband that we should do this or do that because it's how she and his father did things. then anytime he says something about doing something for our family (like a trip to the coast) she goes off on a nut about how when she and his father were starting out they NEVER did things like that or they didn't get him NEW things all the time for school or what have you (I have a 6y/o) I told my husband he needs to control her or I will tell her exactly where to go, as we are not her and his father and this is MY family not hers, I also told him that if he wanted to be part of mine and the kids' life then he would see reason. Point is YOU are the mama and YOU have the right to go about raising your baby in an environment where YOU are comfortable and in a way that suits YOU. as far as them giving you things either tell them that you would rather new for what ever reason sounds good to you or for like the carseat and crib and stuff like that tell them that you need new to make sure they are up to all the new and ever changing regulations and that they come with instructions so you know you are putting it together/installing it right

Amanda - posted on 06/17/2010

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i've had my partner's mother and eldest sister tell me how to raise and feed my daughter and i've told him, he doesn't like my mum taking over so he needs to tell them to back off.

all i do is just accept the stuff and give it to someone that really needs it, i was the same when i was pregnant. i wanted everything bran new.

that's all you need to do.

Nikkole - posted on 06/17/2010

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i was always told that it wasnt safe to use a use carseat or a crib bc you dont know how old it is. my grandma was the same way she thought that i should move in with my mom so my mom could raise the baby right!! I didnt talk to her for a few months. i would tell every one how you feel and tell them to back off! i think moving in with you hubbys family will be a bad idea.

[deleted account]

My family moved into our apartment building a few floors down and less than a year later we ended up movign to the other end of the city in order to keep our relationship and my sanity. It may work well for some people, but if you already are irritated at them now, it won't help ocne you move in with them and are constantly around them. I suggest that you explain to your husband that you want to be your own independent family, but that hsi family is welcome to stop by and help with the baby. Also, I understand wanting new things for your child, but maybe accept some of the used stuff. You don't have to take all of it, but just a few things to put them in around the house and take some pics so they feel appreciated for giving it to you. Get the majority of the stuff new. Also, I would recommend accepting used toys because toys are a big waste of money. Half the time they aren't interested in them.

Rebecca - posted on 06/17/2010

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I have heard of the old wives tale of bad luck setting up crib and buying big items before the second trimester but i have never heard of only using second hand....that means really that everything you are getting second hand is really like 10th hand. That's disgusting lol. Let him know that items change over time and new things are brought out and changed for a reason. Explain that if you buy new you can save it for another baby instead of having to give everything back. I see no harm in buying second hand once a child is older. Our first born had his whole wardrobe from 1-2years second hand, but they were amazing clothes and not a stain on them so i see nothing wrong with it. Clothing is expensive and they grow out of it so quick, so in this area i think you need to suck it up and save some money.
Car seats, strollers, play gyms all buy first hand. I don't trust a lot of these second hand and car seats expire and can not be used if in an accident and some people would probably still sell them after the fact so i don't think you should risk that.
A travel system, car seat stroller combo is in my opinion a waste for 300$. We never used the stroller, ever! We would take the car seat from the car and stick it in a shopping cart. If we went to a park or went for a walk then we put the baby in the stroller...so don't waste your money on getting the best of the best for stroller car seat combos.
We all want the best for our kids but really, most of the crap out there is a waste of money and i hate having all this stuff in my home that between my 2 kids were used about a dozen times or less.
Just really sit and see what you NEED not want you want your baby to have. Save the spoiling for when they are older and can appreciate that they can have the dump truck or barbie if they are good.
Good luck and congrats!!

Sybil - posted on 06/17/2010

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You need to talk to your partner about how you feel and if he chooses not to listen, then you can go ahead and do what feels right for you. When I fell pregnant, with my little one, I decided to come home to be with my family so they could support me through the pregnancy. I am still at home almost 4 years later. I love the support I have from my family and that my son has so many more people to love him. This has come with challenges as we all have different ways of raising a child.
The myth about the new stuff is new to me, I am so used to grandparents who can't wait to go out shopping for a new grandchild. I know my mom would always bring back something, she felt her new grandchild would need if baby stuff was on sale.
This is your first child, enjoy the pregnancy and do what you feel is right and be open to a little advise from everyone in your circle, just measure for yourself if it feels right for you and your family

Lindsey - posted on 06/17/2010

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You buy what you want for your baby! sometimes new items are better than used...especially car seats...strollers...cribs etc cuz u never know how they were used or if they may randomly malfunction while your child is in it.

Brittney - posted on 06/16/2010

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With my first we lived at home thru most of my pregnancy to save money we actually didn't move out until my daughter was almost a year old, it was a saving grace because of having the help from my mom. Being a first time mom there were a lot of things I was clueless on but having her there helped so much. At the same time it frustrated me bad because there were times I wanted to figure it out on my own and my mom would try to step in. I would put my foot down and remind him it's your baby too and you will be making a lot of decisions on what happens!
As far as second hand items and getting things now there's nothing wrong. I had a lot of the basics bought half way thru the pregnancy which was a saving grace. It didn't take a lot out finacially all at once when my daughter was born. Unlike the formula I waited to get just to make sure she would be ok with it before I bought a bunch. I also only bought a couple boxes of diapers in different sizes instead of mass quantities. I bought clothes second hand or on clearance a lot just because she outgrew them quickly in the first 6 months. Toys and a high chair and all that was a different story I shopped around alot while I was pregnant for good deals and got them over time, and everything but the pack and play and most of the clothes were unisex, thank goodness because now I have a little boy that everything is getting passed on to.

Melissa - posted on 06/16/2010

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I am not sure if oyu should go right out and buy a whole bunch of stuff right off.. i would prob wait until at least you find out the sex of the baby or at the least wait until you reach the 2nd trimester. I def would go out and buy stuff new if you can afford it that way you will have it all for the next baby.

Francesca - posted on 06/16/2010

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Well, if you don't already have a house, it sounds like very sensible suggestions. Like borrowing items, getting things cheap, moving back to a parents, to save up to have a house for your baby. So they may not realize that their suggestions are upsetting you. It seems both sides are thinking of baby, but from different frame of references and value systems.

I do suggest that everyone sits down and talks. Everyone has a right to love this baby. Even his family. Your stuck with them whether you like it or not. So try to make the best of it. give them the benefit of the doubt, let them know how you feel, what you do, and don't expect, what you ultimately want and if all else fails, take it all in with a grain of salt.

Besides, things have a way of changing once the baby is here. They may end up your greatest alies.

Good luck and congrats! Its a glorious trip!

Lyneeda - posted on 06/16/2010

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honey that is a biggie i been thru that with my first child's family an since my babys father was the one i laid down with,he the one who be with his family daily i told him you are the mediator so if you want us to get along tell your family don't give me no advice your parents raised you the way they wanted to raise you i want the same freedom.. i have 2 hear it from my own mother who is gonna try to run my life! as this is her first grandbaby we are gonna bump heads i don't need the drama from your mother too...but that did'nt stop her i had to eventually get her together an not in a nice way its gonna be tough but you will know what's best for your baby without anyone telling you!believe in yourself an you will be fine i learned they give some good remedy's and some mean home cooked recipes an advice on life but the baby thing i wanted to learn on my own.so u can take the i don't wanna be rude but want to learn my own capabilities on my own with my baby route! but if i need help i promise i will call you an if i ever need a sitter u will be the 1st person i dial! LOL

Melissa - posted on 06/16/2010

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If it is your first baby, then everyone believes that you will need as much help as possible, and you will!! They are worried and overprotective of you. It sounds like you have a very loving family on your partners side and they will forgive you for whatever decision you make. Jsut remember to take some advice cause not all of it is going to be bad. Trust me.

Sarah - posted on 06/16/2010

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he can't believe everything he hears! people will start to tell you old wives tales and you don't need him freaking out about that! i know someone that was told her daughter would get sick if she went outside before she was a year old because she would suck in too much oxygen... her mother told her this and she believed her and freaked out anytime she had to take her daughter outside for even the smallest amount of time! somethings need to be bought new... such as carseats and strollers or anything thats a personal hygiene item or a safety item! i had all of my big items bought before we were even thinking about having kids because i run my own daycare, but the only things i will buy used are clothes... (i'm very picky about what clothes i will buy used!) and toys that i can sanitize! it sounds like his mother is trying to be controling! my husband and i lived with my parents when we bought our house because we had to do alot of remodeling! we thought we would be able to save some money... but when the extra money is there and you have a reason to spend it (a new baby or a new house) you end up spending what you wanted to save! i know a couple that is living with one of their parents right now and is doing it to save money to buy a house.... they have yet to save anything! i'd say save yourself the stress and if you can save at her house you can save some right now!

Ash - posted on 06/16/2010

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Rocelle Robinson: god he must of had so much trouble being a girl home when he was younger with dating i bet they controlled that too. im the first girl thats ever told my partner whats right and whats wrong. he gets told hes short constantly yet hes bigger then me. he sid a family member said hes getting fat also which hes a great size cause hes always been vegan. ive decided to move somewhere where i can take the local transport to my mothers. even just when he comes over to my mums the look on his face when he sees shes cook amazing vegan meals for him and everyone else, at his parents he cooked the meals since he had wanted to be a chef when he was a teen...now he barely cooks when hes home on weekends from work (goes sun-fri). i got too use to my mum making different meals every night almost i never ate steak with potatoes and veggies she found it too boring that im too scared to cook now cause im not as good but he compliments on my rice i cook haha

Ash - posted on 06/16/2010

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Karen Davis: holy shit i know what you mean about the friction!!! when i lived with the inlaws it was to 'save money' but there was nothing saved since we had to pay rent and then food ontop since we were so limited of what to eat i never once had a iceblock of barely a fizzy drink just sandwhiches since there were 9 of us and it went fast. we helped to pay rent which half was already being paid by the grandmother so idk wtf our money went to but we didnt save a cent. hmmmm the changing diapers thing sounds like shes trying to do the whole thing where the feel they didnt do anything right with their kids so they try parent the grandchildren thing iv seen afew times. wow that sucks about having to sell all those items. by the time the baby comes there would be about 6 thousand saved so price isnt much for me (husband already stated putting away a certain amount a week incase he'll need to stop working fro abit to help out). i can understand with the not wanting to be in the rocker and such. my newphew lived with me and my mother when i was 17 and he just liked being held the warmth and walked around. id have him on my lap facing me when id watch tv and rub hisfeet instead of putting him in something.


Jacky K : yup the exactly how i feel its going to end up like (without them trying to take them) partner nevers tells his dad anything its always asking. just tonight over the phone i sid to hubby "you tell you dad, not ask, that on the way home from working that you need to get some food for dinner for the weekend" cupboards are all empty and im too ill to shop. he cant even do that he doesnt know why. im slowly getting in there out of him. i know itll take time.


Lydia Radcliffe: iv deff been woprking on a plan fro both familys. since my mums always been there down to the bone id want her helping out in my way of course. and the inlaws...well they can visit but thats all i relly want since its really his uncle and aunty that havnt legaly adopted him which they state when i met them which i will never forget. hes not treated like their real son. so i will treat them like extended family members. i even made a blog and emailed it to them stating its for updates and the scans and when id be ready fro visitors when the time comes. same info for everyone to see. so far they didnt reply. i was always the gf during the first year being engaged when being introduced to the rest of the family .


Anne-Maree Harding: i dont find it badluck to tell people but i am weary of it incase i have another loss. but only afew days after i found out the seed was planted on the first time of trying my family all new i dont know how i never told them i didnt even say anything over facebook. yeah buying stuff before 6 months is kinda pointless unless if i saw something at 80% off. i like to layby things at 50% off since the babyfactory has sales all the time... i barely buy anything for myself at full price :)


wow this is great thanks for the replys so far. i wouldnt know known about this site id my friend lisa didnt email me to add. so glad she did now.

Ash - posted on 06/16/2010

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Kristy Peral : that must of really annoyed you that someone would say such a thing to your husband about adoption. i know strangers would think such things of me later when i get bigger cause even though im about to be 23 i do look real young cause im only 5.05ft.

i get mistaken for being 15 which i get very bed looks from those like more towards their 50s. espesh when im shopping with my mum whos only 44 and not that much taller then me and very pretty. its like their jealous that a mother could hang out with her daughter like how we do.

Anne-Maree - posted on 06/16/2010

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The one thing that I had to deal with is that you have a baby inside you that you can feel your partner cant! Believe it or not but this is one very big issue! Ive heard the roumers that not buying or telling anyone before 3 months as it is bad luck. But in the end it is your decision and maybe you need to sit your partner down and explain how you feel! Its a simple but effective answer! How things go well!

Tara - posted on 06/15/2010

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it will only get better in time if you put your foot down now and tell them where you stand. also just go out and buy new clothes it isnt bad luck as mothers we do this kind of things. have a baby shower later on so you get lots of good stuff. you need to tell them where you stand

Lydia - posted on 06/15/2010

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We didnt really get much of a chance to buy anything new for our baby - but then what we got was given not lent. It was nice for 2 reasons - one we didnt have the money to buy new things that are so quickly grown out of but the things I did get to buy her were much nicer than I would otherwise have been able to afford. I recommend compromise.
The idea that its bad luck is a bit extreme - given that all things are bought new by someone at some point. Maybe there are some things that you guys can agree to take as hand-me-downs and some things you can agree to get new specifically for your child. Also agree to ground-rules on how to respond to advice doled out or help offered from anyone who may offer it - but make sure that you are allowing both families equal rights unless there is a real reason why one should be offered more than the other.
Just try being fair so that there is no basis for resentment on either side - being new parents is hard enough without inhouse fighting before you begin. Best of luck to you all :)

Jacky - posted on 06/15/2010

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I went through it too. I was just living with my now husband when we got pregnant and his mom asked me many times to give it saying we were to young I'm 26 btw and my daughter is 1 and I owned the house we were living in. After the baby was born she offered for him and the baby to move in.... and she would quit her job to watch her. Nothing about me she just thought I would let this happen. We stayed together at my house until we bought one together and got married. His moms visits once a month for 5 min and his dad once every 3 months for 5 min. They don't like that he makes his own choices. You both need to identify yourselves as a couple and a family. You both need to make choices that will work for you both. I wouldn't suggest living with them you need to make your own path. you need to make your own mistakes in life and your own right choices to. I had a mixture of new and used items but I knew where the used items came from. good luck do what makes you happy that is what matters most

Lacye - posted on 06/15/2010

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don't let him and his family tell you where to live and what to do about your baby. some advice is ok, but there is a point when they need to back off.

when i was pregnant, i bought what my baby needed. she had brand new things. but most of that was because, i didn't have anybody that had just had a baby. it wouldn't have bothered me to have 2nd hand things. but if you feel more comfortable getting brand new things, do it. i say that because they said you could BORROW it. not have. so eventually you would have to give it back. and like you said, if you buy it you can put it back in case you have another child. but do what makes you comfortable and happy. try to explain that while there may be nothing wrong with the stuff they have, you want to get something yourself for the baby. if they don't understand then they will just have to learn to get over it.

Kristy - posted on 06/15/2010

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well some one was telling my husband we should put our baby up for adoption and i was like now because i have been carrying him for 9 months and when he came he changed his mind about the whole adoption thing when he saw his face

Shaniqua - posted on 06/15/2010

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that is weird the very first thing i did was buy a lil unisex onesie to tell my now husband that i was pregnant... but i didnt have a lot of money for brand new stuff but if we had our family wouldn't have minded... yes there were things that we wanted to pass down to him that we have kept from we was babies but it had nothing to do with good or bad luck

Alesha - posted on 06/15/2010

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i went thru the same thing and it also started very early and i was pissed! yes moving in with them will save money for your own place but whos to say something happens and its hard to save money and u end up there longer than u want....do what makes u comfortable, your the babys mother so u have full control (unless your married). dont let anyone "make" u do something u dont wanna do. like u, i only wanted my mothers help and around whenever (i didnt want anyone else showing up whenever they wanted to)...also, buy your baby new things, who knows what other peoples stuff has been thru and with carseats and strollers you want to be sure it is safe and doesnt have anything wrong with it from past use. it is not bad luck by any means. and plus for other kids u will know that its safe or not safe to use for later use...oh and along with doing what u want and not moving in with his family, make sure u dont get pressured cuz in the end im sure u wont be happy and if his family starts getting in the way (such as his mom trying to play the mother role) it will bring alot of stress on u and a stressed mommy rubs off on baby, a happy mommy makes for a happy baby...and dont stress too much while pregnant, its not good (i know first hand) but congrats on the baby and good luck with everything :)

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