Son's father threatening to take him?

Nicole - posted on 07/10/2012

Take him to court! I wouldn't want him spending anytime alone with my son.

Chelsea - posted on 07/09/2012

He has no rights to your son unless it is written out by a lawyer and agreed upon and signed. I would be worried if he has threatened to take him and not bring him back, I would not allow him to take him alone. Especially if as you say he is an alcoholic, and for some reason has a problem with you meeting his new girlfriend, your son could be in danger around him. I would consult a lawyer and see what his/her advice is and you will probably need to have papers written up about how often he gets visitation and that YOU are the parent that he lives with. That way if he does take off with him you have documentation to prove that you are who he is supposed to be living with so if you need to get the cops involved you can. Unfortunately it is very hard to prove the other person an 'unfit parent', as I found out recently going through a divorce and setting up visitation with my children. Unless you can PROVE that they are in any immediate danger the other person will get visitation rights. No matter what he thinks about giving you child support, you are entitled to part of whatever he makes if he works. Of course until papers are filed he doesn't have to give you anything (found that out the hard way too), so get to a lawyer as soon as you can and have child support papers filed and see what your state says is a good percentage of pay for 1 child. Go with your instincts and do whatever you need to do to protect that baby boy. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 07/07/2012

If you haven't already, going through the court for child support and custody agreement is the way to go. I did that with my daughter and my lawyer advised me to get a planner and start tracking what my ex did for my daughter and when he saw her and paid support just to have evidence in the custody hearing. It is 3 years later and I still track things just in case we have to go back to court sometime. It is tough being a single parent. But it does get easier, my daughter is almost 4 and is well adjusted to it just being her and I. Good luck!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2012

My husband was kidnapped by his father when he was five, he had two siblings that were not kidnapped. He was gone untill he was 12. His father was moving from camping sight to camping sight with the occasional luxurious trailor. He was a heroin addict, neclectful, and abusive. The only clear reason why he was taken was controll. My husband still has issues from being starved, while his half sisters were fed, living in a disgusting home and having the person he wanted love from most reject him daily. He has not had a relationship with anyone longer than ours, 14 years.
The truth is your ex did not like that he should have to get permission from you for anything! You will never know if he means to actually kidnapp your son unless he does it. I would take his threat serious. You would never let your son go with a man of the same caliber as your ex if he were not his kin; If he is not being an acual father what difference does it make? Record all conversations with him (BUY THE EQUIPMENT), they even sell nanny cams in teddy bears and such you can send to his house, they are cheap. You need proof of anything and everything he does that makes him an unfit father. A judge would certainly agree with you!

Chelsea Ann - posted on 07/06/2012

he legally cant take him from you now say u left him with a sitter or a grandparent ect.. he could and same for you its pretty much kidnapping if he does so let the police know hes threatining now and theyll be more willing to help one of my besties went through that

Chaya - posted on 07/04/2012

If you're in the US, call the ACLU, they can get you a lawyer cheap or free, many lawers will give a single mom a break to keep the offending parent away from the child.

Chaya - posted on 07/04/2012

If there are witnesses, you can arrange for him to never see the kid again outside of a social worker meeting him in a neutral locaion for a couple of hours a month.( I've done it.)
I hope you have the guys social security number, he can't get lost in the system with it. He can't get state assistance of any kind without it, and if it's flagged for criminal behaviour, they'll go to the address provided and take him into custody and get the baby back to you. Since he's living with his mommy and daddy, and doesn't seem to have much other options, he can't afford to run with your baby, legally or financially

Frustrated Mom - posted on 07/02/2012

Take him to court and get your full custody papers! Also, don't let that baby out of your sight until those legal papers are completed. I didn't let my kids go with their dad until after the court papers were signed.

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

Oh and a tip: if your afraid he will call you an unfit parent sign up for a mommy and me class (they're free) and some local parenting workshops to show you are working on your parenting skills and you'll have lots of people to say what a good mom you are that are not bias!

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

You need to file with the court right away! There are many legal advice clinics out there and your local women's centre can help you at no cost if you cannot afford a lawyer. Once you are filed with the court you can refuse access until the matter is spoken on. Most likely in this scenario supervised access will be ordered leading to unsupervised. Be prepared to provide evidence if you go to trial. Try to do all conversation through text messages and emails as you can use them as evidence.
If he threatens you call the police. You will need police documentation in court to be taken seriously.

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2012

DO NOT LET HIM TAKE HIM! Without a court order for visits or rights you can deny him until he files. My advice FILE NOW! The courts will not take anything you've done before your pregnancy into consideration (aside from assaults or sexual crimes, which actually depend on the crime itself). If he is as bad as you're say, he'll get supervised visits or completely striped of all rights (VERY rare)

Kelly - posted on 06/22/2012

My ex was and is still very self seeking and childish. He tried to make me angry in every way possible. Through God and self control you can endure what ever he throws at you. He is hurting or he would not try to hurt you. Always do all you can do to be blameless in situations like this. Always be kind, even if he is terrible. You do this for the love of your child, and it will also provide peace for you. Yes, you need an attorney and a parenting plan containing all rules and regulations that are best for your child. You will get your child support taken directly from his check since he will not pay. The lawyer will protect you and your child. Tell them all good and all bad. Honesty is key for the attorney to be ready to fight if needed. He can not just take his child away from his mother. Very ignorant and immature. He lacks knowledge of the laws. He may say he will fight you in court, but he does not sound logical and it would be a waste. Avoid more than a few min with him. Avoid his abuse. Don't bash his daddy, no matter what he is saying about you trying to make himself feel better. You can have control over the entire situation. If Dad loves him and shows him love allow time. If he continues to drink and not protect his child for the few days he is there as a good mom you protect your baby. I have instilled the more people to love and love you through the divorce. Took his family a good year. After doing the right thing for so long it is kinda hard to hold on to the hate he has now. Attorney, educate you about your state laws, self control and avoidance. Most of all Pray. Time can heal.

Ashley - posted on 06/20/2012

Do NOT let him take your baby, I learned this the hard way that if there is no custody put on paper that whoever has the child can technically keep the child until you go to court to fight it which could take months. My ex decided to just not bring my son home one day, i called the cops only to be told that there's nothing they can do unless I have documentation stating I have full custody. TWO years later it finally got all figured out and I walked away with JOINT custody. this is a scary scary thing to go through

Dominique - posted on 06/19/2012

For some reason your post came to my email once I noticed you posted a year ago but that it's why ppl are still responding u never said he wasn't like that before so I figured he,was always that way but hey it's good y'all squared out now

Christine - posted on 06/19/2012

This is a situation I went through exactly. My daughters sperm donor didn't have a licence, but would drive to pick her up. Abused drugs & alcohol, didn't have a proper room setup for her or anything. Took him to court, won. He no longer has any interaction with her and has court scheduled for all illegal things he did.

Lawyers will work with you, and let them. Your child's father, is not a father. If there is nothing in writing stating you legally have to have visitation, don't. I stopped visits with my daughters sperm donor before the courts even had it in writing and they never gave me trouble for doing it. Mother's instinct my lawyer called it, because a weekend she would have gone, he got pulled over driving illegally, while using drugs.

Take control now while your child is young. She was only a year and a half when we went through this, and she is now turning 5 and has no idea who he is.

Destinee - posted on 06/17/2012

Thanks everyone, this situation (if y'all look at the dates) took place over a year ago. My son is now a healthy, happy 2 year old. Threenorns, I have a child support case against him and he's still never paid it. Dominique, wow. First of all, when we were together, he wasn't like this. He started on the drugs and crap after we moved and he got hooked up with a new group of friends. Second, as I said, this took place over a year ago. In our state, I have full legal and physical custody upon birth of my son because I did not marry his father. His father has the right to go to court and get some form of custody but never has. And I'm happy to report after extensive therapy and rehabilitation, he is back in our son's life full time and doing great. I hope it keeps up, but I'll let y'all know.

Dominique - posted on 06/17/2012

So he never threaten your life. Knowing all the bad you still had baby with him so making him look bad is making look bad poor judgment. First things apply for child support. Secondly tell him to meet you at a McDonalds with his gf so they can interact. Thirdly tell him you're concerns tell him he can visit whenever in the week at your house. He's 7 months too young for over nights you can lie and say he's breast feeding and you can't pump enough for over night stays. He will always have rights as the child father it will only be taken away if beats on the child or starve. You can apply for government help also so you don't have to worry about his help just get his social. But you should meet this new lady as he should meet anyone new in your life once the courts are thrown in you May not like what they say and he may not. So think hard but not long....good luck

Joanna - posted on 06/17/2012

Always do what is safe for you and your children. Never take someone to court let them take you if you have to be there. Court is relinquishing power to a governing body who is not looking solely at your interests. Always document, document, document. Always get as much professional advice as possible. There are ways to make legally binding agreements without court including child support/access and get domestic violence advice too as it pertains to family law. His threats suggest he has control issues -don't ever trust him to be rational. Prepare to have a back up for every interaction.

Chelsea - posted on 06/16/2012

Document EVERYTHING and go to court asap!

Threenorns - posted on 06/10/2012

first off, if you haven't been to court and he's on the birth certificate as the father, then you both have equal custody - what that boils down to is "possession is 9/10 of the law".

the fact that he's never paid child support, well - if you didn't take him to court and you've accepted that situation, that's kind of on your head. as far as the law is concerned, that was the agreement you accepted with him.

if he keeps threatening to take the child, i don't mean to be rude but i'd question your sanity allowing him to take the child anywhere out of sight.

go to court immediately and until you get a judgement including visitation and child support, do not let him have the child for any reason.

Gillian - posted on 06/06/2012

the first thing i would do is NOT LET HIM HAVE THE BABY! my ex is an addict too and threatened to take my son, if you dont have custody then either parent who currently has him has custody so dont let him have the baby. you could just have a notarized and signed letter stating he has permission to take the baby but bc of the problems you mentioned its not a good idea. i would go to the court house, file papers, or call legal aid and go to the pro se center at the courthouse and ask for help filing papers and they will help fill them out and provide other information. i would do all this and be sure to have custody before he take your child, he sounds like a real winner and honey you sound like a wonderful hard working mother. you and i are having similar situations so anything i mentioned here, i am in the process of doing so just do what you can to protect yourself and baby and dont let him out of your hands. trust me! my bf threatened to take my son and said he would file kidnapping charges, well they can threaten all they want but your the mother, you have the baby, he cant do jack crap. what id do first is call your courthouse and ask the clerk for the number for legal aid or ask if they have a family "pro se" attorney to help you file paperwork and go from there. good luck!!

Jaymie - posted on 06/05/2012

I would take him to court, definitely. No one has the right to threaten you, so you should not have to live in fear! I think it was a reasonable request to ask to meet his girlfriend, I don't think you should let your child go away with anyone you don't know.
Don't let him make you feel uncomfortable. Take him to court and let it be known what he is doing to you

Lee - posted on 06/05/2012

If he's on the birth certificate hes liable to keep the children by law. I had a boyfriend who was dealing with the same issue, he wanted to keep the child that was visiting him for a wekend but ended up keeping her past the weekend. The mother called the police and said by law if he's on the birth certificate, he able to keep his child. If you don't trust him that much do get a visitation rights or supervised visitations ordered through court.

Christina - posted on 06/04/2012

I'd def go to court. They are there to help you. Anything in your past doesn't matter now. you are doing the best for your child and the court can see thru his threats, and behavior. Get proof if you need it and tell them all you told us how he is and his threats. Trust me that makes a huge difference. Some guys love to think they have all the answers and by law if the child resides with you he MUST be returned or face arrest.

Jordan - posted on 06/04/2012

GET A LAWYER!! Do not face this man alone!! That is the best advice for you!! There are lawyers out there that give free conceltations that can point you in the right direction!

I work for a family law attorney in NC!

Amy - posted on 06/04/2012

I was granted an order of protection almost 2 weeks ago because my husband threatened to take our boys. I would recommend you contact CPS or your local police and filing with the local court. I had been ignoring threats for a long time and when he involved the boys, I said enough. The lies that have come to light since that time have been overwhelming, including his alcoholism and hoarding. You have to protect your child. Best of luck!

Garcia - posted on 05/30/2012

The father of my grandson kidnaped my grandson in Mexico City please I am despert to get my baby back I am asking for HELP can someone please help me get my baby back?

Alisha - posted on 04/07/2011

I would call the court or child support and ask them. My daughter's dad is kind of the same way as far as an alcoholic and has no liscence. I told him that I would not allow him to have her without one of his parents there and he agreed. If your ex won't agree I would start documenting every thing he says, does, and says he will do but doesn't do (like saying he will watch your son but doesn't show up). You need documentation or the court will not do anything.

Katie - posted on 03/24/2011

Turn him into the authorities under an hotline number for driving with no license.

Monique - posted on 03/10/2011

did he sign your sons birth certificate? I don't know where you live but in the state of Florida if he didn't and you were not married when your son was born you are the natural gardian and he has no rights without takeing you to court for paterinty testing. If he takes your son anyware other than were you give consent it's kidnapping.

Teresa - posted on 03/10/2011

Well I wouldn't let my child be around him if he is constantly drinking. As a parent with a one year-old, I have to always be on guard because infants are so unpredictable. I don't want you to get in trouble if he gets caught driving without a license. So the best thing to do is keep your baby at home. I would go to court and get full custody of your baby. I would ask the judge if he could get supervised visitation. That way you won't be worried when your child visits him. If you have a bad feeling about it, it is time to act on it. I would hate for you to stall and something bad happens.

Ashley - posted on 03/10/2011

I will also tell you that you cant get a restraining order unless he has threatened your life in any way. Just saying that he will take your child isnt enough....and everyone is right in saying its hard for a mother to not get custody. Sadly Ive seen drug addict mothers get full custody of their children....I hope that things work out for you.

Ashley - posted on 03/10/2011

I'm not sure if you've taken any actions yet, but I know exactly what you're going through. I am just 21 and I know how hard it can be. The father of my children also wanted nothing to do with the children and drank while I was in the hospital---and then things got worse. Just know that there are others out there that are going through the same thing.

First, you want to take him to court for child support and custody. Until you take him to court--he can NOT take the child from you. He can, however take the child if he sees him in a public place and then you can NOT get him back and will be the one fighting for your rights. You should definitely talk to a lawyer for specifics. Write down everything that he says or threatens and things that he does that would cause him to be unfit. Your best bet is to record phone conversations and if he emails you or messages you--print it off for proof. I wish you well and if you need to talk or have any questions...Id be more than happy to help in any way that I can...I hate for anyone to have to go through this.....

Mary Renee - posted on 03/10/2011

You must go to court. The courts are not going to give custody to an alcoholic who drives with out a licences and has not job. Document everything, write everything down, every time he sees your kid, even every doctor's appointment you've taken the child to and the fact that he never has.

I think if you take him to court, the best he can hope for right now is supervised visitation. They have visitation centers that are like, rec centers kind of, where the visits are supervised so the father would not be able to take your son away. Do not let him go on this trip with his girlfriend.

Also, as a side note (as I am trying to get custody of my 10-month-old as well) as the biological mother (at least in my state, of Hawaii) you automatically have custody, but until there is an official custody agreement, no one can get in trouble for custodial interference or anything like that.

As the biological mother (at least in some states) you can file for custody immedietly, but the father has to file an establishment of paternity before he can file for custody (because anyone can sign a birth certificate - if you two were married he has to prove he's the father before he can file) Anyway, this will buy you some time so that you don't have to feel legally obligated to leave your son with his father at any time - and I wouldn't, because he sounds unstable.

Many places in large cities have lawyers available for women in need. In my case, the Domestic Violence Center has a free legal hotline and will offer represent you in court for free if he has every been abusive.

Find a lawyer and file. If he has ever been abusive, file a PPO or a TRO (Petition for Protective Order or a Temporary Restraining Order) and both those will grant you temporary custody while you then go ahead and file for custody.

Also, the courts tend to focus on the present - so if you're a good mom now and have been proving yourself to be so for the last year - they're not going to penalize you for you past.

Sarah - posted on 03/09/2011

I think if it comes to the court you would win. You have done things in your past (all of us have) but you made up for that and right now to me you are a wonderful mother. If you really that scared talk to a judge and see for full custody but i would not leave your husband wit your son at all by himself.

Ida - posted on 03/09/2011

I really feel for you. I am going through a child custody myself. Dont wory, they wont take your son away as you have been their primary care giver. In addition, until he geta court orders outlining visitation rights you dont even have to give your son to him. I am in Australia so things may be slightly different but i seen a number of lawyers who all told me that i dont have to give my son to his father and i can put him on flight risk if i felt that his father was going to leave the country. the sad thing, is that once separated, my ex doesnt have to introduce me to his partners however we have parenting orders here which outline that my child cannot be left alone with anyone else besides my ex wife. Also as a psychologist, i can tell you that it may not be good for your child to be away from you more then few hours at this age. That is also taken into consideration during the custody hearing. Hope it helps

Christina - posted on 03/08/2011

If you don't have a custody order in place, don't hand your son over. Go file for emergency custody, and report that he is threatening to take your son and never bring him back. That alone will probably secure him supervised visitation.

Brianne - posted on 03/08/2011

i meant to say take your child's estranged father's threat seriously.

Brianne - posted on 03/08/2011

Sad news in my neighboring state California. An amber alert was issued, an eight month old baby was abducted threw the window by his estranged father. :-( keep all your doors and windows lock girl, take your child's threat very seriously because this could be you. I prayed like crazy for you and your child last night. I'm worried about you two. Anyways you haven't posted for a while, keep us updated and what not. Fight your hardest to not let you and your child become victims.

Brianne - posted on 03/07/2011

That is a very serious threat considering all the news on estranged parents kidnapping and even killing there kids. It's important to take his threat seriously. Report his threat to the police. Warn your kids sitter to keep all doors locked and keep an eye out for him and if he shows face do not hesitate to call cops. Tell her to not unlock the door for him. It's a very serious situation not to be taken lightly.

Mia - posted on 03/03/2011

if it was me i would kick that man out of my life because he is not whats best for u ao ur son and it seem u can do better wit out him then wit him

Leslie - posted on 03/03/2011

just get a restraining order against him for ur son and you.

Crystal - posted on 03/03/2011

LOL wow ok so I have 4 boy's and I've been through this... If a father don't pay child suport and there is a parenting time order in effect then the mother HAS to let the father see the child still... the court will tell you child suport and parenting time are seperate... Each state is different here in michigan when you have a parenting time order in effect and a parent comes to pick up the child and is drunk you STILL have to send child with parent if child is kicking screeming they don't want to go you still have to send child.. So iff he has no lisence you still have to send child if parenting time order is effective... a conciliator will set up a parenting time order where the parents cant take the child out ouf that state or legal action will be taken the state the child was born in has jurisdiction over child except some states... The parenting time order i have with my 3 older boy's and there father was every other weekend and every wensday from 6pm to 8pm every other holiday and summer the other parent gets child one week in each month of summer vacation part of spring break and each year alternate holidays and birthday's...... Your best bet is to go to the court BEFORE he takes you to court... don't go into court pointing fingers and all bent out of shape simply explain the situaton and the things he says.. they WILL NOT give you supervised visits unless he has been proven to harm another child or his own child other wise it's all hear say.. also when you record things people say on tape recorder it's hard to hold up in court only because some states have a law that you can't use that as evidence because its intrapment and the other person didn't know they was being recorded... but writing things on calender what is said when it's said all that is still good to have.... My 3 older boy's father beat me and abused me verbaly and mentaly and almost killed me twice...... 7 years i delt with it and guess what the juge says the kids can still have UN SUPERVISED visits with him because he didn't harm his children he harmed me like i said that is the state i love in Michigan not sure where you all live..... It's all about the way you represent your self to the consiliator or juge.... like i said it looks better if you goto court before he gose to court..... the only way he can go away and never come back with your son is if he leaves the country...... but you can put a hold on your childs passport so he can't take him out of the country.... so you will be ok just goto the court file for child suport and parenting time even if he don't pay the suport at least you have the order in effect and he will get warrants in any state if he don't pay... non payment of child suport is a felony..... good luck

Emerald - posted on 03/03/2011

I am no expert on family law by any means, but I do know you need to save all those emails where he rants and raves and other wise disses you. If he only communicates over the phone, see what you can do about recording your conversations. Talk to your lawyer first, but I do believe that all you have to say is I am recording this conversation at the beginning of all phone calls. If you get enough info, and documentation, I am fairly certain you will be able to get soul custody and make him have supervised visits. I would get it into the courts asap, as he seems to be the type that would take your child and run and he's just seedy enough that he would succeed.

Chrissie - posted on 03/03/2011

Go to the court house and they can help you. I went through this with my sons dad. I filed papers, he didn't respond and I won by default. We have joint custody now but initially he was threatening not to bring him home when he would have him for the weekend and I finally got sick of him threatening me and went to the courthouse. They were very helpful, told me what forms to fill out, what to do, how to file them, they let me make payments for my filing fee's and everything.

Jessica - posted on 03/03/2011

Go to court. though it has already been said... your son is in danger as long as you comply with his wishes. your son comes first, not the sperm donor sob.

Tyeshia - posted on 03/03/2011

Log everything your ex says and does. Be very detailed (dates, times, witness, how the threats were made, etc.). I agree that you should take him to court. Even if you've done some stupid thigs, as we all have, you have grown. You are stable and obviously a good mom who puts her son 1st. I also agree that I would want to meet the girlfriend first and if he flipped out about that then there is something that he is hiding. Threats can become reality so keep your son safe before its too late. You have a lot of support on COM, we are here for you!

Cassie - posted on 03/03/2011

As of now, If you'll have never been to court, or mediation, he has the same rights as you, when it comes to visitation,care, ect..... Not that they are equal... I would suggest that you go to your court house and file a (Show cause) which is what it was called n this state 9 yrs ago... and then the proceedings can/will/should start. Giving your state has the same....

Keilah - posted on 03/03/2011

You can take him to court and get supervised visits. The sooner you do it the better. Not trying to scare you but I'm in that situation right now. My son's father had him for a weekend and we had set times for when he would drop my little jojo back at home. The time was six pm on sundays. Needless to say the very first time he was supposed to do he tried to bring him home early. I was nowhere near my house and I told him that I would be home at the time previously discussed. When I got home I sent him a txt letting him know that I was home and he never responded. he next day he tried to drop him off at my job and I told him to take him to the babysitters and I would pick him up there. He refused! Girl he actually passed the daycare up to bring him to my job! Anyhow I tried to get my son back that wednesday becasue he was supposed to take him tothe babysitter on tuesday and changed his mind and came back to my job instead. I had to get a restraining order on him for my own protection because he started threatening me. After that he refused to give my son back! I went to the police to see if they would consider it kidknapping and the answer was no. They said because he is on jojo's birth certificate and there is no court order he had equal rights. This has been going on since August. I have spoken with my son on the telephone but hadn't seen him at all! And in November my old phone's contract ended and I got a new phone and couldn't xfer the number so I haven't spoken with my baby since November of 2010. Good news is I have finally saved up enough money to pay my lawyer to start the process of getting my son back. And the good thing is they actually state that the court goes with the parent that will allow the other parent to have a loving relationship with the child. With telling you my story I didn't want to scare you but if you are going to do anything legal and you feel like you really should, you should not hesistate. Do it right away because it doesn't feel good when your baby isn't with you and you don't know if they are being taken care of properly. Peace and Blessings

Christina - posted on 03/02/2011

DO NOT let your baby anywhere near this guy because if you do you might never see your son again. Secondly, go to court and try to get a restraining order on this guy, and from the things you've described about him I believe a judge would grant it. The guy is a LOSER and is trying to make you life a hell. The next time he comes around and starts his nonsense, tell him to leave. If he doesn't or he starts to threaten you in anyway, call the cops! Sounds like you're a good mother who only wants the best for your son. Good luck, sweetie! I wish you and your son the best! :)