Son with behavioral problems

Eunice - posted on 06/20/2012

Hi!

I am a mother of a wonderful bright 4 year old boy! My son was attending daycare for about a year and a half and for 3 weeks he began to have outbursts! I was there for every meeting and every outburst. Just like you I felt lost b/c i couldnt pin point anything, I'm in the process of waiting for a psych evaluation to confirm the so called ADD/ADHD symptoms.

I agree with all the mothers here, 1) talk to the teacher, it seems to me that she lacks dedication. I for one was adviced by the teacher that my son was to accelerated for preschool! But the outbursts where beign triggered from another student. I praise my son for all his great work and as soon as i pulled him out of the daycare, drastic changes began. They said that my son wasn't writing and that he wouldn't listen. Besides have you ever heard of learnt behavior, I came to find out that there were 5 other children in his classroom who has ADD/ADHD and the staff wasn't equip to handling this, so I thought to myself, well if he thinks this is normal then that's why he's acting like this..right?

My clue was b/c he wans't bringing that disruptive behavior home and that alone should be clue #1, im still going through with the evalution just so I can have peace of mind. Remember that daycare is all fun and games, kindergarden is suppost to be the best time of their lives, but if they dont have a good start they can become frighten!

The other thing is that most kids hear "bad" and they are easily influenced, my son told me one day mommy im a bad boy! I was crushed and said no you aren't. Do you get yelled at home, or when we go out? he said no. In addition to all of this, having open communication with your son helps tremendously. He needs to feel that you are on his side even when you know he's wrong! Because at an early age they feel alone anyway right?

Best of luck to you...keep us posted

Pam - posted on 10/12/2010

Have a question. Did your son attend Pre-K, not daycare, but a program designed to prepare little people for kindergarten? If he didn't, that could be some of the problem. He may simply need time to adjust to the "boringness" of a scheduled day. Also is kindergarten full day or half-day? If he's never been to school before, I suggest a half-day program if it's possible.



Overall, I'm surprised that the teacher hasn't asked for a conference or tried to reach out to you. When I taught kindergarten, I always spoke individually with the parents of students who misbehaved. That would be done daily as opposed to just saying a child's been "bad". Parents need an explanation to help in the behaviour modification process. Definitely meet with the teacher when your son is out of the room as not to hurt his feelings. During the conference ask for a list of Kindergarten Preparedness objectives (usually they're given out at Open House or at registration) or just 3-5 goals she would like for him, not all the children, to accomplish by December. And work with him at home and let him know how much it pleases both the teacher and you. Children his age enjoy pleasing adults so simply telling how happy he's made you or how much better the teacher's day went should help. I believe in positive reinforcement through empathy and praise before trying other methods. It develops character and is less expensive than buying things.



If for any reason you feel as if the personalities do not gel or if the teacher's expectations are unreasonable, switch your son's class if it's possible. You don't want him to feel like he's being picked on or bullied by anyone. If that happens (and I pray it doesn't) be sure to let your son know that he didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people work better with other people.



My apologies for being so long-winded but kindergarten is a magic year for kids. I really want your son to fully enjoy it. Best of luck :)

Stifler's - posted on 10/12/2010

I agree with Betty, go up and see what happens in the class and stuff you might be able to figure out what the problem is.

Betty - posted on 10/12/2010

You could help out in the class once in a while to see for yourself what the teacher expects from her students. Maybe his teacher's expectations are set a bit higher than yours and you just need to tighten things up at home or find a new teacher. Some of the other students may also be triggering this behavior problem.

Renee - posted on 10/12/2010

What are the behavioral issues? Is it a certain time of the day he starts to have issues? Is there another kid that might be pushing his buttons and your kid keeps getting caught reacting? I agree that you should sit and talk with his teacher. Also calmly ask your son what is going on...don't accuse him until you hear what he has to say.

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2010

Lorin is absolutly right! OMG I can't believe I didn't think of this! ne way you should reward good behavior left and right!!! OH rewarding good behavior takes away from the attention that he is getting from poor behavior!!! It is very possible that he just needs some extra attention...in school there are so many kids and just one teacher and that teacher doesn't have enough time to give every child all the attention that he needs! Maybe get some kind of board...a dry erase board even with a calander!! then each week that he comes home with all stars or smiley faces or just your plain old calander put stickers each day or draw a smiley face and at the end of the week if he had all good behavior reward it with something...a boook, a hot wheels car, going to the park, getting ice cream!! but make sure you make a HUGE deal out of having a good day!! You don't want to reward him with extra attention on a poor day! AND then if he can go 2 weeks or the whole month....or has just like 2 or 3 poor days in the whole month maybe a big treat!! ATTENTION seems to be a big deal when children are making poor choices! Also we all, even me, have to make sure that we tell them the THINGS they do or poor choices...and that they aren't bad!!! That was great advice from Lorin!

Lorin - posted on 10/12/2010

Give him a sticker, small toy, cookie, or his favourite treat on the days he comes home without an X. Hopefully that will be an exciting reward. :-) You could then let him add these up to a slightly bigger treat when he comes home all week without an X.

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2010

I agree with talking to the school and his teacher. The first step that should be taken is talking to the teacher...and then going to the principle!!! The teacher should be working with you and trying to find someone way to make the situation better! I keep in touch with my son's teacher through email...just so that I know how he is doing. Last year I didn't know my son was having any problems until I went to confrences and they said well he hasn't been very well behaved for 3 or 4 weeks now! I was mad...so I don't let that happen ne more. I stay on top of my son's teacher as much as I can just b/c I want to always be involved. I don't know if I would consider an alternative school this early tho...just my opinion...if the school can't get things figured out I would see about getting him into another school! ALSO sitting in on the class once in awhile IF that is something that you can do is always a good idea...or if there is no way you could b/c your son wouldn't pay attention like MY son would do...you might be able to find a good friend that you can trust to sit in on your child's class! I have sat in a friend of mine's children's classes b/c there was no way she could do it b/c they wouldn't have paid attention to ne thing...there are so many things you can do...it is just hard to know what to do until you have been through it yourself! I hope you find the right advice and good luck!

Alecia - posted on 10/12/2010

maybe school isnt for him. they do have alternative schools. that sounds scary, but its school that can be tailored to ur kid's needs. have u tried sitting down and talking to the teacher/school and see if there is anything they can do to help ur son? at 6 yrs old they should be trying to help instead of just sending letters home every other day. good teachers have many tools and can teach kids differently depending on what the kids need. good luck!!!