SPANKING

NICOLE - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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IS IT WRONG TO SPANK ON THE BUTT OR HAND WHEN IM TRYING TO TEACH HER THAT SOMETHING SHE'S SAYING OR DOING IS WRONG? I ONLY RESORT TO THIS WHEN SIMPLY TRYING TO TALK TO HER GETS ME NOWHERE.

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Asha - posted on 04/08/2010

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I've always been strongly against spanking (anywhere at any age). Coupled with my personal feelings against this form of punishment there NUMEROUS medical/psychological reasons to abstain from methods of brute-force as discipline:
1. There is a proven direct correlation between spanking leading to child abuse; through either accidents or a persistent child trying the nerves of already stressed out parent
2. Despite the fact that spankings are generally administered to correct a wrong behavior, they actually hinder that goal and instead implement fear in the child toward their parents.
3. Psychological studies on this issue have shown that positive reinforcement and other forms of discipline prove much more effective than physical punishment
4. Children who have been spanked tend to show higher rates of aggressive behavior
and are more prone to depression, feelings of alienation, use of violence toward a spouse, and lower economic and professional achievement.
There are many more sound methods of discipline we can implement if we just take the time to find out what is best for our children :)

Amber - posted on 04/08/2010

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I have a baby but I also have a little brother whom happens to be a hellian. My father and stepmom could not control him..they would tell him over and over and that would result into raising their voices and eventually spanking the butt. STILL didn't work. So I worked my magic. I got down on his level, breifly told him what he was doing wrong and why. (he was biting my dad in the arm over and over and head butting my grandma in the stomach, i told him it was wrong in so many words and why it was wrong, because it hurts) I did this in a nice calm manner and redirected his attention to doing something positive. He never bit my dad or grandmother again and all he needed was a little positive reinforcement. Not to say this works with everyone but it's worth a shot.

[deleted account]

Britney brings up one of my issues with spankings. Your child looks up to you. If you hit them that teaches them that it's ok to hit.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/08/2010

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I do not believe in spanking in any form please if your willing read Barbara Coloroso's KIDS ARE WORTH IT it give many different solutions and triple "P" parenting.

Nicole - posted on 04/10/2010

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The only thing being spanked as a child taught me, was to not get caught, and to tense my butt up so it hurt my mom's hand more then it hurt me. I don't agree with spanking, and I understand that every child is different, but I don't think teaching a child that "you did something wrong so I'm going to physically hurt you" is the way to go.

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Hannah - posted on 04/11/2010

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such a tough one. yes and no. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. it depends on the child. however, we all know there is a difference between beating and spanking- obviously it doesn't take much to hurt a childs feelings, so a little goes a long way

[deleted account]

Melissa, if talking is getting you nowhere, you don't 'kind of have to'. Try another tactic. Do your research, there are heaps of alternatives out there rather than hitting your child. I don't hit, slap, smack, pop, paddle or hurt my child, and he doesn't 'walk all over' me. In fact, he's probably one of the best behaved children I know! Not only do I not have to smack him, but he doesn't do anything that causes me to even think about smacking him. If I say 'no' or 'stop', then he stops. I don't know, maybe I just got lucky with him.

Kortney, can you define exactly where the fine line (which you referred to) is between hurting and disclipling? I constantly ask this question, and noone has ever been able to answer it.

As I said before, this debate will just go around in circles.

Melissa - posted on 04/11/2010

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No, its not wrong! Honestly, I believe that's what's wrong with our society. Too many parents out there don't spank their children. That's why they act up and throw temper tantrums. When I was a child, if I acted up.. I would get spanked.. And I knew not to misbehave. I listened extremely well because of it. So, I think it is perfectly fine. If talking is getting you nowhere.. You kind of have to. Because, you can't have your child walking all over you.

Kortney - posted on 04/11/2010

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I dont see ANYTHING wrong in spanking. There is a FINE LINE between hurting and disciplining your child. You have to know the DIFFERENCE between the two...I pop my daughters hand if Ive told her NO and counted to 3. Does that mean Im HURTING her? No.Im not hitting her hard enough to leave marks, just popping her, in order for her to know that she cant do that. Think about how hard it is going to be when you daughter is 16. Are you still gonna havta put her in a corner because you dont wanna "spank" her? Because clearly that wont work. If you dont start teaching them younger, imagine how out of control they will be when the are older!!

[deleted account]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
OMG! What a pointless debate! We are just going to go around and around in circles. Hitters will say it's okay. Non-hitters will say it's not okay. If you have to ask whether you should be hitting, maybe you already know that it's not okay.
The comment about people being judgmental - if you are going to post a question like this, you are going to get everyones opinions.
Christin, you completely misunderstood my question, but I'm not even going to get into that. Go back and read it properly.
Like someone else said, this is the 3rd or 4th debate on this topic, and it's not going anywhere!!! Maybe you smackers should set up your own group so that you can discuss the pro's of hurting your children, similar to the group on positive behaviour management (ie not smacking).

Brittany - posted on 04/11/2010

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I do not think it's wrong to spank a child as long as you aren't beating them or leaving bruises. I spank my sons hand or tap him on the butt and tell him "No". He understands that he is doing wrong when I do this.

Allison - posted on 04/11/2010

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my sister in law gave me a great idea. she said her son's preschool teacher recommended that instead of spanking put your hand on top of your little ones hand and tap your own hand. it's more the noise than the action that gets their attention and its not hurting your baby.

Sunshine - posted on 04/11/2010

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A spank to the bottom is a quick tool to show that, that behavior is wrong. I think its okay as long as your not upset at the time of the spanking and that your in control at all times.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/11/2010

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My son is 8 months now, he loves to push the limits of what he knows is and is not allowed. We do smack his hand lightly for effect when he does something that is not allowed, touch wires, or twist the dogs fur, etc. I think its silly for people to get so upset I know when this happens in my house he cries cause he's offended, his feelings are hurt for being told no, not his body. And this got the point across faster than a simple no, and now after a few times a simple no does do the trick.

Lisa - posted on 04/11/2010

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I totally agree with spanking as along as its only on the but or hand and not agressively (sp?) some parents ruined it for the ones who only spank once on the bum/hand by pretty much beat their children

[deleted account]

Nope there's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes spankings are needed and this is your child afterall.

Kristina - posted on 04/11/2010

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its annoying when you have a blog about a pat on the butt ,or, hand to get your point across; and, some people start debating about child abuse. She didn't ask Is it wrong to intervene when you see a child being struck with force, or something else that would start a debate on abuse. Everyone with sense knows beating and spanking are completely opposite, and its never okay to hit any child, any age with force!!!!

Kristina - posted on 04/11/2010

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No not at all; your probably get a few anti-spanking comments ,but, ignore that Bs. I am not saying to ever hit your child out of anger. to get your point across its fine, a tap on butt or hand!

[deleted account]

i dont think its emotional abuse nor neglect. emotional abuse is mainly words, when a parent sits there and calls you stupid or messes with you mentally. and its not neglect, neglect is not taking care of a kid or not parenting and letting them go. spanking is physical and is not abuse if done right. i have had cops tell us i dont think theyd tell us its ok if it was going to land us in jail.



neglect is not vaccinating a child, neglect is not feeding a child, and not meeting that childs needs.



emotional/mental abuse would be like calling your kid fat everyday and calling it names and stuff.



then sexual abuse which we all know what that is

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2010

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personally i dont believe there is anything wrong with spanking as long as you are not mad or have an attitude when you do spank you child. i know for my boys simpy trying to talk to them does not work most of the time

Destiney - posted on 04/11/2010

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i have going on 4 kids and ive found that this works best for me i use a light spanking on the hand when they hit or get into somtething there nto suposed to (after they have been told a few times) and a spank on the butt for when time out dosent work i stoped this when my son was about 5 and moved to being grounded because that seems to be the most tragic thing in his life right now lol. but if he still does something severe like say taching his 3 yo sisiter to flip people off he does get a spanking (and yes even with well behaved children this happens they always know that one onry kid) i never beat my kids and its how i was raised and if u belive in not spanking thats fine its up to every parent and i find its debated about aas much as religion. but it can also change from kid to kid my 3 yr old hates it when i take toys away and that seems to work great for the end result punishment where my 2 yr old just dosent grasp these consepts yet and the only way i can keep her from touching stuff and throwing items she knows she cant have is a tap on the hand. you really just gto go threw the gauntlet and see what works and when it stops working 4 ur kids try something new

Emily - posted on 04/11/2010

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ok honestly, my son is not old enough to discipline yet. But we have decided on spanking. there's a difference between "spanking" and "beating" the sad thing is when people can't discern the two. I don't see anything wrong with a few swats to get their attention. hopefully with 82 moms responding you can read this. my younger brother and sister and I got spanked as children. our mother did not beat us and we are fine children as for smacking on the hand if you are going to smack on the hand you should smack the inside of the hand because smaking the outside can cause veins in their hands to pop. even in the Bible it states "spare the rod spoil the child" this means that if you dont discipline your children they will think that everything that they do is fine. they dont learn anything from that. if you dont start discipline now your daughter will end up acting like my friends daughter and "telling you that you're going to do something" or screaming til she gets her way. or says WHATEVER she wants. we are the parents we do not take orders or demands. hope this helps some.

Sarra - posted on 04/11/2010

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I don't know what sparked this whole spanking debate all of a sudden but this is the 3-4th post i have seen in a week. No one is going to convince the other that it is right or wrong, so how about we just drop it. How you choose to parent your child is your prerogative, if you have to get online and ask people if what your doing is wrong or OK maybe you do need to check yourself. that being said I do and well spank my child, spanking is meant to be with an open hand on the butt, it is not meant to cause fear leave marks or hurt much more then feelings...now if your beating your child with a belt...wooden spoon etc that's where it becomes abuse.

Audrey - posted on 04/11/2010

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I don't believe its right, .. Lets say your scolding for hitting, and then you turn around and do it to them.. It doesn't say consistence. And in any other situation it shows that when somthing doesn't go the way you like that its ok to loose your cool. ..

Its not dramatic, but I don't think its necessary either.

My daughter is 2 and never raises her voice to me. Doesn't hit and is very well behaved. She listens and knows the boundries and limits I've set for her.

Nikkole - posted on 04/11/2010

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no i dont think it is wrong. we are going to spank are lil girl, but as a last resort. i was only spank a handful of times that i can remember, and i dont hate my mom and dad or is hate fully about it. i never leand to hit from being spanked or hitting is ok

Heather - posted on 04/11/2010

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My sister has a 6 year old.. because we were spanked even into the teenage years she decided she would not raise her hand to her child. Now he pretty much runs her life. She can not control him at all. He tells her what he is going to do or not do and because talking to him and time outs don't work she just lets him do what she wants.

I have a two year old and I will admit that I believe spanking is ok to an extent. I use it as a last resort or when he's done something so dangerous that it could have hurt him. My mother isn't a very good help when it comes to correcting my son (she lives with me) and just the other day I asked him to pick up his toys and he went running into her room yelling save me. My mother asked him what was wrong and when I explained to her why he was upset.. she responded to him with I will save you and shut her bedroom door in my face. When I complained to her about her actions her words to me were.. Catch him before he gets to my room because I am his grandmother and I will save him every time.. I want to spank her for that! but I'm her child..

I put my two year old in time out.. but I am finding that it has stopped working all that great. So now I have started taking away his toys.. starting with the ones he won't pick up and moving right into his favorites. I put them in toy jail. A place he can see them so he doesn't forget about them, but can't get to. When he asks for them I explain to him why he can't have them and how he can get them back and not lose them again.

Katherine - posted on 04/11/2010

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I can't believe some of the judgmental people posting on here! This is what is wrong with our society! I do believe in spanking. My brothers and I were spanked, my husband and his siblings were spanked, and my son gets spanked. I don't judge people who don't spank their kids and tell them your child is going to be a trouble maker cause he isn't disciplined, because who knows what child is going to cause trouble?? And I don't think it's right for someone to judge the parents who do spank their kids, and say that we hurt our children or that we are causing emotional scaring, because you don't know what our children are going to turn out like. I really think that everyone should at least have a common understanding that each parent has their own views and own ways to raise their children. It doesn't mean that either parent is wrong, and we should all have the right to raise our kids how we see fit. Everyone has become so judgmental these days, and people are always trying to butt in and tell you how to properly raise your kids. Who needs that? Come on everyone if you spank your kids that is your business you are the parent, and if you choose not to then that is your business. Parents who spank are not mean to their children, and none of you judgmental people know how they will turn out! Parents who do not spank their children do not spoil their kids, they just take a different approach, and none of you other judgmental people know how their kids will turn out. Like I said earlier, I do believe in spanking my son, but I do not believe in judging anyones parenting techniques. We should all give advice on our own experience, without passing judgment on other parents.

[deleted account]

Hmmm, for those of you who state that it's not abuse if it doesn't leave a bruise... what about neglect? What about emotional abuse? Are these not types of abuse? I know that's going off topic, and I know that this next comment will get a lot of criticism, but I'd be interested to know if any of you have done any child abuse training... maybe that would put you off hurting your child...?

[deleted account]

some people yes do take it way too far. theres people who do go overboard to where it does become abuse. i was popped in the mouth as a kid,spanked and once i got the belt and i turned out just fine, as did my family and my husband got worse than that as a kid and hes just fine. i wouldnt go to the extremes as alot of parents did like the frozen willow tree branches or branches in general. i know people who had to pick a big branch and got that. to me thats too far.

Trina - posted on 04/10/2010

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That is his opinion though, it is not a fact. 65% of American's are spanking their kids today. That is a lot of parents spanking. I think about kids who have committed crimes who were spanked. 65% is the majority. You can still spank and be permissive if the children do not understand the punishment for the crime. It is so individual it is just really hard to say that 1 from of discipline is suited for all. There are too many individual, maturity, and social factors that come into play. It is clear that some parents who do spank take it to extremes like Lydia Schatz's parents.

Kimberly - posted on 04/10/2010

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I totally agree with Chelsea. My daughter is very well behaved. I don't want her to be injured so she needs to know what she can and can not touch or do. Some parents don't discipline their children at all and that is what is bad. I know that my daughter will respect me and what I ask of her because she know there will be consequences if she misbehaves.

[deleted account]

if its nothard its not a problem, as long as it doesnt bruise or mark. its not about age its about when they can comprehend. some comprehend sooner than others. as long as theres no physical marks its ok. i have had a cop tell me its ok to discipline kids if they need it and parents need to be more harsh bc what he deals with and he knows the difference. he said that parents dont spank need to because he deals with too many bad kids not diciplined.



he said as long as its not abuse its ok.



each person has ther method and if that works on her baby then its ok. im sure shes not abusing the baby and knows how hard is too hard. i dont think spanking is ok until 1 year if not older but thats me. some spank before that. some dont. as long as its not crossing the line i think she can do what she wants. im sure if she was abusing her baby cps would step in or someone would notice marks, really that goes for anyone spanking. i think if they crossed that line im sure something would be done by someone.

Trina - posted on 04/10/2010

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What age do you think is ok? someone said 6 months? How early is too early? It is hard to tell online sometimes what people are doing :(

Noemi - posted on 04/10/2010

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I agree it depends on da age, but I do spank my son when he doesnt respond to me talking to him!!!

[deleted account]

i dont really see anything abusive? abuse is when you leave a mark or bruise on a child and repeatedly hit them. spanking,popping them in the mouth at a certain age and stuff isnt abuse. thats where the line comes in. continuosly beating a child yes is abuse but im not seeinganyone posting anything abusive.

Connie - posted on 04/10/2010

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once upon a time i used spankings... they didnt work ou too well for my son, but he does have his biological fathers temperment... not so good. but if it works. there is a fine line that some people walk when it comes to spanking. and it borders abuse. but there is a line. its all where u take it.

[deleted account]

Every child is different, thus they respond to discipline differently. I think that spanking is okay as a last resort. I have been taking a few developmental (once called child psychology) psychology classes and thus far everything I have read pretty much states that spanking is okay under the correct circumstances so long as the child responds to it in a way that corrects his or her behavior. As I have stated before, I used it as a last resort and have only had to do it twice. I generally put my son in time out for one minute per his age. Before being placed in time out I bring to his attention that he has done something wrong and ask him if he knows what he is going into time out for. He is then placed in time out for the allotted time. Once the time is up I get down on his level and we talk about his behavior. I have found this to work the best as long as I am consistent. However, there have been those occasions that merited it.

Trina - posted on 04/10/2010

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Ok, so my main concern with spanking is what do you do when it becomes no longer effective? Do you spank more, spank harder, and what consequences are you left with if you start out with the worst one every single time? See, that is my issue with it. I don't have an issue with how other people parent unless they are being abusive. Sometimes people do come here and post abusive stuff and that is really sad. Whether anyone spanks or not, I don't think it is ok to ignore if someone is posting something abusive. It is always good to have other tools to deal with problems when they come up. I have had to be really creative because I don't like spanking and it is not effective for my kids. Plus, with what I believe with my faith is that I should treat my children the way Jesus would treat them, which means with grace. I know other people interpret stuff differently, and that is ok. We started out being spanking parents, but we really had to find another way. My kids are special needs, so for special needs kids I find even from many other parents, that spanking is not appropriate for their kids. They have to find other ways to get through to their child. Not spanking is a lot of work. It means I have to try to learn tons more, and try many, many other things. My son's developmentalist does not recommend spanking because he finds that children on the Autism spectrum often do not connect the punishment with the crime. that was my experience too. Not spanking does not mean that my children run wild though. It means I adjust my expectations, I understand their limits, and I enforce consequences with other things. I try to use a lot of natural consequences. If they are doing something dangerous I remove them from that situation.

Cindy - posted on 04/10/2010

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This whole entire subject is all a matter of opinion and nobody will ever fully agree with each other on it. Pretty much girl you gotta go with your own instincts on what you feel will work best for your child.

Because think about it this way: What may work for some peoples children may not work the exact same way for other children.

And seriously, this thread is gonna start arguments, which is what scares me right now cause people tend to think their opinion is the only right opinion.

Good luck girl! :)

Becky - posted on 04/10/2010

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No it is not wrong to spank your child. Heck, schools still use corpal punishment with children. I spank my children, not as often any more because they are getting old enough to ground from certain things, but I do still have to spank them especially my daughter.

Chelsea - posted on 04/10/2010

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i strongly believe in spanking children, when it is needed, i think in this day and age that people dont know the difference in spanking and abusing your children so it is thought as something wrong. I know i may be judge for what i do but i dont not abuse my child, she has never been bruised by me or my husband and starting at 6 months old she would get a light smack on the mouth hand or bottom depending n what it was she is doing. And i have a very well behaved baby. She rarely screams at me (tap in the mouth) She does not hit me( Smack on the hand) and if i tell her no when she is getting into something (spank on the butt) she stops. I rarely have to do more then say "no" firmly to her, and it started because very early she learned when mommy says no if you do it anyway you get a spanking. By 7 months she knew that no meant no and you do not hit or yell at your mom, and if that makes me a bad mom because i spanked her to teach her that then fine. Those people who children walk all over them and scream at them and hit them, do not judge me because my child is happy and i will always get the respect i deserve from her, and she will be safe because she listens to my requests.

Cindy - posted on 04/10/2010

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In that situation you just mentioned I know that smacking their hand will most definitely make them not want to do it ever again it sure as hell worked for me when I was a little kid. I remember it very well. :)

Kryss - posted on 04/10/2010

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Well as in other post as i have siad there is quite a difference in hitting and spanking..but now i am exausted of this subject ...:)

Sabrina - posted on 04/10/2010

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i have a 3 strike rule but my daughter is 3 almost 4.first is a warning second is time out and 3rd is a spanking. but never hard enough to leave a mark not even red. just the thought of a spanking or the act of a little tap is enough for her. but i do agree on some things thats been brought up some parents are scared of thier kids and some kids you dont get spankings are alot harder to handle. it really just depends on howold the child is and what it is theyve done wrong

Christi - posted on 04/10/2010

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in my personal opinion no. i do it with my son, it is the only thing that works. do not spank while you are angry or frustrated though. and know where the line is. oh and never hit with anything other than your hand.

Terri - posted on 04/10/2010

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I believe in spanking. I believe there is a difference between spanking and beating your child. However I spank my son and he is so hard headed he just keeps doing whatever he is doing

Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2010

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It is absolutely okay to spank a child or to slap their hand for something. The only thing you need to keep in mind is that if you are spanking them, it has to be immediately following the broken rule, and cannot be because you are angry. If you wait until you have talked until you are blue in the face to her, then you are sending the wrong message.

Amber - posted on 04/10/2010

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Thats what is wrong with the kids in the world today, Parent believe that spanking a child is wrong, i grew up with it and so did my mother and father and so on, there is nothing wrong with spanking your child, and spanking them DOES NOT teach them how to hit other children. You dont learn to be a mother by reading book, you take it day by day and you learn, every child is different so it is your choice and what you feel comes from your heart if you think your child needs to be spanked, if is nice to have someone, like the site to ask but at the end of the day please remember that, that baby is still your and you are still the mother in control of the beautful gift you were givin.

Laura - posted on 04/10/2010

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We do. When time out talking and stare down doesn't work.. Pop her on the hand leg or butt. It's the last measure but it's what you have to do some times.

Alyssa - posted on 04/10/2010

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i took a lot of parenting classes with my daughter and i learned like a lot of different discipline techniques that dont resort to spanking. the worst part about spanking is that it teaches your kid that its ok for them to do that. and you dont want to show your child that aggression whether its major or minor is the way to go; cuz its not... good luck tho. my daughter can be quite a hellian but i wouldnt spank her

Erica - posted on 04/10/2010

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My husband and I were both smacked on the but and I firmly believe we are better for it! If you choose to spank do so on the bum or the hand. I've seen people who don't spank their children do far more harm to their children verbally than I do physically when I swat my daughters hand!

Ella - posted on 04/10/2010

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Only if you want to be hit you "WHEN SIMPLY TRYING TO TALK TO you GETS NOWHERE."

:( its hitting, and its not ok..

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