Spoiling baby ? - I don't think so!

Lisa - posted on 04/05/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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Hi there,

I have a 4 and a half month old little girl (Anna) and she is my first child.

I can't stand it when people think or say that I am "spoiling" the baby!!!

People have said that I spoil her by:

- sitting in the back seat of the car with her when my husband is driving

- feeding her on demand (when she was a newborn)

- consoling her by picking her up when she has been teething (3 and 4 months old)

- keeping her away from people who I know are sick (have a cold or flu)

I think the above examples are NOT spoiling her...I think it is common sense and good parenting. I

Are there any other moms who have experienced this? If so, how did you react to the people who said these things?

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28 Comments

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Meaghan - posted on 04/11/2009

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I don't think any of that is weird, i didn't sit in the front seat until my son was almost a year old, specially since its not like my husband can pay much attention to me when he is driving (and I don't drive) so I didn't really have any need to sit in the front. I held him ALOT and still do occasionally, but he is just fine, hes not "spoiled" he still breast feeds on demand at 15 months, and plays independently for most of the day, so clearly it has not "messed" him up in any way, but I have had a lot of people, including family that told me I could "spoil" him and he would end up being a big suck, well it actually worked the opposite way because he has such a strong connection with me and my husband that he feels safe being independent because he knows we wont just up and ditch him.

[deleted account]

Yeh unfortunately for some kids they have mothers who feel their babies came out with a mission to control them.

Sarah - posted on 04/09/2009

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It does not sound like you are spoiling her at all. You are showing her love and comfort when she needs it. She is only 4 months old - at 4 months you can't spoil a child. You are keeping her from getting sick & you are comforting her when she is in pain. Feeding on demand is something a lot of parents do & it is not spoiling. My husband & I still do this with our daughter & she is 10.5 months old. We feed her when she is obviously hungry. I have run into the "spoiling" issue a few times. My daughter was in a saucer toy & she obviously didn't want to be there. I was eating dinner & I picked her up to hold her. Another mom looked at me and said, "You are spoling her rotten!" She was only 5 months old & I didn't believe that I was spoiling her. Many people will have their opinions. Just ignore them =] You are doing a great job =]

Yvonne - posted on 04/08/2009

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You can't spoil a baby.  The people are full of crap just ignore them.  I know it's annoying I've heard it too.   My mom thought my daughter was spoiled at three months and that that's why she was crying all the time.  It turned out she had a bladder infection.

Krystle - posted on 04/08/2009

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Whenever I take my babe to the dr.s, the dr. always closes the appt with, "You can't hold the baby too much. You can't spoil the baby. Have fun!" The babe doesn't know the difference. He/She needs his/her mom and can recognize that the parent isn't going anywhere and that they are not going to be deprived of food! I love SPOILING my babe!!!! And I think every mom should! Your grand!!! Golden!

Ashlee - posted on 04/07/2009

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Your baby is just 4 1/2 months old, you're not spoiling your baby, you're just being a mom.



I was the same way with my first baby. And with me about to have my second, I'm going to be doing the same thing with this one. Just laugh it off, she's your baby, not theirs.



And it sounds like you're doing a great job.

Vicki - posted on 04/07/2009

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SO IF THAT IS SPOILING THEN WE ALL DO IT TO ARE BABIES MY DAUGHTER IS 4 AND IF PPL ARE SICK I DONT LET THEM COME TO THE HOUSE I DONT WANT HER TO GET SICK JUST SMILE AND TELL THEM THANK U

Jacy - posted on 04/07/2009

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i personally think that riding with her in the back seat is a little much only because its will make is so she never wants to ride alone. feeding her on demand is what you have to do when you breast feed a newborn so i dont see how that is spoiling her... consoling deffinately isnt spoiling. however for teething i suggest using gentle natural teething drops and motrin (its better then tylenol for pain). i keep my daughter away from people who are sick (my daughter is asthmatic and gets sick really easy) and that isnt spoiling her though children do need to get sick our their immune system will suffer because it doesnt buikd up antibodies. you have chosen to do attatchment parenting and theres nothing wrong with that. its not my personal style. i personally am raising my daughter to be very independant and she is. i was told that i neglected her because i didn jump up every time she peeped. my daughter is content playing alone as well with me and my husband. i didnt want a child that was clingy only for the fact i need personal time for me too plus doing needed house work. anyways back to the subject. when people say that your spoilin your daughter just tell them that your doing what works for you and they can either respect it or keep their comments to their selfs. i know i got tired of people telling me that i didnt hold my daughter enough and i finally told them you know what i dont need to hod her 24 hours a day she can crawl or walk to me and if she cant or wont then she will cry to let me know she needs me if you cant accept my choice of how to raise my child then dont come around her or me. this is my daughter and i will raise her how i see fit. i hope this helps you good luck!

Holland - posted on 04/07/2009

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I did/do the same... and than some... and I do not think my child is spoiled.
Not feeding your child is like telling someone to wait to eat when they are starving. Babies have small stomachs and their bodies use a lot of energy so they need to eat.
I console my daughter when she's teething cranky... How would people like it if they had pain like teething and couldn't do anything about it... They'd be ticked.
I have hand sanitizer all over the place. in her room, on the diaper bag, everywhere. I don't even let people touch her if they dust sneeze or if they have been playing with the dog unless they wash their hands.
Those people are just jealous because they weren't as smart with their children. :-)
Just smile and nod, smile and nod. ha ha

Erika - posted on 04/07/2009

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i hate that expression "spoiling the baby" I don't think you can spoil someone by holding them when they cry, how else do you get to know your child and what they need. that's their only form of communication! I read the Dr. Sear's baby books, that teach attachment parenting and they tell you you can't hold your baby too much and to keep them in a sling as mucha as possible and they will be much more happy when you're not aroung b/c they have had enough close time. as far as keeping them away from sick people that's just common sense, especially with all the germs around lately. I say keep up the good work mommy!

Karley - posted on 04/07/2009

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i get the same thing all the time from my partners mum my son is 4 months 3 and i do everything you do i still feed on demand

im starting him on solids

i nurse him to sleep or rock cuddle him to sleep

Rachel - posted on 04/06/2009

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I agree with the others who have said that your over protective but if it's working for you and your child/ren then keep doin it i say....lol. I get the opposite to what you get i get told that i let my kids do to much for themselves and that i should do a lot more for them, i just laugh and tell them that it's working for me and until it stops working i'll keep doin it....lol. Life's too short to worry about what other people say just keep being the mother you are because you sound like a GREAT mum.

[deleted account]

I got the same thing when I had my first baby. I was very protective, but my attitude was that she was "my baby". When she was little I would refrain from going to family gatherings, just bc I didn't want her passed around, I've always thought that it can be hard on a little newborn. I know my inlaws thought I was extreme at times, but I really didn't care. Your the mother and if you want to do those things, then do them w/o doubt. The only time I sat in the back seat was on long rides, but I was comfortable having her in the back seat by herself, most of the time we were just driving down the road. Nursing on demand is what I feel a mother should do, especially a nursed baby. Consoling a baby is just being a good motherin my eyes, so your doing great, These oinions from other people never go away unfortunately. My youngest is a boy (17 months) and my dad thinks I  baby him to much and that I'm makin him into a sissy. I just tell him that he's little boy right now, that he doesn't have to be a man yet....lol. I just have to roll things off my shoulder!! You sound like a great mother so just relax and keep doing what your doing if thats what you feel is best.

[deleted account]

i have to agree with jamie on this for the first 6mths there is no real spoiling as the baby dosent understand and when they cry they normally need something but I wouldnt be quick to hold her/him everrytime they cry cus this may lead to other problems later on such as wanting to be held all the time.I dont think your spoiling her I just personally think your being too over protective as well.. your a new mom so its understandable but be prepared as she gets older her little crys are gona turn to screams if you dont sit in the backseat with her,pick her up when she wants to be held and so forth

Christina - posted on 04/06/2009

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I think there is nothing wrong w what u r doin. Loving a child is not spoiling a child. U r her mother & u know what is best 4 her. If sitting n the bac seat is comforting 2 the both of u, do it. I did w my 1st but I dnt  w my other kids bc they hav their brother & sister,

Lisa - posted on 04/06/2009

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At first I sat in the back seat with her because when she was really little I just felt more "secure" being able to see her and to comfort her if she needed it.  Now that she is almost 5 months old I can move myself to the front seat with daddy :)

Amie - posted on 04/06/2009

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Sounds completely normal to me. Well almost... I'll ask like Jamie did.. why do you sit in the back with her? For me it's just not something we do and for the most part by the time they are old enough for us to be going places when they are awake they are old enough to entertain themselves. Before that we schedule our errands and trips around when they'd be sleeping. Everyone's different though. One of my best friends and I don't see eye to eye on how we raise our kids but we respect & love each other enough to stay out of it. I just tell her she's weird and she says the same to me. lol!
OH and the keeping away from sick people.... really? Why would anyone think that's spoiling? People have learned to stay away from my house when their sick... pisses me off. It's just common sense to me, I don't want sick kids and kids can end up a lot worse off (even with just a cold) than adults are. Not saying their gonna die but really.... esh.

Jamie - posted on 04/06/2009

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I think everything is normal for the babies age, except the riding in the backseat with the baby. Um, just wondering, why? Do you think shes not capable of sitting back there alone. If shes able to do it when your driving why do you need to be there when hes driving. i dont think your spoiling i think your over protective. Let her learn to be independant, or you could have issues later on. I think up until about 6 months old you cant really spoil a baby, but you can be over protective.  The first 2 weeks i have my babies home  I put a sign on my door, No Visitors.

Sara - posted on 04/06/2009

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People are nuts! Everyone has an opinion about your parenting, but it doesn't matter! You're not starting any bad habits, I do much the same thing with my own daughter! I've never understood the point of a strict feeding schedule, and keeping her away from sick people and comforting her are what you should do because you're her mom! What do these people suggest that you do instead? Freakshows.

Deidre - posted on 04/06/2009

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I've had so many people tell my I'm spoiling my baby by holding her it's ridiculous. I just tell them I think it's BS lol.

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you should take it as a compliment, your being a loving and attentive mother and there is nothing wrong with that, its not like you baby can tell the sick person to p*** off and not breathe on her...your not spoiling her...spoiling is what my MIL does, three trips to toys r us in a week is excessive...lol

[deleted account]

Just keep trusting your mom instinct. I've had the same comments given to me for my son and I just either ignore them or tell them politely that I know what is good for my own child( ok maybe not always politely). You're nto spoiling your child by craing for her. As Sarah said those people are jealous.

Jenn - posted on 04/06/2009

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Absolutely not spoiling her whatsoever. Spoiling is running when she cries at everything or anything.

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Thats not spoiling, thats loving.
Just tell them you do what works for you and your girl and they should do the same.
I did all of those things with my first and still do all of them (except the car one, he has sisters back there now!) with my 4th.
Babies need their mommies.

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2009

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oh and i travel a lot with my husband...and a lot of people say this because they don't have anything else to say...i guess it is their way of starting a conversation...or they think they're being funny.

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2009

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That is everythig i did with my baby as well. You are being a wonderful mother. I have always heard that you can't spoil a baby. You really can't. I think people are just jealous because they aren't or weren't such great grandparents. I would try to stay away from people that are so negative.

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2009

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oh i have heard this too! But i just smile and go my way, because i know that i know my daughter better than anyone else. I have do all those things on your list. People really thought i was over protective of my daughter when i would carry her in a sling and put her hands inside so no one could touch them!! keep up the good work...it sounds like you are doing a great job!

Sarah - posted on 04/05/2009

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oh i have heard this too! But i just smile and go my way, because i know that i know my daughter better than anyone else. I have do all those things on your list. People really thought i was over protective of my daughter when i would carry her in a sling and put her hands inside so no one could touch them!! keep up the good work...it sounds like you are doing a great job!

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