Step Daddy?

Marie - posted on 12/12/2010 ( 42 moms have responded )

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I broke up with my children's father awhile ago, and since had someone new come into my life. We were taking it slow, until he met my children and fell in love. I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at them. I can see it in my childrens faces too. They can't wait for him to come visit them, they ask about him all day. Their father makes no effort to visit with them or take them out, he can't even pick up the phone to say goodnight and they don't ask to call. My oldest is 5, and I'm sure it was just an accident, but while talking to my sweetheart she called him Daddy. We both just looked at each other and shrugged it off. My youngest are 22 months old. They call him Daddy continuously. I have never once put this idea into their head, and I don't want to tell them no and confuse them...but what should I do? We are very much in love, it grows stronger every day, the way I see it we are a family now. He is excited about being a big part in our family, and when they call him Daddy it lights up his eyes. He has done more with them in this short period of time than their actual father has done their whole lives...
Should they just call him by his name, or is it okay for them to call him Daddy if they WANT to?

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Shauna - posted on 12/16/2010

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Dont know if this helps but I have a stepson and He calls me Mommy, his actual mother is ok with it. We all have an agreement that we will be cival around Isaac my stepson and let him call me mommy if he wants too. We all got together and explained that you can have two mommies that you love just the same because we both care and love for him. *my stepsons mother was raised by her stepmom and also called 2 women mom so i think this made it easier*

I dont see a prob with your child calling this man daddy what is a daddy anyways? someone that cares for a child loves them and tends to their needs .. if hes doing that then i guess its ok

Kirstin - posted on 12/15/2010

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My step dad was my dad, Same deal I was 5 and I started it all on my own, My mom never pushed me and it has been nothing but wonderful for me. If you truley believe he is in it to stay it sounds like he is more a dad than there bio anyhow... I say let the kids go with it.

Erica - posted on 12/15/2010

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YES IT IS.... i can tell you the BD might not like it but he should have been more involved too so just get over it

Trisha - posted on 12/15/2010

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When me and my husband met i made it very clear that if he was to get close to my children that he couldn't take off on them like their biological father did. I have 2 children from a previous relationship, and they haven't seen their biological father in 3 years. My children are turning 9 and 5 this month, and my 5 year old started calling my now husband dad the month before we moved into his house. My 9 year old usually calls him Stephen, but when telling someone about him, or interducing him, he calls him dad.
I don't think it's a problem for children to call a step-father dad. But the step-dad needs to understand what the responsibilites of being a dad are, it's not fair to the child(ren) for him to leave if your relationship were to fail.

Franshell - posted on 12/15/2010

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lets them call him whatever they want.. theres a very big difference between what i like to call a sperm donor and a father! if hes there for them like a dad and they call him dad then i see nothing wrong with it... but talk to him about it because if they get too attached and things dont work out for you and him the kids will be the ones to hurt the most..

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Brandy - posted on 12/19/2010

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If that is how they see him then let it be...because it sounds like there dad is not being one anyway!Good luck to you!

Vicky - posted on 12/18/2010

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I wonder the same thing myself. My son's father and I broke up when he was 5 wks old and that was that. I have not dated anyone. I'm very protective of my son and I don't want to bring every Tom Dick and Harry home to meet him just for them to leave later on. *IF* I find someone later on in life that wants to be around for good....I would hope he wants my son to call him dad. I agree with all the above posts. If everyone is ok with it...it shouldn't be a big deal. If a man wanted to be with me and not let my son call him dad...he's gone. My son needs a "dad" one day. But for now...I'm good enough! =) I think another thing that is key in a situation like this is honesty. You don't need to bad mouth their real dad but if he isn't around, don't lie about why not. I have always had the mind set that I will be honest with my son about why his dad chose not to be around. Plus...kids can see the truth for themselves once they are a little older. They will know who deserves to be called their dad. (I have talked to many people who grew up without their "real" dad around and who consider their step dad their DAD. Which is comforting!)

Tracy - posted on 12/17/2010

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i went through the same exact thing w/my kids. my 2 oldests r from a previous marraige and their father was not active in their lives, my kids were 1 1/2 & 5 months old when i met my now husband. my oldest was shy of him @ 1st but soon was calling daddy and my middle one has always called him daddy. i have never forced them 2 call him daddy i totally left it up to them 7 what they were comfortable with. we've been together for 5 yrs now and they still call him daddy even though on occassions they see their real dad. if your kids r comfortable & he is as well i don't see why that should be a problem.

[deleted account]

I would only stop them if the real father begins to take offense to it. But by the sounds of it he wouldn't really care.

My niece calls her real dad "Daddy or Dad" and her step dad "Papa".

Kara - posted on 12/17/2010

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I would just let that be THEIR decision, however I would always let them know the difference between the two "daddies" and just tell them that they are very blessed to have 2 of them. A biological man DOES NOT make him a DADDY... it makes him a sperm donor! Good luck with your little family and may God bless you!

Katie - posted on 12/17/2010

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This is a difficult decision and a very personal one. I personally think that we have one father and one person we call daddy. I think that step parents should be called by their names but thats just my personal opinion i know many people who call their step fathers Daddy. How about a happy middle and call him daddy followed by his name? Even if their biological father is not a good one he is still their father and should not be forgotton.

[deleted account]

if' it's ok with you and him, why not, as long as your not forcing them, which it seems your not. it's great they have a man in their lives who loves them so much.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 12/16/2010

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Our son knew he wasn’t his father from the start being that he is Korean and we are Black …My hubby and I have been together since our son was 2 years old.

I never told our son to call him dad and I never told him NOT to…he did it because he felt comfortable to do so….that was around 4 the fist time

Now at almost 8 our son calls him by his first name, but when he is introducing him to anyone he says, “This is my Dad”
To my Hubby that is HIS son, cant no one tell him different, that is his mini me

And so kids will do what they feel is right and as long as he has no problem with it then is all good :-0)

Ashley - posted on 12/16/2010

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I don't see anything wrong with that at all. And as long as he's comfortable with it as well. I myself have a step-father. He didn't come into my life until much later (11 years old). When I was 18 I had him adopt me. To this day I don't call him dad even though legally he is now. I'm just not comfortable calling him that because I feel guilty that I'm hiding this from my biologica father. I think it's great that you have found someone that your kids are comfortable around and simply adore. That doesn't happen very often. =] Best of luck to you.

Erica - posted on 12/16/2010

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If you look up the word mothering in the dictionary it means....to mother and take care of. I believe the same is true with fathers also. Both me and my husband have kids from a previous marriage and they both call us MOMMY and DADDY. BM hates it but has been told to get over it and BD was told the same thing and hasnt said a word about it since then. Kids know who PARENTS them and who doesnt !!!!

Teresa - posted on 12/16/2010

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i believe that it is more than okay. my children have been calling my husband dad for three years. i never told them to do it, but he came in their life when their dad did not want to be around. so i would say go for it. they deserve to have a father figure in their life and if their dad does not want to do his job, then it is his lost.

Hailey - posted on 12/16/2010

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hi there my daughter never sees her father ive been with a guy for over a year lives with us buys my daughter everythin puts her bed baths her bascially her daddy but i wuldntlet her call him dad he wuld ask me fair enuf he dose all this y her dad dose what ever but i want her to now her dad is a bad man tell u sum f the stuff knocks me sick i love this guy he was upset that she didnt call him dad but nw he dosnt mind it

Robin - posted on 12/15/2010

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i call my step father dad..bc thats what he always was..he was in my life, my sperm donor wasnt..i see no problem with it

[deleted account]

i dont kno to be honest i gotta say that i dont think its good idea for your kids to be callin him daddy. I mean i dont if u guys are just dating or engaged but i think that until u are married that shouldnt even be brought up. He's not their dad he's just the guy ur dating. and its great that they get along cuz if yall do get married itll be that much better. however wat if something happens and yall break up?? is every guy you introduce to them thats so great with them gonna have the privelege of being called daddy?? and i kno that even if yall get married there's that chance but at least yall will be committed and the family officialy united. my uncle is engaged to a women with two kids(hers not his) and they are 3 and 4 and they just had their own baby( my uncle and woman) together he tells them that he is not their dad( not in an ugly way or anything) and they call him by his name and even if the dad is terrible is not ivolved that is their dad and my uncle knows that and would never want to cross that line even if the dad is non existent. I think thats the right way to do it. Thats my opinion

Chrysanthea - posted on 12/15/2010

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I totally agree with everyone else as long as you are not putting it in their head that this is who their dad is then what is the problem I believe a child will react to someone as a father according to his actions, if he is someone that is always their for them and is always around I really do not see the problem..... But telling them at a young age will only confuse them and become a difficult situation

Rosie - posted on 12/15/2010

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i appreciated my mothers' boyfriend, when they started dating. As a child, he made me happy, too. Once my mom decided to live with him, things changed for the worst. He started abusing my mom, physically, which lead to verbal disputes between he and I. It was a nightmare. My grades in school were affected. I started having nightmares. I had low self-esteem. I was a wreck, so PLEASE- look (deep, hard and long) before you leap. best of luck

Rosie - posted on 12/15/2010

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Don't concern yourself with the label that your children give him. You need to WATCH this man. Find out more about his character, because you could decide to leave him also.

Charlotte - posted on 12/15/2010

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I broke up with the father of my twins when they were 18 months. And a few months later I was in a serious relationship with my current fiancé. My ex-hubby was (and still is) a twisted violent man who is alcoholic and has never really cared for his kids. He still sees them so as to keep me in his life even if it is indirectly. My current man however has always been a fantastic father to my girls and even though we told them to call him Fred very soon they insisted on calling him Daddy. So we just let them! He deserves to be called Daddy more than their biological dad! But it does get tiring explaining to ppl all the time why they call their step-dad daddy!

Taylor - posted on 12/15/2010

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I havent heard from my sons father since I was 3 months pregnant. He did email me once asking to see my son, but after that he never replied to my email asking when and where or anything like that, so i finally gave up trying. My husband loves my son to death, and actually legally adopted him. It was easy to do since the father is not on the birth cert, and isnt around. A dad is someone who is there for the child, who teaches them, plays with them and is just there for them period. My son calls my husband daddy, and to him that is all he will ever be. His daddy. Theres nothing wrong with your kids loving the man in your life as long as he is good for them, and good to them.

Bianca - posted on 12/15/2010

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For me, it's ok! I was in the same situation with my son. He was 10 mths. when I met my now husband. Children know who love them. They can feel it sooner than the adult can realize it. It takes a little to get used to, but if you two are intending on being together then you are ok. My son is now 8 1/2 yrs. old and knows who his "donor" is, but knows his daddy loves him. He's the one who has been taking care of him, and has always loved him.

Summer - posted on 12/15/2010

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I think that is the name they want to call him, kids knows wat the want and will do it regardless of wat we tell them, my son knows his dad but we dont live together and every man he sees he calls dad he hasnt been introduce to my bf as yet and i am taking my time with it so its not do anyone no harm so leave them be.

Mandy - posted on 12/14/2010

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my youngest is 4yrs old and calls my husband daddy since she could talk,she also knows his name but refuses to call him it, even though he is not her real dad to her he is it's about whose been there and who continues to be there. That bond is awsome and I believe that everyone should be greatful that a amn who is not their father can stand up and say hey those are my kids and I am their dad, without thinking twice is truly a blessing.. I was a single mom for a very long time so having someone step up and care for my kids like their own meant more then anyone could know. I have a 10, 8 4, and one on the way and all of them you would not be able to tell that my husband is not the biological father..

Alison - posted on 12/14/2010

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let your kids decide the label for him. If Daddy they want then daddy it should be

Tamara - posted on 12/14/2010

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My son call his step dad daddy Craig, I never asked my Son to call my partner that, he chose to do it and occasionally my son calls him dad.

Jessica - posted on 12/14/2010

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I HAVE THE SAME GOIN ON WITH ME... I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER...MY DAUGHTER IS 2 SHE HASNT SAW OR TALKD TO HER REAL DAD IN OVER 6 MONTHS...SHE SLIPS UP AN CALLS MY BF DADDY....HE IS FINE WITH IT... I DONT DISCPLINE HER FOR IT I JUS TELL HER HIS NAME....BUT IF THINGS KEEP GOIN LIKE THEY ARE AN SHE IS 4, 5, OR EVEN TEN AN CALLS HIM DADDY I WONT CARE SHE WILL MAKE THE CHOICE.....GOOD LUCK!!!

Ebony - posted on 12/14/2010

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I think if you and him feel comfortable its ok for them to call him daddy.Kids are smarter then we think they are, my nephew is now 11 yrs old and his mom and my brother broke up when he was young like 4 yrs old and when his mother married her new boyfriend he made the decision to call his step father dad and his biological father daddy. he was like 7 or 8 when he made this choice. So I think its ok.

[deleted account]

I think its perfectly ok :) I have a biological father (I normally call him a sperm donor or some other rude words seeing as how he stepped out of my life around 6 months into the pregnancy) and my Daddy. Even though he came into my moms and I's life at 4 years old I've called him my daddy.

Charlene - posted on 12/14/2010

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Yeah the way i see it is , a father could jus be the person who 'fathered' them and a daddy is someone who is there and loves them , someone who teaches and is the one that does the parenting. My son is 20 months n calls my bf daddy , but then again my bf has been there since my son was 6 months, n my son doesn't know his 'father' n i don't want him to.
I had a step dad growing up , n even after i did meet my 'father' i still call my step dad , dad cuz hes the one who raised me and taught me things n he'll always be my dad :)

Kiwi - posted on 12/13/2010

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you, your mate, and your children are happy :) no problem i see in my eyes! You have been blessed to have a man come into your life that not only loves you, he also loves your chldren. I am happy for you. Be happy and keep moving forward in your life :)

Amber - posted on 12/13/2010

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lol my boyfriend and I always ask ourselves this same question. My son is almost 4 and usually calls him andrew, but whenever my son introduces my boyfriend to teachers or friends he always calls him daddy, and usually at night he calls him daddy. We just roll with it.

Marie - posted on 12/13/2010

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Thank you, ladies!! My children's father has 2 children from a previous relationship that he made no effort with either, so this is no big surprise. I let them all know that Daddy loves them, he's just been very busy.

It makes me feel so warm knowing my children feel just as comfortable with him as I do, and even more warm knowing he WANTS to be there to love and support them throughout their lives. For them to want to call him Daddy makes me so certain I've made the right choice, and feel so lucky to have walked down this road in life!

Ricky - posted on 12/12/2010

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If both parties are fine and happy with it than i think its perfectly ok for them to call him daddy. If you see a future with him and dont see the relationship ending anytime soon then go with the flow.

Amanda - posted on 12/12/2010

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My 4 children call my fiance daddy. They have and started after we were together for about a yr. We are going on 2 yrs now, and he's been here for them and does everything a dad is supposed to do. My 2 youngest see their dad every other weekend. He's in the military and unfortunatley just got deployed but they go with his parents on the weekends that he would normally see them. They all are glad that the girls have someone here that can care for them, and teach them things. They respect my fiance and it's great that they can get along. My 2 oldest however, their father has never been consistant with them. He will see them and than quit. And I'm the bad one for having to tell them lame excuses over and over. So over a yr ago I just quit answering his calls. Than in Oct he decided to take us to court for visitations claiming my fiance wouldn't allow him to see the kids. Which by the way was a lie. My fiance has never tried stopping either one of my children's fathers from seeing them. But somehow the judge gave him every other weekend and alternating holidays. UGH! And now when they come back they are so confused. They tell me that their real dad doesn't allow them to call my fiance dad. He tells them we aern't married and that I should of never let them call him dad. My son who is almost 7 says he loves my fiance and wants him to be his other dad. I tell him he can call him whatever he wants.

As long as you aren't telling your children what to say it's fine. If you trust your sweetie and know that he loves the kids as well than it's fine! Best of luck to your family!! :)

[deleted account]

If the kids want to call him Daddy and he acts like one, I see nothing wrong with it. I see it as a good thing and hope that he doesn't disappoint any of you later on! Like Tabitha said, you don't have to have fathered the children to be a daddy to them. Being a daddy means much more than that.

Christina - posted on 12/12/2010

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I let my children call my husband what they want to call him. My oldest is 10 and his dad is very involved in his life, so he calls my husband Shawn. My 5yr old doesn't even remember his dad so calls my husband Shawn. The girls are 50/50. We tell the kids that they can call Shawn whatever they want. Same thing goes for my 4yr old stepson. Sometimes he calls me Chris, sometimes he calls me mom. I don't correct him.

Tabitha - posted on 12/12/2010

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I think that it is completely ok. A dad isn't just someone that you procreate with, and dad is someone who loves you and cherishes you,no matter what. He is that person to them. Although make it clear from here on out that he is not the only "daddy" they have.If you don't it may make for confusing questions and answers later. My 9 year old has been calling my boyfriend daddy since we met 3 years ago. But she knows that she has more than one "daddy" and she accepts that. Don't discourage it, cus like i said daddy has alot of different meanings. All that it means to them is that they love this man enough to call him a father! And i dont know about you but i would definitley think of that as an honor :)

Lacye - posted on 12/12/2010

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as long as they initiated it and not you, there is nothing wrong with it.

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