Strangers touching your baby!

Tina - posted on 10/29/2010

My opinion Is that I think its fine if they come up and say oh how cute or tlk to them but for them to be hovering over them and touching them i get weirded out now come on nowadays nobody really washes there hands after they go to the bathroom i've seen it millions of times and its gross and also Smoking is one of my biggest aggravation i hate it ur hands stink breath and everything else and dont try to give my baby kisses i hate when family members even do this. in the winter ur hands are cold dont touch my baby's hands seriously come on now. Yes, My baby may gets sick of and on but i sure in the hell dont want it to come from some stranger. I hear you. My Husbands mom some time hands him of to people to when i dont know who they are but there her old friednds i get so freaking mad I finally made it clear for noone to hold him except for immediate family and close friends

Isobel - posted on 10/29/2010

I'm really sorry that happened to you Curi...I also think it's sad though, that you are allowing that terrible person to reach through you and affect the way that your child will view the world.

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

Laura hit the nail on the head. I think basically people are nice, but people have unfounded fears and make this a Nasty Scary place. People are people. Honestly, I dont touch bellies or babies because it makes me sad. I see so many really crappy parents who just keep popping out kids like it's a contest or something who are stuck up and snobby. When my daughter was little we lived in a town with a man who had fought in the war and had been wounded and had many scars. He was the sweetest old man you'd ever hope to meet, but my sis in law wouldn't let my niece go near him because of his looks, my Bible Study group spent an evening judging him because of his looks, When he passed he had very little money, but he left 1/3 to my daughter, 1/3 to my baby sis in law (who is 2 months older than my daughter), and a 1/3 to my niece. He left all of his worldly money to three little girls who loved him despite how he looked. (Cause when my sister in law wasn't around my MIL would let Sam go see him.) You don't know the heart of people. To a barren woman, being able to touch a beautiful baby is a small happiness, or to touch a belly that that woman will never have. No, it's not your responsibility to make that happen, and it's not likely that every person is barren either. But how bout a little compassion and understanding.

Curi - posted on 10/29/2010

well back in those days you KNEW people you lived around. kind of like your neightborhood you know you next door neighbors. and i do have reasons why i dont like people touching me or my child its from previous issues when i was growing up. so maybe some of the women on here should consider that into the equation before getting all shitty cause other females dont like being touched... AT ALL. i have my personal reasons and im sure others do to, whether it be abuse or OCD problems. i dont think anyone should be criticized on what they will allow and will not allow.

You can say hi to my daughter and tell me she is cute or not but im very protective of her because of my past experiences. other mothers may have the some past experiences also that cause them to not want to be touched or their children to be touched. and my hubs did not go through my experiences but he also does not like people talking to or touching our daughter.

Isobel - posted on 10/29/2010

Personally, I think this whole "other people are dirty" and "stay away from me" and "don't talk to my kid" negative attitude is EXACTLY what is wrong with the world today.

You wonder why crime is so high? You wonder why people are so rude these days? Because we teach our kids to hate people and to look down on them and to be frightened of them.

We, as a society need to reach WAY back to a time when we could remember that we need each other. It takes a village to raise a child (I'm sure you wouldn't mind my NASTY mitts on your kid if I were pulling them from on-coming traffic or out of a pedophile's grasp) and realize that most of us are basically decent people...and when people are trying to be nice to you...it's generally good to be nice back.

Curi - posted on 10/29/2010

other children are different. i get antsy when other kids come up to her since i know she is sketchy about people in general, caus ei know im going to get attacked by her tryin to get away, and she just looks so uncomfortable i dont know what to do, i justtell her its ok its another little boy/girl. they dont know any better but i hate when other parents just let their kid do whatever they want. If my daughter does that im going to tell her she doesnt have to be in another kids face she can stand back a foot or two and say hi!!!


kids are one thing... adults are another. you can say hi or whatever at a distance but up close and persnal is a NO! especially if your uncomfortable with it.

Nicole - posted on 10/29/2010

it really depends on the situation.....my daughter has been mistaken for a baby doll....i used to get " is that a real baby?" A LOT. now shes 8 months and moves around more. i just marked the comments as funny after awhile. now they stop us to stare in awe at her white hair( albinism) AND NO IT WONT GET DARKER AND IT WONT FALL OUT is what i want to scream every time some one make a comment about how it will. or people that say their kid had that color hair...no your child was blonde this is white.....but i deduce it to ignorance and get on with my way.....

people touching her is a problem when they don't ask. but i don't blow up at them...thats a bit far and just as rude. not to mention kneeing somebody ...the wrong somebody at least could land you with assult charges.

Tah - posted on 10/29/2010

i don't like people touching my belly either..and i didn't want a viewing party looking up my genky when i was giving birth either..i don't mind the compliments on the kids but i don't like everyone touching them either...i had micro...i see people pick their noses while driving and not wash their hands..and you never know who it is..if they want to stop and coo...coo away..i don't think that everyone has to be okay with people touching their child or their belly and i don't think they should have to stay in because of it..How about people stop feeling so entitled and walking up and just going for broke and stop and say.."she is precious, do you mind if i hold....etc..them..I also hate when people give my kids food and candy without asking..even my husband...i tell them no and the next time i see them they have blue lips and extra energy...lol....i told a lady at karate practice lasy night he couldn't have anymore of her flippin pringles and she continued to feed them to him even after i said he had not had dinner and it would ruin his appetite...don't you have 5 sons over there to share them with..geez....kilscae....ray...

Carolyn - posted on 10/29/2010

i agree Loureen !

Its no wonder so many kids these days are so sickly, they are never exposed to any bacteria or germs. its not like they are sticking their fingers in the kids mouth , kissing it , letting it suck on their blood or a scab .. i mean comon ! obviously someone who clearly has dirty hands or poor hygene can be told not to touch, but your kid wont get aids, hep c or 98 % of other diseases out there because someone grazed the back of their hand or check with a finger, or touched them. teaching your children fear of strangers is unhealthy, and will probably result in poor social skills later. i mean are other kids allowed to touch your children, how do play dates work in your world.. i invision children playing in plastic bubbles never allowed to touch each other or share a toy. some kids are just as dirty as adults, if not more, most adults know not to shove their hands in their pants, scratch their ass, pic their nose smear poop on the wall then go touch another adult or a child.... most usually dont drool on an item and then pass it along to you, or stick their fingers in their mouthes after throwing up and sucking on them for a while, or try to pic stuff up off the floor and eat it . ( i mean sure , there probably are some adults who do) but if your going to keep that old lady away who is probably more fragile immune wise than your baby and not some other kids or your own kids, your wasting your time and energy if you ask me.

Curi - posted on 10/29/2010

i just read some of the responses on here and i think some people are just being rude. Its your child, if someone says your child is cute thats fine, and i say thank you every time! And if i had the ugliest baby in the world, its my child so its always going to be gorgeous! so of course your going to say I KNOW my baby is cute! but if they are going to touch my daughter HELL NO! i dont know you and you surely dont know my child, so dont touch her! My daughter is also one of those kids who run away from everyone if she is on foot cause she doesnt know you, and she will cry or get the o shit look on her face if someone approaches her she is not comfortable with. DONT stop going on because you dont want people touching you, because i sure the hell am not going to stop, and im sure you wont either. If people have some courtesy they will keep their parts to themselves! only thing i want someone telling me is how cute i look pregnant, if i even really do? i have had people ask me when im due after i had my daughter and it made me feel like SHIT cause yes, i was a teeny tiny teen and then i had my baby and i was chunky and fat for my size. and this time around i weight less but i look worse cause of all the extra chunk i gained.

If you are uncomfortable, which i am to, dont let someone else tell you that you should not be uncomfortable!! that is how you feel and you have the right to feel like that. No one should be touching you and talking or touching your child! period. If you are a parent trying to teach your child dont talk to strangers, but all these strangers that are talking to you at the groccery store are ok??? why??? Im almsot 21 years old, i still today dont talk to strangers unless i HAVE to. It even makes me uncomfortable when i see these things happen to other moms because i want to just open my mouth and say something for them but i know thats rude, but i know how it feels to not want people you dont know talking or touching you or your children!



if your not normal then i guess im not either, and i have been told by several people that its ok to not want other people to do that. so im sure im fine.

Tyrae - posted on 10/29/2010

I don't see how a family member touching your belly could really make you that angry. Do you understand what your mom has done for you your whole life? I personally find it as a good way for the rest of your family to start to bond with the baby. Share the moments it only lasts for so long.

And about the strangers or friends touching your belly, a lot of people are superstitious, and touching a pregnant womans belly is good luck for them and the mother in many cultures.

Charlie - posted on 10/29/2010

Wow some people have some pent up anger , work on that before getting so paranoid about strangers appreaciating your child .

Jennifer i liked your first post ;)

Curi - posted on 10/29/2010

hahahaha you made me laugh because i feel exactly the same way!!!! i am 22 weeks. I do not want ANYONE touching my belly, i dont know if it would even be ok if they asked, which they never do anyways they just OH BELLY! and touch, like Get the FFFF off me! everytime i drop my daughter off at my moms house she touches my belly, and i do NOT want her to touch it, i am a persona ll about MY shace, and only person aloud is Nat and my bf. And she touches it and says is the baby moving yet, and i say NO and back up. and yes yes yes i am lying baby moves all the time!!! she thinks just cause she is my mom its ok!? which she touches my belly so soft its just uncomfortable anyways, just irritating to me to be in between not touched and touched? if that makes sense. And other thing is the baby only moves where my pant line is and i dont want ANYONES hand there!!! well except my bf cause i want him to feel the baby! but.... i suck it up and just complain in my head cause i dont want to be rude..

So.... i go home and complain to my bf about it and he always yells at me and says TELL THEM TO GET OFF YOU! i say i dont want to be rude, he said HOW is that rude!? ITS YOUR BODY! and i say idk. :( He says if you dont want someone touching you dont let them, tell them to stop!
He said, quit coming home and complaining if your not going to tell them.

I guess i dont understand why people do it. I mean i will ask someone else when they are due or what they are having, only if i KNOW they are preg. and other people just assume they are aloud to touch or talk to other peoples kids?? which i hate when people talk to my daughter that we dont know. some old lady followed us around the groccery store talking to my daughter and i kept looking at my bf to say something cause he knows i wont, but he just kept moving and ignoring her. Then if a man says hi to her he gets all offensive.. haha

i LOVE my hubbys advice which is true and i think i should start saying what im thinking so it just doesnt happen. His side of the family wont touch my belly they will just ask if the baby's moving. My family thinks they can touch and its NOT aloud, but i know somehow they will either take offense to it or say well im your mom or im your grandma i shoud be aloud to touch your belly. but its not the case im a very personal person. i dont like hugs or kisses from people (unless my child or bf) and half the time my bf isnt aloud cause its my space i want it to myself. i would say tell people how you feel cause its better for you to say what you are thinking then to bottle it up! if some weird people want to touch or talk to your children tell them not to. it is your child. or if they want to feel your belly tell them NO! cause i will probably be really irritated the next time it happns enough to say something, cause its really irritating me just thinking about it!!!!! haha hope this heps!

Gillian - posted on 10/29/2010

Completely agree...hate it when strangers want to touch my son!

Dana - posted on 10/29/2010

Wow, I'm surprised at how many people are so angry and violent over someone touching your child. People wanting to hit people, actually kneeing someone, wanting to or yelling at people. All this in front of your kids...shameful.

Isobel - posted on 10/29/2010

nope...your last one was WAY better ;)

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

I want to apologize. Every mom has the right to raise her kids how they see fit. I think I just got caught up in all the high levels of frustration. It is what it is and what I said, while funny, was not appropriate. Just say "I'm really not comfortable with people touching my baby" when strangers try to touch him. You seem angry at the world for wanting to admire your child and that is why i got defensive. This is an example of "to each their own".

Alysha - posted on 10/29/2010

i think your a little up tight about it all no one has ever touched my son, they do however stop to say how cute he is and i dont get why that bothers you because really its just a compliment to you saying you did a good job creating this little thing. you are to worried about germs just stop the person before they touch them and say hey i dont apreciate it when people touch my son cuz they could be sick. cuz if you freak ur kid out to much by keeping everyone away from him hes gonna be scared of everyone

Jennifer - posted on 10/29/2010

Look, if you don't want people to touch your belly or baby stop going out in public. My daughter is beautiful and always has been and I got stopped all the time, still do and she's 9! She's very outgoing and an all around and amazing child. If she is uncomfortable with someone she backs away and I can see it in her personality and remove her from the situation. Babies are the same way. You can't control the world so either participate in it or stay home. Or better yet but t-shirts and signs saying "I'm a selfish brat and I already know my child is beautiful and I think everyone but me is dirty and stinky and germy so stay away!" OR better yet put your kid in a HAZMAT suit or glue fake boils on it's face or put a tape recorder in his carseat that has a huge dog barking whenever someone comes near the seat, or put a car alarm on the carseat that says "Step away from the Baby! Beep Beep Beep Step away from the Car seat!" Get a grip you're all gonna make your kid's neurotic.

Jackie - posted on 10/29/2010

And the reply "I know, I made him/her" when people compliment your child really pisses me off too. Do you have any idea how conceded that sounds? Not everybody has pretty kids that people will stop and take a second out of their day to coo over.

Amie - posted on 10/29/2010

Wow I loved it when people would comment on Ella, of course i knew she was cute but i also liked hearing it from other people. My kid is 6 now and very sociable, never ill and very happy and she was held by many people and fussed over. Obviously some people are unsuitable but as a mother your the judge of that.

Tah - posted on 10/28/2010

next time..start barking like a rabid dog and trying to bite them...then when they look completely horrified or are climbing on top of a car..just gently say in your softtest voice....Please don't touch my child...have a blessed day..and walk off like nothing happened

Ashley - posted on 10/28/2010

Wow is all i can say i think most off you need to relax a lot i cant believe you think its ok to walk away without saying thank you after someone said your kid was cute as for touching if you dont like the general public stay inside i wouldn't miss you or your attitude. If your taking your child to a play center and a child comes up to touch your child you should expect it man i am so glad i live were i do were people are kind and nice i used to go shopping and there was always a little old lady there who came and talked touched my child o my god she even held him man i must be a bad mom because my kid is 2 and a half and guess what he is a happy well adjusted child who aperantly lived even being exposed to germs. Thankfully there is at lest a few people who i think are normal on here.

Victoria - posted on 10/28/2010

I have told people before that my son was getting sick and I wanted to keep him from any more germs. Then i backed away.

Brittany - posted on 10/28/2010

I think this issue is obviously a big one. In the end everyone has their preferences. But the bottom line is, a child who is not yours is not to be touched without permission! My son loves people and has a ready smile for anyone. But I have started grabbing his hands so that people don't touch him. Sometimes I do a little waving motion so that people don't think it's too odd. But I don't care how odd they think it is, as long as they don't touch.
A compliment should be taken graciously. It teaches your children to be respectful and polite. I always say thank you. I do try to take a few more seconds with an elderly person, though. I think it's respectful. But their age doesn't give them a license to touch. Talking is good. Touching is bad. :-)

Bethany - posted on 10/28/2010

at 6 days old i took my son into my work so every 1 could meet him. as expectd all my work mates wanted a cuddle and that was fine with me and my partner, but when we were leaving a little old lady stopped us and said "beautiful, just beautiful.." then promptly kissed him!!! germs are not a fear for me as i believe SOME germs help to build my bubs immunity. as it turns out it's a custom of older italian people to kiss a baby for luck... but still a little wierd for me... a good reply for people telling u how cute ur kid is thank i know, theyy usually go away if u seem to be very upfront.

Tiffany - posted on 10/28/2010

I dont mind people touching my kids at all. I let people hold my kids, play with my kids, kiss and hug them. I always appreciate people telling me my kids are cute. It boosts their self asteem as well. My kids are very social. My son is because I allowed people to talk to him and touch him. He is about to be 3 in december and he never meets a stranger, but knows not to leave with anyone or even talk to anyone with out me saying it is ok. My daughter on the other had, when she was little people were scared to hold her or play with her cause she was and still is very tiny and she has spina bifida. She became scared of other people. As she got older (now 13 months) people losened up around her and now people play with her and hold her and she has became much much more social. I believe it helps with them being social and interacting with people well. But anyhoo, either way, I dont mind people touching my kids at all. There aint nothing they can get from a random person that they cant pick up from touching a toy or shelf or so on at a store. Think of it this way, you dont know what them people have touched or what they might have, but you also dont know who touched that container of snacks before it went on the shelf, or what they had or what they touched. And chances are it has been touched by 100s of people before getting into you little ones or your hands. Germs are everywhere, and thats all there is to it.

Christi - posted on 10/28/2010

If anyone ever tries to touch my son, which they do quite often, I smack their hands. My son has Autism and SPD, a sensory disorder and touching is painful to him. I have only had to do it a couple of times, but still. The worst people that do it are older people, they drive me nuts! Since when is it ok to go up and touch other people's children?

Tyrae - posted on 10/28/2010

Whitney- That is so sad! I don't know why people would act that way towards your daughter! If anything I'd be more prone to talking to her because she would need the lift me up. Lots of hugs to you and your family!

Jackie - posted on 10/28/2010

Whitney - I am soo sorry to hear about your little angle. I WOULD NEVER treat a child that way, with or without cancer, but especially WITH. That just breaks my heart into pieces. Sending lots of love, hugs, kisses, and HI's your daughter's way. ♥ ♥ Jackie



EDIT: I really hope that she gets better soon :)

Morgan - posted on 10/28/2010

I totally feel your pain about the touching thing. I usually use one of the following things: "My pediatrician encouraged me to not let people touch my baby so please don't." when I feel like being a total b!tch (and have only said this twice) "I don't mean to be rude, but did you just wash your hands? and are you totally updated on all your vaccines, flu, whooping cough, H1N1, etc? Because if not then you absolutely cannot touch my son." As far as telling you that your son is cute... there really isn't anything you can do... except try to enjoy it. If you are in a hurry just say Thank you, smile and keep going.

Pam - posted on 10/28/2010

Whitney - your story completely just broke my heart! I can't believe someone would act that way toward your precious little child. I hope that more people read your story and things change. Take care :)

Aneta - posted on 10/28/2010

My daughter is now 10months but Ive had this problem since I stated taking her out for a walk. I understand you SOOOO much! Im about to hit them too when they touch her face!

Whitney - posted on 10/27/2010

What bothers me the most is not when people try to talk to or touch my daughters head or feet but when they totally ignore her. My daughter has leukemia and is only 2 and a half so I would freak if someone coughed or sneezed all over her as she does have a weak immune system. But what bothers me is she is very friendly and always says hi and want to talk to people. People will turn to her start to smile and then just walk away when they notice she is bald. It just breaks my heart and my daughter gets this sad look on her face and will say bye bye all quiet. It is like they are scared of her. I have even had mothers almost drag their children away from her when they were playing with her once they see she has cancer. It is just so sad, she is still a normal little girl and it wouldn't kill someone to say hi back or to just smile and wave. And why do parents not want their child around mine. It is not like their kids can catch cancer from her.

Jennifer - posted on 10/27/2010

Lol Kathy whilst I love Michael Jackson the way he acted in regards to his children really creeped me out...the whole head coverings and all...

Kathy - posted on 10/27/2010

Ladies, I must apologise for my previous comment. It was nasty and uncalled for.

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2010

i totally agree. I find it so irritating. my daughter has curly hair, so when strangers just come up and see her curly hair, they go out of their way to coo over her.. and i'm thinking 'what the hell are you doing', like they have the right to touch my child! i know how you feel darl. :)

Kathy - posted on 10/27/2010

Let's all do a Michael Jackson, shall we?

Jennifer - posted on 10/27/2010

If a stranger on the bus touches him tbh it doesn't bother me. A little girl on the bus who was about 2 gave Logan who's 11 months old a hug and kiss as she was going off the bus after having "baby conversations" with him lol.

Alisha - posted on 10/27/2010

I don't mind the comments about my kids being cute. I think every mom likes to hear that, but yeah, for sure HANDS OFF! It's happened to me to. And I would knee someone for telling me my kid will be gay. That's just wrong.

Kimi - posted on 10/27/2010

I used to work at a portrait studio and I've held lots and lots of babies because the pictures turn out significantly better if I'm the one positioning and repositioning the children. I can generally tell what parent is the 'my kid could die because of you parent' and what parent is the 'breastmilk makes my baby invincible parent' because of my constant exposure to moms as a whole.
Most people cannot read you and have no clue how horrified you are of germs. All they know is that you have a cute baby. People are naturally drawn to babies and want to talk and interact with them, this is an instinctive behavior that other animals practice as well and it aids in the child's development when you allow it to take place. Just say he has a weak immune system and ask them to keep a distance, they will understand.

Angel - posted on 10/27/2010

im the same way

Megan - posted on 10/27/2010

LOL

Linz - posted on 10/27/2010

lol, headlines on the newspage 'OLD WOMAN FLYS'

Megan - posted on 10/27/2010

i agree when my son was 3 days old (he was born 3 weeks early) we had to go to the store cause he needed diapers and such and some old lady walked up pulled down the cover on his carseat to look at him. i about knocked her silly!!!! i didn't know her and she didn't even ask first.

Linz - posted on 10/27/2010

:)

Rachel - posted on 10/27/2010

Most babies don't care about personal space. Neither do most kids. It's adults who make (or don't make) this an issue.

Linz - posted on 10/27/2010

It's not about being rude , people just forget that babies are humans and should have personal space around them. :)

Tiffany - posted on 10/27/2010

If someone I don't know comes near my child, I tell them not to touch my child. It's completely disrespectful. I don't have a problem with someone telling me how beautiful my daughter is, that's fine but I just say thank you and move on. Again, if they get up in her face I will put my body in between them. It's very hard when they're trying to touch your child. Even people I worked with but didn't like or no well would try to touch my daughters hands. I finally started speaking up. One actually kissed my daughter on her cheek and before I could even yell, my manager who I was visiting yelled at her and told her not to ever under any circumstance touch, let alone kiss someone elses 2 month old baby. I didn't even need to say anything. I did email her later and let her know what she did was not acceptable to me, and we've been fine since. If someone does these things, just politely but firmly tell them to please not touch your child.

Lauren - posted on 10/27/2010

@Tyrae- I was always the same. When i see a baby I'll say hi or just talk to them but never touch them. and when people do that to my little one ) talk I always try to turn her to them so she can see that someone is talking to her and she can smile or coo back (only 3 mnths so isn't talking yet). i always like to acknowledge that someone is talking to her