Teens, would you let them do drugs in front of you or are you against?

Cyndel - posted on 07/05/2012

My children will be taught to obey the law.
In my state it is illegal for anyone under aged to drink alcohol, even at home. If my child took any illegal drugs or drank alcohol before turning 21, I'm not sure what I'll do my oldest is 4 and I haven't started thinking this far ahead yet but I will never condone breaking the law.

Michelle - posted on 07/02/2012

I would definately say no to drugs. I would discourage smoking and I would teach them how to drink sensibly (though not as young as age 14). On the subject of drinking, I may (and I'm not saying definately as my girls aren't that old yet) allow them to have 1 bottle of lager, for instance, when they are age 16 or 17, if they are at home with me. I wouldn't allow them to drink elsewhere. I just hope my girls don't succumb to "peer pressure" and listen to my advice. I think peer pressure is the hardest battle.

Veronica - posted on 07/02/2012

Absolutely not! I wouldn't let my child do any of that! I would monitor where she's going and speak with her teachers

Ida - posted on 06/28/2012

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Cassandra - posted on 01/03/2010

Well I don't want my daughters doing drugs or getting drunk! I also don't want them to feel like they should hide it and kill themselves or someone else. If my daughter were to go to a party and get drunk or high, I would rather she can trust me enough to come get her and not scream like an idiot. Don't get me wrong, I would be furious, but that conversation would come the next day. I would try to discourage it as much as possible, but I would have my friends watch out for them. It also is illegal, jail never really sounds good to a kid. Also depends on the drug, pot is a "safer" drug than let say smack or meth. Rehab for problems is an option. Wine with dinner isn't bad, back in Greece it is common to see a 10 yr old with wine with dinner. I guess I will cross that bridge when or if I come to it.

Yve - posted on 01/03/2010

I think that if a child comes to you with a question, anything at all, you as a mother/father should help her find the answer.
But some people think that means let her drink and take drugs in front of you. It doesn't she can find out anything she wants to know via internet, books and drug help lines.
Also you should show your not happy with the behavior and you will not tolorate it in your home. Teens need boundries to keep them safe but do put your self in their shoes!!

Tammy - posted on 01/03/2010

Well my oldest is only 7 so I've got a while to go for this one, but I have thought about it. I'm the "zero tolerance" type parent. ABSOLUTELY NOT! That's what I say. I'd do whatever I had to to keep my kids off drugs and alcohol. That stuff just ruins their lives.

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2010

I don't know about other states but in Maine, if you let your children drink at home you will be arrested. There was this woman this year who have a big party for her child, she let the parents decide because there was drinking mostly all parents said it was ok. She was from Canada was her excuse but in other cultures, like Europe you don't have kegs and play beer pong, they have a glass at dinner, its a different environment. One of the kids ended up in the hospital. Now shes in jail.



I never drank or did any drugs when I was a teen (no drugs ever). So when other parents I know say "well their going to do it anyway", its a load of bull. You as parent are the adult and if you teach your child right from wrong, to have respect, and still be open and honest with them. They still need boundaries. Even if their curious and or peer pressure, you can talk to them about what can/ will happen, how you said no if you did, etc.

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2010

This poem was read to us in junour high, the author is unknown, but the 2 mins it takes you to read this peom another person will be hurt froma drunk driver.

Death of an Innocent

I went to a party, Mom,

I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom,

So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,

The way you said I would.

I didn't drink and drive, Mom,

Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,

I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending, Mom,

As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,

I knew I'd get home in one piece.

Because of the way you raised me,

So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,

But as I pulled out into the road,

The other car didn't see me, Mom,

And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,

I hear the policeman say,

"The other guy is drunk," Mom,

And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom...

I wish you'd get here soon.

How could this happen to me, Mom?

My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,

And most of it is mine.

I hear the medic say, Mom,

I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,

I swear I didn't drink.

It was the others, Mom.

The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.

The only difference is, he drank

And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?

It can ruin your whole life.

I'm feeling sharp pains now.

Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,

And I don't think it's fair.

I'm lying here dying

And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.

Tell Daddy to be brave.

And when I go to heaven, Mom,

Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,

Not to drink and drive.

If only they had told him, Mom,

I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.

I'm becoming very scared.

Please don't cry for me, Mom.

When I needed you,

you were always there.

have one last question, Mom.

Before I say good bye.

I didn't drink and drive,

So why am I the one to die?

Ashlea - posted on 12/21/2009

I never did the whole drug thing as a teenager. But, my mother did allow us to drink at home..not on a daily basis either though. Christmas, Thanksgiving..etc. And, we weren't allowed to go anywhere for the following 36 hours.

Paula - posted on 12/20/2009

I wouldn't let them do it in front of me and i wouldn't encourage them. I'd just inform them of the dangers and hopefully they will make the right choices. The more you tell someone they can't do something the more they will want to and do it anyways so if they knew the dangers they might think twice.

Christina - posted on 12/20/2009

Quoting Tamika:

Quoting Christina:

i would be against it. yes, i've done the drug and drinking thing as a teenager, but it caused alot of problems in my life and i wouldn't want my children to go through the same things. plus, i'm the adult and i don't think i would be a very good mother if i gave my children permission to do something that was against the law. i'm supposed to be teaching my children to respect authority, to be good members of society, and the difference between right and wrong. plus, i really don't believe that at 14-17 that they can make mature and responsible decisions. totally against it.

I understand why are against it, we all are making decisions based on our childhoods. But if you taught your 17 morals, and common sense, manners, and all the things that a good responsible person possese. Then why do you not believe a 17 year old can make a mature decision. That makes no sense. That means you feel you didnt do a good job. I taught my 8 year old from the time I was pregnant with his 2 year old brother, that because he is the older one it is his resposiblity to look for and set a good example for his sibling.  My 8 year old always makes sure his brother is included in everything. If he gets to buy a honeybum fro snack afterschool he gets one for his brother. Just the other day I was in the shower and the boys was in my bedroom. Jaylen did somthing that cause him to hurt himself, and not only did My oldest let me know something happened to his brother but he comforted him until I came out the bathroom. Most 8 year olds would have just screamed MOM THE BABY HURT HIMSELF, and kept doing whatever it was they were doing leaving the baby to cry.

My point is if you instill something in your child, shouldn't you know and trust that your child will act accordingly? or do I have strange children.  

i feel like they make age limits on such stuff for a reason. i can teach my child all those things, but i still feel that at 17 that they are not quite mature enough to make that decision. it doesn't mean i think i've done a bad job as a parent. to be quite honest,  i hope as a mother i teach my children to wait until the appropriate age to do the things that they want to do. but i agree with all other mothers who have said it, kids will do what they want and we can't watch their every movement, but i will give them all the information that they need and will always be there for them to talk to. but i still do not want my child drinking or doing drugs and i will never give them permission to do it in my house. i'm their mother, not their friend.

Sara - posted on 12/20/2009

I was thinking about this the other day and wondering what I will do when my girls get to be teenagers..I am afarid for them and what they might get themselves into obviously I will talk to them and teach them as much as I can but lets face it how many kids actually listen to their parents and just believe that they know what is best, I know i didn't and I came to realise later that everything my parents told me was right..I do not want my children to be experimenting with strangers and I have no control or idea what is going on at the same time I do not want them to think they can party at my house and have friends come and party..I guess I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it but for now I really don't know what way I will go I might rather have them under my care if they are going to experiment and then maybe they won't want to since they know mom is watching...

Marian - posted on 12/20/2009

I would want to have a very open relationship with my children. If they have questions, anwer honestly. If my kids ask me if I ever tried pot, I would have to say yes, but I would also tell them how to learn from my mistakes and encourage then to never smoke, drink, or use drugs. If My kids did do any of the above, and I found out I would let them know I was upset, and wound NEVER tolerate it in my house. I would also support my kids, and let them know that I am available to gelp them. I feel like if you let them do it in front of you, you are contributing to the problem. I do have some family members who have alcohol probs, and the only way they got sober was when NO ONE allowed them to drink. I feel it is the same with teenagers.

Cassie - posted on 12/20/2009

Quoting Amber:

When my daughter is a teenager I will definitely tell her she can drink as long as she does it at home with me so I can know that she is safe and nothing will happen to her! My sister does this with my neice and nephew ( Who are 17 and 21 now) and they have the best bond ever! They feel like they can talk to her about anything and when their friends want to drink and party instead of going to a house that is unsafe they come to my sisters house and they know that they are all safe and protected. I would much rather that for my daughter and her friends than to go to a party and get date raped or die in a drunk driving accident.

Well if I found out my children were going to a friends house to drink without my permission but with the supervision of the friend's parents, I would be reporting those parents to the police for illegally contributing to the delinquency of minors.  You may want to rethink allowing your children's friends come to your home to drink as it is illegal!!  You have to step up and be your child's parent, not try to be their best friend.  It is called parental responsibility/

Amber - posted on 12/20/2009

Do you not realize that majority of your children are going to do this regardless of the fact that you don't want them to? It's like a 2 yr old, you tell them not to do it and they just have to because you condoned it. if you don't support letting them drink at home then thats great for you but I have news for you, they're going to be doing it behind your back. No one has any right to accuse someone of bad parenting when they want to try and do the very best for their children! We are all going to have different views but the reason we joined this site was for support and to get advice , not to have someone tell us we are bad parents for our choices, esp when we are trying to make sure our children grow up healthy and safe. I hope my child doesn't smoke weed or do drugs ( simply because it is just a waste of time ) but I drink on occasion and I remember the desire to want to party and fit in with my friends and the peer pressure and I know she will go thru that only ten times worse ( by the time she is a teenager ). When your children are teenagers you will know what is best for your family and situation. Just know, they are going to do it with or without you at least once, and once may be all it takes for something bad to happen.

Amber - posted on 12/20/2009

When my daughter is a teenager I will definitely tell her she can drink as long as she does it at home with me so I can know that she is safe and nothing will happen to her! My sister does this with my neice and nephew ( Who are 17 and 21 now) and they have the best bond ever! They feel like they can talk to her about anything and when their friends want to drink and party instead of going to a house that is unsafe they come to my sisters house and they know that they are all safe and protected. I would much rather that for my daughter and her friends than to go to a party and get date raped or die in a drunk driving accident.

Sarah - posted on 12/19/2009

I would definately not let my children drink or do drugs in front of me. I will not be promoting the idea. When they're 18 they can do what they want. Of course teens want to experience alcohol and drugs and I don't want them to get into trouble or anything but it seems wrong to me to let them do it. Just let you step daughter know that she doesn't have to drink or do drugs to be cool. I've tried drinking and stuff but I always hung out with people that didn't do any of it. Good luck!

Erin - posted on 12/19/2009

My dad smoked pot w/us and bought alcohol & cigarettes for us as well...while I smoked pot he was the coolest dad in the world, until I quit!!! Like your using buddies when you quit you lose them too, well when I quit I lost my dad too! LAME!!! In regards to losing respect for your parent for using with you later in life YES I think that is a VERY REAL perspective!!! I think that is different in the situation above where Mom allowed the daughter to drink responsibly at home, that is different. I would allow my sons to drink responsibly in my house when they are older, on a only on special occasion you may have a drink kinda thing...It would not be ok to come home seriously pissed off and go straight to the alcohol!!! Then again, having addicts on every possibly side of our families, we are going to be talking about the negative affects of addiction all throughout his life!!! As he will have MANY examples of people who use in negative ways! Being drunk isn't cool no matter how old you are! Just because it is legal for you to drink at 21 does not make it ok in my book to get drunk! Drunk people look like fools NO MATTER WHAT!!! I'm sure I will come across many learning opportunities for my sons and will not stress this in my house! Drugs of any nature will not be tolerated! I only WISH I could take away my pot smoking years! They were the biggest waste of my time and money i could ever think of!

Jodi - posted on 12/18/2009

My daughter is only 9 months old, but I already stress over this question! As a teenager, I was a drug addict, and drank alcohol. It messed up my life and I still live with some of those ramifications. So would I ALLOW it to happen...absolutely not! I hope that when that time comes I will not only have already talked to her about these things and instilled the mindframe not to do them into her, but also that she would come to me. I would tell her everything I know about how dangerous drugs and tell her how much it messed up my life and wasn't worth it. On the other hand, if my daughter was drunk and needed a ride home I would want her to call me for that ride, but do you tell her anytime she's in that situation she can call and I won't get mad? Or do you just outright punish them and hope to god that they never do it again?

I lived on a farm growing up, and if we got caught drinking, my parents would wake us up at the butt crack of dawn and make us shingle the roof, or spread manure or till teh garden or paint the shed or whatever. It only taught us not to get caught! So I don't really know what I would do, but no, I would not allow it to happen in front of me.

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2009

Well starting off your step daughter seems really responsible and you should thank god that she is not doing those drugs that her friends are
for my son will be though to not drink for the sake of getting drunk he will be thought that it is ok to drink with friends and family but not so much that you black out... As for drugs I do not and will not except that in my house ever.

Stevie - posted on 12/18/2009

well i personally would be against it my mom i know use to do drugs and same with my brother and my other brother i know drank my dad doesnt even touch ciggerets i have smoked a ciggeret before i use to take my moms old buds at first i was just never into it same with drinking never felt like i needed to and i hate everything about drugs and i yet again never had that feeling to just do it in the summer though me and my husband might very rarly drink one wine cooler out on the porch after our son has gone to bed but ive had alchol before that was much stronger my mom has giving me a drink of but yeah to answer your question no im not for it i would rip my child in half if i saw drugs esp you know its illegal in the first place and the only reason ppl do it is cuz they think its cool cuz others do it same with drinking before leagal age and then well they just get sucked in but no i wouldnt allow it at all even though idk how id try and break my child of that habbit i will find away good luck be greatful your step daughter actually asks you questions about it and has told you that she has tried it i know i never would have if i had or whatever i never talked to my mom i would have gone to my dad or my brother before her

Becky - posted on 12/18/2009

Quoting Jamie:

Well Ive smoked weed and drank. I would never condone my child doing drugs, however, I am fine with them drinking at home. Growing up our parents let us drink at home and have people over and drink, but everyone had to cough up car keys and no one could go home til the next after noon. And guess what Im 27 and havent had a drink since i was 18. My younger brother didnt start drinking until he came home from Iraq and has since quit, andmy older brother only has a glass of wine at dinner and an occasional beer during a football game. My parents took the excitement out of it. But I would never condone drugs of any kind. yes ive done them, stupid me dated a dealer for 2 years and i got lucky and never got arrested.

i agree with taking the excitement out of it, i think that if u tell them they can't do something then it just wants them to do it more and more, i know that was the way i felt, more of the i'll show u attitude. so no, i don't want that attitude from my kids and i will keep the lines of communication open and let them know where my choices lead me in life and how their choices may effect their life and let them make their choice even if i don't agree with the choice. you can't make the life choices for them, all u can do is guide them in the right direction and pray that they learn from their mistakes.

Sheryl - posted on 12/18/2009

well, i am against it. cause they don't know what it does to there bodies! my lil. sister use to say it can't hurt me. yeah right! it can! my sister got sent to hospital cause she did those yellow jackets at school! so took about four of them! she is luckly to be alive. my mother let her do what she wanted, that's what happend. so no letting them go ahead and do them is not ok. that those ages they don't fully know what's right from wrong still! they think nothing can hurt them! i would never let my boys do it in my home or anywhere else. belive me my boys well know that there not to do it. cause then there going to have to deal with me and there daddy. plus, papa! i feel perants need to set line even as they get older! my aunt did, and am a better person for it. yeah i hated when i was told i could not go to parties but i am greatful know! who know where i would have been! so i'm am against it.

Fawn - posted on 12/18/2009

Quoting Elle:

It will depend on the laws where we are when my daughter is older. She will have to follow the house rules (no smoking inside,etc) no matter what. But if we are living in a country where the drinking age is lower than here in the US I would not hold her to the US legal age. Because my daughter will grow up living in many different places and cultures we will have to talk alot about what we are ok with and what the law of whatever land we are living on is.

I would also make it very clear that she will never be in trouble with me for calling for a ride.

I think that your child knowing you are there for them "NO MATTER WHAT"  is one of the most valuable parts of your relationship, knowing they can come talk to you even if they screwed up is so important. Even if they do have to deal with the reprucussions of their actions, not being afraid that you won't love them or that they are going to "get into trouble" is very important especially with how fast kids are growing up.

Fawn - posted on 12/18/2009

So, I have a 17 almost 18 year old step-son who is just about to graduate high school...I'm 26, it is I think very important that you have an open relationship with kids at this age if you just start telling them what not to do then they are going to probable do it...but I remember how I was (and trust me I was NO angel) so I am open and we are able to talk about what he has and hasn't done or is doing, but he is honest with me and I do not judge him. I figure he is to that age where he needs to really start learning responsibility and figuring our right and wrong for himself. I do not offer or encourage him to do certain things but I do let him know what the conseqences for certain actions are. Its hard for kids to actually realize what could happen if they got caught with drugs, or got an MIP , or date a yonger girl, or get pregnant. So I think that being honest and explaining these things to him has really helped us out. hope this helps but its a hard position to be in either way and i guess I am pretty luck that overall he has turned out to be a kid I am proud to be the mother of! (and besides i have 4 others to practice on still)-Fawn

Ashley - posted on 12/18/2009

I would want to know, definately, but that's a hard question to answer. You could be held liable if anything were to happen, but on the other hand you would be there to monitor the intake. I wouldn't want my child getting into that sort of thing but i know it's bound to happen eventually. when it does, id rather be there to control the situation than watch my kid get arrested, have them sneaking around behind my back, or the possibility of getting too intoxicated and (god forbid) getting raped.

Kendra - posted on 12/18/2009

I don't think that taking your child to a party where you know alcohol will be involved falls under the 'providing alcohol to a minor' law. However, I do think that should something happen to a child at this said party or to your child you could be found responsible under some other law for endangering the well being of a child. In this sue happy world that we live in anything is possible, even if you aren't ultimately found guilty you could spend lots of money defending yourself.

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2009

No, I understood what you meant! My point was, driving your child to a party is not illegal! Your putting misinformation out there for other mothers to read. I made no mention of driving a minor to a party where alcohol would be provided! And I'm sorry, but your point of bringing a child up to have common sense and to withstand peer pressure is surely a view in which you could trust your child not to do stupid things whilst at said party! I also disagree with "driving your underage child to party where they will be drinking would be considered 'providing alcohol to a minor' ", you are not providing them with alcohol, you are providing them with a safe means of travel to and from a gathering of friends. My parents drove me to parties where alcohol was served, and yes I did drink, one or two at most. My parents brought me up to be careful and aware of my surroundings in any situation. Also, anything can "go down" anywhere. You can't wrap your child in cotton wool forever! They have to deal with the real world eventually. I'm not saying deliberately put them in harm's way, unfortunately shit happens, it has to me and no doubt will again, but how will your child cope in the big wide world when you are gone and can no longer 'protect' them? And Pardon me for coming across rude! I was more... astounded. There are some very stupid people out there that would take things like that statement at face value!

Laura - posted on 12/18/2009

obviously u completly misunderstood - driving your underage child to a party where they will be drinking would be considered "providing alcohol to a minor" wouldn't it??? You know what they will be doing and even if they claim that they are just going to "sit " there - if anything were to go down at that party - they are still in that situation.
When reading a quote - try to understand the person's view before responding so rudely.

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2009

Quoting Laura:

I am hoping that when my daughter reaches that age I have instilled in her the strength to say no to the peer pressure and enough common sense that she will not want to get into those things - I have always tried to make myself available to my daughter so if there is ever a time she needs to talk to me - she can - I think that it's important to be the parent - not a friend - driving your child to a party is not only illegal but what if they got alcohol poisioning or something else happend - how could you ever forgive yourself? I think that getting your child involved in some kind of activity, promoting education and staying as much involved with your child will help guide to people that share the same values and morals as you.

Since when? I have never heard anything on it being illegal to drive your child to a party! I guess I broke the law by driving my son to his first birthday then!  It isn't illegal to drive you child to a party at all! Even if there 14-19. It doesn't matter the age anyway cos it's not illegal! That would be a VERY stupid law! Providing alcohol to a minor is illegal, selling alcohol to a minor is illegal and buying alcohol for a minor is illegal, but not driving them to a party!

Jessica - posted on 12/18/2009

It depends on the circumstances on how I find out. I hope that my son will come to me and talk about these things before going out and trying them. I would not support any habit he attempts, however, I would not push him out into the streets to do it! Depending on his age, say 17, then sure, a beer or two isn't such a bad thing, at 14, that's a no no. When it comes to the marijuana, I myself have been there and done that, but I would try to encourage an anti-drugs attitude in him. As for allowing it in my home, that again comes down to age, and maturity, as let's face it, age is no indicator of maturity. It would also depend on his sensibilities, common sense and his friend group. i say friend group because if he is hanging out with a particularly troublesome bunch, I wouldn't allow them into my home let alone allowing my son to experience marijuana or alcohol around them.

Laura - posted on 12/18/2009

I am hoping that when my daughter reaches that age I have instilled in her the strength to say no to the peer pressure and enough common sense that she will not want to get into those things - I have always tried to make myself available to my daughter so if there is ever a time she needs to talk to me - she can - I think that it's important to be the parent - not a friend - driving your child to a party is not only illegal but what if they got alcohol poisioning or something else happend - how could you ever forgive yourself? I think that getting your child involved in some kind of activity, promoting education and staying as much involved with your child will help guide to people that share the same values and morals as you.

Camille - posted on 12/18/2009

I would do my best to stop them. I don't know if I would be mad or not. I would definitely give them a calm, serious talking-to though. I'd explain why drugs and alcohol are bad and talk about people I know who's lives have been ruined by them. Oh gosh, I really don't want to imagine my 10 month old as a teenager, experimenting with substances! D=

Kendra - posted on 12/18/2009

I would be very upset if another parent took the choice away from me and allowed my child to drink in their home. I also would never allow any other parents children to drink in my home. Having said that I will probably let my own children have a small drink on special occasions or a sip of our drinks.

I also disagree with the thought that "they are going to do it anyway". Children really do wand to have their parents approval. Yes they may do it anyway and so I think that it is important to let them know that they can count on you if they need to but that you don't condone it.

Libby - posted on 12/18/2009

i at bthat age got involved in drink nd canibus but no way would i allow my children no way cos i no its not good to do so

Tamika - posted on 12/17/2009

Quoting Kelsey:

I dont see how giving your kid alcohol to drink at home is ever smart parenting. Your not a hypocrit for not allowing your children to illegally drink alcohol when you are drinking as a mature legal adult that is drinking responsibly. Kids dont know when to stop and only drink to get drunk, not to enjoy a relaxing adult beverage. Why would you give your child permission to break the law and drink irresponsibly? That isnt setting a good example at all.

I beg to differ, I did not drink to get drunk when I was 16,  I drank because I enjoyed learning about wines and how pairing a nice pinot grigio with plan popcorn is just as good white zin with Buttered popcorn, or a nice cab blanc goes well with chicken alfredo. I have been drinking since 16 but the first time I got drink was 21, then I drank to get drunk untill i was 25. This is a situation that can not be answer unless you have experienced it from either side. My boys are 8 and 2 so I cant honestly put myself in the parent role. But I was the teen that was allowed to drink. I did not becaome an alcoholic, deliquent, drug addict, nor did my grades and school particapation suffer. I think it is all about how you go about it as the parent.

My mother put ristrctions on me. I could not drink on school nights, I could not leave the house with it, I could not drink unsupervised, and I could on drink what was in the house. Since my mother only keeps wine in the house, that is what I drank. But in all honestly, my family is from Jamaica, so we use a lot of home remedies, along with the wine there was always a bottle of brandy in the house and overproof rum. so I was actually drinking at like 10.

I had asprin sensitve asthma as a child so I could not take OTC drugs. The rum was used in the tub with tepid water to breake the fever and the brandy was put in the tea to help sweat the cold out. I really works, off the subject though.

Rose - posted on 12/17/2009

I really don't know how i would feel about this. My dad let me drink at a very very young age. I smoked weed for the first time when i was 14. Than my dad found out he didn't care than all this family stuff happend and I ended up smoking with him. My dad always really didn't care if i drank or smoked just as long as i was in a safe place or if i stayed where i was. I am upset at this i feel like he failed me as a parent. When i started doing all this I started slacking off in school and I only did the bare minimum. I regret it. I wish he would've been there to tell me that i was messing up. I didn't ruin my life but i know i could of done so much better! I understand that it was my decision and i knew the consequences but it would of been helpful to have someone there telling me not to do it. I didn't do it for long because i started realizing it but you can't go back and change what damage has been done. Eventually I got my dad to quit smoking because i started looking down on him but he would hide it from me. Funny how the tables turn sometimes! With my child I will tell them what happened to me and my regrets and maybe she will learn from them. I really think it just has to do with your up bringing it always influences the way you will bring up your child. But this is a really good question.

Lydia - posted on 12/17/2009

Too hard to answer this without actually being in the situation. The intention is not to enable smokingdrinking or drugs. The drugs issue Iplanto combat by sending them to talk to my friend who actually managed to survive her heroine addiction to give her a look at someone first hand experience with drug use and abuse. The smoking and drinking - well they wont be allowed to drink at home. I cant stop them from doing it elsewhere so will just try to make sure that they are smart enough to call me rather than get into a car with friends who have also been drinking. Smoking again is a tough one - I would like to say they wont be allowed to but if they are sneaking away to have a smoke (especially at night) then I would rather they just did it in the back yard...

Kelsey - posted on 12/17/2009

I dont see how giving your kid alcohol to drink at home is ever smart parenting. Your not a hypocrit for not allowing your children to illegally drink alcohol when you are drinking as a mature legal adult that is drinking responsibly. Kids dont know when to stop and only drink to get drunk, not to enjoy a relaxing adult beverage. Why would you give your child permission to break the law and drink irresponsibly? That isnt setting a good example at all.

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

Is the drinking age 21 in the states ? is there an age for buying cigarettes ? here in NZ its 18 for buying smokes, and for the drinking age.
I think many would benefit with it being a bit older
Sorry , offtopic !

Tamika - posted on 12/16/2009

Quoting Christina:

i would be against it. yes, i've done the drug and drinking thing as a teenager, but it caused alot of problems in my life and i wouldn't want my children to go through the same things. plus, i'm the adult and i don't think i would be a very good mother if i gave my children permission to do something that was against the law. i'm supposed to be teaching my children to respect authority, to be good members of society, and the difference between right and wrong. plus, i really don't believe that at 14-17 that they can make mature and responsible decisions. totally against it.

I understand why are against it, we all are making decisions based on our childhoods. But if you taught your 17 morals, and common sense, manners, and all the things that a good responsible person possese. Then why do you not believe a 17 year old can make a mature decision. That makes no sense. That means you feel you didnt do a good job. I taught my 8 year old from the time I was pregnant with his 2 year old brother, that because he is the older one it is his resposiblity to look for and set a good example for his sibling.  My 8 year old always makes sure his brother is included in everything. If he gets to buy a honeybum fro snack afterschool he gets one for his brother. Just the other day I was in the shower and the boys was in my bedroom. Jaylen did somthing that cause him to hurt himself, and not only did My oldest let me know something happened to his brother but he comforted him until I came out the bathroom. Most 8 year olds would have just screamed MOM THE BABY HURT HIMSELF, and kept doing whatever it was they were doing leaving the baby to cry.

My point is if you instill something in your child, shouldn't you know and trust that your child will act accordingly? or do I have strange children.  

Tamika - posted on 12/16/2009

Quoting Rebecca:

My husband and i don't agree on this topic at all. His parents would drive him to parties and wait around at a neighbors house until he was done adn then drive him home. I don't agree wtih this type of parenting at all. I feel you are not doing any good for yuo child by allowing it. Yes they could feel that by being allowed to do it there is no crave as most do it becuase of the thrill of getting caught but if your child ended up addicted how would that make you feel. His parents also allowed girls in his room as a teenager but that is another topic.
We were raised very differently so it will be interesting as our children get older the rules we come to agreement with...

If your driving your teen to a party where you know they are drinking and god knows what eles, and you pick them up from it, your still allwoing them to drink, so what differnece does it make?  The act of underage drinking is still happening.  

Tamika - posted on 12/16/2009

Quoting Andrea:

This is a good question. When I was growing up I had really strict parents and doing either drinking or drugs was unexceptible. That just made me want to do it more! I didnt have an open relationship with my parents and suffered a great deal because of it. I dont condone a teenager drinking or doing drugs, I did it and it didnt get me anywhere but heartache! I would say that being the one to give your kid either one or allowing them to do it in front of you they would no longer have the same resepct for you, than if you didnt. (And that may not happen now but it will later!) It sounds like to me you have a pretty open relationship with you stepdaugther, I would say keep it up and dont make ANY subject tabo!

Being the child that was allowed to drink at home, I have as much respect for my mother then as I do now. Probably more because as a mother I see how hard of a decision that was for her. Like you said saying no no no will make the child want to do it more. My mother educated me and allowed me to grow. Dont get me wrong, she didnt hand me a bottle when I turned 16, but I had an open relationship with her so when I got curious about things I aske my mom. Most kids asked their peers, and got really bad info. So while my friends were sneeking around if I wonted a glass of wine with dinner I was allowed to. This is not even and issue in Europe, there is no drinking age there, and there is a very low incidence of aclcoholism and DWI.

Tamika - posted on 12/16/2009

My mother allowed me to drink at home. She knew I was going to do it anyway so she felt if I did it at home I would be safe. I have been drinking since I was 16 years of age and wine was introduced first, my mother taught me how to drink resposibly. Every friday we had movie and wine night, I even had my first shot with my mother( my 18th birthday). I love that my mother chose this route for me because I never felt like I had to sneek around. While I was in high school I buried 6 friends that died in DWI accidents. I feel like if their parents did what my mother did they would still be here. I am going to do the same with my boys. As far as drugs IE weed. Im not so sure. My mother was not playing that, I was 23 before my mother found out I smoked weed, but then again I didnt start smoking weed until I was 20. I had friends that smoke around thier parents, they still smoke but the are procutive nomal adults. I know for me I would rather my kids be in their own home than at some party where things can get out of hand, so yes I would allow my kids to drink at home, i am not sure about weed.

Christina - posted on 12/16/2009

i find it amazing how many young parents are against it. and on the subject of being a hypocrite, i only believe you're a hypocrite when you keep doing the drugs but continue to tell your kids its wrong. i still drink and probably will continue to drink, but i'm at a legal age to drink and when my children are 21 or whatever age the legal age may be when they are older, then they can make the choice that best suits them.

Kelsey - posted on 12/16/2009

I have done almost every drug out there, and I definatly cant believe someone would even think that would ever possibly be acceptable. That is not in my opinion good parenting. I had friends in highschool that smoked weed with their parents and they are all losers. All it did was make them think it was normal and acceptable to do drugs, which it isnt. Totally f-ed their life up. Terrible parents.

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

My parents did the approach of "only under our roof , ra de ra de ra ,etc etc " and my brother ended up hooked on P and in the mental health unit .
So no, I would prefer my children not to do them at all, and as the first answerer said, I am the adult, and should lead by example .
Of course , kids are (usually ) going to want to explore , so I would give them as much info about it as possible , show them people that went down that path , and make it clear that I don't approve of it , and then , well, what more can you do , the more you make a big deal about it, the more they rebel , the more you try to be "cool " and support them , the more it can bite you on the arse .
I guess all you can do is wait and see what they do , then go from there

Andrea - posted on 12/15/2009

This is a good question. When I was growing up I had really strict parents and doing either drinking or drugs was unexceptible. That just made me want to do it more! I didnt have an open relationship with my parents and suffered a great deal because of it. I dont condone a teenager drinking or doing drugs, I did it and it didnt get me anywhere but heartache! I would say that being the one to give your kid either one or allowing them to do it in front of you they would no longer have the same resepct for you, than if you didnt. (And that may not happen now but it will later!) It sounds like to me you have a pretty open relationship with you stepdaugther, I would say keep it up and dont make ANY subject tabo!

Natasha - posted on 12/15/2009

On one hand I can understand that under your supervision you can be there if any happens, but also drawing a line about what is unacceptable is important.

I watched a show on Oparah about a son who was now addicted to drugs. His Mother let him take them at home. Oparah asked him how he felt about his mother allowing him to do drugs. After a bit, he answered truthfully and said " I felt like I lost my Mother".