Thoughts & Ponderings

Coral - posted on 12/09/2008 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son is just about 19 months old. My husband and I are in therapy to hopefully help us with our communication deficiencies. See, we were only married 7 months when Sawyer was born- our little surprise- so we didn't have the time to work through some normal newlywed angst. Our marriage is not in trouble but it needs a little 3rd party help. lol
My husband is a pastor at our church and recently I've discovered that I can no longer attend there as your average member. This is painful for me because I've been with this church for 27 yrs and I've only been with my husband (dating and all) almost 4.
When I had Sawyer I swore "no more kids" but now I can't stop thinking about having at least one more. Sawyer is such a pleasant child and being an only child myself I know that you miss out (a bit) when you don't have siblings. I guess I'd like some advice as to what some affirming indicators are that a second child is a good idea... does that make sense? I would like to hear what you think are some necessities to have in life (material or relational) before adding a second child to the mix.

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Amie - posted on 12/09/2008

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Well first you need to take care of your marriage. Adding another baby to the mix when their is already stress is not the best idea. Babies take a lot of emotional toil on a person and marriage. Also, can you afford another one financially? Do you have the room or can you move or renovate to accommodate if their isn't the room? It's not a necessity that needs be thought about right away but when kids are a bit older their own rooms helps a lot. My hubby and I are on our 4th child and still feel the strain. Multiple children are a huge burden but we would never change a thing. We love our babies, no matter how much we want to rip out our hair some days. =) Our last one is due March 26th and this one is ahead of schedule. Admittedly we've narrowed down to probably when our slip up occurred but we were hoping to wait at least until next year before we tried for our 4th and last. We had a bit of a freak out about all of it when we found out. I cried, my husband became withdrawn but we're ok now. It wasn't that we don't want the baby, it's that we weren't prepared. So now, renovations to our home to add an extra two rooms and finish our basement are going to be done with a newborn in the house. I'm sure we'll be fine doing it but I know I'm going to get stressed about how long it'll take, the mess and the noise of people in and out.
After it all too, if you choose to stop at one that's fine to. There are plenty of people who grew up as only children and were happy with it. I myself grew up with 3 other siblings and it was just natural to want the big noisy house hold to continue for myself and hubby. He agrees because of different reasons, there was only him and his sister and he wanted more so we hopefully would be evened out. We are lucky to be that way too, we have a daughter, a son, a daughter and now the next one is a boy too. =)
Talk to your husband though to, it's a decision best made together. He may be reluctant to now but when things are better he may be taken with the idea of another baby. There is no universal right or wrong, just what is right for your own family. Hope it helps some. Good luck!

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