throwing fits

Amy - posted on 11/11/2008

Kayla, about enforcing time outs when they are that age, I think it's still a good age, the time out should only be 1 minute, but you should set clear boundaries so that they know exactly what is expected. At that age, ours were that you have to stay in your spot, and not be screaming. When they turned 2, they had to not be crying also, for the allotted amount of time. We would talk about it with them before, like "if you pull anyone's hair then you will need to sit in the naughty spot for 1 minute" Once they've pulled hair, there is no warning about "next time you pull hair then you go to the spot" no way! they knew it was wrong the first time, that's when the consequence should come :) Then when times up, you just say "you were put in the naughty spot (or what ever you want to call it) because you pulled my hair. Now that you have been still, you can get up and say you're sorry" it has worked for me. When it's new, the getting them to sit still for 1 minute could take like, and hour because they won't want to sit, or stop screaming, so you have to start over, but once their initial testing is out of the way, it gets easier...good luck!

Amy - posted on 11/11/2008

Marie, With both my girls in store/public situations, even restaurants, if they wouldn't listen, we would leave immediately. We tell them that it is a privilege to go out into public and have fun, if you don't behave, you don't go. It really sucks when you have to leave a restaurant right after you ordered and get it to go, or you don't get the stuff you need from the store, but it really pays off. I only had to do it with my girls one time each. They like to go out, so if they don' t get to because they're bad, then their behavior will usually change! And when they have done tantrums at home, i would remove THEM from the area, not me or others, to let them know that when they act that way, they are the ones who loose out, not me. Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2008

Pull his hair and show him that it hurts. Then tell him that is why we don't do that. Don't do this too much because you don't want him to learn that he should always repeat what others do...like hitting when being hit. But showing him a few times will not cause this outcome. I pulled my son's hair and I bit him...he has never had a problem with either of these things after doing this.

Kayla - posted on 11/11/2008

I also have a 13 month old who has started throwing fits! When he is really upset he will usually arch his back and throw his head back and just howl. If he is playing with something he is not supposed to have and you try and pick him up he puts his arms straight in the air like a pencil and stiffens up completely, it's almost impossible to even pick him up! This I can handle, I will usually just ignore it, or if it gets out of hand and we are at the store or a friends house we just leave. My problem is the hair pulling! He doesn't even do it when he throws fits, it's like he does it just to be mean. This morning he had just woken up, I changed his pants and we were laying on the couch together, and out of nowhere he just grabbed a chunk of my hair and yanked as hard as he could. I told him no and moved his hand, and less then a minute later he did it again. He doesn't laugh, he just gives me this blank expression like he has no idea why I would be upset. He did it 4 or 5 times before I finally just got off the couch and walked away from him. Any advice on how to handle that? And if time out is the answer, HOW do you begin enforcing time out with a 1 year old so they understand the point of it?

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2008

My son did that as well. He would scream, hit, scratch, bite, slap, and lash around on the floor when he was upset. In regards to the violence (for lack of a better word) i would put him in time out the second he hit me, without saying a word to him. Naturally he became more upset because he was being confined but once he calmed down a bit (it took him a while for the first week or so), i would explain to him (he was only 13 months) that we don't use our hands, we use our words. After he caught on that hitting isn't ok, he started the screaming bit. My parents as teachers educator explained that you must ignore them when they lash out, even in public. My son followed me around the house screaming and would kick the walls and stuff on his way. I would just remain calm and ignore him 100%. I wouldn't even look at him. After 5 min if it didn't stop i would squat down to his level and ask him if he wanted a time out. 9x out of 10x he would calm down (not completely stop) but if he didn't then i would put him in time out until he stopped. I initially used the high chair for a time out spot but now its a pack and play we use. It's seemed to work thus far. Now he just runs to his room and slams the door shut (he's 16 months). I laugh because he's not tall enough to reach the knob to open the door back up when he's ready. :)

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2008

You HAVE to ignore them...walk away. Of course don't leave him in a public place. Just walk far enough away to get the point across. Just let him know that it is not working. When kids throw fits they are trying to get your attention or something out if it (toy/candy). If you ignore it and DON'T cave in, he will learn that it doesn't work and he will stop. Hope this helps!