To all those who are "against" CIO method.......

Nicole - posted on 04/04/2009

wow marly you hit some nerves! I haven't been exposed to such drama since I became a stay at home mom. I think you have let others get to you and the best advice i've ever gotten was when i was prego-its kinda like this ya opinions are like you know what and everyone has one. and your allowed to get aggravated but you have to know whats best for you and yours. listen and go on use whatever advice you want. no two people will ever agree on the same way to raise a child. its  not possible there is give and take with everything. it sucks wehn you've heard the same thing over and over again about how your raising your child-its not abuse right? ok then. who ever has struck the nerve with you tell them i heard you the first time but they're my kids not yours and something else works for you but thats not my way. and you should respectfully agree to disagree and go on to something else more important. 

however this was a great read! and very entertaining!

Nicole - posted on 04/04/2009

wow marly you hit some nerves! I haven't been exposed to such drama since I became a stay at home mom. I think you have let others get to you and the best advice i've ever gotten was when i was prego-its kinda like this ya opinions are like you know what and everyone has one. and your allowed to get aggravated but you have to know whats best for you and yours. listen and go on use whatever advice you want. no two people will ever agree on the same way to raise a child. its  not possible there is give and take with everything. it sucks wehn you've heard the same thing over and over again about how your raising your child-its not abuse right? ok then. who ever has struck the nerve with you tell them i heard you the first time but they're my kids not yours and something else works for you but thats not my way. and you should respectfully agree to disagree and go on to something else more important. 

however this was a great read! and very entertaining!

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

Quoting Kylie:

Tanisha, you were the third person to ask the same question, Deidre simply did what i advised you to do which was read what other mums had already posted and cut and pasted it to you. i am always respectful when putting my point across, sorry your feelings got hurt.

I love this topic and its great most people can get their feeling and opinions out without being outrightly rude. I'm certainly not frustrated i just like women to use their brains.

Ok..Well in reference to the being the third person...Im not the other two people and if i saw someone come in and ask what is CIO i would have been nice enough to at least explain something to them. Like Deidre she may have looked at others post but key point im not Deidra and you dont know if maybe i didnt see the other posts so like i said respectful is best when chatting online and to follow my own rules for myself and be respectful to you im going to pretend that your comment was never said to me..and end the convo with you!!

Kylie - posted on 04/04/2009

Tanisha, you were the third person to ask the same question, Deidre simply did what i advised you to do which was read what other mums had already posted and cut and pasted it to you. i am always respectful when putting my point across, sorry your feelings got hurt.

I love this topic and its great most people can get their feeling and opinions out without being outrightly rude. I'm certainly not frustrated i just like women to use their brains.

Marly - posted on 04/04/2009

I think tht the moms who are saying that I shouldn't have posted this sercretly like the drama, Jamie and a few others are being honest about it.  And as for support, I believe that I am supporting the moms who have been bulldozed by the moms who are agains't CIO on this site.  I have heard others who are not CIO-ers say they have felt shamed by people, but the over all vibe on this site is against CIO.  I was just offering a thred for everyone to be honest about what they feel, I made it harsh so everyone didn't feel they had to sugar coat things or beat around the bush so much, just come right out and say what you think I say!  I know that CIO isn't the only way, but this is the way I chose, the way that works for me, and, no I don't have any insecurities about it, or guilt.  I actaully think that you must be secure and a confident mother to be able to use CIO, becuase it is very easy to say "well maybe..." and cave.  Now mothers who don't use CIO don't go saying that I am saying your are not secure and confident, because I didn't say anything of that kind.  I hope that this thread sheds light on many misconceptions of CIO, I hope people who were on the fence either way have gotten enough info to chose what works for them.  Everyone know this, Just becasue I may not talk like you, or show my support in a way you would chose, does not mean I am a mean person or unsupportive of moms.  I may have said some mean things to Emily, but I think she just brings out the worst in me...and maybe some other people on this thread too. haha.  I am glad this post got pretty raw, I hate the idea of all of us getting together to just agree wiht everyhint everyone says, that doesn't seem helpful to me.  We don't always have to play nice.  But in the end we can be adults and still hold eachother up on this site.

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2009

This is quite ridiculous. Those of you that are arguing instead of peacefully offering your opinion and/or advice sound like you are in high school. I would truly hope that no matter what your age or parenting style that you would be mature enough not to act like a child. I personally didn't know what CIO was until I read this post. I unknowingly used this method with both of my children. Neither one of them was EVER left alone to cry for hours, or til they threw up, or to the point of exhaustion. I love my children and they love me. There is no mistrust, and no detachment between me and my kids. My daughter will be 9 in a month and my son just turned 5. They are happy and healthy and very independent.

After reading some of the reply's to this post it gave me a great perspective on why there are so many unsolved problems in the world. It is because people don't know how to agree to disagree. Every one has their own opinion, and they have a right to their own opinion. RESPECT THAT. Respect each other. We are all moms on here, no matter what "technique" we use to raise our kids. We should be coming together to ensure that we are leaving behind a group of educated, independent, respectful youth to take over when we are gone. Isn't that part of raising kids is about. Raising them to the best of your ability, so that when you are gone they are good people.

I just hope that all of the hate that has been expressed on here is not being passed on to your children. If you are that defiant on here, what are you like face to face? Take a deep breath, count to 10, then write, and think about what you are saying. Then reread what you have written before you post it.

One last thing. Good luck to all of the moms on here, no matter what "technique" you are using. Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs (as we all know).  

Jessica - posted on 04/04/2009

OP,your whole first post just shows how insecure you are about the choices you have made.

Alexis - posted on 04/04/2009

I agree with the last post whole heartedly

Tabatha - posted on 04/04/2009

stop attacting each other!!!! we should be SUPPORTING each other and if you dont aggree, dont post!

i havent needed to use CIO! but if it works and your not hurting the baby do what you please :)

lets just stop being so mean! are we children or adults?!?!?!?

Brenda - posted on 04/04/2009

Unfortunately, this kind of thing makes the situation worse.  I'm not saying you have no right to feel upset, but the problem is that people that are against CIO feel very defensive upon reading something like this.  JUST as defensive as you feel when someone comes out against CIO.  It may work for some families. Personally, it is not something I believe in.  I believe in co sleeping.  I believe in many other attachment parenting ideals.  I have my reasons and I have my statistics I could quote on why I believe what I believe, but that isn't the point.  The point is that as attacked and upset as you feel, moms who don't believe in CIO get it just as much.

We get "shamed" just as much as CIO moms do.  We get told we're ruining our children.  We get told we're spoiling them.  We get told that we're wrong and that we're doing horrible things too.  This is a debate that is just as hot as breast vs. bottle with shame running both ways.  And unfortunately, each side attacks the other, then the other side gets defensive and it does nothing but start an angry cycle.  I could go on extensive rants about people saying things to me because of the decisions I made for my family.  I have a son nearly four that sleeps with us.  Why?  We enjoy it.  I get plenty sleep, and my husband and I get plenty time together.  He was sleeping fine in his own bed until circumstances in our household changed and he was forced to sleep with us again.  He's not quite ready to leave yet after that, and that's okay with me.  I'm due in May with my second, and we already have the co sleeper for him, and if he joins us in the bed, fine by me.  I like having the family bed.  But this is the right decision for US.  My  husband and I both agree with it, and we have one independent little boy in every other way.  But I would quickly be attacked for this by CIO moms.  That isn't any more right than if I attacked you for your beliefs on raising your child.

CIO worked for you and that's great.  It didn't work for me.  I had a colicky child from day one, and I tried it at first, and it just wasn't for me.  He needed me too much, and after research that I did for myself, I decided that CIO was not a choice I could make.  I will advise against CIO and give my reasons to others.  But I also say that if someone wants to do CIO, that the best is the Ferber method, and I know many moms that have successfully used this method.  The same goes for using The No Cry Sleep Solution.  I also know moms that neither of these worked for.  But it all comes down to a personal decison for you and your family.  I really feel that anyone that tries to "shame" another mom because of her decision is bad, whether they are CIO or non-CIO.  It runs both ways.  Breast vs. bottle, and any other hot issue in parenting.  The problem is that coming out and attacking non-CIO moms in this fashion only causes more friction and are more likely to get people angry than anything else.  Neither side is "right" and there are perfectly well adjusted and happy children on both sides.  Moms that are unhappy with the results of their choices maybe made the wrong choice for their family, or there may be something else entirely going on.  Sleeping problems are not always directly related to how a child is taught to fall asleep.  And children grow at a very fast rate, and to be honest, sometimes they just hurt.  To me, comfort is just as important as food.  But again, that is my decision.  I shouldn't be told I'm wrong for choosing it any more than you should be told you are wrong for choosing the method you did.

Shandy - posted on 04/04/2009

This breaks my heart, to have everyone on here fighting! I don't use the CIO method, but I would never put another mom down for doing it. I can't listen to my baby cry, just because she wants to be held. So shes spoiled, she will only be liittle for so long and I want all the cuddles I can get. Not saying you who use the CIO method don't. I just don't think theres a wrong or right way its just what works best for you and your family! Please stop using this post for cat fights! Whats this sight for... HELPING NOT FOGHTING ladies.

Alexis - posted on 04/04/2009

I agree I think 4 wks is too early and am happy some ppl can put their veiws across without attacking anyone x

Brittney - posted on 04/04/2009

As I wanted to add to my last comment, that I do not believe in letting a baby before the age of 4 months cry themselves to sleep, just my opinion. A family memeber of mine let her 4 week baby cry herself to sleep, and she is a nursed baby, I totally disagree with that.  At 4 weeks and nursed, you never know how much milk they actually get, so I think if a newborn cries it means they are usually hungry. To me I think that is a form of neglect, b/c at that age they don't understand. My ped always said that 4 months is a good time to start a rountine and stick to it, I waitd longer but that was my prefrence.

Alexis - posted on 04/04/2009

Emily there is a way of disagreeing with a parents view without attacking the method and/or making them feel like they are abusing their children. I have on occasion let my baby cry for a minute or two be it cos I was trying to make his bottle or so he will settle himself but never any longer and I certainly dont chuck him in a room let him scream and leave him their and resent the insinuation that every mother who tries this method does. I personally havent used this method cos I havent needed to but I come on here for help and support not to be attacked and many of ur posts feel that way I think that is what Marly is getting at all be it (and she agrees) in a slightly agressive way. You basically sed every woman who lets their child cry is a monster n they think its ok to let baby cry as long as they get their sleep I dont think that in any way is what Marly or the other girls are advocating what I believe the intention was to be allowed to ask for advice and parent in your own way without being told you are evil/terrible/neglectful for doing so. Now I need to finish the post as my little man has just woken up and is crying and I wouldnt want you to accuse me of abuse! 

Brittney - posted on 04/04/2009

WOW!!!  I never knew there was an actual name for letting your kids cry to sleep until they learn to self sooth. When I had my first child, she only slept 1hr at a time, and I delt with it cater to her every needs as a newborn. As time when on and six months rolled around my ped actually advised me that there is noting wrong with letting her cry herself to sleep. She was at the age that she was able to get full for the night and go to sleep. With that said, it only took her 2 nights of crying for her to learn to self sooth herself. She didn't even cry that long, maybe 30 mins at most and she was fast asleep. I was always checking on her as well throught the door to make sure she was ok, so it's not like I went to bed and just let her go. To me I don't think that is harsh, but just trying to form a rountine for your baby. When my second on came I was sucessful with breastfeeding so he was harder to get in his own bed and self soothing. I knew as a breastfed baby that he would need to eat more frequently then my daughter who was eventually formula fed. So I didn't make him cry himself to sleep until he was about 10 months. I felt he was ready at this time to break his habits of getting to sleep and nurse with me whenever he wanted b/c by one he was getting weened. He was much harder to get to self sooth himself, but after about 3 days he was fine as well. So I don't think there is anything wrong with this method. This method doesn't mean we neglect our children and I would never let my children puke on oneself and just ignore them, no way! Now I have two children who go to bed every night with no problems. And some children may not need this method they may just go to bed on their own from the start with no problems, and thats fine too.

Emily, I don't understand why you have to get all angry about another mothers ways of mothering?  Just b/c someone does it different than you doesn't make them bad or neglegent parents.  Yes some parents may take things to the extreme and thats wrong, but don't jump to conclusions that this method makes us bad mothers. I am not saying your a bad mother for not believeing in this method.

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

Quoting Deidre:

Quoting Maleasha:

So many mothers are misinformed on exactly what CIO is. Technically it shouldn't even be called Cry-It-Out because that's not exactly what happens. I used this method with my daughter, who is almost 4, and I am planning on using with my son who will be turning 1 at the end of the month. When I used this method I would lay my child down, give her a hug and tell her goodnight and then I would leave the room. Yes for the first couple of nights she cried, but I wouldn't just leave her there, I would go back in about every 5 min. reassure her I was there, rub her back for a min, tell her goodnight again and then leave. I would do that until she fell asleep. The first night she cried for about half an hour and by the third night she cried for about 2 min and then was asleep for the entire night. Now, I did not use this method with her until after she turned one.

I would hope that no mother out there would EVER put their kid in their crib and shut the door and them cry until they passed out. That is abuse.

I know that what I have decided to do with my kids is right for me and for them. I do not believe that any other mom out there needs to do what I am doing. Every mom is different as is every child. We as parents go through a trial and error process, but that does not give us any right to throw accusations at anyone saying they are being abusive. I have done my research, as many other moms have. I know many doctors and psychologists that say using the CIO method is not abusive if used correctly and at an appropriate age.

I too am glad that this was brought up:)

Tanisha D - Here is an explanation of the CIO method.  CIO = Cry-It-Out.

Now see Deidre thank you for your help..,

   that i can understand..letting them cry for a little but still soothing them..I do both not realizing that the CIO method was a method that i have been using..When my 7mos old has been fed changed, played with, talk to , in other words everything i can think of has been done i feel there is no other choice but to let them be..i talk to him and say its ok but i know your fine..mommy is still here.. but to just let him scream till he cant scream any more i would most definately have to say that it is abuse...

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

Quoting Kylie:

Tanisha either read the responses to this question or Google it.

 

I appreciate your very unhelpful response. I asked because half of the messages on here are not stating what it is they're just hinting around it..now if you do not like my response to your comment im sorry but im not to comfortable with your tone..you could have just ignored my question and someone else who has a ounce of kindness and respect would have answered my question..im not sure if this everone elses line of comments on the post have annoyed you but please do not take your frustrations out on me..and if that wasn’t your intentions that disregard my whole comment to you!!

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

I looked this method up and found some very interesting information about it! Im not going to argue with anyone cause thats not what this site is here for but i just want to advice people. One: everyone is entitled to their opinion and two that we should always be respectful when we comment to others exspecially online...

As a mother of two i have been doing this CIO Method the whole time and im completely upset with my self now that i know what it can possibly do to a child. Yes crying it out is helpful to the parent but are we looking at the possible damage being done to the child??

Please read the information that i found on this method..It may work but is it healthy??

While the cry-it-out method (CIO) has been popular in previous years, attachment parenting (AP) is gaining a foothold among new parents today. Results of studies in psychology indicate the AP approach to crying is most likely to result in an emotionally and physically healthy child.

CIO proponents often advise that babies left to cry will eventually stop, and the duration of future crying bouts will decrease. What are the emotional consequences of crying for the infant when she is left unattended? Bowlby and colleagues initiated a series of studies where children between the ages of one and two who had good relationships with their mothers were separated from them and left to cry it out. Results showed a predictable sequence of behaviors: The first phase, labeled “protest”, consists of loud crying and extreme restlessness. The second phase, labeled “despair”, consists of monotonous crying, inactivity, and steady withdrawal. The third phase, labeled “detachment”, consists of a renewed interest in surroundings, albeit a remote, distant kind of interest. Thus, it appears that while leaving babies to cry it out can lead to the eventual dissipation of those cries, it also appears that this occurs due to the gradual development of apathy in the child. The child stops crying because she learns that she can no longer hope for the caregiver to provide comfort, not because her distress has been alleviated.

Do babies cry more when they are attended to? A 1986 study concluded just the opposite: the more a mother holds and carries her baby, the less the baby will cry and fuss. According to attachment theory, many babies are born without the ability to self-regulate emotions. That is, they find the world to be confusing and disorganized, but do not have the coping abilities required to soothe them selves. Thus, during times of distress, they seek out their caregivers because the physical closeness of the caregiver helps to soothe the infant and to re-establish equilibrium. When the caregiver is consistently responsive and sensitive, the child gradually learns and believes that she is worthy of love and that other people can be trusted to provide it. Children who do not have consistently responsive and sensitive caregivers often develop into insecure individuals, characterized by anxious, avoidant, and/or ambivalent interactions. Long-term studies have shown that secure individuals, compared to insecure individuals, are more likely to be outgoing, popular, well-adjusted, compassionate, and altruistic. However, an abundance of research shows that regular physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood results in secure and confident adults who are better able to form functional relationships.

References

Campos, J., et al. (1983). Socioemotional development. In P. Mussen (Ed.), Carmichael’s Manual of Child Psychology: Vol. 2. Infancy and Developmental Psychobiology. New York: Wiley.

Craig, G., Kermis, M., & Digdon, N. (1998). Children Today. Scarborough, ON: Prentice-Hall.

Dacey, J. & Travers, J. (1996). Human Development Across The Lifespan (4th Ed). Boston: McGraw-Hill.

DeCasper, A., & Fifer, W. (1980). Of human bonding: Newborns prefer their mothers’ voices. Science, 208: 1174-76.

Gleitman, H. (1996). Basic Psychology (4th Ed). New York: W.W. Norton.

Hunziker, U. & Barr, R. (1986). Increased carrying reduces infant crying: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 77(5): 641-8.

Luddington, Hoe, S. Cong, X., & Hashemi, F. (2002). Infant crying: Nature, physiologic consequences, and select interventions. Neonatal Network, 21(2): 29-36.

Macfarlane, A. (1975). Olfaction in the development of social preferences in the human neonate. Parent-Infant Interaction. Amsterdam: CIBA Foundation Symposium.

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. (2001). Attachment theory and intergroup bias: evidence that priming the secure base schema attenuates negative reactions to out-groups. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(1): 97-115.

Miller, R. (2000). Dysfunctional relationships. In R. Kowalski & M. Leary (Eds.), The Social Psychology of Emotional and Behavioral Problems: Interfaces of Social and Clinical Psychology. Washington, DC: APA.

Waters, E., Wippman, J., & Sroufe, L. (1979). Attachment, positive affect, and competence in the peer group: Two studies in construct validation. Child Development, 50: 821-829.

http://www.vancouver.wsu.edu/fac/hewlett...

If anyone wants the website this is it http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Deidre - posted on 04/04/2009

Quoting Maleasha:

So many mothers are misinformed on exactly what CIO is. Technically it shouldn't even be called Cry-It-Out because that's not exactly what happens. I used this method with my daughter, who is almost 4, and I am planning on using with my son who will be turning 1 at the end of the month. When I used this method I would lay my child down, give her a hug and tell her goodnight and then I would leave the room. Yes for the first couple of nights she cried, but I wouldn't just leave her there, I would go back in about every 5 min. reassure her I was there, rub her back for a min, tell her goodnight again and then leave. I would do that until she fell asleep. The first night she cried for about half an hour and by the third night she cried for about 2 min and then was asleep for the entire night. Now, I did not use this method with her until after she turned one.

I would hope that no mother out there would EVER put their kid in their crib and shut the door and them cry until they passed out. That is abuse.

I know that what I have decided to do with my kids is right for me and for them. I do not believe that any other mom out there needs to do what I am doing. Every mom is different as is every child. We as parents go through a trial and error process, but that does not give us any right to throw accusations at anyone saying they are being abusive. I have done my research, as many other moms have. I know many doctors and psychologists that say using the CIO method is not abusive if used correctly and at an appropriate age.

I too am glad that this was brought up:)

Tanisha D - Here is an explanation of the CIO method.  CIO = Cry-It-Out.

Kylie - posted on 04/04/2009

Tanisha either read the responses to this question or Google it.

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

What exactly is the CIO Method?

Deidre - posted on 04/04/2009

Quoting Tanisha:

What exactly is the CIO Method?

From what I have gathered it is letting your baby cry to learn to self-soothe.  I'm not saying just leave them to cry but yes, being okay with them crying to learn this.  There are a few people in this thread that have already commented on how this technique works, or at least the modernized version (Ferber Method).  They will probably explain it better since I am not one to use this technique.

Tanisha - posted on 04/04/2009

What exactly is the CIO Method?

Sarah - posted on 04/04/2009

Why are moms attacking each other on here? I thought that this was a resource for helpful comments, not hurtful ones. If a mom wants to use the CIO method, shouldn't she be able to use it without people making hurtful comments about it? It's the method that she wants to use & maybe it is the one that works the best for her child. CIO is not by any means child abuse. With the CIO method, you go in every 5 - 10 minutes & reassure your child that you are still there for them & leave the room. The only time it's abuse is if you lock your child in their room & let them cry without paying any attention to them. I have used this method on my daughter & have had success with it. We have hit a set back though & have had to sleep train her again, but since she's teething we have abandoned it for now. You shouldn't disrespect a mom on here just because their opinion is different than yours. If you have disrespectful comments, just leave them to yourself or take them somewhere else.

Lisa - posted on 04/04/2009

ok iv gone back an had a read and i now understand... i dont think any1 has the rite 2 judge any ones parenting unless there is harm involved in saying that i am 1 that tried this method wen my girl was bout 8 months and it honestly took 2 nights til she fell asleep by her self. but she is now nearly 3 and in a bed and no bottle and 4 the life of get her 2 sleep alone any more and i would never try this method now cause the freaks out not just winges but freaks the fuck out and when she gets like that the throws up. i say each 2 there own and Marly ur doin the same to this girl emily just b cause she is young dont mean she doesn't no wat she is on about u r as bad as each other... ppl want advise not 4 u to voice ur opinion because u dont agree.

Lisa - posted on 04/04/2009

please explain what CIO iscause i have no idea... from what i just read i think im half half its tough love sorta... i have the best behaved kid i no course we have our days but she is very indipendent and i think that is cause instead of holding her 24/7 when she was a baby i always had her on th floor so the was walking at 9 1/2 months. is this the sort of thing u mean 

Angela - posted on 04/04/2009

Ok so i read through the first few posts and I am probably a CIO Mum when I think about it I had never heard of this. I have always put my son (he will be 9 months this week) to sleep in his own bed awake and he gets himself to sleep and he has NEVER cried himself to sleep. Each to their own though I couldn't listen to my son crying for extended periods but think it is important for them to learn how to go to sleep on thier own.

Kim - posted on 04/04/2009

WOW!!!!!!!! since when did this help forum become an attack forum? ive read through the threads here, and im noticing alot of ignorance or immaturity.. you dont have to like what another parent says or does, no ones perfect here or anywhere. but why attackt them. because some of us have used the cry it out method, while others havent. its neglectful and horrible to leave a child locked in a room screaming his lungs out, until they fall asleep, but for a child to be left just "crying" in their bed is by far neglect or abuse. so for those of you who despise the cry it out method, do you feel that its hurtful to a child when u say no to a piece of gum, a can of soda, or a candy bar and they start crying? their crying arent they, so does that mean its still a horrible thing.. crying is natures way of getting attention to a specific need. from experience the cry it out method has been used mostly for training children to sleep independantly. they have learned that crying gets a response. the CIO isnt stating leave the child alone, its teaching the child that its okay to be left alone to sleep in their room, and that their parents are too far from them to comfort them..

  if your sitting here griping about how its bad, thats exceptable, but to sit here typing vicious accusations, and attempting to make others feel bad for their methods of parenting than maybe you should blog about it on myspace or something. everyone has their own methods that work for them. many happy children have come from the CIO method.

 theres a difference between crying it out, and completely ignoring the child. big difference. maybe your attacking those who post valid opinions and tried tested methods because you like the initiative or attempt them, or you yourself feel inadequate about your parenting skills. or maybe that its just that you havent matured enough to know the difference.

so please if your going to attack people on here for the methods they chose for parenting, take it some where else. voicing your opinion is one thing, but attempting to condemn ones belief is something that isnt need nor is it desired. its a discussion forum where people turn to find similiar situations or problems they face. not to be attacked.parents get attacked enough in society, they dont need it on a forum just for parents and especially just for moms.

i do have to agree with some posts though, in my development pysch, class i learned that the cio is perfectly okay, as long as its done properly and not abusively.there is a difference.

in response to another post, ill be sure to go back later and re read what ive posted, to make sure that i wasnt doing the very thing im writing about. im not here to vent, or to attack anyone. im here simply to bask in the pleasures of being a mom and being a parent.

Kate CP - posted on 04/03/2009

Wow...
can y'all say "cat fight"? I mean...wow.

Kids should be taught independence but at the right age. A young baby can't be independent it's just physically impossible. Children should be soothed and know they are taken care. There is a happy medium out there, y'all. I think we have all found that happy medium but we just all call it different things. Part of being a good mother and a grown up is knowing when to be accepting, when to speak your mind, and when to just shut up and smile.
But seriously...have you guys gone through and re-read what you've posted? Some of it made me cringe and some of it just made me laugh out loud. Yeesh.

Maleasha - posted on 04/03/2009

So many mothers are misinformed on exactly what CIO is. Technically it shouldn't even be called Cry-It-Out because that's not exactly what happens. I used this method with my daughter, who is almost 4, and I am planning on using with my son who will be turning 1 at the end of the month. When I used this method I would lay my child down, give her a hug and tell her goodnight and then I would leave the room. Yes for the first couple of nights she cried, but I wouldn't just leave her there, I would go back in about every 5 min. reassure her I was there, rub her back for a min, tell her goodnight again and then leave. I would do that until she fell asleep. The first night she cried for about half an hour and by the third night she cried for about 2 min and then was asleep for the entire night. Now, I did not use this method with her until after she turned one.



I would hope that no mother out there would EVER put their kid in their crib and shut the door and them cry until they passed out. That is abuse.



I know that what I have decided to do with my kids is right for me and for them. I do not believe that any other mom out there needs to do what I am doing. Every mom is different as is every child. We as parents go through a trial and error process, but that does not give us any right to throw accusations at anyone saying they are being abusive. I have done my research, as many other moms have. I know many doctors and psychologists that say using the CIO method is not abusive if used correctly and at an appropriate age.



I too am glad that this was brought up:)

Sally - posted on 04/03/2009

OMG i have just read most of the messages on here and i have to say alot of them are really hurt full!!! i think that every mother and father should bring there kids up the way they want!! when my little one was about 6 months old he wasnt having his daliy sleeps and it was making me so tired and worried so i went to the clinic to get some addvice they told me to let him cry for a lttle bit then go in to him give him a cuddle then put him back down and let him cry a little longer next time so that he knows that i will come to him but i wont just run to him everytime he starts to cry!! my friend ran to her little one everytime he cryed now she is paying for it everytime she trys to put him down now he crys there is no way i would wont my little one like that!! but as i was saying everyone is different i understand that but we shouldnt have ago at people about the way they bring there children up!! as long as the kids are treated right and givin lots of love and happiness then thats all that should matter!! my little man is such a happy little boy with 2 very happy parents!!! love to all the mothers out there!! :)

Jamie - posted on 04/03/2009

Sorry but I still love this post, I could make comments about plenty of things but yeah I just cant get over the fact Marly took a stand.

Rachel - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Emily:

Butthurt alert! Someone call the WAAAHmbulance.

If you throw your infant in a crib and leave her/him to cry themselves into a point of exhaustion, that is horrible mothering. Thats really all I have to say. You got a good night of sleep? Goooood for you, hunny. So what if your kid is screaming in the next room, losing his trust in his own mother. S'all good if you can fit in those 8 hours! Amirite?

If you throw your infant in a crib and leave her/him to cry themselves into a point of exhaustion, that is horrible mothering.

Do you really understand what CIO really is????? Because your comment states that you have no idea at all about the CIO method

You got a good night of sleep? Gooood for you, hunny. So what if your kid is screaming in the next room, losing his trust in his own mother.

Once again no idea what the actual method is for CIO. Well let me spell it out for you, HUNNY you dont just throw them in the crib and walk away and let them cry to the point of exhaustion, you put them in the crib and walk away IF THEY SATART CRYING YOU GO IN AND WITHOUT PICKING THEM UP YOU SOOTHE THEM, then you walk away again and if they continue to cry once you have left YOU GO BACK IN AFTER A FEW MINUTES LONGER AND SOOTHE THEM AGAIN and you just keep adding a few minutes everytime they start crying untill they fall asleep on there own. SO HOW IS THIS REALLY HORRIBLE MOTHERING, WHEN WE GO IN AND LET OUR CHILDREN NO THAT WERE THEIR FOR THEM??????? I have done it with all of mine and guess what all of my kids trust me with everything, just because we raise our children with tough love does'nt mean we are horrible mothers who have children who dont trust us. No mother will ever get the full 8 hours of sleep that she requries in a night but if the CIO method helps you to get an extra few hours a night then is'nt that better for the baby to have a mother who is not exhausted and has more time to play with them????? What ever method works to have a mother who is not exhausted from the lack of sleep that all of us mothers suffer is a good thing for our children, DONT YA THINK?????

Marly - posted on 04/03/2009

Well one more thing Emily B.   YOu throw personal attacks and insults an awful lot.  Why must you try so hard to make yourself look good?  You try to condescend and cut down, and you end up sounding like your 10.  Keep it up, "hunny".  Your doing a great job of letting us all know your level of intellegance.

Kylie - posted on 04/03/2009

Did you not read any of the responses Meghan? Cry It Out

Meghan - posted on 04/03/2009

What is CIO?

Julia - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Emily:

Butthurt alert! Someone call the WAAAHmbulance.

If you throw your infant in a crib and leave her/him to cry themselves into a point of exhaustion, that is horrible mothering. Thats really all I have to say. You got a good night of sleep? Goooood for you, hunny. So what if your kid is screaming in the next room, losing his trust in his own mother. S'all good if you can fit in those 8 hours! Amirite?

Actually, I can't say you are right. Could just be me, but my sleep became MUCH lighter after I had my daughter. Any slight noise she made, and still makes, wakes me up almost instantly. If your child screams and cries for 8 hours at any time, there's a problem. Get off your high horse. We all do right by our own children, and our own family. I am actually quite relieved that the original post is up.

We're all judged in some way, or at least feel like it. People like you make me so frustrated. I didn't get the vibe of such bitter hate from the original topic, but maybe that's because I'm a mother of a screaming kid in the next room that's losing trust in me.

Missy - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Jamie:

Quoting Missy:

As with anything maybe you should have given this a second or third thought before posting it.  I know we all feel like ranting about certain things, but it doesn't really make anyone feel better.  I stay out of controversial threads for that very reason.  Your post seems more confrontational than anything else.  Just my opinion.

Moms can vent about everything else why not this? Why can we vent about people putting us down for not breastfeeding? And vent about people putting us down for having c-sections not natural births?  why can we bitch about lazy husbands and back talking kids? why can we vent about everything else except this? And I love this post I think it makes me feel a lot better. I think its a wonderful and Im glad she posted it.

 

You can do whatever you want.

Erika - posted on 04/03/2009

hmm,

all this big uproar over this CIO and i have no clue what it is?

from what i understand it is letting your child cry his/herself to sleep to promote sleep independence? correct me if im wrong please. lol.

I let my daughter cry to sleep, but im on the steps checking on her every 5 mins to lay her back down ( she pulls up) it never takes anymore than 10 mins to get her down, and she doesnt seem overly bothered by it.

if this isnt what your talking about then im behind the curve here haha

-arika

Kylie - posted on 04/03/2009

awwww:)

Rachel - posted on 04/03/2009

my kids are perfect actually, i've never met a kid better than mine!

Ajia - posted on 04/03/2009

What I took from the original post was NOT whining, and it was NOT condemning other mothers for their choices. On the contrary, it was simply a statement of the fact that some things that work for you may not work for me and vice-versa so DO NOT judge me for it. If my child is healthy and happy that's all that matters. I don't think the OP was asking people to agree with her at all, she was just saying don't call me a bad mother because I do things differently. And I think that is VERY relevent to Circle of Moms as so many members think they are Supermoms who know the best and right way to do everything. FYI: NONE OF YOUR KIDS ARE PERFECT.

Kylie - posted on 04/03/2009

Like you Marly, I have a baby Jack that is almost 5 months. Sure, it would be lovely to sleep all night (I am actually typing that at 5.30 am my bubs thinks he would like to be up for a while to fill his nappy :p) But I know that parenting is not a 12 hour a day job.  I think the reason some mothers try to “make you feel ashamed “is because they are passionate about this. I’ve done my research on this topic and there is a lot of science based info out there stating that CIO = trauma (to say the least). Plus CIO is defiantly not recommended by pediatricians until babies are at least 6 months. This is some info for all you new mums considering giving this “wonderful technique” a go…

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05...

Emily - posted on 04/03/2009

"I did this to let other moms know they can say what they think, even if it goes against what others are saying"

What?? You are back pedaling here. So you're saying we have the right to disagree with you, right? Then what was this post for? That whole wall of whiny text was very "wahh people dont agree with me and i'm sad!!"

Honestly, you're just coming off as sounding guilty for some of the parenting choices you have made.

Marly - posted on 04/03/2009

I almost forgot; Emily C.  I would never let my child cry till he puked, that is abusive.  that woman that advocated that, sounds like she didn't understand what CIO meant either.

Marly - posted on 04/03/2009

Well to everyone who know thinks I am the worst person ever, that is fine.  I was posting this as saying that you do what you do, I do what I do, I clearly have had major success with what I do, you clearly have success with what you do.  My main point (it seems to have gotten lost in my harsh words, which is understandable) Is stop bullying moms who do it differently. I know I know, you will say I am bullying.  Maybe it did end up sounding like that, but I read converstaion after conversation that it is the other way around, To the Emilys. Emily B. you clearly have a misunderstanding on what CIO means, so until you know what you are talking about, I am not reading your posts anymore. And to  Amily A. I didn' do this to boost my ego, I dont need people to agree with me to have confidence. I did this to let other moms know they can say what they think, even if it goes against what others are saying.  And melissa, "Just because someones's opinion differs from your does not make theirs wrong!"  this is my point. Read Emilys and try to understand why I was so annoyed with her.  And to everyone, this whole conversation is BRIMMING with judgments and attacks.  So dont tell me I am the only one.  Well one good thing came from this, everyone knows that the KNOW, that they are doing the best thing for their baby.  Passionate conversation, Good job ladies!

Emily - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Sara:



Also, I think there is a misconception about what CIO actually is. You don't put your baby in a crib, close the door, ignore them and let them cry to the point of exhaustion until they just pass out.

Unfortunately, Sara, with the exception of you and of course a few others most people who claim to to CIO on COM do exactly this. I have heard of mothers advocate crying until puking, CIO at ridiculously young ages- like 3 weeks old, and crying for times measured in hours.

Melissa - posted on 04/03/2009

Quoting Marly:

I have kept my mouth shut about this for months, and let you mothers condem me ond others like me.  I AM helping the moms who are too shy to stand up for themselves!  And Emily judging by your picture your NOT an expert on mothering,, So I am not even going to adress your bull crap!

Are you kidding me?  This is the most disrespectful thing I have ever read on here!  To judge another person based upon her appearance?  How can a picture determine what type of mother she is!  Great example for your child by the way, teaching them to judge people by outward appearances versus who they are inside!  Just because someone's opinion differs from yours does not make theirs wrong!  You are making yourself look very judgemental and uneducated.  PS- Your should've be you're!!!

Hillary - posted on 04/03/2009

I don't do CIO with my daughter, yet I still have a happy baby, a healthy marriage, and I get a full night's sleep.  CIO does not work for everyone or every situation.  Make sure it doesn't hurt ya too much when you fall off your high horse, mmmkay?

Amie - posted on 04/03/2009

I think the biggest problem with this is the timing for when it's done. I've used the CIO it out method with my kids. All 4 of them but I did not use it when they were so tiny they wouldn't understand. I started when they were about a year old and they never cried so much they couldn't calm down when I went back in there room, nor did they ever get sick from crying, they never fell asleep crying from exhaustion or anything else "bad". It took a week for my kids to learn to self soothe and go back to sleep. My son took two weeks but boys are definitely harder to deal with when their small than girls are. I can not stand hearing my babies cry, the longest they were ever left was 5 minutes. It started with me picking them up and not saying anything and laying them back down, then after a couple days all I had to do was go in and rub their backs, couple more days go by and I only had to peek in their rooms and once they'd see me they'd lay down and calm themselves. By the end of the week I never had to go in. ALL of my kids (well except my newborn obviously) go to bed when they are supposed to, they do not make a fuss and the CIO method worked for them. They are happy, healthy, well adjusted kids. They know if they need me I will be there, I've proven that to them.
I think the biggest misconception about CIO is that a lot of mom's think the ones that do this put our kids to bed and walk away and that's it. That is not it, not even close to how CIO is done.. if done properly.
It even took me a little while to realize what I was doing would even be considered CIO. I was like a few mom's out there and thought good lord how can you put your kid down and just leave them? Then I started reading how other mom's where doing CIO and realized their methods were the same as mine. While I will never do this for my babies when their small and crying is their only method of communication when my kids were a year old it worked for them.