To quick to judge.

Merissa - posted on 02/08/2011

i agree with you melanie, the only time i have ever spanked my oldest is because i had told him no, re directed him, and tried to remove him from that area, but when he refused to stay away i slapped his hand, it didnt even leave a red mark, and finally i spanked his but, yes he cried but it was because it scared him. and he never touched the outlet again.

Nadia - posted on 02/08/2011

I don't really agree with spanking, but i have spanked in exreme situations. Someone made the comment that the problem with our society these days is that we're teaching no violence with violence. Well I disagree. I think the problem with society is that everyone is too scared to disipline their kids for anything (and i don't mean spanking.) I'm talking about moms/parents who are sooo concerned about not being a bad mom and not hurting their kids feelings and being so overnice that the kids get away with anything and everything. I don't agree with spanking, but people have got to start taking control of their kids! I cannot count how many people i know where their kids walk all over them. These are the children that are getting into drugs and gangs and the like. Appropriately disipline your kids! And every child is different... for some a simple time-out mat doesn't do the trick. Some kids don't care if you take away a toy (i know mine sure doesn't!) There is a difference between spanking and abuse, but unfortunately its a very fuzzy line. If it's called for, i will spank, but thats after i've exhausted all other forms of punishment because i will not have my daughter thinking she has power over me and can do as she please cuz "mom won't do anything anyway".

Erin - posted on 02/07/2011

I tried that before a spank, Loureen, and im so happy it worked for you! I threaten to throw away some of my daughters most prized posessions and she bats her eyes and goes "I dont care. I dont play with it anymore anyway."
Snot, shes totally my daughter. I was the same way when I was her age, I blame genetics! I follow through most of the time, and the times I dont, I cheat and hide the toy for a while (I usually forget I hid it and it stays gone for the better part of that year)
What I found actually struck a chord with my daughter and the road issue, was my utter panic itself. She saw me freak out and scream (This was a very busy road, she was 3, and we were new to the area) I guess my sheer terror stricken face terrified her and she didnt like that she was the reason it happened, and shes always grabbed my hand or at least stood by my side when crossing roads and walking through parking lots now. She gets cars=danger, because its a physically large very fast object that shes ridden in and knows what they do. Its the smaller things like finding medicine bottles shes trying to open. Its hard to portray just what poisoning is to a young child when they dont really have anything to associate it to. And you dont want to come off really morbid and say things like "You will throw up until you die." Because come on. I think thats worse than spanks, mental images about their own death, if they go around saying "My mom said im going to die" if they get the wrong impression, and just...a whole other can of worms to avoid!

Charlie - posted on 02/07/2011

I am personally opposed to smacking/spanking for many reasons but mainly as a human rights issue , children are human regardless of size or age and IMO should be treated with the same dignity as anyone else .

As for the example of running on the road it is funny you bring this up because today my son ( 2 years ) did just this !

The first time he headed towards the road I grabbed him , got down to his eye level and said " NO , NO running on the road , DANGER "
He looked at me still looking quiet cheeky I said " If you go on the road you will lose your truck ( toy "

Again he headed for the road further down and again I repeated my words only this time I said " last chance , truck goes in the bin if you do it again "

Once more time he ran off this time I took his hand led him to the rubbish bin and said " Cooper ran away , Bad behavior , no more truck , gone "

He was upset but he stuck by my side for the rest of the walk and didn't dare run off he experienced consequence without danger of running onto the road or without violating his rights to bodily integrity .

Erin - posted on 02/07/2011

Lol, this is one of the best debates to follow.
I swat my kid on the bum occasionally. Im more of a fan of the time out corner, simply because its the most effective way for MY daughter personally, but I know some kids who will just zone out until the time outs done, and a swat on the bum is the only way you can get them to stop trying to put a damn fork in the socket!
I think when people say a swat on the bum, we all think of different ways, strengths and force. Some people default to thinking of a swat so hard your kids nose bleeds. others think of a light pat that you would use to brush some lint off. There will never be a happy medium here, because there are always extremists on both sides who just rile everybody up all over again. Best thing to do is take pride in how YOU raise YOUR child, and if somebody has an issue, hear them out and if its absurd, tell them where to go. Sometimes some constructive criticism goes a long way though, so dont be quick to brush people off. My mother in law gave me a genius way to deal with tantrums that I bet no spanking would beat. Next time my kid throws a tantrum (shes 5, theyre huge but few and far between) I will praise her, and tell her it was the BEST one ive seen her do! over emphasize the emotion, and tell them you bet they couldnt do one even BETTER!
Eventually it becomes boring because they arent getting the response they were looking for. I see how it can backfire if your kid turns it into a game and always throws tantrums, but if its a doozy, and you just would rather laugh it off than throw your own fit in public, make it a huge event and make your kid the star!

Randie - posted on 02/06/2011

Controversial Talk on Circle of Moms

Please join!

I wouldn't consider smacking on the butt abuse. What defines abuse is when a mothers intentions are to hurt there child. A parent usually has good intentions in spanking, whether they really thought it was effective discipline or they spanked out of fear for the child's life (as in the running out into the street case). This is definitely NOT child abuse people. It is in my opinion a wrong discipline method. Absolutely not effective at all except to scare and hurt your child. I totally agree with Julianne Marie except for the part where she mentioned its child abuse. It also depends how bad you hurt your child when you spanked. If you did it out of anger or fear then it's yourself you should be teaching to change. No one on this earth should ever do anything out of anger. You really need to determine if it actually does work or not. To many moms just like this form of discipline because it allows the parents to take out there anger and stress.

And yes Melanie too many mothers are too quick to judge and too quick to assume that their way is the only way. We should always be willing to listen to other points of view before we debate if our way is the only way. For the moms who don't care to listen to someone's thoughts and who thinks their way is the only way- stop blogging about these subjects because no body enjoys listening to one sided, closed minded people (who are in most cases-bullies).

Julianne - posted on 02/06/2011

I do consider spanking abuse, but when you grow up in a society that allows such behavior, when it is the social norm, you cannot blame the individual person. Its society thats messed up. We do need to teach our children with love and kindness, if we do, that is what they know. To teach with violence teaches them violence. The world is like this for a reason, and by making little changes to eliminate violence ie not spanking, is for the greater good of humanity.

Rachael - posted on 02/06/2011

abuse is illegal, but the problem is where you you draw the line as to what abuse is. The child who is affraid of saying the wrong thing because she doesn't want to get hit is an abuse victim. The child who's mom swatted her behind out of fear when her child bolted across the street is not abused. I personally do not feel that spanking, swatting, ect. is an effective punishment. I think that age appropriate distraction or discipline and discussion is the only effective form of behavior modification. I wouldn't automatically assume someone who spanks their son occasionally is abusive or that her son will grow up to be aggressive, but I do feel that she is unfortunate to not have other methods of discipline (more effective ones) at her fingertips. My son is 21 months old, he has understood and responded to the sign for no (signed with or without spoken word) and followed by distraction (the most appropriate behavior modification for children under 2) since he was 10 months old. I also tend to follow the correction with a comment such as "dangerous", "Hot" "fragile" ect. I do not believe in disciplining my son simply for his natural curiosity being inconvenient for me. If we are out and he begins to fuss I will offer either distraction or an award but not tell him NO. I know every child is different, but I think the heightened communication abilities my son has (he has been signing since 3 months) combined with the courtesy and respect I treat him with have led to him being a more well behaved well mannered child. Instead of telling moms they are "terrible, or abusive" for spanking a child give them options besides a time out. I discipline Alexander the same way I correct my husband. I wouldn't tell him to sit in the corner and think about what he's done so I wont do it to our son either.

Lacye - posted on 02/06/2011

Julianne I have to disagree with you. There are a lot more anit-spankers bashing spanking moms than you think. There have been several times when I have been called a bad mom and told that I abuse my child on CoM. It doesn't do any good to report most of the time because of the wording to. I have yet to see, besides you, a person that tried to talk rationally about not spanking.

Hannah - posted on 02/06/2011

Julilanne, I don't have a complex and like I said we were spanked a lot... I'm just saying I don't think it ruins people, and there is a big difference in "spanking" and "beating"



With my parents it was 1 to 3 hard swats with a wooden paddle... It didn't hurt for more than 15 minutes, and they never spanked us until we couldnt sit down.... I don't think it's such a bad thing if you do "right"



I don't plan to spank ever, but if it comes down to it, I guess so be it

Julianne - posted on 02/06/2011

if its once, or if its daily, its abuse. Its illegal in 30 countries for a reason. Most anti-spankers are NOT calling people a bad mom, they try to educate the spankers so their child doesnt grow up with a complex.

Lacye - posted on 02/06/2011

After a while it doesn't bother you anymore. I've been called a bad mother more than once on here because of my views on spanking and it doesn't bother me. Nobody on here really truely knows me or my child. They want to make quick judgements and want to point the finger at somebody. Well the way I look at it, they aren't entirely perfect either. So while one finger is being pointed at you, 4 more are pointing back at them.

Hannah - posted on 02/05/2011

I can not tell you how much I agree with you. Moms are so quick to judge these days, my son (almost a year) has never had a pacifier and couldn't be happier, but all the time when he starts to get upset moms ask "oh where's his paci?" and when I say he doesn't have one I get this look like 'oh my, you must HATE your child' or they will turn to my son and say something like "awe, poor baby everybody needs a paci..."

We do alot of things more "natural" so we get looked down on and thought of as crazy all the time. And ya it sucks... I can't say I will never spank my son (I don't believe in absolutes), but I don't intend to make it a daily thing either..

But I don't think it ruins people, my parents spanked us (a lot) and we are fine! In fact when I was about 19 I acutely had a sit down with my mom and thanked her for being so strict with me. I truly believe my parents spanking me made me a better person in the long run, should they have used other forms of punishment to? Yes, probably but you know what, they did the best they could and that's good enough!

Julianne - posted on 02/05/2011

Someone needs to stick up for the kids who are being abused. There are other ways to stop a kid from getting hit by a car than beating them. It is illegal in 30 countries and more to come. This is not me being "quick to judge". Its not a judging of the person, i know that everyone who spanks truly believes they are doing something good for their child. Its a judging of an action, the action of spanking is abuse and i really hope people learn that it is before its too late and their child is scared forever because of it. It does cause anger issues, it causes teen rebellion, it causes suppression of emotions, it causes anxiety, depression and numerous other psychological issues. It can even cause permanent physical damage because bum, is the base of the spine, the vibration can cause neurological damage or even death, even if you think its not hurting them. There are many choices as a parent, raising your hand to the child should not be one of them. People are not even aloud to hit a dog anymore for discipline, yet parents still do it to their children. Its a shame society is so stuck in its way that they can't see all of the facts against hitting. Its so hypocritical, we want our children to learn violence is wrong. Why punish with violence? Discipline is to teach, not to punish. We need to educate our children so they learn. Not instill fear in them so they listen.

Heather - posted on 02/05/2011

My son does two minutes in the ball pit of doom.. I know I am a pushover. I think the worst I have done was tell him no in a stern voice then he cried, mommy gave him a hug, and he got two minutes of hard time in the pen aka Ball pit of doom!

Jackie - posted on 02/05/2011

I give my son swats and I dare anybody turn me into the authorities for abuse. He gets age appropriate punishments that fit what he did. Time outs do not work for my son and neither does taking away things from him. We never go anywhere so grounding him wont do a bit of good.
I have called SRS and asked if it was legal for spankings and guess what...it is as long as you follow the state guidelines and I do. So to the mothers that say its a disgrace to spank your kids and that the kids wont think we love them then please explain why my son is constantly kissing me and hugging on me? He sure seems like he thinks I dont love him to me.

Christina - posted on 02/05/2011

I have learned that those who are quick to judge have other agendas. And nothing better to do with their time. How I raise my kids is my choice, and I could care less what others think. But yes, I get comments all the time from how I have too many children (I have five between the ages of 10-4) to how I discipline (because I will give a swatt if my child is misbehaving and won't stop after other warnings.) My kids are well behaved and good happy children.

Melanie - posted on 09/25/2009

Totally agree Kate.

Kate - posted on 09/25/2009

im not a fan of the smack but do believe there is a place for it but children need to be given more credit they arent as dumb as you might think and if you show them respect even when punishing them they do respond better, im a big fan of the naughty mat using a small definative area for removing the child and explaining why they have been put there in simple terms i have found works even for 1 year olds and only put them ther 1min per year and once the punishment is over dont hold a grudge let it go and be a happy loving parent again