Toddler tantrums

Jenn - posted on 03/17/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi I NEED advice. My daughter is two and in her terrible two's. She started them at around 18 months. Ignoring them used to work, when that stopped we tried the naughty step and naughty chair, that worked for a little but not as great as I would have liked. We recently had a son (4 months ago) so I know its part that. I let her help out with him: changing time, feeding time, with his binky, etc.... but that doesn't always help. It's getting really frustrating to not yell and get overly angry. She cries and throws a tantrum over every little thing! She does not act like this when friend are watching her. They say she is a perfect angel eats everything they give her, doesn't cry. etc... My pediatrician suggested a method called one two three. Where you calmly explain that thats not the way we act, Then if they keep acting up you give them one warning thats 1 saying nothing else if they stop ok move on if they don't you say thats 2. if they stop ok if they don't you say thats 3 take 5 and then you put them in their room for 2minutes to the point it takes them to calm down. No more than 30 minutes. You then don't ask for an apology you just move on from it. I have just tried doing this but my daughter has a blanket in her room that is a comfort thing so I take that out and she ends up crying for the whole time. So I guess what I'm asking is what has worked for you?
Also what do you do when you go out in public. My daughter can act perfect one day and twice as bad the next day. She knows that we can't really do much but put her in a chair out in public and she knows we try and calm her down asap because of all the looks we get (its like people forget that kids act up). Any how I know I am rambling, but I am so frustrated I don't know what to do. I feel like I am ignoring my new born too much with tending to my daughter. I wouldn't change it for the world just need some advice on how to handle the tantrums and appropriate punishments for this age.

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Tina - posted on 03/17/2011

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First let me say I sooooooo feel your pain. Second I will tell you what I am doing with my now four year old who was great until I got pregnant, and my due date is right around the corner. So my once angel has turned in to a horror story with in the last few weeks. When he gets mad he throws things at me or what ever is near him. So what I am doing is I put him in his room and tell him to take a time "IN" to look at what is wrong on the inside. We do time "OUT" for when he has done something wrong. (Hitting, kicking the dog, attacking his brother for no reason) I do not take away any play things or things that bring him comfort because it helps him calm down and think about what is going on. When he is done he comes out and we talk about what he wanted or what was wrong, and how he or we can do things in a different way next time. I did this with my older one as well. Worked great with him he is now 8 and will still go to his room if he gets upset.
I will say that We as parents take time "IN's" too when we feel our self getting to "Yellie" (my kids words for when I stop talking after asking for the hundredth time.) around our house. It can take a tole on a person after a long day when you come home and the kids are screaming and yelling and just being kids some days or when they are throwing a ball that you have asked them not to throw. Trust me I get it. I remember age two like it was yesterday and that my 4 year old has gone back to that. I am always sure to tell my kids how much I love them and that it was what they were doing that I did not like. I also tell them that I will always love them I just don't always like the action that has been done. For some reason this always makes my 4 year old cry and he says he loves me too. Another thing I am always sure to do is when I am talking with them I get down to there level. I try and not hover over them. I can only imagine what it is like to be so little and have an adult talk to you about what was wrong. I am sure we seem like giants some days.

These are just things that we do around here I hope they work for you as well if you try them. I do give him one warning to mellow out. But after that it's in his room he goes. He has learned that the longer he fights it the longer it takes to come out. At first I had to stand my the door because he thought it was a game. I stood my ground and now I just have to walk him there. I tell him it's okay to be mad or sad what ever the case may be but we have to show our emotions rather then crying or yelling.
One thing that you maybe able to try is tell her she is the big sister and that her younger sibling is going to do what she does and ask her if that is what she wants to see them do and she has to show them how to act and behave. Because that is part of her job as a big sister.As for out in public I stand there and ask if they are done yet and point out that people are looking at them for the way they are acting. I have stood in a store for 5 mins letting my child cry it out on the floor while people stared. The kids don't like it much when they realize that they are the ones being looked at.I also point out kids that are misbehaving when they are being good and tell them that is what they look like when they do that. I have also left my cart sitting in an isle and picked my child up and left with the cart being full. Sorry this got so long. I have been there with you and am there right now. Some days I want to crawl under a rock and pretend like he is not mine until it's over. That is just part of parenthood. Good luck to you and your family.

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September - posted on 03/17/2011

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We have a 2.5 year old son and what works well with him is offering choices and explaining his emotions when he gets upset. For example is our son is doing something he shouldn’t I offer a few options that are ok, works like a charm every time! When he acts out and has a meltdown I get down to his level and explain his emotions and offer ways of dealing with them, I do this regardless of whether we are at home or out in the public. There are also some great books out there that would be worth reading as well that could provide you with some helpful tips. One that I loved was Parenting with Love and Logic. They have a website as well if you want to check that out. I've found that the Love and Logic techniques work really well with our son. Hang in there and good luck! Remember they grow up fast so it's won't always be this way! :)

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