Voicing Opinions vs. Rude and Obnoxious

Dayna - posted on 10/01/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I've read quite a few conversations where there is atleast one or two people who chose to voice their opinions through ugly name calling and rude accusations. And then they defend their lack of basic manners by stating that it is a public forum and they can say what they want.

It is true that this is a public forum, but that should be a reason FOR civility and common decency rather than against. I have no problem with those who disagree with a statement and voicing their objections, however, the objection would be more effective in changing another's ideas and would actually contribute to the discussion at hand if it was, at the very least, lacking in vulgar language and mean spirited comments. Catch more flies with honey and all that.

If you want to spew ugliness, if you want to rant and rave against parenting styles you disagree with in a manner that is completely disrespectful and anti-social; I would suggest that you start your own personal blog and then those who are like minded can choose to read you, while those of us who want to have an adult conversation can be free of you.

Go ahead, attack me. You'll only be proving my point.

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Melanie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Wow...i was just thinking about this last nite. For the last few days ive seen mothers who feel that theyre way is the Right way... They are alot of topics on here that mothers feel diff. about feedings, sleeping ect... I do wonder thought if those mothers who do it by the book only have one child... I did things by the book with my first child but with the second things changed and also every baby is different.They back themselves up with profesionals but we can all find a profesional that states differently. Maybe if they dont agree just dont post anything...it is a public forum so therefore we shouldnt have to read nasty coments if we dont want to.

Dayna - posted on 10/02/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

Dayna I agree with you 100%. I am a first time mum who suffers seriously from anxiety and depression and find it hard to deal with people and make friends. As a result I find it easier to ask for help on forums and have had people attack me various times because they dont agree with my views. I understand that everyone has a right to their opinion but do you have to be so cruel and judgemental when expressing it! Its responses like those you have mentioned that re-enforce my anxiety about dealing with people. It really is no wonder conditions like postnatal depression are on the rise when women feel a need to degrade and judge other mothers who are simply asking for advise. I am a believer of each to their own! I offer my advice and opinion but never in a way the degrades anothers parenting abilities.
Its also no wonder the next generation is growing up to be one of the most violent and out of control generations in history when parents arent demonstrating how to deal with differing opinions in mature and acceptable ways. Just because someones opinion or views dont match yours doesnt make theirs wrong or of any less value. Where is the respect and the manners! There is no need to be degrading, cruel or judgemental!
Congrats to you Dayna for having the courage to bring up this issue.



Exactly! I'm not about attacking people. I know that sometimes there are certain issues that raise the blood pressure with certain people, and sometiems they can loose their cool when discussing it, but when a person is attacked out right...well I do have a problem with that. I've read a person cussing out an expectent mother over the name she had chosen for her child! That is what I'm against. Thank you for your support in this, maybe it won't mean anything, but...maybe it'll make a difference to someone who is on the edge and is emotionally vulnerable.  I'm only for respectful behavior, which is asked for right at the top of this groups page.

Jessica - posted on 10/01/2009

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Oh and Jamie I dont think the issue wasnt just about being vulgar its primarily about being rude and obnoxious which you certainly were. You werent contributing anything to the topic, you were just being rude and aggressive which wasnt neccessary. You really just elected to be a prime example of the issue being disscussed. And what is with the 'have a nice day' endings? If your going to be rude at least be upfront about it and dont act all sweet and innocent.

Jessica - posted on 10/01/2009

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Dayna I agree with you 100%. I am a first time mum who suffers seriously from anxiety and depression and find it hard to deal with people and make friends. As a result I find it easier to ask for help on forums and have had people attack me various times because they dont agree with my views. I understand that everyone has a right to their opinion but do you have to be so cruel and judgemental when expressing it! Its responses like those you have mentioned that re-enforce my anxiety about dealing with people. It really is no wonder conditions like postnatal depression are on the rise when women feel a need to degrade and judge other mothers who are simply asking for advise. I am a believer of each to their own! I offer my advice and opinion but never in a way the degrades anothers parenting abilities.

Its also no wonder the next generation is growing up to be one of the most violent and out of control generations in history when parents arent demonstrating how to deal with differing opinions in mature and acceptable ways. Just because someones opinion or views dont match yours doesnt make theirs wrong or of any less value. Where is the respect and the manners! There is no need to be degrading, cruel or judgemental!

Congrats to you Dayna for having the courage to bring up this issue.

Dayna - posted on 10/01/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Im sorry was my response vulgar, nope. Seems as though you are trying to egg things on. Again, Public forum, you dont like, you go start your own blog, we dont need to start out own blog. Have a wonderful day and god bless.



"trying to egg on" postitive respectful behavior? maybe, but I don't see how that is a bad thing. Since my post is about being respectful of eachother and loosing the "you're a stupid bitch mother", "I hope you have a terrible pregnancy and labor", "I hope you have your children taken away from you" (actual posts I've read) responses removed from these conversations, I don't really see why you should have a problem with that, unless of course you are one of those who actually post these comments towards total strangers.



I never said that your response was vulgar, but since you did not actually respond to the question/comment on hand, and that your original response could lead someone to believe that you think it is okay to say or do the things that I posted against, I mearly asked you some clarifying questions.



I truly hope that if you should ever have a real issue and come to this forum for assistance and advice that you are never attacked and told some of the ugly things that I've seen other people say. Maybe you are a strong enough person that such attacks wouldn't bother you, but some are not and those things can be truly damaging.



If your whole argument is that since its public then people should be able to be as rude as possible, then I guess there is nothing more to say.

Jamie - posted on 10/01/2009

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Im sorry was my response vulgar, nope. Seems as though you are trying to egg things on. Again, Public forum, you dont like, you go start your own blog, we dont need to start out own blog. Have a wonderful day and god bless.

Dayna - posted on 10/01/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Public forum, dont like it, you go start your own blog. have a nice day:)



Didn't I just say that?



Why are you responding? Are you contributing anything? Do you disagree and think that there is nothing wrong with being rude and abusive? Do you think that this forum should be a safe place for mothers to come together and discuss different issues with eachother in the spirit of companionship and helpfullness? Or do you think that people should be rude and callous and "stir the pot" without adding anything constructive what-so-ever to the conversation? Public forums are for the public, but does that mean anythng goes?



If a person has an opinion and is very passionate about it, that is still not an exuse to be vulgar, there is a different way. And as mothers, we should be aware of that, because it is our job to teach our children how to find that "other way" and not resort to simply being disruptive for the sake of causing a stir.



You have a nice day as well. :)

Jamie - posted on 10/01/2009

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Public forum, dont like it, you go start your own blog. have a nice day:)

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