What are other alternatives other than spanking for discipline?

Alexandra - posted on 02/26/2011

Some ideas to try:

Have a time out corner. Sit her in it, so that she can see all the fun she is missing while she is in time out. 1 minute per year of age, and if she gets up, cries or screams, add another minute.

Take away toys. If she doesn't do as she is asked, take away a favorite toy for the day. An alternative would be no TV watching if you let her watch TV.

Send her to her room. If she has to sit on her bed and think about her behavior after you've explained the rules, she will get bored and learn its not fun to be by herself. When she is ready to obey, she can come out and play with the family.

No dessert after dinner. Dessert should be a privilege, not a right. If she can't sit still and eat her dinner, doesn't eat her veggies, or whatever, no dessert that night. She will realize she is missing out when she see's everyone else enjoying the ice cream or whatever.

Along with taking things away, you also have to reinforce the good behaviors. It is easy to see when children misbehave, but if you don't acknowledge their efforts to follow the rules, they have no incentive to keep "being good". Start a reward sticker chart. For every time she does something the first time she is asked, she gets a sticker....when she gets 20 stickers or whatever number you choose, she gets a reward. Picking out a movie to rent, lunch out, having a friend come stay the night, a special art project, a new toy...whatever.

As she gets older, you can alter the sticker system to behaviors you are working on...saying thank you, doing homework, table manners etc. and give the rewards a little less often, so that she learns not to always expect a treat for good behavior, but does it instead because its the right thing to do.

Whatever method, as other have said, be consistent.

Jolanta - posted on 02/17/2010

When my 4year daughter throws a tantrum or does something naughty I sit her on a "naughty chair' for a minute. If she argues about it or screams, I make her sit another minute. She really doesnt like the chair, but at least she knows she shouldnt be naughty or throw tantrums or raise her voice.

Stephanie - posted on 02/17/2010

This may be difficult for some parents but ignoring the temper tantroms so they don't get the attention that they are looking for really does work. Also instead of spanking try like a time-out chair.. 1 min per year old.. but don't start the time unless they are actually in the chair by themselves.. might take a while at first but keep placing them back in it when they get up.. it really will work once they've figured out that you're serious.

Belinda - posted on 02/17/2010

Thanks gals for the advice, I really learned new tactics that I haven't even attempted yet..Thanks again.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/17/2010

I agree with the consistancy. I also wanted to say that I find that my two year old is easier to deal with when I say no to something if I come down to her level and say why she can't have something.

For example, if she asks for a brownie and it's almost time for dinner I tell her that she cannot have a brownie until after she eats dinner. Or say no, we are almost ready for dinner.

She take the news much easier if I am just honest and upfront with her instead of just saying "no" all the time.

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2010

My daughter is very strong willed....spanking I always saved for the REALLY bad stuff...other wise I would put her in the corner tell her she had to stand there (how ever old she was at the time...say 4) for 4 min quietly and then she can come out and we can talk about it....the first few times I would kneel down behind her and nicely talk to her saying her 4 min. doesn't start till you stop crying....worked wonders!!! and I didn't have to spank! Now my daughter is 6 and she still gets into trouble, but normally it is just go to your room and think about what you've done and in 6 min come out and lets talk about what you did and how you arnt gonna do it again. I know she is 6, but I am a mom who believes kids need more structure....watch any of the nanny shows...they all have a time out system that really helps the kids...they need to know boundries....even if they push them sometimes. Good luck with you lil one! :)

Zubeida - posted on 02/17/2010

just ignore the tantrum and stick to your guns. they can only cry for so long. she will soon discover that everything will not always go her way

ALEXIA - posted on 02/16/2010

with my daughter who will be 3 in april has chores to do around the house. Ex: picking up her toys, putting her dirty clothes in hamper, throwing trash away, etc..when she does all these things all week we let her choose something, a toy, a dessert, or a shirt or something. this to us shows her that she needs to help with stuff and earn something special...hope this works for you

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2010

I agree with what everyone else is saying about being consistant. Make "no" mean "no". If no means no until you throw a fit then you just teach her to throw a fit and she will get her way. When she throws a fit walking away and ignoring it (if you are in a place where you can do that) works well. She is throwing the fit to get your attention and her way. It is funny how short the fits become when there is no audence for them.

One thing I did do with clothing is realizing that that was not a big deal to stand firm on. My only rule was that it had to be weather appropiate. Many times if she wanted to wear something that would be too hot or cold I would have her go outside and then have her decide (as long as it was not shorts in the middle of winter I would often times let it go). After a few times of getting too hot or too cold with what she picked she started to pick better. At times she would pick things that did not match. I would give a suggestion on matching and what colors would work with what and then would allow her to look in my full length mirror to see how it looked. I would not make her change into something different, just would give suggestions and then let her decide. Sometimes I wondered what she was thinking. My daughter is now 8 yrs old and has a GREAT sense of fashion. She will put things together that look AWESOME that I would never think of putting together. I will often times ask her how things look on me.

Tracey - posted on 02/16/2010

i agree say no once and in a stern voice. i know its hard and after a while you get frustrated. i sometimes will explain to my 4 1/2 yr old daughter why i am telling her no. and if she goes into a big fit she get time out. i set her on the toilet seat lid. where i know there is nothing she will get hurt with and there are no toys and no t.v. its easy to get her to think and most of the time it works she understands by the time i come to get her that there is a reason for my no. i explain i'm not trying to be the bad guy but there is a reason for this i am your mom and you are not the boss. she tries to act like she is. like the last few times we have gone to walmart she has ask for me to by her a toy. money is tight, very tight right now. so i told her i can't i have to by food. and i showed her the items we need to be able to buy for the baby like formula, diapers and wipes. and the baby food and she was like ok. and she was fine with me buying her some candy which was cheaper than a toy and she has not asked since.

Krystal - posted on 02/16/2010

It's hard not to just give in to the whining and tantrums all the time especially when you've constantly have been repeating yourself over and over again. Yet, every child needs discipline. It doesn't have to resort to spanking but there is taking away the toys, no tv and time out. When my 3 yr old daughter does not listen, she's sits in the corner and does not have any play time or tv time till she knows what she did. It usually works and sometimes I really have to be tough cause she she will think I'm joking sometimes so I will give her a tiny smack on the hand for her to know I'm serious. Good'Luck.

Anna - posted on 02/16/2010

I fully agree about being consistent. You and your husband have to both agree that when one parent says no, that's the end of it. No ifs, ands, or buts. And tantrums happen, so like Amanda said, put your child somewhere where she can let off steam safely and ignore her behavior. She's old enough to make the connection between her fits and your giving in to her wants. You might also try taking away privileges to illicit good behavior, like TV time or favorite toys, and make her earn back those things. Using a child's currency (toys, snacks, etc) to help them understand that good behavior reaps rewards is far more effective in the long run than punishments. Also, don't forget to praise praise praise when you catch her doing something good. Positive reinforcement lasts a lifetime.

Jaci - posted on 02/16/2010

i agree about the consistency. i havent had my son yet, but i proactically raised my godson until he was two. i went through his terrible twos with him and all he ever wanted to do was try to boss me around, because he thought i'd give in like his parents did. It was sad though, he quickly learned to listen to me, but they ruined my lesson when he went back to them each night.

Just keep at it and eventually she'll learn you mean business.

Also I'm not on for spanking much, but I think a pop on the leg or behind may sometimes be required, not to hurt them, but to shock them into listening to you.

My hubby and I had very different views on spanking, but we came to the agreement that until our son is at a certain age where he knows the difference between right and wrong, and continues to do the wrong thing, only then will we resort to spanking if he continually does not listen or comply with what we tell him to do.

Belinda - posted on 02/16/2010

Thanks a bunch that is something I am definetly going to need to work on as well. Cause I will say no no no, then after a bit ok yes... So thanks..

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2010

The most important thing in discipline is consistency. If you say no nine times and yes the tenth, guess which one she is going to remember. Say no and stick to it. You have to ignore the tantrums. Make sure she can't hurt herself, then let her have at it. If you are in public, pick her up, put her in the cart, take her to the car,ect. but ignore it. When she realizes that no matter what, you mean no, then she will stop. If you give in just once, you will have to start all over again. Trust me, I know.