What are some pros and cons of living next to your in laws?

Jesenia - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My husband and I will eventually be moving next door to his parents. We are both very excited about it. We lived with them for a year and it was hard for us all at some points. I want to maintain a good relationship with them but I also want to know and feel that my husband and I have our own little familyand space now. The space we have from not living with or very near them has definitely added to the strength of our relationship. We have become more of a family. I would love for my chidren to be close to their grandparents so this september we most likely will end up moving right next door to them. Anyone have any experience or advice on this?

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M - posted on 09/01/2012

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I accidentally ended up with my in-laws living next door. Don't do it unless you don't mind losing all of your privacy. Even if you really like your in-laws now. The same town is probably fine but next door is a bit of a nightmare. You will feel like you can't go outside with any privacy. I used to really enjoy my house and my lovely yard and now I spend most of my time inside my house or leave to spend time elsewhere.

User - posted on 11/13/2012

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You definitely lose your privacy, in many ways. I live next door to them and it seems like they know everything. I fathom of moving out everyday, I have a great job far from home and would love to move closer. But my husband would not leave the nest. I hate the fact that they feel entitled to my stuff, when I bought it just because im his wife, or when I am away at work they drop by to use my computer or borrow something. If i change the locks, o wow thats offensive! But them being nosy isnt? Ugh! How many safe boxes and passwords can I put on devices? If u have a choice of moving in by in laws....dont do it! I dread coming home, the only motivator is my kids even if theyre teens!!

Momma - posted on 07/24/2009

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I agree with Crystal Potts. I live next door to my in-laws to be and actually live with my brother in-law and I hate it. My fiance's family all lives right next to each other and they are all a very close family and I loved everyone of them until I moved here. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I can not wait to move away. I haven't spoken to any of them for almost 2 months and if I'm outside and I see anyone I run back into the house to hide from them. It's like ever since I moved here they all think they have to tell me what to do, how to do it, when to do it. And if I don't agree with them I get yelled at, not just by the one person but all of them. Seriously I haven't said a word to them other than a general fuck you. Now, I'm to the point that I don't even want to marry my fiance because its 2-3hours with his family too long. When ever they have a "family" thing I refuse to go because I know it will end with me in tears. I strongly recommend you to love your in-laws from a distance, even if its just a block or two away, its a lot better than right next door.

Brianna - posted on 06/25/2011

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I think moving right next door is going overboard. i mean if u moved like a block or 2 away it would be better. i think its important for u to have ur privacy.. i no i could NEVER live near my inlaws i would loss my mind lol

Crystal - posted on 07/24/2009

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My husband, baby and I lived with his parents for a year before we moved into our first home, which is one block away from them. We knew before moving in with them that if we could make it work with anyone, these would be the people (as we both love them and get along well).

One year later... still love them, but I LOVE having my own house now!! I would say the one "rule" to set up would be for them to try to call or text or whatev before they stop over. We didn't do that and they just pop over whenever, which is fine, but sometimes I think, "What if I was walking around in a shirt and undies or something?" haha!!

But yes, it's sooo nice, especially if I want to get something done, my in-laws will gladly take Molly for a walk or over to their place to play.

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We lived a block away from my husband's grandparents for a few years. Despite them complaining that we moved away, we didn't really see them all that much. It did make it nice to walk to family gatherings though.



It can be tricky. I lucked out that all of my husband's family keep to themselves. Now if it was my family... heh, people would be over all the time. But I grew up like that so, it doesn't bug me.

M - posted on 09/01/2012

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One more thing, if you are brave and do end up living next door to your in-laws and want to retain any privacy inside your house, keep your doors locked (including the garage door if there is an access to the house)

Denise - posted on 06/07/2012

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My ex MIL is causing problems and she knows it because she admitted it. My ex husband and I are very close, he stays at my house on the weekends (because I won't allow my children to stay at HER house overnight). HER husband takes off and goes to SC for weeks at a time but she won't go. She's too busy putting her nose in her children's business. Since he leaves for that long, he leaves behind chores and assumes my ex husband will take care of her. My ex husband is an OTR truck driver and is only off 34 hours. She has 2 other adult children and adult grandchildren that she's helped financially but the grandchildren will NOT help her. I bet if she called them, they would!!! But she doesn't like anyone mowing the grass except for her son. Wanna know why? Cuz that means taking him away from his family and having him up under her. She purposely does things to cause problems and he will not stand up to her. We're in the middle of trying to reconcile so we have our own problems and don't need HER to create more. I live 10 minutes from her so I have decided to put my house up for sale and move my 2 children, 7 & 8 years old about an hour away from her. It's gotta be less convenient for her to NEED him. She calls every weekend for stupid stuff...and at odd times. I have told him he must turn off his cell phone when he is at my house and so far, he has not complied. That is another issue. But if she wants to talk to him bad enough, she'll call my house phone. She will not spend time with my kids but she will spend time with other younger grandchildren. She will fuss about her knee hurting and can't watch the kids, but she's been caught pushing a stroller with her great grandchild in it on the very same day. The only thing I know to do is to just move away--if I want my family back together, this is what needs to be done. She doesn't appologize or say she'll stop interfering so adios mama!!

Charity - posted on 06/25/2011

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When my father-in-law passed away my mother-in-law built a house in our backyard. (She is within 200 feet of our backdoor.) There have been a few rough moments, like when I couldn't sleep one night and she called my husband to make sure he was okay. She assumed us having a light on meant we were fighting.
Now, five years later, I like knowing she is there. My kids can walk over and visit her almost anytime. We can keep an eye on her when she isn't feeling well. She fell a few years ago, and we were able to help her without having to be in her house constanly until she could get around again.
I realize not everyone likes their in-laws, and mine aren't perfect, but then again neither am I. It's not perfect, but I'd rather have a neighbor I trust near my children, then one I don't know or like.

Charlene - posted on 07/24/2009

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pros: free babysitters that live close so you guys can have date night more often



cons: can hurt your marriage if you don't draw the line when it comes to things like: knocking before coming in, dropping by without calling all the time, etc...

Kylie - posted on 07/24/2009

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There are always going to be good and bad reasons for living next door to the in-laws. My hubby and I have lived next door to MY parents (now just mum) for the past 3years and it hasn't been a complete fairy tale but when is ANYTHING in life a fairytale. We would love hubbys parents to move closer to us (they are 5hrs away). It all depends on the relationship you have with your in-laws and how you think it could change if you were too much in each others faces but I'm sure they would like to still have some time to themselves also. Good Luck with your decision. Kylie

Crystal Aka Niki - posted on 07/24/2009

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Don't Do it if you have a choice in the matter. Been there done that and will NEVER do that again!!! Problems waiting to happen.

Khristina - posted on 07/24/2009

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One good thing for me is always having a anytime babysitter. I've lived next door to my in-laws for 3 years now. We never set anything up as to call before you come or let me know ahead of time. When I first had my baby, my mother in law would come every day after work to see her, which kinda bothered me for a bit but now that the baby is older it's maybe every three days or so.Which doesn't bother me at all cause now they will come and get her and take her outside or to their house, which mean quite time for me. When Hannah was first born they would of course tell us what to do and how to do it. me and my husband would shrug our shoulders and do what we felt was right. Anyways I have always had a good relationship with my in-laws and If I had a problem I would talk to my husband and if he supports you, maybe he could talk to his parents and leave you out of it. That way there wouldn't be tensision between you and them. I see it like it's their son and they aren't going to cause anything major to seperate them forever. But everyone's different soo good luck.

Letha - posted on 07/24/2009

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Wow, that's a big step. I lived next to my ex husbands parents for 3 years, it was the worst thing for me personally. I lived with my parents for the first year of my marriage big mistake there but we were in a financial position to where we had to. Living next to his parents was tough, not only did we really not have a personal family life, but it opened the door for other things. His mom would babysit while we worked which was a blessing, but there to that has it's cons, grandmothers spoil so getting the children trained was really hard especially with him working long hours and myself working long hours. His other siblings always came to their mom's house so in turn with her watching the children at our house opened the door to our things being rumaged through by family. I think it's important that ground rules be set and all parties abide by them. My husband always spent more time with his parents then with our family. there are some other horrid things that have happened which lead to our divorce but that's another story for another day. Set guidelines and schedules for visiting keep what you have now your priority and you should be fine. good luck and don't stand down just because it's the in laws you are the neck of your family, even tho your husband is the head, remember the neck is the one who controls which way the head moves. and if mama aint happy, aint no one happy. hope this helped.

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