What can I do about these tantrums?

Christine - posted on 12/28/2012

My daughter is 2 and a half, bed time and nap time are beyond an huge struggle. She refuses to stay in bed, throws tantrums, screams and cries at the top of her lungs. This has been a huge battle since she was about 10 months old. And some nights are better than other but overall it doesnt go well at all! Ive tried everything from singing,story time, later bedtime, earlier bed time and quiet time, baths and a nightlight. Nothing works! I have 3 other kids she is constantly waking up with her fits. I dont know what to do anymore! This has been going on for so long now. And she also wakes up 3-4 times in the middle of the night and wants to sleep with me and my husband. Of course I have let her a few times for the sake of waking my other kiddos up and a good nights sleep. I know this is not the best thing to do but im exhausted. Im starting to wonder if there is something going on with like her chemical balance or something. Im worried shes not getting the sleep she needs. Ive talked to her doctor numerous times and he always says its normal. But im her mother and this isn't my first go round, i know better. Any ideas?

Giacci - posted on 05/26/2011

my son used to throw tantrums too.. i have a gate in front of his door so he can still see out but cant get out. what i really noticed helped is that if hes like eating a snack or playing i tell him ok you're going to bed in ten minutes so hurry up. then hes aware that he has to go to bed soon. and i put him to bed with the tv on for 30 minutes and if he keeps getting out of bed i turn it off and say now u sleep with no tv. he goes RIGHT to bed with no problem. before doing that he used to scream and throw himself all over the place like ur son. just try to talk to him and warn him about going to bed. and when hes throwing the tantrum pick him up and talking in a sweet voice tell him its time for bed and he needs his sleep. just try not to lose it on him because hes looking for the negative attention and somehow to get his way. hope this helps :)

Traci - posted on 05/25/2011

The greatest advice I ever heard, and I do try to use it, is the louder your child gets the softer your voice should get. Now believe me I am no perfect momma, and if the locking the door/baby gate method was the only method that worked, I'd prolly give it a whirl.. Does it make me a bad mom no!! Anyway, when my kids start to throw tantrums and the time out or swat on the butt doesn't work, I start to talk in a lower voice (ps I thought the person was crazy when they told me to do this but it does work) if they don't stop I lower my voice and keep lowering it to a whisper. My kids can't hear me during their tantrums so eventually they realize they are "missing" something which most kids never want to miss anything.. And they start to quiet down. Takes a lot of patients but my kiddos are the "I never want to miss anything so I will always be on the go" type so the whispering thing works. Believe me I've tried the throw a tantrum too thing, but quickly realized that all it was doing was making the tantrums shorter and more frequent. They thought mom does it too so can I. I've tried the time outs and pretty much everything else.. The whispering thing really works on my kids. Maybe try to watch a movie with him start it well before his bed time. Have him take a bath in lavender soaps and get in jammies cuddle up on the couch with a favorite blankie or stuffed animal an watch a movie. My kids love movies before bed. And they know it's bed time when one gets turned on. My kids are good with bed time, but it took a lot of patients trial and error and nights of cryin it out with my son. When my daughter was born we just started her on that same routine and both of them have been great. Now that it's summer here and it stays light longer.. Our routine is getting messed up but a figure a little later bed time and happy kiddos going to bed, can't complain.

Kelli - posted on 05/25/2011

Hope this helps...seems like good advice....

Here are a number of ways of handling temper tantrums:

•Let him know that you are there, and stay nearby but doing other things.


•Ask him if he wants a cuddle (sometimes he might say "NO!", but then a minute later, he'll say yes in a quiet voice). This could happen if the tantrum is out of being upset rather than attention seeking.


•Stay calm. Do not get angry with your toddler - it will make it worse.


•Acknowledge him - you could say "You look so cross" or "I know you're angry" - not in a patronising way, but in a way that he knows that he is being heard. And then leave it and do something else but nearby.


•Do not argue with your toddler. Let him know that you are there when he wants you. If you have another child there then give the other child positive attention - your toddler will see that having a temper tantrum does not give him positive attention and soon he wil stop and join in to get the positive attention too.


•If you feel that you are going to lose your temper, go out of the room and take some deep breathes. Losing your temper will make the matter worse, your toddler will be scared, and it will take longer to calm him down.


•Distraction may help. Do something nearby that you think he may be interested in but do not cajole your toddler into joining - let him join in when he wants, and when he does, praise him as soon as you can so that he sees that doing productive things gives him attention.


•Once the tantrum is over, do not hold a grudge about it or complain. If you talk to him about it only talk to him in a way that will hopefully help him to avoid having another one.


•If your toddler is trying to tell you something in his tantrum but you can't understand him, gently let him know that because he is so angry his voice is hard to understand. Ask him to see if he can calm down just a little so that you can hear his lovely voice. However, trying to reason with your toddler during a tantrum is unlikely to work.


•If your child is having a tantrum due to being overtired or overstimulated you could try holding him and gently patting his back or rocking him. Being held close to you may help him calm down. However, it could simply be too much for him and may have the opposite effect. If this is the case, lay him down but be nearby.

Even if your toddler is overtired the likely way to solve the tantrum is to let your toddler know you are there, using distraction by you looking at other things and by ignoring the actual tantrum. Stay calm and know it will pass.



•If his toddler temper tantrum is dangerous and he is lashing out let him know that it's okay for him to be angry but that you won't let him hurt anything.





If you have had a number of toddler tantrums at bedtime then you need to sit down and look at the problem in a new way and then can change handling temper tantrums accordingly.

1. Firstly, consider if there is any way that you can prevent the tantrum. Ask yourself:
Is the tantrum sparked off by the same thing? If so, what?
Is your toddler too tired to cope with bedtime? If so, can we bring it forward a little?
Is there a bigger issue behind his tantrum? Is he upset about a new change in the family?
Is he getting enough positive attention, one to one, during the day from you? This could be a difficult question but it's so important that you toddler gets your positive attention so that he feels loved and valued and doesn't have to fight to get it.

2. You can also speak to your child about his tantrum. Ask him how it feels, what he wants from having one, and be prepared to know what to say in response.

3. Know what you will do in a tantrum and when your child is alert and available during the day, speak to him about him and let him know what you will do too. If your child knows that you will wait until he is calms down the tantrums may be much shorter.

4. Be consistent in handling temper tantrums. It takes time for a child to learn how his small world works and what influence he has over it. As a parent you need to be gentle, loving but also consistent so that your child can learn what to expect when he has a toddler temper tantrum. However, if your way simply doesn't look like it's working, then do try a different tact. Giving positive attention away from the tantrum, ignoring the tantrum often works wonders.

Good luck in handling temper tantrums. Above all else,keep calm, give lots of positive attention away from the tantrum comfort your toddler as soon as you are able and stay consistent. Know that your toddler temper tantrums will pass.

Rachel - posted on 05/24/2011

My little one has just started to throw little tantrums. If she wants to stand, but I need her to sit, she throws herself backwards. I gently let her go back until she is resting on the floor, then just let her lay there until she is ready to get up again. Then I help her to sitting.
I agree, there is a window of opportunity where they go from really tired to over-tired. I also agree that the methods of just leaving children in the dark, alone isn't right. There are other ways to deal with the situation. I also just hold my daughter. Sometimes she just needs to be still. Sometimes I swaddle her, then hold her... sometimes she falls right to sleep nursing... it depends on the night... or nap time.
Look for what your child is saying through body language. They really can communicate... we just have to learn their language.

Chantelle - posted on 05/24/2011

Do yourslef a favour and watch Supernanny!

Melindie - posted on 05/24/2011

Hi, my daughter is 2 years and 4 months.
She has also started this TANTRUM thing when it becomes bedtime, but only in the last month. We have tried a few of the mentioned ideas but the one that is working the best for us is: She loves reading her books, so after we have read her her bedtime story and she wants to get out and scream because we are not sitting with her on her bed, I tell her that I am going to take all her books away, cause she is not behaving like a nice little girl. When she behaves, she will get her books back again. This is so far the only technique that is working in our household. As well as we made her bedtime earlier with a halfen hour.

Rae - posted on 05/24/2011

I'm with Michelle on this one to be honest. My daughter is 20 months now but around 16 months she went into her "big girl bed". I had a gate up against her door and a hook and eye system as well for her safety. It took 7 days of balls to the wall screaming but each day it got less and less and now I can put her to bed, no tantrums. She gives me a kiss and says "night momma" and then tells me to close the door. I keep safe toys for her to play with in her room and if she wakes up early she has toys. Most mornings I go in now and she is sitting in bed looking at a book or having a tea party with her toys.
It does sound hard but I am a firm believer in letting your kids know that no amount of screaming will get them what they want. I also didn't want my daughter to get to beiing 4 years old and still unable to comfort herself enough to get to sleep. It sounds cliche but it is just a phase with your boy I'm sure and he just probably wants to see what he can get away with?
If you truly are concerned why not have a chat with your physician or health visitor and eliminate any medical problems that way you know for sure what is truly happening.

Rachel - posted on 05/24/2011

If my mum locked me in a room when I was a child im sure it would have a very bad effect on me in later life - its no wonder he dreads going to bed!!! Get in bed with your baby read him a story, pretend your asleep till he drops off. It takes a bit of time but Id rather that than locking my child in a room! Someone should lock that mother in a room till she sees sense!!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/24/2011

I'm not actually a young mom but I joined the community to try to help. At that age, I used a timer and gave her a 5 minute warning before bed. She would then hurry up and get those last minutes of play in before we started the bedtime ritual. She had no choice as to bedtime, but she got to pick out her pj's (only two options though) and she got to pick out one of her stories. It made her feel as if she had more control. I would end the night with a couple minutes cuddle time where I would talk about the things she might dream about. Dancing teddy bears. Floating colored balloons. Mommy dancing with her. Something comforting and interesting to her that would make her want to fall asleep so she could dream.

I also agree that you should consider making bedtime earlier. He might be overtired.

What other things is he throwing tantrums over.

Danielle - posted on 05/23/2011

My son, did the samething, now when he's upset he rocks himself has a self soothing technique, I took him to a sleep clinic and learned to make bedtime happy with a story, and tickle and nothing but smiles b4 bed it's nice to go to bed happy. The lady at the sleep clinic shows you many different ways, to make bedtime a dream, it only took 2 weeks to figure out that my son was allergic to most milk products which can affect mood swings in toddlers, I switched him to almond milk and since then he's been a dream, he's so good and well mannered it's rare he has a freak out.

Cindy - posted on 05/23/2011

My daughter turned 2 in March and we have the same problem from time to time. Around 7pm we start calming down. She gets a fun bath every 2 nights or more if needed. At times she throws her tantrums but I put her in bed, say night night, blow her a kiss and leave. Sometimes she cries and screams, but I usually wait like 20 minutes until I go in and get her. she usually stops before then. Could it be that he doesn't run around enough throughout the day or that he has long naps? You can also try timeouts when he starts throwing those fits or there is a technique that I saw on Supernanny. You can sit in his room while is in bed. Every time he gets out just put him back in and every half our to an hour move a little closer to the door but while doing this you do not want to make eye contact, just put your head down.the first week i think will be the hardest.

Ciji - posted on 05/23/2011

She made her self puke at bed time to make me stay in the room with her, so the voluntary puking made her have ulcers. The ped said combined with stress and time is why she had to be observed. They wanted to see her bedtime routine in action.

Michelle - posted on 05/23/2011

omg was there something else going on that she wound up with ulcers, i can't imagine bed time would bring on an ulcer!

Ciji - posted on 05/23/2011

Hi, I have a 4 year old and I went thru pure hell when my daughter was 2. She wld scream cry and make herself puke. It only happened at bed time. I took the advice of just let her cry it out well It got so bad she was hospitalized from ulcers and anxiety. All I can tell you is your gonna have to find your own way that works. I can tell you some tricks that you can try. Ok the hugging actually will work, when some one is anxious nervious and extreamly upset hugging tightly. It releases endorphins that calms the body and brain. It also takes them back to when their in womb. Also you can try moms teddy bear that plays a heart beat or white noise. You have to know that he is two and only knows what you teach him. He is trying to assert independence, all kids do it. Invest in a TALL baby gate. Do your bed time routine, I would give warm bath, sleepy time tea, and then read a book or put his favorite movie on and tell him its quiet time. Yes I bought my daughter a tv and tape player. It might not be what the experts like but hey out worked. My email is bre500@hotmail if you wana talk or need any more advice. Hope it helps

Ciji - posted on 05/23/2011

Hi, I have a 4 year old and I went thru pure hell when my daughter was 2. She wld scream cry and make herself puke. It only happened at bed time. I took the advice of just let her cry it out well It got so bad she was hospitalized from ulcers and anxiety. All I can tell you is your gonna have to find your own way that works. I can tell you some tricks that you can try. Ok the hugging actually will work, when some one is anxious nervious and extreamly upset hugging tightly. It releases endorphins that calms the body and brain. It also takes them back to when their in womb. Also you can try moms teddy bear that plays a heart beat or white noise. You have to know that he is two and only knows what you teach him. He is trying to assert independence, all kids do it. Invest in a TALL baby gate. Do your bed time routine, I would give warm bath, sleepy time tea, and then read a book or put his favorite movie on and tell him its quiet time. Yes I bought my daughter a tv and tape player. It might not be what the experts like but hey out worked. My email is bre500@hotmail if you wana talk or need any more advice. Hope it helps

Ciji - posted on 05/23/2011

Hi, I have a 4 year old and I went thru pure hell when my daughter was 2. She wld scream cry and make herself puke. It only happened at bed time. I took the advice of just let her cry it out well It got so bad she was hospitalized from ulcers and anxiety. All I can tell you is your gonna have to find your own way that works. I can tell you some tricks that you can try. Ok the hugging actually will work, when some one is anxious nervious and extreamly upset hugging tightly. It releases endorphins that calms the body and brain. It also takes them back to when their in womb. Also you can try moms teddy bear that plays a heart beat or white noise. You have to know that he is two and only knows what you teach him. He is trying to assert independence, all kids do it. Invest in a TALL baby gate. Do your bed time routine, I would give warm bath, sleepy time tea, and then read a book or put his favorite movie on and tell him its quiet time. Yes I bought my daughter a tv and tape player. It might not be what the experts like but hey out worked. My email is bre500@hotmail if you wana talk or need any more advice. Hope it helps

Cherrelle - posted on 05/23/2011

Have you tried playing soft lullabies in the background?

Lisandra - posted on 05/23/2011

someone told me once to stand your child in front of the mirror and let them look at them selfs in the mirror crying or doing whatever their doing,and they will not like what they see. try it i hope it works.. my mommy advice is to ignore it as much as possible. try to let your child pick out a movie at bedtime and just play his favorite movie at bedtime and that should comfort him a for a little while. let him make a choice. good luck mommy

Kelley - posted on 05/22/2011

@michelle, thats exactly what our doc told us to do with our 8 month old, now 2 years. but i have found if you try to wear him out during the day like going to play at the park or at a friends he wont fight near as much, and a decent diet also helps. we cut out almost 90% of junkfood out of his diet and he has been dramatically better.

Shona - posted on 05/22/2011

We had similar issues with bed time for awhile and also with swimming lessons and we found that a combination of firm persistance and talking worked - you need to tell him that this is the routine and stick to your guns and let him cry it out. But also talk to him about it through out the day talking about all aspects of bed time and say wasnt that fun (even though he is screaming). The continual dialogue helps them to think about it in their own minds and rationalise (to the best of their ability). Also try turning the lights off during the day and sitting with him in his room and saying things like "ooh look at that shadow it looks like X , can you see your shadow? say hello shadow". Sometimes they are scared to begin with but then just get in to the habit of screaming and forget what it is all about so if you can start some cues like looking at shadows etc that have been established as a game during the day then you can break this pattern. Definitley move his bed time forward also. If you need to play the tough love card then thats what has to happen but so long as he gets lots of love either side he wont feel abandoned he is simply learning to be by himself some times it is an important lesson that everyone needs to learn at some point in their life just do it gently.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/22/2011

Can you lie down with him in his bed and read some books? He may fall asleep while reading them. If he doesn't, then set a number that he gets every night (maybe 3 or so) and can pick out, and then you say goodnight when you're finished. Lots of kids don't like to be alone at night, and you're not doing him a disservice by being with him to fall asleep. You're comforting him and giving him the tools he needs to learn that bedtime is OK so he can eventually learn to produce his own wind-down routine. 2 is really young to expect him simply to fall asleep, and just because you help him fall asleep it doesn't mean that he'll always need you. He might for a couple of years, but those years will go quickly. If you need to give him motivation to get in the room and he starts to get upset, try whispering to him (the whispering is important) something like, "it's time to pick out the three books you want to read tonight." If that gets old, try something like "go pick out three books by the time I finish singing the ABC's/Frere Jacques/some other song!" You have to keep trying to be creative and come up with things that will motivate him. It's hard, I know!

Mellissa - posted on 05/22/2011

for the girl who lock her son in his room at nite u should be ashamed of ur self he is not a dog that u can lock in a room wat if he jumped out thw window and something bad happened to him god forbid. and if u didnt want people to comment about thias why did u put it up on here in the first place i totally agree wit the other girl that commented im just saying could u not just put the stair gate up like ur doctor said to do its up to u but thats my opion take it wat way u like .

Adra - posted on 05/20/2011

Sorry meant to also add that we did have some nights that lasted that long. If you have a support system, utilize it. Easier said than done to not let your emotions over ride the situation.

Adra - posted on 05/20/2011

I was curious if you found any good suggestions on this? I have a two year old that throws tantrums at bed time and quite frankly when ever he doesnt get his way. When I first switched him to a toddler bed I picked his favorite movie theme and for a week he loved it! That faded quickly and I realized that although my baby was growing up to try and be independent when it comes to bed time he hates to be alone. Now four months later he will willingly go take a nap on his own in his bed but bedtime is still hard on us both. This is such a vital time when they are pushing the boundaries to the extreme and as a first time parent I'm learning that not every piece of advice I get actually works for us. Some nights we read, some nights we watch a movie - lately I've been sick and over worked so we are awake til he falls asleep. ( lucky it's not 4 am) I hope you found something to help. Some of my friends have 4 year olds that still don't sleep through the night like mine. It was hard to realize he didn't need to fit a guideline; just had to find what works for us. Best of luck

Vicky - posted on 05/20/2011

Hi Jessica.....

I've got 3 at home ... 7years/5years/8months.

The bigger two were awful with the 'hissy fits' but i seem to have found a common ground with them, which to this day, we still use as a routine.

At about 7pm we start with the bathing everyone... which usually takes us till about 8pm, we then all snuggle up together on the sofa and read a story together. Usually takes about half an hour, and i've found its really calming for them. I then take middle son into bed, while dad watches the youngest and eldest (who usually read him her school book or tells him all about her day at school)... i tuck him up with his fav teddy kisses and hugs and his usually half asleep in minutes. I then do the same with eldest.
I've found it to be great for spending a bit of time together and really calming for the kids before bed. Good Luck! Vicky x

Tekiri - posted on 05/19/2011

Firstly eliminate that it is not from a fear such as a horror movie or something genuine like that which could be causing the change. Maybe a change in the family? If nothing has really changed to cause an upset then what worked for my daughters tantrums (and boy was she good at them much like your boy it would last hours) is to remove yourself. Stay calm because any type of reaction (anger, upset, comforting them etc) is giving them attention. Go outside have a smoke, read a book anything to avoid paying attention, he will get tired of it believe me. Keep checking on him and if he gets up put him back without saying anything and walk out, if he trashes his room then in the morning make him clean up the mess (he will definitely get tired of that) and the minute you see any kind of breakthrough or let up compliment him and say 'Oh baby im so proud of u for getting into bed by yourself if you do it again tomorrow i will read you your favourite book before lights out' etc good luck

Amber - posted on 05/19/2011

i have a 2 year old girl, we use a movie to get her to sleepy time, we dont say bed time or anything or anything similar. we sit down near her bed make her lay down and she usually falls asleep during the first hour.

DaniLee - posted on 05/19/2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. As to how to help, I have a child handle thing on the inside knob of her door. The reason is she learned how to operate 2 different child gates and to open her door and would get out of her room while I was sleeping. I did this because I was afraid she would get hurt while the rest of us were asleep. Her routine is the same, bath time with lavender bubble bath and chamomile tea (I boil 2 bags and let it steep for 15 minutes then just pour into the tub), a book in the rocking chair then prayers/loves and bed. Usually she would not go running to the door. Lately however, she has been throwing a fit, and would go try to open her door. When she coulndt, she would scream and cry for me. I would go in there, tell her it was time for bed and physically put her back in bed. There would be no extra hugs, no more kisses, just firmly (but gently) pick her up and place her back in bed. She sometimes will say 'Amen?' which is what she says when wants to pray but I tell her no, we already did that, it is time for bed. The first 3-4 days I went in there about 10-12 times a night. Then it started tapering off. Now we are at about 1-2 times a week of needing to go in there. Hope this helps!

Malinda - posted on 05/19/2011

i agree!! Wth sprays a baby/ toddler in the face? That's just wrong, poor baby... I like your post.

Malinda - posted on 05/19/2011

I would do things with him during the day to wear him out... fill his belly up, then a bath to relax him... when all that happens my kids usually pass right out..... maybe try bedtime story too??

Karli - posted on 05/19/2011

hello, try moving his bed time up and start your routine 30-45 mins earlier, you may be missing that little window and he's getting overtired. Get him to pick out a story that you can read to him will keep him a little calmer and help him transition from play to rest time. If you have to sing him a lullaby to get him really sleepy then give it a try. Ignoring them and locking them in their rooms is just wrong. Talk about feeling abandoned and not cared about??? He does not understand that he is feeling tired and it is making him behave that way. Have patience and give an earlier bedtime a try for a few days. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if someone locked me in the dark and then ignored my cries for help....so sad.

Kiley - posted on 05/19/2011

he needs time out and to be told he is not allowed to do that. my 15 months old started to hrow fits at 13 months because he has seen the kids in his kid care do it. i kickd that habit in the butt with time out on his time out stool. he is told that baning his head and throwing a fit is not allowed he dosent see his mommy doing that. and if it gets to the point he will get a smack on the bottom.. just because he is 15 month dose not mean he isnt going to be punished for his wrong doings... now he sits in time for for 30-60 sec.. i sit him down and he may get right up but as long as he knows that is time out area and i did something wrong. now he sits there and crys and he looks for me to look at him . he is a wel behaved boy now.. he has his fits but they are not anything close to what he used to have .. good luck

Didi - posted on 05/18/2011

I actually didn't know there was a dr. Sears on "the doctors". The one I am referring to is a well established pediatrician and author, Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha.

September - posted on 05/18/2011

Oh also I forgot to mention as far as tantrums go in general there is a great book you could read called Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. It's a great read and has super helpful tips! :) I’m a Love and Logic kind of Mom, if you can’t tell :)

September - posted on 05/18/2011

Do you know if he's teething? Or he could be going through a growth spurt as well. Our 2.5 year old son has a hard time going down at night when he's teething or when he's not feeling well. I'm usually able to calm him down enough by offering him a couple of books to read while he falls asleep, works like a charm just about every time. There are some nights, not very often that I have to sit in his room for about 20 minutes until he falls asleep, if it makes him more comfortable then it's what I do. Sleeping patterns can change several times within the first few years of life, so keep that in mind. I'm sure it's just a phase he's going through and it too shall pass :) Our son has been an awesome sleeper for the most part but we've had our phases as well. It does get better, hang in there Momma! :)

Kerrie - posted on 05/18/2011

its really difficult but i learnt the hard way as you seem to be.
leave him let him scream and throw his toys, if he is hurting himself move him away so he cant .....if that means having cot in middle of room away from walls etc so be it he has to learn.
as i said its really difficult and tugs on those heart strings big time but it did work with my daughter after about 1 week of perservearance.
call someone or keep yourself busy as its too easy to go to them.
my poor cousin had me on the phone at least an hour every night till my daughter finally slept
the better rest they have at night the better ay you will have with them
good luck

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2011

didi, i respected your opinion enough to sit down and read both links. I can honestly say that if i did that bed time routine (i have tried different versions listed on the site) that i would still get nowhere. I spent over an hour and a half reading rubbing singing and as soon as i stopped to get up to go thats it it was the end of the world. I actually like watching the show "the doctors" ocasionally, but i do think that different strokes for different folks and the methods on the links that you posted are not a good fit for my family.... Again just because you don't like my way doesn't mean its wrong i don't need some tv doctor to tell me how to raise my son...

Morgan - posted on 05/17/2011

Sorry I have no advice but I just have to say spraying a child in the face with a spray bottle is a new one for me!! I hope people don't take this insane advice!!

Jessica - posted on 05/17/2011

Well, nothing has changed in his in routine, except than my husband and I recently took a long weekend trip without him. However, he was doing this before we went on this trip. Last night I tried sitting with him in his room, rocking him, just talking with him, but the longer I did this the worse he seemed to get. He has a nightlight in his room and it is pretty bright, so I don't think it is a fear of the dark.

Didi - posted on 05/17/2011

More power to ya Michelle! I get what you are saying. This works for you but do you really think it was the most compassionate for your child? Did you think about the questions I asked? I don't mean to cause strife and I know I'm beating a dead horse but for all those other moms reading this thread: you don't need to do this! You can be respectful of your child's feelings and emotions and get a good bed time routine :)
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t063300... ---> this link has general ideas for handling tantrums.
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071100... ---> this link deals with sleep in general and if you scroll down you'll see sleep avoidance being addressed. Great ideas!!

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2011

I guess you find it funny, hmmmmmmm so did i, didn't think you would take me up on my offer because you knew they would laugh you right out of the place LOL

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2011

actually there really is nothing that bad about it, he knows this is our routine, he goes to the door almost every night after i leave and will cry for about thirty seconds then go back into his bed and go right to sleep as soon as he is sleeping i go unlock the door, i am not hurting my child or abusing him, i am giving him the message that it is bed time and there is no if ands or buts about it. Before i started this my child was up all night till like 3 in the morning, as i stated before the pediatrician actually suggested to do the same thing but with a baby gate and since i didn't have one i improvised. Really though if its not your way i guess its the wrong way?! If its so bad ill give you my name and adress call cps on me see how far that gets you, mother superior!

Didi - posted on 05/17/2011

Pretty sure you knew what was coming since you started out your post with "ok i know this is going to sound bad and im gonna get hell for it". If it sounds bad saying it out loud, chances are it is bad.

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2011

obviously didi didn't get the if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all part, she needs to come off her high horse and respect that other moms may do things differently then her and because they are things she might not do doesn't mean they are wrong! Really lady i didn't disrespect you so for you to come on here and be rude and obnoxious is uncalled for...

Didi - posted on 05/17/2011

@ Michelle Omg! That is horrible! Have you ever put yourself in your child's position? Can you imagine what seeing your mom run out of your room and lock you in would feel like?
@ Alicia Are you training a dog or raising a human being?

Jessica, please treat your child with more respect and sympathy than these woman. Tantrums are a phase because these little people are having such a hard time communicating with us. It will get better! Try talking to him about what happens at bed time. Reflect his emotions back to him and ask how you could make bedtime better. He may have suddenly become afraid of the dark, or a whole host of other issues that he feels he cannot control and lashes out at bedtime. Dr. Sears has some great strategies for handling these situations.

Didi - posted on 05/17/2011

My 18 month old has been having tantrums over everything! I too wondered where my little angel had gone:) I have tried to figure out his triggers and then tried to prevent them and/or try to figure out what is bothering him. Example: he wants to play with something that is not safe so I trade him and make that toy seem so much fun that he (hopefully) forgets about the other not safe toy. He also gets upset when we can't understand what he wants (really wish we had learned baby sign language more). So we taught him to take our hand and take us to where he wants to go in the house and show us what he needs. We get dragged all over the house but we have less tantrums! Just trying to be sympathetic and really get inside their head solves most tantrums and prevention is always key.

Kirsty - posted on 05/17/2011

i have this now with my daughter and she is three, when she started having a tantrum i just ignored her, i know it sound nasty but i does work after a while. i also take things off her like going to the park, he will relise sooner or later that he cant keep doing it. hope this helps

Tasha - posted on 05/17/2011

Hold him. Dont let go. I dont mean squeeze and make it hurt, but I'd hold him so he cant get down and hurt himself. Some children in order to calm down need just the extra hug to calm down. Has anything changed in his life? Like have you been away from home more, or a small change in bedtime? Maybe a new bed or rearranging the childs room can set them off. You may not see it, but the shadows can been different even with a small chance like switching beds. Good luck!