What do you think about children having different dads?

Sarah - posted on 05/06/2011 ( 46 moms have responded )

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I am 25 and have a 5 year old daughter. My marriage didn't work with her father and we've been separated for over 3 years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years are pregnant and my daughter absolutely loves him. I never thought I would have children from different dads but we are all very happy. What do you think of children having different fathers?

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[deleted account]

It depends on the situation. Having child after child with different man afte different man speaks of a huge problem with impulse control and a lack of maturity. Having a marriage end then going into a committed relationship is another thing.

Jennifer - posted on 05/06/2011

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My first 2 are from my 1st marriage. My ex decided that drugs, cheating, stealing, prison, and child porn were more his kind of thing. I left him when my oldest was only 12 months, and I was 5 1/2 months prego with my 2nd. I met my husband a little over a year later and we have 2 kids together. He is the only father the oldest 2 have known, and he has adopted them. I know technically they are 1/2 sibilings, but to me they are full brothers and sisters. They love each other all the same. (and annoy each other all the same for that matter)

[deleted account]

I think its perfectly fine from what you have described. Your first marriage didnt work? So what? Should you never have another baby for fear of the 'stigma' associated with children of different fathers? No.. You deserve to find happiness again.
There are women out there who have several children to several different men, that they only had brief relationships with and were either not careful enough, or were hoping to get pregnant to gain social security benefits. These are the women society frown upon, as these women are irresponsible and selfish.
Your kids are wanted and looked after responsibly. There is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Relax, stay happy and be proud! :-)

Chairettie - posted on 05/06/2011

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It happens - relationships so not always last. There is nothing wrong with continuing to grow your family and as long as your new love loves your little one you can't ask for me :o) families are who we invite into our lives :o) Congrats on your bundle :o)

Katherine - posted on 05/10/2011

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I'm 26 with a 5 yr old daughter and a 3 year old son both with different dads. The youngest still has contact with his dad but my eldest does not ( his choice an not mine) . I never thought that I would have children with different dads or so close together an considering that I am
No longer with either of their dads if I have another child that also would have a different dad! My children have never herd the expression half brother or sister! They are brother and sister as simple as that! I think the ideal nuclear family is a great ideal but sometimes that's not always possible ! Years ago people would stay on bad relationships 'for the kids' and end up s rewind them up more with the arguments they were exposed too! If you and your children being happy mean another relationship then so be it! Don't feel guilty and don't think of them as half anything! I'm sure they will both have the full amount of love for each other !!!

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Fallenangel - posted on 12/01/2011

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Can I just say thank you for sharing this. I have a beautiful 3 nearly 4 year old who is my life. Her father and I are seperated and have been for nearly 2 years. I met someone who was nice about a year ago and recently we got engaged. I am currently 7 weeks pregnant and 2 weeks ago it all fell apart as he went off looking for other women with a friend of mine. I do not forgive and forget when things like that happen. My daughter is so excited about her new baby brother or sister and has come up with names already. Having children by 2 different men is not want I ever wanted but guess things happen out of our control sometimes. My daughters father is very close with us and we both love each other still, he knows about baby and sees me and my daughter a few times a week. As for the babys father he is constantly trying to crawl back but I have had enough. Just feel a little down at the moment I guess. x x

Tehara - posted on 05/11/2011

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I have a 4year old his father an I split not long after I found out I was pregnant an he has never met his son but during my pregnancy I found another guy an we moved in together when my son was 5months old as far as my son is concerned my current partner is his father an we have had 2 beautiful girls 2 an 8 weeks. I never thought that I would have children with different fathers but thats how life works out some times. I can say very honestly that I am glad that I am no longer with my sons father it was not a good relationship to bring a child into.

Savona - posted on 05/11/2011

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If you and daddy love them all then it doesnt matter, theyre all as good as blood babies/siblings in my opinion =)

Giacci - posted on 05/11/2011

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My first son has a different father then my newest addition. His father chose drugs and little underaged girls over me and his son. So I moved on and i met my now fiance whom I have a newborn with. I met him when my son had just turned a year old and never called anyone daddy but him so my fiance is all he knows. And they are brothers they arent half brothers. And I have a brother from a different father and 4 sisters from different mothers but i dont ever call them my "half" siblings. they are my siblings and i love them all dearly. So I honestly dont think its a problem at all. as long as the man you are with loves your baby as much as he loves you and doesnt favor his own born over the other theres no problem at all.

Charlie - posted on 05/11/2011

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I think it is a fact of life for some and shouldnt be stressed about :)

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2011

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I think it should only matter what you and your family think. My first two children are from my first marriage and my last one is from this marriage. My husband loves all our kids the same and it doesn't matter whos they are. As Long as you are happy that is all that matters :)

[deleted account]

My two eldest siblings are my half siblings. Honestly though, they have always been my brother and sister, no halves about it. They are even a LOT older than me 18 and 16 years.

Tina - posted on 05/10/2011

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I have an 8 yr old son with my ex boyfriend. Things just did not work out for us and we went our separate ways when I was still prego. For 3 months after he was born he did not come around then started to take him for a few hours a night then every other week. (fast forward 5 yrs.) He took me to court for full custody, when he meet some one new. (today) We are back to week on week off schedule.I am married now for 5 years. The Girl that my ex was with is now out of the picture. We get along fine now. I have a boy 4 and a newborn with my Hubby. My 8 yr old call both of them Dad. He knows that his Bio father is his Bio father. I have been with my husband since my son was 9 months old. I never forced him to call him Dad I only told him to call him Gary. Our Family is complete and we are a Happy Family. I think as long as the kids are happy, and parents are happy. Then all is good as long as the kids are loved. I NEVER speak bad about my ex in front of my son nor does anyone else. We talk to him like he went to Grandmas house when we ask about how his week was at his Dad's. We never pry. If there is an issue at the others home we now talk about it. (It was not always like that, trust me it took a lot of work. ) Good luck to you and your Family. It will all work out as long as you work at it.

Rebecca - posted on 05/10/2011

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It's pretty common now-a-days, if the first dad isn't around to take care of your daughter then maybe having your newer b/f will give her the "father figure" she needs. If he is, then she will grow up knowing the difference btwn dad and stepdad. Just make sure their parenting techniques are similar, or she'll feel picked on by one or the other and resent them her whole life. Also, it's really hard for step parents to effectively be a parent b/c bio parents don't feel comfortable letting the step punish/ correct attitudes, and that also creates a gap and lack of respect for the steps. Just make sure your b/f is treating your daughter the same way he would treat his own child, no favorites!

Kimberley - posted on 05/10/2011

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My eldest child has a different dad to my other 4 children and I dont see anything wrong with that.The way I look at it is I would have rather broken up with my eldest's dad and me and my child be happy rather than stay together nd everyone suffer unhappily.As long as the child is loved it really shouldn't matter 1 bit xxxx

Gertrude - posted on 05/10/2011

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BTW:: My father has children with another woman but they are my sisters, there's no such thing as half-siblings in my family. :)

Gertrude - posted on 05/10/2011

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It's the first reason why I don't want to have more kids. I've always liked white men. My daughter's dad is mixed and she's black with mulatto hair. And I'm 100% sure that I'll date more white men in my future.

Currently, I'm with an italian and he said he would like to have his own children. And I hate to be judged...and I would be embarrassed to have children of different colors...

But I love him and I think I would be selfish if I don't give him children. And I understand him because I always wanted my own children and he has none.

Hilary - posted on 05/10/2011

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as long as you and everyone is happy who cares??!?!?! good luck to you :D xx

Tamarya - posted on 05/09/2011

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I come from a family of five, three of us have the same dad but the other two don't. In my opinion, we are all full brothers and sisters we don't go by the whole "half sibling" we were all raised together =)

Tamika - posted on 05/09/2011

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Hello Sarah, my name is Tamika im 23...I have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old, and they have different dads! I never wanted my children to have different fathers either but they do, and it works out fine. My two boys know they have different dads and it causes no problems at this point, they both understand.

Brittany - posted on 05/09/2011

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What kind of relationship does your daughter have with her dad? Just because you two did not work out does not mean that he is a bad dad.

If your daughter is bonding with your current boyfriend...well that is fantastic. Remember that no matter how upset you are with your ex to never ever ever bad mouth him in front of your daughter. You will be grateful for that. Also ask your boyfriend to not bad mouth her father in front of her. He is still her daddy and it will help her later in life if the two of you are friends.

Once again I am not sure of the details of the situation.

As far as having babies by different men, who gives a rat tutu? It is no ones business and as long as neither of the men mistreated you no one should have their huge noses in your business.

Jody-Maree - posted on 05/09/2011

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I have a 'step' brother (different dad who was never in the picture - overseas and no contact). He was never thought of or referred to has step brother, just brother. I now have two children to different dads and they are brothers. (not step brothers). My oldest visits his bio dad twice a month, etc, so he has two families. (due to his father being over zealous refused to let our son call my husband Dad). I have never thought that blood is thicker than water, just love is love and children don't get to choose their parents.

Wilmarie - posted on 05/09/2011

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Honestly I never thought I would have children from different das.I have my two oldest from my first marriage. When my second was 7mo old he sent us an email and pretty much said he didnt want a family after 5years and 2 children. I stayed single for quiet a while and finally I decided to try my chances again. This time I am with a man that not only loves me but loves my girls like his own. We have a one year old son together and things are better that I could have ever imagined. As far as having kids with one man only its sad to say but now a days those chances seem slim to none. I used to be very judgemental about women with three and four fathers but I had to bite my toung once I went on to a second dad. Mistakes happen, relationships end and lives continue to the next step (hopefully a better step in life). I guess you just need to live day by day and accept what life brings your way. As far as my girls dad, he has come around and at least is there sometimes for the girls most of the times around birthdays and big holidays. I let him, even if by glances the girls at least get to know some things of their fathers. Just because you move on in a relationship doesnt mean just kids have to move on with you. That is still their father, i was always taught, good or bad.

Tinker1987 - posted on 05/09/2011

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It is what it is,the keywords you said are " you guys are happy" so that all that matters

Maricela - posted on 05/09/2011

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That is something that is not planned. For me I do not want my kids to have different fathers, but I am not against it. My sister-in-law has two kids and both from different fathers. Her new boyfriend loves her daughter more that her real father and does way more than her real father has these past 6 years.

Olivia - posted on 05/09/2011

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It is not something that is planned but as long as the new father is a good man then that is all that matters. My youngest daughter's father is doing so much more than my oldest daughter's father ever did for her. He is the one that is providing for her and is there for her.

Staci - posted on 05/09/2011

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I am the step parent. My stepson is 9, and his parents divorced when he was 2. My husband and I have a 17-month old son. His mom just had a new baby right before Easter. I don't think there's anything wrong with different dads as long as every child is loved and cared for. The only thing confusing for my stepson is the relationship between his two brothers. He has called them cousins, uncles, etc. :) I just explain relationships, half brothers, and tell him they're not related, but they will be friends. :) I know this isn't really what you're asking, but I thought it was kind of relevant.

Ashley - posted on 05/08/2011

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I never planed on having children by diff fathers infact coming from my childhood thats the last thing i planed i had a step father a few infact and to me bringing in one to my childs life was the worst thing i could do but as life goes on are perspective changes now i have a son from a sperm doner i step daughter from my bf and a baby on the way. What matters is we will work every day to make are children have a happy healthy childhood in the end that all that matters. And i do not beleive in half siblings they are simply brothers and sisters

Jessica - posted on 05/08/2011

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my daughter and son have different fathers i thought me and her dadwould be with each other for every but when he moved to vegas i just couldnt go so i stayed back and we went out own ways i really dont think thereis anything wrong my sons father was cheating on me and i found out when i was 6 months pregnant both dad are not in therelifes and that is 100% fine by me maybe the 3rd time will be the last time and no more after tha t if u know wht i mean

Virginia - posted on 05/08/2011

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I have two gorgeous children, my 4 year old daughter to my ex, who left me, to put it nicely, when he found out I was pregnant. Then I have my 5 month old son to my husband of 2 years and partner of 3 and a half years. My husband was the only father my daughter knew for a long time and she loves him dearly, even now that her biological father has decided to spend time with her. She enjoys having two 'dads' and adores her brother. I never set out with the goal of having two children to two fathers but those are the cards life dealt me and I manage perfectly well. I love both my children equally and my husband feels just as strongly about his stepdaughter as his own son, sometimes, he even seems to favor his 'princess' more ;D
I am also a child of different fathers to my siblings and we all get on great and love our step father, he even gave me away at my wedding while my estranged father came as a guest. So, as long as you are happy and your children are loved, this is a modern world, full of broken families and it really makes no difference.

Kerrie - posted on 05/08/2011

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i think so long as those children are happy, well fed, clothed and loved what does it matter

Kathryn - posted on 05/08/2011

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I have 3 children, my oldest two have the same father and my youngest is with the man im with now. The father of the oldest two walked away when i was pregnant with my son, because i refused to have an abortion and he felt his family would disappove of us having a second child together. But being a single mom I need some help, and they demanded that i get child supoprt for the youngest one at the time so i brought him to court, he started being a part of his life at 10 months old because he had to pay child support. I meet my current bf when my son was 3 months old and thats who my son started calling daddy, and his father still didnt want anything to do with him.
Now my kids are 7yr (my daughter), my middle child is 3(oldest son) and my Younst is 14 months.

Melissa - posted on 05/08/2011

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my brothers and i are all 5 years apart and all had different fathers. sometimes life takes you down different paths, but that doesn't have to be a negative thing. we've always known we have different fathers, but we're siblings just the same. we don't consider ourselves "half-siblings" like people have tried to suggest, even though that's technically true. we grew up together, we have the same mother, we were raised together, and it is what it is. is your daughter's father still involved? if not, then it shouldn't make much different at all. i started seeing my hubby when i was 5 months pregnant with my son. he's raised him as his own, and now we're 2 months pregnant with our second. in our situation, we don't consider there being "two fathers", simply a sperm donor lol. if he is still involved, then there may be slight jealousy, but all you have to do is show your daughter that you, your boyfriend and her father love her just as much as this new baby. she's 5, so she'll be more able to understand than if she were younger.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/07/2011

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It is what it is. Not everything works out the first time around. Good luck to you and your new one :)

Petrina - posted on 05/07/2011

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I'm not in this situation, but one of my best friend's is. she had her oldest son (who is going to be 2 in june) with his sperm donor whom she was, at one point, engaged to. they then broke up, and her son's great-grandmother (his "father's" grandmother) has custody of him due to her "being a drug and alcohol addict and a neglectful parent". she however is one of the best young mothers that i know (she's gonna be 23, but still...) her son's father does nothing for him, and she now has a daughter who is 4 months old with another guy, who again, does not want anything to do with his daughter. she raises her daughter on her own, and when she sees her son (when the sperm donor's grandmother isn't a witch about it) she does everything for him that a mother should do. so i guess that sometimes, its a good thing when you have children with different dads. i also think that in my friends case, sometimes the child not knowing their father might be a good thing too. neither of her babies daddys do anything for their kids. its sad, because i do more for these kids than their own fathers, and they arent even my own blood. but i guess sometimes that you dont have to be really related to be family.

[deleted account]

i think it depends on the situation. it's quite common now for people to have kids with different dads and as long as you are in committed relationships with the person i don;t see a problem with it.

Chrissie - posted on 05/07/2011

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My son is from a relationship and my husband and I are pregnant and absolutely love the fact that we have Dylan. He is going to be an amazing big brother and is always willing to help. And they are both my kids no matter who else helped make them. We are a FAMILY, plain and simple ♥

Charlotte - posted on 05/07/2011

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I had twins, who'll be 6 on thursday, with my ex-hubby who I left due to his mental abuse, violence and alcoholism and I have a son who just turned 3 with my current man. We are v happy together. He loves my daughters as if they were his own. To us they are brother and sisters, there's no half-siblings! The twins even call my man "daddy" (their choice) and they call my ex-hubby (who they still see now and again) "father".

I guess it depends on the situation. My bio-mum had me and my brother with her 1st hubby and 3 others with her 2nd hubby. She never looked after me or my full brother. But she divorced a 2nd time and at least she stopped having kids then as would I if me and my man ever split up. I think 2 fathers is ok but more, no.

Tara - posted on 05/07/2011

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I'm not in this situation (and didn't grow up in one like it), but as long as the children are loved and cared for, I really don't see what the problem is. Sometimes marriages/relationships don't work, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to find love and happiness with someone else and eventually have a child with them.

Corrie - posted on 05/07/2011

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I don't see the point in refusing you're love to more children just because you have a different partner. If you found you didn't love the man you were with, you have a beautiful child to show for that time in your life. Your child shouldn't be siblingless or you denied the right to have more children because they will have different dads.
I have 1 half brother, 1 adopted brother, 3 step brothers, 1 step sister, and all but 1 have children. They are my brothers and sisters. No two ways about it. I've never met my step siblings dad. My adopted brother sees me, NOT his biological sister, as his sibling. Those children are my neices and nephews.
We're a family. And we're lucky to have one another.

Kandace - posted on 05/07/2011

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i grew up in a broken household. My mom had 3 children including me with her first husband and then another son with her second husband. The second husband as around from the time I was about 5 years old until I was 13. He did all the things that a dad does and treated me as his own. my bio dad was in and out of the picture for the 10 years my step dad was involved but i knew he was my dad and i accepted what i got my mom NEVER bashed him in front of me and NEVER told me lies about him which is VERY important. I was able to make judgements about him based on how he treated me. my step dad was the same thing my mom never told me to call him anrthing but mike. Eventually my siblings and i from the first marriage started calling him dad because in every way that mattered he was. 'blended' families as they are called now are normal! .... im living it! .... my older children that my husband brought into my life call me what they want to sometimes my daughter calls me mom sometimes she calls me kandace. In our family there are 3 mothers and 5 children! we have found a balance that works for us and were happy which is all that matters to any of us parents!
Sorry it was so long! .... i hope this helps! .... i remember when i first joined this family how hard it was to find balance within it!

Stifler's - posted on 05/07/2011

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I don't have kids from different fathers but I don't really think much about it to tell the truth. It's better to be happy broken up and moved on than stay together and be unhappy so you can have the "perfect" family. My mother in law has 3 kids to 3 different fathers and they aren't all like "we're half brothers/sisters" they're just brothers and sister (they grew up in the same house). My husband doesn't like his other 3 brothers and sisters though and literally says "they're my HALF brother and sisters" (his dads kids from his first marriage, not related to the other brother and sister) when I ask about them (I've never met them and he refuses to let me).

Medic - posted on 05/06/2011

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My kids have different dads. My ex husband decided that party's were more important than his kid so when he left one night the locks got changed and that was that. He had supervised visitation but never showed so my son does not know him. My husband and I met when he was 7 months old so he is the only dad he has known although he knows the truth he never asks about it or anything. Together we have a daughter and my husband has since adopted my son and there is no difference between the two of them. I don't think that we will be referring to them as half siblings.

Sarah - posted on 05/06/2011

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That is kind of what I am hoping for. I want my daughter to know that the new baby is still her sibling even though they have different dads. Thank you for your encouragement!

[deleted account]

I live in kind of a reversed situation. Our oldest daughter has a different mother (her mom ran away 5 1/2 years ago and my hubby has had our daughter in his custody ever since) and then my hubby and I have 2 younger daughers together. As far as we are concerned though, they are SISTERS through and through. There is no such thing as "half-siblings" in our house :)

Sarah - posted on 05/06/2011

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My story is kind of similar except my ex still comes around. More when he is sober and less when he is not. My daughter knows that that is her daddy and my boyfriend is her step dad but sometimes I worry about jealousy among other issues. I'm glad to hear you success story and thanks for your input!

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