What do you think about other people disciplining your child while you’re standing right there?

[deleted account] ( 177 moms have responded )

For example I have a friend who also has a child and if my son even touches her child, before I can do anything, she is yelling at him telling him NO don’t do that! Personally, if I am standing right there I should be the one to talk to him about what he’s done.

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Lisa - posted on 11/16/2009

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Quoting Tiffany :

I hate it! I am having a huge issue with that right now. A friend of ours is staying with us until he can get on his feet, and yesterday he flipped out on my kids because they had toys all over the place. Personally I do not think he had the right to say anything because A. its not his house, and B. they are my kids! Drives me up a wall!


I swear, some people you just need to slap the stupid out of...!  It is NOT his business to do that.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I'd tell him if he yelled at my kids again he would be staying at the homeless shelter that night.... Or with someone else who doesn't have children, because obviously he can't understand them at all, and since he has to stay with you to get back on his feet, he obviously can't even discipline himself, so where does he get off thinking he is grown enough to discipline children?

Jennifer - posted on 11/16/2009

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First of all, I do not tolerate ANYONE yelling at my child.
Secondly, all that's good for is teaching a child to be afraid of other people.
I am the parent and it is up to me to teach my child good behaviours!

Tiffany - posted on 11/16/2009

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I hate it! I am having a huge issue with that right now. A friend of ours is staying with us until he can get on his feet, and yesterday he flipped out on my kids because they had toys all over the place. Personally I do not think he had the right to say anything because A. its not his house, and B. they are my kids! Drives me up a wall!

Connie - posted on 11/16/2009

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I dont think its right if you are right there and are going to take care of the situation yourself. If you do not see the situation them she has a right but other than that she needs to back off and let you take care of your child.

MAYTE - posted on 11/16/2009

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SHE NEEDS A CHILL PILL LOL..SHE KNOWS UR THERE AND UR GOING TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOUR SON SO WHY SHE BUTTING IN...THATS NOT A FRIEND

Stephanie - posted on 11/16/2009

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You are the mother therefore you make the decisions for your child. That is your child...no matter what no one should be able to discipline your child when your around, if they dont like something your child is doing it is there duty to bring it to your attention. You should sit down and talk to your friend or next time she tsays something just nicely say you have it under control.....Good luck!

Kim - posted on 11/16/2009

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That's not right. Try yelling at her kid. See what she says. After you talk to her of course about how you should be the one to get onto your child.

Katherine - posted on 11/16/2009

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i totally agree with you! the only other people (besides my husband and i) i will allow to discipline my daughter is her Tia (godmother), Nana (mother-in-law), and Auntie (sister-in-law). but thats only because they all have a very close relationship with her and they know how i discipline her and what she responds well to. but now that i think about it, they usually don't discipline her when i'm around. they usually calmly tell her "no" and then i'll take over.

next time your friend steps in i would just politely ask her to let you discipline your child.

Aleisha - posted on 11/16/2009

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I completely agree. I would maturely approach the friend and inform her that you would appreciate it if she didn't scold your child especially if you are standing right there. That is your job, no one elses unless you tell them they are able to discipline your child. Good luck!

Melinda - posted on 11/16/2009

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Yes you are the one that should discipline your child. You need to tell the person that is doing that how you feel and that you will discipline your own child. I am sure she wouldn't like it if you started yelling at her child. It's really just rude and disrespectful to you.

[deleted account]

Sounds to me like shes just being a little over protective..providing hes never hurt her child.However in a lot of cases i really makes me mad when someone isnt watching their child good enough and gets mad when someone else diciplins them. In that case i say "if you watched your child better, someone else wouldnt have to get after them! I was in a situation when my child was about 3 months old, and i took her to a moms group where we read stories and sing and what not to our children. Moms were just letting their kids run wild, which i understand its somewhat of a free enviroment but when someones kid starts trampeling over mine..or comes over and isnt yet steady enough to walk all that great and falls on my kid im gonna get protective. I ended up taking my baby off the floor "where we were supposed to be laying them during circle time" and getting after those kids..the mothers gave me weird looks..but im sorry they should have taken their kid , told them no, and took them back with them! not keep letting them run loose to do the same thing over and over again.

Jennita - posted on 11/16/2009

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That is a definite no no in my book. You do have to realize though that she is your friend and probably treating your son as if he was her but just tell if there is a problem with your son and you are around to just let you deal with it unless you say otherwise.

Christal - posted on 11/16/2009

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no i dont think she should be diciplining your child. however i feel it would be ok for a family members to dicipline. i dicipline my nieces and nephews, so i expect that if i dont see something happen my immediate family has everyright to let my daughter know that something she did wasnt ok. and to let me know. my family and myself all have the same values, we all grew up with the same notion that certain things are wrong. and we teach our children the same basic values and morals. i however am a more harsher diciplinary, so my family diciplining would be lighter than what i might do. she may get a no from them, where as i would stick her in time out.

Audra - posted on 11/16/2009

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Its flat out rude! But maybe your friend dosen't realize that. just have a frank discussion with her and her reaction will give you all the answers you need.

[deleted account]

I'll tell her very quickly , that I'll discipline my own child , thank you very much !
If you're not there , and you trust her enough to take charge , that's your choice , but not while you're standing there.
What I just thought of while writing this is : maybe she feels that (out of past experience) you would've let your child's bad behaviour pass without discipline and felt that if you're not going to say anything , she must ?

[deleted account]

I'll tell her very quickly , that I'll discipline my own child , thank you very much !
If you're not there , and you trust her enough to take charge , that's your choice , but not while you're standing there.
What I just thought of while writing this is : maybe she feels that (out of past experience) you would've let your child's bad behaviour pass without discipline and felt that if you're not going to say anything , she must ?

Carly - posted on 11/15/2009

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I agree with you there if you are there then there is no reason for the other parent/perosn to discapline your child anyou are wihin your rights to say so.I probably would!

Sam - posted on 11/15/2009

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I really don't like it. It very much bothers me.



My mother in-law takes our daughter for a night here and there. She took her the other weekend, and when I picked her up the next day, my niece (6yrs) through marriage was also there for night, she told me my mother in law yelled very loud & spanked my daughter. I was MORTIFIED! I can understand if a child has acted up and needs to be talked to in a stern manner, but spanking, when I am against it, that was a BIG NO NO in my books!



As much as I wanted to rip into her, I felt it was my obligation to let me husband handle it, since it is his mother. I told him what my niece had told me, and we very calmly sat down with her and asking her what had took place. She apologized, and promised it would never happened again.



I will not longer allow my daughter to go there for overnight stays, or long periods of time, until she is old enough to tell me what takes place. As sweet as my mother in law can be to my face, and many other people's I just could not live with myself knowing she could possibly do this behind close doors with my baby crying for me!

Melissa - posted on 11/15/2009

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for me it depends on what the child is doing or my child is doing. sometimes i don't really mind b-cuz they know how i want to teach my kids. or if it was someone elses kid(s) and they were doing something that they know i wasn't happy with and i'll tell them in a calm voice not to do whatever it was and then the parent(s) will repeat it and dicipline their kid(s) accordingly. but all my friends know that to tell me if they don't want me saying anything and vise versa.

and it depends on the friend as well.

Ty - posted on 11/15/2009

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If I am there I do not want anyone disaplining my daughter but me or my Hunny. There would be no nessessary reason for anyone else to do it.

[deleted account]

i dont think that is right at all what gives them the right to do that i wouldnt be friends with some one like that beause thats just makin the child scared and thats not right the all learn in there own time well thats what i reckon ....lol

[deleted account]

i dont like it. its my kid n i can handle him. ppl shouldnt over step bounderies. let the parent do the parenting!

Stephanie - posted on 11/15/2009

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im like u i dont want any one deciplining my son while im there if i see it it i should be the one . or be told what he has done so i can discipline him how i see is fit. if u are uncomfortab le with the situation u should talk to everyone and tell them ur point and u will discipline him ur way

Latoya - posted on 11/15/2009

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I definitely wouldn't go for anyone yelling at my child because that child only has one mother......and if some one yelled at my child before I could and i'm standing right there.......it's gonna be time to call the people because it's gonna be hell!

Jami - posted on 11/15/2009

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Until your child is in some sort of school (preschool, kindergarten, etc) YOU should be the one deciding who disciplines your child. When you send them off somewhere, then it's whoevers responsible for them (babysitter, teacher) but when youre standing right there, it is your job and your friend needs to know that. I'd be pissed if someone yelled at my child. I think its okay for someone else to let my kids know gently that something is not okay, but no one should yell at a child, ESPECIALLY over something minor. I'm protective of my children, but I would never snap at someone else's kid. You have every right to be concerned.

Sandra - posted on 11/15/2009

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I BELIEVE THAT THE PARENTS ONLY TO THAT CHILD SHOULD BE THE ONCE TO DISCIPLINE THE CHILD, JUST LIKE NO ONE SHOULD LAY HANDS ON OTHER PARENTS CHILD...

Jacquelyn - posted on 11/15/2009

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i read some more of the posts on this, lol and its true that maybe she dont know how to act. kids are gonna try to pinch, bite paw and wrestle each other, lol lord i cant even begin to count the times ive had to tell these kids to keep their hands off each other! but when they are small it just goes with the territory. they wanna touch each other and hug ... lol we have a kisser in our group too! but your friend will see that in time that all lil kids are touchers. dont we all the time tell them hey dont touch this and that? but if you dont feel comfortable with her yelling at your baby tell her, you know im right here and im going to tell him not do it! and if she doesnt want to let you do your thing, then maybe you guys need to separate for awhile.

Jacquelyn - posted on 11/15/2009

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lol ok so i didnt really wanna go here... but i have to. i have a neighbor who we are very close to. she and her husband are raising their grandsons. one of them is 24 ! and he has his son and g/f living there too!!! im a disciplining parent, my kids her kids their kids... etc. lol now , this lil neighbor kid and my daughter are both three. anna knows how to share and whatnot, she has 3 siblings, they learn that pretty fast in our house but lil anthony is an only child and he gets away with whatever he wants, and when hes around me i will tell him hey! thats not how to act... but it is only because ive been around them enough to know, that if i dont tell him, no one is going to. she has never been like "dont yell at my kid." but if she did i would not hesitate to tell her, if you dont want to teach him how to act and get mad when i tell him to stop being mean to my kid then maybe we shouldnt all play together because if no one teaches kids how to act they arent ever gonna know how to act". im not saying that you dont tell your kid, im just stating what goes on in my life.

Christina - posted on 11/15/2009

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it really depends on who's discipling them...if i am at my mother's house and they do something, i let her go ahead and set them straight. i mean they know gramma has different rules then i do, so she can do it. but like friends and people like that, i can do it. i am their mother and i am capable to put them in their place. i've never yelled or disciplined someone else's kids, but i do sit and talk to them. like if they are acting up, being mean, or something (my neices) i talk to them and let them know what they are doing is bad and what the consequences would be if they were my child. i would ask if they would like it if someone came to their house/room and acted like that or treated their toys that way or anyother scenerio....i would NEVER yell at someone's child(ren)

Pia - posted on 11/15/2009

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I think it depends on the situation. Your friends sounds a bit overprotective. She needs to relax. So you should tell her. She doesn't need to yell either, if she doesn't want your son touching her child she could just distract him with a toy or something.

Most of my friends will tell my child no when he's doing something they know I disapprove of and I don't notice. But they won't yell, they'll just say something like "Anders, I don't think mummy would like you doing that". I'm okay with that, especially if I haven't noticed what he's doing, I do it to their kids too, but I would not be okay with them yelling at him.

Patti - posted on 11/15/2009

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No one should be disciplining your child or even yelling for that matter except you.. Thats is crossing the line I think a little

Christine - posted on 11/15/2009

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I don't think its right for someone else to punish your child....if they are babysitting, it's one thing because you left them in charge but any other time its not okay. I would tell her how you feel. I'm sure she will understand, her being a mother also.

Carla - posted on 11/15/2009

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Absolutely Hell ta da nah I will not \be having that in anyway shape or form i mean family knows not to cross that line i mean sayin no the right way of course but yelling and even spanking i cant not have that

Morgan - posted on 11/15/2009

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If it is a stranger then yes it bugs me. But if it is family then no. What happen if you parents are watching them and they do something bad and you are not around. They need to know what they have done is wrong and will not be tolerated. Little kids don't know what they are doing is wrong till we tell them. And if they are young you tell them one minute and they forget the next. I don't like if someone yells at them but if they tell tell them that what they have done is wrong then fine. I mean say your little one was to hit someone or bite them and you were out of the room and weren't back for a few and didn't see it, you can't come in ten minutes later and discipline them by that time they will forget what they have done their memories aren't that longer to remember what they did isn't it better if they get told no then for them to continue doing it to the point where harm is done. If you are in the room and see it then you should be given the chance to do it before your friend. And if they don't learn at an early age to respect authority of others they won't do it, so a harmless no that's wrong is ok with me.

Bobbi - posted on 11/15/2009

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i agree with you, if im there i will correct my child.....as for other people there is only a select few i will let tell my children what to do. its prob just me but im very picky about my kids

Cynthia - posted on 11/15/2009

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Tell your friend that it is your job not hers if she is a good friend she will understand.

Jenna - posted on 11/15/2009

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I agree you are the parent. I had a friend that wouldnt parernt her child so I felt like I had to but if she wont even give you the chance thats not right. Personally I would sit down with that friend over some coffee or tea without the kids being there and just tell her you dont like that she feels its okay to parent your child. Its your job its what you signed up for, you would hope she would understand that if you were to do it to her child she wouldnt like it either. I mean she could be someone who thinks that a village raises a child but regardless if you have a problem with it you need to talk to her about it without the distractions of the kids!

Brittany - posted on 11/15/2009

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For me and my best friend, it depends on what we're doing at the moment. Ifmy back is turned for a moment and I miss what it is that he did, that's fine and vice versa. Then again, we may as well be sisters and she is the ONLY friend that I allow to discipline my child in any way.

[deleted account]

Don't be shy that's your kid if she raised a hand to him you'd stop her this is nothing different.

Charlie - posted on 11/15/2009

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It depends who it is! For example if one of the close family told her off then fine...they know my daughter well enough to know when she is misbehaving! It also stops me looking like an ogre to her!! I think it will help her to understand its not mummy saying no because mummy doesnt want her to do it...it is everyone saying no because she shouldnt be doing it!! I wouldnt want them yelling at her tho...telling her firmly "no" is fine!! If im not around I want her to listen to other people telling her off and not think she can get away with it because its not mummy!!

Lydia - posted on 11/15/2009

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If they yelled Id probably tell them to calm down - if they were just telling them no then thats fine. If its something Ive seen then I would expect to be given enough time to react first. It also depends on who it is - if its someone I dont really know and asking hasnt stopped the behaviour then I would expect them to ask me to step in. If its my friend and they know my daughter is doing something they arent allowed to then I would actually be offended with them for NOT doing anything about it. If it bothers you then talk to your friend about it.

Natasha - posted on 11/15/2009

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Quoting Lisa:

I think it depends on the situation. I don't like other people yelling at my son, no one has done it yet, but I know I'll probably come out with the claws when they do. My parents, no problem, my sister, no problem... I think it really depends on who you're comfortable with. But there are limitations to how other people should treat YOUR child. Now, if they're doing something stupid that is going to get them or someone else hurt, okay, say something, stop them, etc, but scream at them and you're only creating more problems!

As an example, I was at the store one day and this little girl, probably about 10, if that, was running in a parking lot with her brother. Problem, right? Someone should tell them not to do that. But this older woman in a car comes hauling through the parking lot, sees the girl, slams on the brakes and just misses hitting her. Thankfully the child reacted, also. But instead of rolling down her window and saying, "Sweetie, don't run in parking lots, you need to watch out for cars, are you okay?" etc she SCREAMS, "ARE YOU STUPID??? ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED??? WE DON'T RUN THROUGH PARKING LOTS UNLESS WE HAVE A DEATH WARRANT!!!!" and my mommy instincts immediately came out and I thought, "How dare you say that to her???" Yes, she did wrong, but did you have to react so irrationally???? Perhaps I overreacted, but before I could stop myself I yelled at her and said, "We don't race cars through parking lots EITHER" and she screamed at me, "I wasn't racing" and left. She was going through there MUCH faster than she should have.

My husband completely disagreed with me and we even argued about it, but like I told him, if I saw someone yell at my son the same way she yelled at that child, I would have gone ballistic.

I think that certain situations call for discipline from other people. And it's instinct to say, "No, don't do that!" when a child is hurting themselves or others or doing something they shouldn't. But there's a way to do it and if you're just yelling/screaming at them, what are you really teaching them??


 



 



Agree with Lisa, it depends who, how and why, but generally speaking don't yell at my child or I'll be yelling at you! There is a way to talk to another person's child  so as not to confuse or scare the child or to offend the parent.

Emma - posted on 11/15/2009

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i purely wouldnt stand for it ... obviously dont be confrontational but just let her know politly that you wouold like to deal with it in your own way :) x

Lyndsay - posted on 11/14/2009

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I agree with you, but I think that you should address this with her. Maybe she feels like you aren't quick enough to intervene and she is probably just trying to protect her own child (which I'd say any of us would do).

Kelly - posted on 11/14/2009

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What you need to do is ask her that her child is made of gold and that kids will be kids.She should say anything to your child because for one he is not her child and if she is yelling at him ask how would you feel if I yelled at your what would you do.That is your baby don't let onone yell at.Hope this works

[deleted account]

I'd probably be upset with that, my family disciplines my daughter but that is to help me, but friends not so much. Just tell her you will handle it your way.

Lisa - posted on 11/14/2009

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I think it depends on the situation. I don't like other people yelling at my son, no one has done it yet, but I know I'll probably come out with the claws when they do. My parents, no problem, my sister, no problem... I think it really depends on who you're comfortable with. But there are limitations to how other people should treat YOUR child. Now, if they're doing something stupid that is going to get them or someone else hurt, okay, say something, stop them, etc, but scream at them and you're only creating more problems!

As an example, I was at the store one day and this little girl, probably about 10, if that, was running in a parking lot with her brother. Problem, right? Someone should tell them not to do that. But this older woman in a car comes hauling through the parking lot, sees the girl, slams on the brakes and just misses hitting her. Thankfully the child reacted, also. But instead of rolling down her window and saying, "Sweetie, don't run in parking lots, you need to watch out for cars, are you okay?" etc she SCREAMS, "ARE YOU STUPID??? ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED??? WE DON'T RUN THROUGH PARKING LOTS UNLESS WE HAVE A DEATH WARRANT!!!!" and my mommy instincts immediately came out and I thought, "How dare you say that to her???" Yes, she did wrong, but did you have to react so irrationally???? Perhaps I overreacted, but before I could stop myself I yelled at her and said, "We don't race cars through parking lots EITHER" and she screamed at me, "I wasn't racing" and left. She was going through there MUCH faster than she should have.

My husband completely disagreed with me and we even argued about it, but like I told him, if I saw someone yell at my son the same way she yelled at that child, I would have gone ballistic.

I think that certain situations call for discipline from other people. And it's instinct to say, "No, don't do that!" when a child is hurting themselves or others or doing something they shouldn't. But there's a way to do it and if you're just yelling/screaming at them, what are you really teaching them??

Tammy - posted on 11/14/2009

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It depends the situation. I'm a little bit more strict in what I will and wont let my kids get away with so I always hold back on saying something to somebody elses kids. I try not to raise my voice or become to stern with them when I do, but if somebody elses 'brat' lays a hand on my child I'm going to go off if that parent doesn't step up quickly. I believe it sends the wrong message to both children and the parent of the other child if I don't stand up for my kids. On the other hand if my kids so something wrong and I didn't catch it, or don't realize the person is upset with what they have done I don't get into a hissy about them saying something about it. I've never had somebody go so far as to lay a hand on either one of my children (out side of family), and at most family has only moved them from one location or another when they were being stubborn or into something.

As a parent I think you have to do the delicate balancing act between where you and your child's rights lie and where other peoples are.

Kiley - posted on 11/14/2009

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i would let them know not to ever lay a hand on my child! and if they didnt listen to me.. i would knock the crap outta them! that is just one thing u do not do.. u can hit me all u want.. just leave my child out of it!

Krystle - posted on 11/14/2009

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That's not right. You need to speak up and tell her not to do that. That's not her position at all, and I think you should let her know that.

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