What if your husband and best friend were in LOVE

Alicia - posted on 03/24/2010 ( 115 moms have responded )

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what would you do if your best friend and your husband told you that she loved your husband and he liked her. I have asked him if he wanted to leave me and he said no because he loves me but he can't come up with a reason why he loves me. He just keeps on telling me that i need to get over it and still be friends with her. What should i do? Give me your opinion please i need help

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Christy - posted on 03/24/2010

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That happen to me and i completely cut the best friend out of my life because they started talking behind my back and then alot more came up. it was getting to be to much. me and her were best friends since we were 5 i ended our friendship at age 23. comfrunted my husband on it told him that he was basicly cheating on me. i fliped out and after a big blow up and a few long heart felt talks things changed for the better MUCH better! our life was alot different with out her around all the little problems and fights and petty arguments we used to get in to suddenly disapeared once i cut off all comunication with her. since then me and him worked out our problems worked on our trust problem and everythings better. Friends come and go but family is forever i love my husband and our daughter and i had to make a choice and all tho is made me sad and hurt with alittle time things got much better and i couldnt be happier. Follow your heart things will get better in time aslong as you try and work on the problem. weather its keeping them both around or getting rid of one of them something has to change or else your just gonna get heart broken and iv been there and trust me it doesnt feel good. esp coming from the 2 people you love and trust the most thats the kind of pain that leaves scares builds walls and leaves you with trust issues :( i hope things get better good luck.

Fawn - posted on 03/24/2010

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I hate to say this, but that girl is not your friend. But I wouldn't drop your husband just because things are gettin' a little confuzzled. Asking your husband to point out why he loves you is a little unfair. Ask yourself this, do you know exactly all the reasons why you love him? Really sit and think about that, be honest with yourself. And remember, he's a guy...standard guy response is usually "I dunno." A heart to heart with your hubby is def in order.

Morgan - posted on 03/27/2010

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Here's what I recommend: Go get a makeover...emotionally & physically. Emotionally, rid yourself of this kind of trash. A husband who thinks this is okay? Bullshit. A friend who would allow this kind of nonsense to occur? Bullshit. You? You don't know what to do? Bullshit....Girl you are strong, independent and worth much more than what they are offering. Be happy alone rather than married to a miserable person you cannot trust when you're not with him. Then, clean your house from top to bottom and leave your mark everywhere...make your world your own again...then head to the salon...go be a redhead or a blonde or go dark...whichever suits you and find your inner glam goddess. I cut hair for a living and one of my 86 year old clients always applies her red lipstick before she leaves the shop...one time she told me...."Darling, red lipstick is an emotional makeover...I feel sassier just wearing it." Take care of you, first and foremost, and everything else will work itself out. Good luck, darlin'.

Anna - posted on 03/24/2010

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oooh, thats hard. i would give up the friend. for sure, that will never be the same. and as far as your hubby goes, i would try and work it out. if she isnt in the picture anymore than you guys can focus on your own relationship. i would definitely recommend a professionals help. then he can sort out if he wants to move on with or without you. men like to be liked and it may just be flattering to him that another woman is attracted to him. sometimes feelings can get misconstrued easily. have a good sit down with him and see whats really left in your relationship. i hope things work out for you and im sorry youre having to go though this!!

Sufia - posted on 03/24/2010

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I think you should leave your friend as soon as possible & if your husband loves you (& sometimes people cant tell why they love you) then try to make things right between you two. Your friend is not worth breaking your family. People make misakes in their lives so please try to forgive your husband i know forgetting these kind of things is hard but if you two love each other then atleast you should try to forgive him. I am so sorry for what your are going through. I hope things work out right for you.

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Lacey - posted on 03/28/2010

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Wow I was just thinking how I would feel if this was me and I hurt for you! I would also say that a REAL best friend WOULD NEVER do this to you...that's something she should have kept to herself and I would leave him personally but I know it's easy to say that and hard to just walk away...but I agree with everyone else by continuing to be friends with her and hanging out etc you are just setting them up to end up doing something stupid...I'm sorry I really feel for you here! What a horrible situation to find yourself in, but chin up you can move on and find a man who LOVES YOU AND ONLY YOU! *hugs*

Chantelle - posted on 03/28/2010

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What a cruel game to be playing your so called best friend and your husband shoul be so ashamed of themselves who does that to anyone they are supposed to love. Just for a moment take a step back and think about the lack of respect you have been shown by these two people and do what you need to do for yourself. best of luck!!!

Vixi - posted on 03/28/2010

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my bfs cousin just kicked her n their 1 yr old out because hes been seeing her best mte behind her back, if this was me he'd be the 1 to leave and id never let him back! x

Amy - posted on 03/28/2010

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The friendship would be something hard to mend for sure. Especially because it seems that she has no remorse for her behavior. As for the husband, it be hard to mend that too. Will you seriously be able to fully trust him again? For me anyway, relationships are based on trust. Only you can decide whether or not the marriage is salvageable. But woman to woman, YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT! Trust me on that one!

Christina - posted on 03/28/2010

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i actually had to deal with this when i was 7 months pregnant. it is the WORST! (of course the woman wasn't my BEST friend). i'm still with my husband but i haven't forgotten... and i always wonder where his mind is. they don't talk anymore... to my knowledge. it depends on your situation... i guess.

LaNina - posted on 03/28/2010

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Life Goes On You Can Keep Being A Dummie Or You can Step Your Game Up And Do something About It. A True Friend Wouldnt Tell You Nothing Like That. And A Real Man / A Good Man Should Be Able To Tell You Why He Loves You. I Can Go On For Days About This If You Need More Info Please Email Me So I can Give YOU My Number

Marialisa - posted on 03/28/2010

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well your husband has told you he loves you but not said that his inlove with your friend or leaving you for her but likes her. End of the day his being honest with you and at the same time nervious of how you take it. All you got to do is ask him straight that even knowing this would he cheat on you with her or thinks of it. If he says no he wants you and would not leave you and loves you than all you have to do is sort your friend out. Its nice that your friend is honest with you but at the same time its a very uncomfortable thing knowing shes inlove with your husband. You dont know how far she may go if left alone or in the company of your man. So all you got to do is thank her and ask your self is it worth keeping that friendship going to risk your marriage breaking down.



What you got to remember is none of them have turned round and said that they are cheating on you. They like each other with one inlove the other likes but wants his wife as long as he doesnt say he is feeling more for her. If i were you i would tell your friend how this makes you feel at the same time thank her for the honesty cause she could just have gone behind your back. Tell her that your man is yours and you dont want to loose him and for that you dont want to damage your love with him and would like to keep your distance.



But work it out, this is not so bad. Could have being worse. Your man has told you he loves you

man can be rubbish at giving all the reasons but his being honest

Kimberly - posted on 03/28/2010

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i'd get rid of both of them 2! me and my husbend have been through alot over the years and i thought we were going to done a few times. but i think this is a huge deal breaker. but how do you fell about it. are you happy with things the way they are? dose he treat you good? or is he just busy with her and leaves you in the dust. ofr me it wouldn't matter. i wont share my husbend! don't know if you could be happy this way. everyone is diffrant. good luck!

Carly - posted on 03/28/2010

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Say BYE BYE! Seriously, what kind of a best friend does that? She is not needed in your life. I would also get rid of the "Husband" if that is what were all going to politely call him, lol, because it's all abit too strange. Why does he wants you to stay friends with her? I couldn't, I'd want to slap her face in everytime I saw her. There's something obviously going on and you are worth ten times more than them. We can all sit here and tell you to leave them both, but it comes down to you, you need to be leaving them for yourself. You must realise that you are a human being, you live once and it is a very short life. Don't stay un happy because it's what your used too. Move on and find a man who will love you and won't need to look at anyone else. You should be more than enough for your husband! Leave him babe and do what's best for you.. x

Ebony - posted on 03/28/2010

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This situation is veryy ugly! My opinion is 2 just leave him and never speak 2 your "friend" again! First off, your husband has obviously did innapropriate things with her in order for her 2 even say she "loves" him! Second you and only you kno what 2 do with your husband! Whatever you decide remember that this may noy be the only time, she may not be the only person, and you may be stressing yourself wondering what you can do when its not you, it's him!

Rebecca - posted on 03/28/2010

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Honestly I say leave him. I know it's not the easiest route but honestly is it really worth staying with your childs father if he really doesn't want to be with you?! And also, who knows of they have acted on their desires. You deserve to be with someone that loves you and is dedicated to you only. Also, I'd ditch the best friend, obviously she didn't care enough about you to even see your husband as a potential lover. Good luck and I wish you the best

Nikkole - posted on 03/28/2010

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i wouldnt have her as a friend any more. you cant trust her any more. she shouldnt be in love with your husband. and you need to find out what kind of "like" he is talking about? and if he cant tell you why he loves you thats prolly not a good sign. good luck

Nikkole - posted on 03/28/2010

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i wouldnt have her as a friend any more. you cant trust her any more. she shouldnt be in love with your husband. and you need to find out what kind of "like" he is talking about? and if he cant tell you why he loves you thats prolly not a good sign. good luck

Christi - posted on 03/28/2010

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you need to drop them both like a bad habit. all this is going to do is hurt you and your kids the more you drag it out.

Anne - posted on 03/28/2010

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What does he mean he 'likes' her? Has he shown any interest in her or is it all on her part and he is just saying the wrong things? I would definately get rid of the 'friend' and try to establish your husbands feelings. If he is saying he likes her in anything other than a plutonic sense I'd get rid of him too.

Melissa - posted on 03/27/2010

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Well, it's really horrible that your best friend would fall in love with your husband. She should know that he's off limits, and obviously she's not much of a friend at all because she fell for him. There's a few things you have to think about. With your friend, you should say goodbye because she crossed a line that should never have been crossed. And you have to think hard if there was ever a time they might have been alone together. That would mean ur husband and her acted on their feelings, which makes it that much worse. Your husband you should talk to. Ask him why he has those feelings toward her, and maybe go to counselling to see if you can work through it. If he hasn't acted on his feelings, then it's a good thing and it's easier to overcome. So you have to ask him a lot of hard questions, for the sake of your family. And you also have to ask yourself if you're ready to hear the answers, good or bad. But i hope everything works out for you. But definitely ditch your friend. Friends do not fall for their friends husbands. And you dont want someone like her sticking around. Best of luck to you.

Latwaunda - posted on 03/27/2010

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If u really love ur husband and u want things to work stick it out only u know how much u can take or will take no matter what anyone say ur going to do what u feel and or want on the other hand this is ur husband not ur boyfriend so the rules r different yes there r people who will say they wounld leave but u never know til u r in that person shoes far as ur so called friend i wouldn't have anything else to do with her and if ur husband wants to work it out with u he wouldn't have anything else to do with her either over all this is somrthing u and him have to sit and talk about or work out no one can tell u what to do do what u feel is best for u cuz everyone else is looking in from the outside u are the one that is there i know it hurt to know what u know my husband hurted me before he became my husband i waited it out and now he is the best thing that happen to me besides our two girls that we have together men are men sometimes they get over and grow up and sometimes they dont like i said u know how much u can take good luck

Donna - posted on 03/27/2010

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Yeah ditch them both and why are they hanging out alone anyway? She's suppose to be your best friend but seems like a home-wrecker! I mean my husband and I have our mutual friends but we hang out all together. Besides that, my best friend would never do that to me!

Angela - posted on 03/27/2010

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been there, done that. My husband was dating me and my best friend at the same time and he chose me over her but kept pondering the "what if?" If they aren't doing anything then I see no problem with them liking each other. After 8 months of us being married they got over each other and she moved on and is dating others. My husband is now a big brother type to her and protects her from the guys that could harm her. He couldn't, at first, tell me why he loved me more. why he chose me over her. but now he can.

My advice is stick with them as long as they aren't doing anything together, things will work out the way they are suppose to. Stay friends, keep contact, love each other with all your heart. do something special for him. let him know you love him and want to spend forever with him. He'll realize he made the right choice of marrying you and get over her. Just stick with it.

Victoria - posted on 03/27/2010

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well nothing good can come out of it? Cuz if they already have not acted on there feeling then what is going to happen when things go worng between you and ur husband and nothing will ever be the same, cuz ur always gonna wonder when he will leave you or when he is not home is he really doing what he says he is? plus it will only drive you to depression or to get hurt. you could do better i would leave my husband in a heart beat and if he is telling you to get over it obviously him or her don;t care about you and that is wrong. like i said you need to leave and find someone who will only love you.

Jole - posted on 03/27/2010

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Drop kick his and her ass. She should be a loyal friend and know you and he are together and look elsewhere....whore....and as for the guy? If he can't come up with a reason-then most likely it's cause of your child and not cause of you so there's just a heartfelt waste there. Hopeless it seems, and most likely-not to be a bad guy here-just a slap of reality-they might fall anyway. I'd say kick them both to the curb and start over. A single mom can get along just fine...it'll be hard-but it's easier and better than dealing with a backstabber friend and a whore-ish husband. period.

Lauren - posted on 03/27/2010

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I found myself in the same situation as you about 18 months ago and got rid of both of them. Thank god i did because 3 months after i did they moved in together and have been together ever since. Don't just jump in and leave without talking to your husband though. He deserves a chance to explain and not just say i don't know. She is NOT your friend and will never be again. Friends DO NOT do that to each other. Even if you stay with your husband get as far away from her as you can.

Shannon - posted on 03/27/2010

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I'm going to say something that might seem wrong to other women but I say congrats to the friend for actually having the "balls" to admit it to you that took alot for her to tell you that. But on the other hand she needs to ask your advice on how she should best go about dealing with letting those feelings go. And as her friend you help her. She took a step in being honest with you and hasn't acted on them as far as you know. Alot of my friends like my boyfriend but I know that they won't do anything because of our friendship. You need to ask yourself the same question and if you trust her then do help her and maybe a better thing will come from her being so honest with you. Take pride that your husband is such a wanted man.
Now for your husband. It's hard for a lot of men to explain why they love a person for them you should know why. As women we need answers as to why. Ask him pointed questions not just "why do you love me?" ask questions like "Do you love me for the things I do?" "Do you love me for the way I act?". And never ask a man if your beautiful he's ALWAYS going to say yes.
And another thing men hate when women keep bringing up stuff so if you keep bringing up that your friend loves him then he's going to get upset. Let it go if you don't see any reason for alarm then let it go. Men hate jealous women and if you act jealous of your friend when you have him and she don't he might just do what you think he will do and act out, like a child, and go with your friend.
You thinking negative will only end this in a negative way. Be proud that your friend likes him it means you have good taste. If nothing is happening with them then there is nothing to worry about.
And in closing if there is more going on then maybe you need to think about walking away but make sure that you got all your facts before making that choice. A lot of people will tell you to do that right away but in the end your the only one that can really make that choice and have to live with it.
I hope this doesn't make you upset. I just feel as women we also see the bad and not the good.

Michelle - posted on 03/27/2010

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i'd say goodbye to my ex best friend an tell my husband it would be over if i ever caught them again. or you could go with option b. an kick the husband to the curb an keep the best friend,lol. most people say friend's are better than men,lol. but my friend's tend to suck butt too,i've had more than one go after my fiancee,but he always left them alone for me,an we've worked past all that. but it is really up to you,an how much you want your marriage,or you best friend. best of luck to you.

Misty - posted on 03/27/2010

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It time for both of them to go ! 1st clean out the bank account ,open a new one your name only and in a another bank ,Then kick him out ! if he wants you to be her friend it because he wants her around. he should have be gone when he said he liked her , put yourself first because he not going to ! I am sure you love him but right now he NOT loving you,

Jessica - posted on 03/27/2010

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Sounds your husband has chosen you and wants to stick to that, as for your friend she does not sound like much of a friend to me. I would not have anything to do with her anymore and bringing her around your husband who she loves would only cause problems. I think a lot of men have issues expressing there feelings so that may be why he can't come up with anything particular.

Jenna - posted on 03/27/2010

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i would say i walked into a marriage far too quickly. people cant help how they feel, so i wouldnt just disown your best friend unless she "acts" on those feelings =/

Stephanie - posted on 03/27/2010

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I would definitely ditch the friend, But the husband thing you have to figure out yourself. If you feel as if you can trust him than I would try to talk with him about it. I would try telling him something as in the revrse as in he was in your shoes and ask him how he would feel if his male best friend was in love with you and that you liked him. He has no right to think that its just ok when something like that happens It seems to me like its a red flag he could have at least tried to be upset about the fact that she did that. This really is a sucky situation, I hope everything goes well.

April - posted on 03/27/2010

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You deserve better then that, and its not fair to you. You didn't do anything wrong so why should you have to be punished. And its better to find someone who loves you, and not have to worry about him doing something with your friend.

Chancee - posted on 03/27/2010

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I think you should figure out WHAT IN THE WORLD... made her fall in LOVE with your husband is it something he done to instigate it. After sucking he dry from all the details then I would confront him and her together get down to the bottom of it. If they have something going on then infidelity is VERY hard to over come you have to decide what is best for you but the friend should no longer be a part of your lives if she is going to be a distraction to your marriage. When it comes to him if it is something you think you can handle and he is willing to agree to YOUR terms because he has been the bad boy not you then work on it marriages are meant to last unless its already to far gone.

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i havnt read all the responces but the fact that you are asking anyone and everyone for an opinion tells me that you know exactly what you should do but you are too scared to do what you need to do. so im not going to start digging into your friend and husband. just try to remove yourself from the situation. as in if someone in your family were going through the same thing and they asked your opinion because they were scared. wouldnt you tell them to do what is right? tell them its ok to be scared because they have your support. so im telling you go for it as long as you have one person that supports you and your decision then you can do this.

Dawn - posted on 03/27/2010

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I am not saying get rid of him right away, I am saying that you should get rid of her and possibly him to. I mean the thing that bothered me with what he said wasn't that he liked her as much as once you expressed how you felt, he said get over it and STILL be friends with her. Now, that sounded like he needs you to keep her around. I was seriously question either one of their loyalties to you. Divorce is high btw because many people cannot work things out that are simple...however cheating isn't a small matter-its breaking your vows. Just a thought for that comment is all. It is hard to stay with someone that does not know why they love you, trust me I have been through that. If he likes her and actually came out and told you then he wanted you to know how he feels for a reason either to get your attention or so you would take the first step out of the relationship. Maybe you should ask him about that or let him know you do not like this situation and that you might want to leave if things are this way. Life is to short to live with doubt all around you, and also to short to be with someone deceitful when there are plenty of people out there that know how to treat you right and be faithful and know why they love you. He should at least know what it is about you that made him get married. Some people are just too comfortable to leave and I agree with the other poster why leave when he gets the best of both. I hope things turn out for you and that you can find peace and happiness.

Amberly - posted on 03/27/2010

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I say you should put your husband and friend in the same room and get to the bottom of it all. If you really know them both you will be able to tell by body launguage, facial expressions & ect, if they are lying, or telling the truth. Explain that for you to feel better you need this to happen, you will always wonder and worry in the back of your mind if you don get down to the nitty gritty, you know. If you friend meant she loved him in a way that she wants to be with him, then she is no friend at all and i would shut her out of your life completely. If you can follow both of them and see if they are meeting up with eachother. That the only way for you to truly know because he will never tell the truth unless you catch him, but it could be nothing but its better to know then not to know

Barbara - posted on 03/27/2010

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omg get rid of him and her! she is no friend to you if she would even entertain thoughts about your husband let alone let it grow to having feelings for him. your husband is totally whacked for saying he likes her and even though he says he loves you still, not being able to give you a reason why may mean he's lying, i'm so sorry this happened to you hun, no one deserves this kind of thing in their life. stay strong and remember you're wonderful, beautiful, smart and you are way above them

Carrie - posted on 03/27/2010

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Girl if he can't think of a reason why he loves you then he doesn't love you and it's not worth the heartache to stay in the marriage!! And no I don't think you should get over it he wants you to do this so he can keep seeing her without goin behind your back!!! I wish there was something I could tell you to make you feel better about your situation but there's not one thing!!! The best thing for you to do is cut your losses and get out now if you have children then your hurting them by staying because they see your pain!!!

Nikki - posted on 03/27/2010

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I would not stick around! You deserve some who can tell you WHY they love you and show you. However, if you are truly devoted to making your marriage work, I think your friend needs to be nixed from the equation by both you and your husband. You need to be able to focus on the two of you, the temptation needs to be taken away from him, and you'll just end up resenting her. I know I wouldn't be able to go out with my friend knowing she was thinking of my husband.

Melissa - posted on 03/27/2010

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Hi Alicia,

The hardest part of posting to these kinds of comments, is that I don't know the full story. My first thought would be to start asking questions.

1) Why does your friend believe she is in love with your husband? If she has the nerve to tell you she is in love with him, perhaps she can expound on why. Is this relationship built on time that she has been hanging out with you guys as a couple? Has your husband and she been seeing each other separately? Has their been a sexual relationship?

2) Is your husband a verbal person? My husband loves me, and I love he loves me. However, he has a very hard time describing his feelings. I think he feels he's exposing a weakness or something. If your husband is a verbal person, I don't understand why he cannot explain his feelings to you. If he is not and he's more closed off, then it would be characteristic of his personality not to be able to expound further.

I think there are two possible reasons your husband may want you to stay friends with your friend.... or at least try to forgive her. First, it may be like others have said and he is seeing her behind your back but if he encourages the relationship, maybe it'll throw you off. However, I find this a little odd at the same time because your friend was honest with you with her feelings. If he wanted to continue the relationship, I think distance would make it easier at this point. The second reason is maybe there is nothing going on between your husband and your friend other than a friendship, and your friend misunderstood the situation and his intentions. Maybe your husband is just friends with her - it would explain the "like". However, she feel in love with him, or at least she think she did. Maybe your husband believes she is just mistaken and that she will overgrow her "crush" and he doesn't want you to ruin your friendship over it.

Personally, I think both possibilities are rather odd without knowing the background to this story.

I personally would have a hard time being friends with the friend anymore. A friend shouldn't covet your husband, and she definitely shouldn't allow herself to fall in love with him. If she did, she should have distanced herself from you so she wouldn't hurt you.... not tried to take your husband from you. A real friend does not betray or backstab the other.

As far as your husband, you need to find out more details on this situation with your friend. You said that he loves you and doesn't want to leave. Does he love her? Did he have an affair with her? Depending on the outcome there, would change my response. I believe you two should get counseling at a church or at a professional therapist regardless of the answer to those questions, if you want to continue your marriage.

Honesty is the foundation of every relationship. If you cannot trust them, the relationships will not survive.

Gina - posted on 03/27/2010

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dont know the full story or background but i know my self id never be able to relax again or be confident if i stayed wit him

April - posted on 03/27/2010

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I agree with everyone GET RID OF THEM BOTH. You can do better then him and find someone that will love you.

Rose - posted on 03/27/2010

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I agree coming from a person that had a back stabbing best friend, you should leave them both!! My best friend since i was 12 slept with my dad ruined our relationship beyond belief. I don't even talk to my dad anymore and we had a great relationship before. There are other reasons i don't talk to him any more but that is one of the major ones. I should of know it was going to happen cause she slept with a friend of ours boyfriend in high school and the friend of ours was expecting a baby by the boyfriend she slept with. Friends like that are no good. This is exactly why i don't have close friends they always got to do something to stab you in the back no matter how loyal they say they are!!

Jess - posted on 03/27/2010

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Wow! I've got to say I am suprised at how many people are telling you just to leave your husband! Maybe we should change vows to "til whenever I feel like it" instead of "til death do us part"! You made a commitment to him, and at the very least your marriage deserves a chance. Go to counceling together! If he is seriously commited to you he will stay away from that women. Not everyone can say "why" they love someone, but it is a choice they make.

As for the women.... get as far away from her as possible!!!

C. - posted on 03/27/2010

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I agree with the ones that say to leave them both. You don't need people like that in your life. And I agree w/ Danielle (first poster) that your husband wants what he has- the best of both worlds. So leave him and he can figure out the hard way that you won't be putting up with that nonsense. Go find yourself a man that doesn't have a wandering eye. Good luck!

Danielle - posted on 03/27/2010

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Hey my names Danielle and I thought I was the only one this happened to so believe me I know what youre going thru. My sons father was cheating on me with my best friend (ive been very close to her and our families since we were 4) for 6mos behind my back. Its been about 5 years since its happened and they had twin girls and just recebtly got married and seperated in the matter of 5mos. My life and my sons life has been turned upside down and twisted every which way. Its hell on earth and nothing has gone right ever since. I can only be strong for my sons sake because his daddy only cares about his other children. Im sorry for telling you this but dont make the same mistake I did and wait for it to blow over. Take the kids and run! You dont want my Jerry Springer life, its not happy or fun. I hope they never find true happiness again. Cuz they took mine and my sons away.

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