What is a single parent?

Katrina - posted on 04/14/2011

i am a single mum altho am married my husband is no help what so ever i wake up with the children i feed them bath them get them ready give them lunch and dinner ect ect my husband spends his time in bed or with his mates so yer im a single mum

Charlie - posted on 04/14/2011

Single refers to relationship status as a parent it has nothing to do with how often the other parent has the child .

If you parent your child in your own home you are a single parent , if the father looks after the child on the weekend on his own with out a significant other he is also a single parent .

It isnt whiney but it is a little silly .

Alisha - posted on 04/13/2011

too me a single parent is someone who have no help from a father or step father. im a single mom w no help from my son dad no help from my fam no help from any1. so when i hear people say they r a single parent but their child is at their mother/daddy house for the weekend......they got help. step in my shoes for the past 3 yrs with no help and doing eveything my self...im a real single mom who never have my time to herself. everyone take the "single mom" role different but there is always some1 out there that have it worst then you

Becky - posted on 04/06/2011

I consider myself to be a single parent. I get help from my son's grandma (my ex's mom) and receive child support. My son also sees his dad every other weekend. But just because he sees his dad, does not mean his father is participating in raising him. His dad hardly ever takes him with anywhere he goes and goes out (to the bar or to a friend's house to drink) on the weekends he does have him. Me and grandma usually end up "babysitting." If the father is not helping raise him, why give him credit?

Rachel - posted on 04/03/2011

I am a single parent. Her daddy does get her every other weekend and does pay child support, however, I'm the one that raises her. I have to give her all the discipline, provide for all of her needs, and take her to the doctor without any help. I talk to her father and we communicate well, but I can't call him in the middle of the night if she won't sleep or have him come home and discipline her if she won't listen. Everything done for her is done by me, If I were to send her to my sister or my mom every other weekend and they were to buy things she needed occassionally, would that disqualify me as being a single parent? No, probably not.

Marissa - posted on 04/01/2011

I have a 5 1/2yr kid and his dad is in jail when he was 2 months old. He wont come out till my son is 25 yrs old. So I did all the raising and I paying everything my self. I got a job with a medical and dental insurance. My kid has asthma so I had to be sure I had medical insurance. His family doesnt help me with money or doesnt really see him. With my family I dont ask them for money either. I do ask if they could take care of him some times but I do pay them.
I have a boyfriend but he is not the dad and I dont ask him for any help because i know its not his responsibly. So to me I think I am a single parent.To the ones that have their dads and want to see them more I think its just the mothers fault and just want to fight. I dont think they are single parent.

Mindy - posted on 04/01/2011

I wondered the same thing about what a single parent is. Its not like most of the men chose to only have their children every other weekend its just how the courts decided the custody. I always felt like when some women say they are a single mom the father comes off as a dead beat dad and i really can't stand that! It is hard to stay involved when you are only "allowed" to see your children 2 weekends a month!

Christa - posted on 03/24/2011

i agree with you...although i still concider myself a single parent i do have a boyfriend but im the one who does everything :)

Alana - posted on 03/24/2011

There are so many things to consider. What if the "single" parent does not have 100% legal/physical custody and they are ordered to let the father take the children for a weekend? Usually what i get from people is the fact that a single parent is a one parent household. ITs very complex even when your seeing someone, if they arent living with you and not the father and they are not helping you raise your child doesnt that still suffice as a single parent? I understand what your saying honestly its human nature to gripe about things though, and its best not to let it get to you :) i have coworkers, who are happily married, live in their parents extra house pay like nothing for rent and still complain about being busy as a parent.. then i look at them.. and go im a single mom and i think i handle myself pretty well :) besides its a matter of opinion when it comes down to it :)

There are certain moms out there whose husbands are always away on business or the bread earners and being one of those moms can be just as complicated not having the support needed...

I wouldnt let it affect you, i've just learned to smile and laugh inside and realize that people might not know your situation and not know you truly are a single parent and they might not state the things they do in your presence if they did :)

Ekaterina - posted on 03/24/2011

Single mother is when you take care of your child for the most time. When you are the one who makes decisions in regards to everything.
I have a daughter, she is three. She does see her father every other weekend, however decisions about school, doctor, life over all is fully on my shoulders. I find the best JK, the best School for the future, where to live, what to buy, what Doctor, what food she eats, how to bring her up, what attittude she suppose to have, what kind of behaviour is acceptable and etc.
Just because I have her father taking her every other weekend, it doesn't make it any easier. IF it wouldn't be him, it would be a nanny, weekend daycare or in the worst case scenario my mother.
You are irritated for no reason, we are single mothers and how do we differ from each other is not the point... how we are the same is what is important. Trying to make you situation look worse has no benefits to you or anybody else. I always say that I am a single Mom and PROUD OF IT!!! THe father of my child didn't show up in my daughters life till she was 2... financially he started helping only three month ago, and its very inconsistant and not a lot. I look at that money as a end of month bonus if I get it, but I never actually depend on that money, because I never know if I do get it. So, I AM VERY MUCH SINGLE, however thankfully for my daughter she has a father to see every other weekend. (some fathers are not worth to be seen, so I truly understand those mothers that don't allow meetings with fathers.)

Respectfully,

Ekaterina

p.s. please be happy and smile. everything else around you doesn't matter, what matters is your child, your health and your wellbeing.

Skye - posted on 03/22/2011

If the other parent has the children every second w/e doesn't mean that they are teaching the child everyday things. A single parent is one who takes all the pressure of day to day things without help from anyone else. every second w/e is only 10% the other 90% the child is learning from the parent who has custody, most of the time the whole every second w/e thing is just fun n games not parenting , there not the ba ones in th childrens eyes. there not the ones who get the kids ready for school in the mornings and then rushing around for after school activities all while getting hme in time to cook dinner and shower.....

Kelligrace - posted on 03/21/2011

technically, I think a single parent is not married, and does most of the work.

Rachael - posted on 03/21/2011

I have a question... If a mother is single and the child has nothing at all to do with the father but goes to day care, has sleep overs at his grandparents and his auntys often, spends alot of time solicalising with the mothers friends and playing with other children at play group, is that still classed as a single mother?
Just because a child does not see their father doesn't mean that the mother is the only one raising them. I know this from my personal experience.
My opinion is that there are different types of single mothers, to me a single mother is someone who doesn't live with the father of the child. But that doesn't mean the mother is the only one raising the child. Everybody in a childs life has a role in raising them, however big or small.

Paula - posted on 03/20/2011

yeah i agree ive been a single parent for 5 years no money no weekends to myself nothing thats a single parent if someone told me their a single parent and the dad helps out financially and physically but their just not together i would slap them

Brooke - posted on 03/20/2011

Anyway, I think the term 'single' refers to the marital status? Not the parenting frequency?

Brooke - posted on 03/20/2011

My best friend is separated from her kid's Dad, and he has them every Wednesday night and every second weekend. (Only cause he has to) She herself told me that she thinks in a way she has it easier than me and my hubby (still together) as she gets a couple of days to herself, where we always have the kids around. She is officially classed as a single parent, but I have never heard her use that term to describe herself. On the other hand, I have seen quite a few people who I would class as a 'single parent' even though they are still with their partners, because they do all the work themselves, with no help at all, even though the other person still lives in the same house. But the fact is, I can give my hubby a yell to look after the kids while I have a shower, or I can pop down the street without the kids..... can the people you are complaining about do that on any given day? No. It's an interesting point, maybe we need a new term for this? Perhaps "part-single parent?" Anyone else got any ideas?

Shelby - posted on 03/20/2011

I feel the same way, if you're a single parent you are doing it alone MOST of the time. In my situation, I tell people I am a single parent because my children's father works so far away, only sees them two days every 2 months.

Jaimee - posted on 03/19/2011

When people ask me if I am a single parent I say yes. My daughter's father is not in the picture at all, she does not see him at all anymore, hasn't for a few years. He doesn't pay child support, I take care of everything financially, and her needs. I have a very good supportive family who does help me with babysitting when needed and they are a very strong family, and I am glad to have them in my life, but I believe it still does constitute me as being a single parent. I am not married or close to that at all...

Jessica - posted on 03/19/2011

thet might be lucky because yesthey do have help nsometimes but no one should be judging you dont know there situation and or how hard it bis for them there are always people who have it worse so keep that in mind .Because my step kids mom is a single mom no matter how much we help ande a good one even with scool and work and bills.just remember no matter how hard it is for u someone always has it worse and there are milloions of people who would be thankful to be u because it might get hard but u still have a chil and some people cant

Allison - posted on 03/18/2011

I get irritaited because i listen to people complain about being single parents and how they are so on thier own mean while thier children see thier other parent on a regular basis. point being they have help of somekind they have a partner in parenting they are not on thier own. It gets to me because some of them don't realize what its like to really be a "single" in the sense of they are totally alone in parenting. when they feel like going out the other parent is there, something comes up the other parent is there to help out even if they don't live together. Its kind of like i feel some single parents sadly moms more often than dads don't realize they are entirely lucky to have had a child with someone who is there and wants to be involved.

Brianna - posted on 03/18/2011

My daughter's "father" walked out on us three months after she was born. He's in her life every two weeks and sends me "child support" because it's ordered. However, for the most part she spends the weekend with his "wife" and their new baby. If anything, I'm parenting with his girlfriend rather than him. Yes, I'm currently engaged which is fantastic because he has stepped up and taken full responsibility for my daughter. Therefore, I can't say I'm a single parent because I was blessed with a great guy. And I won't take credit for being a single mother because I know there's females out there that do it by themselves 110%. However, like Sarah said-the government considers me a single parent...It really just depends on how you want to classify yourself.

Misty - posted on 03/18/2011

To me saying your a single parent means that you are parenting alone. If you are single but still have the dad helping out sometimes then you co-parent.

Julie - posted on 03/17/2011

No - everyone looks at their situation for the good and/or the bad.

It takes two to conceive and it honestly takes two IN THE HOME to raise a child -

Single' in this reference means "no married' - so, don't get upset - it simply a term we all understand ♥

Jennifer - posted on 03/17/2011

Allison I agree with you. I consider myself a single mom....I am technically married however my husband left our son and I when our son was only 2 months old. My husband left the country thus still being married as he cannot be located. Since leaving he has not provided a single thing for our son now 18months or for me. So I consider myself a single parent. I too get frustrated and irritated when parents start complaining about how they might have wanted to go out, but the other parent already made plans to go out....well gee golly...I wish I had the opportunity to even think about going out....there is no such thing for me. my son is potty training right now...and I wish his father was around to at least help with that....it's so hard to try and get my son to even understand what he is supposed to do....not only that...but just to have someone to share the general frustrations of parenting and/or joys each day brings....

Jessica - posted on 03/17/2011

Yea u do bc even if they get the kids on the weekends or everyother weekend really dnt mean they help out with money or food or ins. I take it that u have more then enough help with ur kids and have nt ever been a spot where u have no one 2 turn 2 and that must b great but 4 some of us that has happen 2 many times.

Kelly - posted on 03/17/2011

I am a single parent, my childs Dad is minimally involved. I do have the support of my family and friends. But I class myself as s solo parent because I am not with my childs father, despite seeing other people, he is not their responsibility, hes mine. It takes a village to raise a child they say :-)

Katie - posted on 03/16/2011

No, you are 100% right and I totally feel you on that cause I'm a single parent to both of my girls and I know people who have their baby's father involved and whine too. Both of my kids fathers aren't involved at all and it is very difficult to do things, have a life, and take care of them all by myself especially in this crappy economy. So my advise to you is just keep your head up and keep doing you cause it sounds like you are doing a good job in being there for your kid(s).

Tanya - posted on 03/16/2011

i think anyone who is alone with the kid most of the time is a single parent. if dad gets the kid for the weekend, he doesn't get the calls from school, deal with most of the sick times, do homework,etc. possibly the discipline is inconsistent on the weekends since dad (or whoever) wants to let the child have fun to make up for time lost.

I think you are also a single parent if you have help from others but are primarily responsible - like a teenager who has a baby but lives with her parents is a single mom.

Lynn - posted on 03/16/2011

I do everything on my own! I have been since I was 6 weeks prego. My son doesnt even know the word "dad". Doesnt know what he looks like, or who he is.. Im a single mom.

Beth - posted on 03/16/2011

i don't get this at all. when someone says they r a single parent, i assume that to literally mean a non-married parent. it never occurred to me that it might be a misnomer cuz the kid has a weekend warrior dad. when u get irritated with the whining do u actually ask about the visitation schedule. seems like a petty thing to let bother u

Joyce - posted on 03/16/2011

its a tough topic cause you could be married and feel like a single parent if the spouse or father isnt involed in the rasing of the child. i think your a single parent if your doing it all alone and there is no one helping you raise the child/ren

Carolyn - posted on 03/16/2011

My childrens dad takes my kids every other weekend on friday nights and brings them back on sunday afternoons so he has them for a total of 4 days a month. How does this not make me a single mother. I do not hear from or see thier father other than on his court ordered weekends. I do everything for them, he only spends 4 days a month (48 days out of 365 a year) with them having fun. I do everything for them, homework, soccer practice, punishments, cleaning up after them, cooking for them, school projects. Just saying you shouldnt assume because the dad takes them once in a while it doesnt make them a single mother. I have little help from thier dad so i would still consider myself a single mom.

Keri - posted on 03/16/2011

A SINGLE parent is someone who is SINGLE. Have you been divorced? Widowed? Or are you just unmarried (never having married at all). If you fill out a form that has "boxes" for married/single/divorced, what do you choose? A TRUE single parent is one who has NEVER married.

Meredith - posted on 03/16/2011

You're not wrong, it's just your opinion. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion...My sister got divorced shortly after her son was born and she insisted on calling herself a "single mother"...I just mentally corrected her that she is a "divorced mother" since she was in a relationship when the child was born!

Cassie - posted on 03/16/2011

I am a single mother. I only recently became a single mother, because my husband passed away 5 months ago. I am now mommy and daddy to our 3 young boys. I do everything ALONE ... It has been a real struggle....

Kaara - posted on 03/16/2011

i consider myself a single mum even though i am still dating my youngest childs father. i dont live with him, he doesn't pay my bills, and he doesn't look after the kids other then about 2 hrs in the morning when they are out of bed at 5 am!! we spend weekends together and do "family" things but basicly i am a single mum. i have 100% custody of my kids and all medical decisions are mine.

Roxane - posted on 03/16/2011

I fully agree with you! Being a single parent is when you are all alone to raise your kids. You have to be a mother & father at the same time. Those people who has help i.e. fathers helping & kids going away weekends, should be lucky, coz there are others not as fortunate as they are!

Lagemas - posted on 03/15/2011

I think that anyone that has to raise a child without assistance whether it be a day, a week, or an entire childhood. Each type faces the same issues, even if the amount of time differs. Also just because a court orders a set of parents to divide custody doesn't mean that the actual responsibilty gets divided evenly or that both parties keep up their end of the deal. And in all fairness parenting (single or otherwise) is hard work.

Rebecca Ramirez - posted on 03/15/2011

Well sometimes I feel I am a signal parent bc my husband is deployed to Iraq and this his his third deployment so sometimes all the duties fall on me so I would say it depends on the situation at hand and my oldest sons really dad has court order visits but has never paid a dime in child support even though its court order so I don't consider him a parent he does not call to check on him only calls right before time to pick him up n only gets him two weeks out of year n a month in summer I don't find this a parent role at all he even says his step dad is his dad not his real dad

Amanda - posted on 03/15/2011

My husband and I have a 22mth old and newborn twins, he works 3rd shift and HAS to sleep at least 8 hrs a day, he is usually awake until 9am (the toddler gets up at 8) then goes tro bed for the day the majority of the time I have NO help what so ever unless the brood and I go to my moms for the day or spend time with family and friends when I have the rare chance to let someone else watch them for a bit. I sturggle with the same question, I am not the primary but ONLY caregiver in our household, what is it that classifies a person as a single parent, because I would LOVE to have everyother weekend off....

A'Kia - posted on 03/15/2011

I think it's important to look at it like this: The word "single" in society is being tied to someone's marital status MOST of the time. So I do not think a mother (or father) should get beat over the head because they run around saying they are "single" parents. I am a "single" mother, but I am not my daughter's "sole" parent.

I don't think it's fair to get irritated with those that choose to define who they are as a parent. We are all so quick to judge when it comes to parenthood, and at some point we have to realize that there are bigger fish to fry.

I also get a sense that you are irritated because the mother that says she's a "single" mom and the child't father is involved.

My daughter's father lives 5 minutes from us, and we see him all of the time. But at the end of the day: 1. I DO not have a bf...SINGLE; 2. I DO all of her laundry (I wash, fold, and iron it ALL...SINGLE; 3. I keep up with her medical visits (Ped, Dentist, Allergist, etc)...SINGLE; 4. I make her food list for my home and her dad's..SINGLE; 5. I put together her schedule for when she is away from her so that her father doesn't get her off of the rhythm that I have set for her....SINGLE; 6. I buy the books that I want read to her for my home and his...SINGLE; etc. etc. etc....the list goes on and on.

However, I am not her "sole" provider, and that does not give anyone the right to take the "single mother" title from me because that is what I am. Not to mention, I'm a part of a mom's group where MOST of the women are "married." So if you don't think a "single" mother should proclaim herself to be such, what should she call herself? There's no reason I should have to give a thesis statement on how I'm a single mother, but not really because my child's father is around. Or would it be better to say: "I'm single, and a mother."? Ummm no thanks, not me...I think I will remain a "Single Mother."

Karina - posted on 03/15/2011

I believe that that is what it is too

Tiffany - posted on 03/15/2011

no, i think a single mom is someone who raises thier kids alone in thier home. if the father of those kids has low amount of custody, or if the kids go to see the grandparents / aunts etc on weekends sometimes, this is STILL a single mother. Do the grandparents, father, aunts, live in her home and help her daily? no. do they drive the kids around, bath them, feed them, shop for them, cook for them, dress them, help with homework, make doc appts, wake up at night with them? No.
If you live alone with your kids, you're a single parent in my eyes. Give them some credit.

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2011

How about the "single parent" who rarely spends time with their only child? My stepson's mother goes to school 4 hours a day, but she leaves her son at daycare for the allocated 10 allowed by our state. Then every weekend she passes him off to one of his aunts or grandparents because "she just needs some time to herself". Yet when my husband asks for more time, God no. Is that a single parent or just someone pretending to be a parent?

Mary Renee - posted on 03/15/2011

@ Katie K.

Wow. that's a forward assumption. What makes you think that you know?

Actually, I recently became a single mother and all my friends and family live 5000 miles away from where I'm currently looking for a studio apartment for myself and my daughter because the economy is crap and there are no jobs available. I am in the middle of a custody battle with my boyfriend - who doesn't want me to be allowed to relocate back to the mainland where I have family that could offer some emotional support, as well as connections that might be able to get me a job.

Prior to this, my boyfriend worked 13 hours a day, 6 days a week (by choice) so it was me and the baby for the entire time she was awake every day besides Sundays. Yes, I had financial support that we couldn't have survived with out - but it's not like I ever got a break either.

Additionally, I was raised by a single mother, but spent every other weekend with my dad. But if you all want to sit here and wag your fingers that neither of these situations were difficult or merit us "single mom" status because the fathers were in our lives, you're full of crap. In some cases it makes it even harder. But thanks for the incorrect assumption. I'm interested why you think the idea that we should be supportive of each other would indicate that I don't have experience as a single mom.

Katie - posted on 03/15/2011

Wow! You must not be a single parent...but I get your take on it as well..I have to say for myself my ex and I communicate very little since our separation and divorce. So asking him for anything extra is not an option and when I do he usually says no and says he can't because he has to work. Guess what I work too! and I always seem to make things work out for the kids and myself just fine I rearrange my work schedule to adjust to there needs when and however I need to. My ex is in the coast Guard and about to move 3000 miles away and in the same way I am grateful for his departure to be upon us..excited that I won't have to deal with him on such a regular basis I'm sad that I won't get every other weekend off too. It's a double edged sword. I think the kids will and won't miss him...I know I have a great church family that is my saving grace and I count on them as they count on me and without them I don't know how I'd be able to be as successful a parent because everyone needs a break and everyone loves there kids but we all need help..

Rebecca - posted on 03/15/2011

i count myself as being a full time mum,i have three children and get no help from anyone of any sort,i do everything myself. The term single parent is to widely used,i am single but not by choice if i had a partner or the father of my child helped me then i wouldn't be a single parent or full time mum

Mary Renee - posted on 03/15/2011

Wow, some of these post strikes me as being so hateful! Why are we being so hard on each other? As women and mothers we should be more supportive of each other. If you are not "with" someone and raising your children for the most part with out any help then you are a single mom! You have to work, get your gets to daycare, and work twice as hard to juggle your responsibilities. When people talk about "shipping the kids off" or "getting rid of them for the weekend" to belittle single mothers whose partner's have shared custody that is so insensitive and disrespectful! Do you think that's what they wanted? Good for the father for staying in the picture, you don't need to put down that woman and say "She doesn't count" as a single mother when she does it 5 days a week! Do you ever think maybe she doesn't WANT her children gone every other weekend, but it's what the court ordered? You don't think it breaks her heart to be away from her children, especially if they're not feeling well or call her and miss her?



It doesn't matter if the dad helps out a few days a month, it doesn't matter if he helps out financially, have you ever been a "single" mom looking for an apartment or a job? We get the same discrimination whether we have a little financial support here or there. We face the same troubles. We face the same loneliness. Honestly, what gives? Are you a single mom if the dad is out of the picture and grandma occasionally babysits? I mean, what the hell?



Shame on you and shame on all the people here so desperate to define these lines. Why are we having a "I bet I have it harder than you" contest when we should be supporting each other? Sheesh!

Jessica - posted on 03/15/2011

my daughter is 11 months old and although every one wants to watch her i have never been away from her by choice.if she goes so do i.And me and my husband are thankful for every minnute we get with his oldest 2 kids and we help there mom as much as we can with money after child support but she is still a single mom who goes to school and works.so she gets a brake some parents dont want one because they have to be away enough

Krystal - posted on 03/15/2011

Kinda a toss up especially if the dad is a hit and miss guy..or when its only convenient for him..i was a single parent until i got married now i am just married..if u get some help not all the responsibility is on u so consider ur blessings and stop whining..some go 13 yrs or more with no support and not even a bday card..so try that on for size..